Born in a small cave on the moon, I was raised by a pack of highly intelligent squirrels who taught me everything I know. By the time I was five, I had already mastered quantum physics and could communicate fluently in Morse code (via interpretive dance). I spent my early years traveling the world in search of the world's most elusive snack foods—because, let's face it, life’s too short for bad chips. At age 12, I invented an invisibility cloak, but unfortunately, I misplaced it and haven’t been able to find it since. Rumor has it, I left it in the Bermuda Triangle during one of my many underwater basket-weaving competitions. I would have won that year if it weren’t for an overly competitive octopus. But that’s a story for another day. I like stuff and things. And by things, I mean mostly interdimensional time-travel devices and toasters. You’d be surprised how often those two overlap. I once accidentally turned my toaster into a teleporter and ended up in the Cretaceous period, where I briefly worked as a consultant for the dinosaurs. My advice? “Less meteor, more sunscreen.” They didn’t listen. My professional career has been equally chaotic. After being crowned Emperor of a small island made entirely of cheese (don’t ask), I decided to pursue a career in professional skywriting. Fun fact: it’s really hard to spell “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” while doing barrel rolls in a biplane. I eventually transitioned into extreme origami, where I once folded a piece of paper into a life-size replica of a giraffe. In my free time, I train pigeons to deliver cryptic messages to world leaders, just for fun. I also dabble in competitive thumb wrestling, and I once won a tournament against a robot designed specifically for thumb wrestling domination. It was a close match, but my thumb’s agility and impeccable form prevailed. Now, when I'm not busy saving the world (or at least mildly inconveniencing it), I enjoy lounging on a floating island made of marshmallows and plotting my next big adventure. Maybe I’ll finally crack the code to reverse gravity, or perhaps I’ll open a bakery that only serves pancakes shaped like famous historical figures. One thing’s for sure: life is never boring when you’re me.
Emu. So much emu.
That guy's gonna have a mysterious accident. He should write a note in case of his untimely demise.
Also if you have cancer you'll die when cancer tells you you're damn good and ready to die. Don't even think about taking your own life before then no matter how much pain you're in, because the life insurance won't pay out for the rest of your family and you'll go to hell. If the God I believe in wants you healed he will heal you.
/s for you illiterates out there.
COMING IN HOT!!!
Glyphosate entered the chat.
I'm russet.
I hate that people don't know this obvious lore.
Russia, China, Israel... yet here we all are on social media. What's your point?
It's almost like she people aren't sane.
You need to step up your hand job game.
You lost me at FAHHHHHH.
You could easily just think of Trump to make the disgusting thing crawling on you feel so much less bad.
Keep going, you quitter. I want to see 10,000 life jackets.
Nice refrigerator.
I remember when the Onion was satire. It's so lame that all they do it report news now.
It was supposed to grow your boobs.
I hate when people don't get credit.
#1 Peter Palazzolo - @peterpalazzolomusic on YouTube
Wow on the surface it sure seems like you're getting ripped off. Neuters and vaccinations are comparatively pennies at the local shelter, and unless the dog has it's leg amputated, there's no way that alone was $10k. While food costs money for sure I wouldn't count that as a tremendous expense as it's just a cost of having a pet.
I don't even need the sound to hear this.
I'm sorry how expensive do you think pets are?
The best fix for this is not compliance or protests. It's overwhelming and unhinged violence. One time. Enough to make them go "well fuck, I'm not getting into a type shit show, I'm just here for the free money." I assume that will happen eventually.
I am not a violent person. There's no fix for this though.
OH! OH! OH!
Ok well like, her face has to be in the video to do that.
No, I'm definitely a burden.
Oh! There's a guy running into fire! Better turn off the hose!
I pronounce it pen--A-lope.
I'm willing to believe this if you're willing to produce more proof then some memes but tbh I haven't seen the SA anywhere around here in years. Maybe for the best if this is true.
So?
If you think Adobe isn't imploding, try opening Acrobat and see how many premium feature ads you get. It's insane. I'm a premium subscriber and have literally every feature through work.
It's the wolf's name Bruce? Because Pixar already did this and we know how it turns out.