tomascco

26543 pts · June 9, 2013


Where do I sign up to pet a murder kitty?

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Can anyone help me out on a downside?

6 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Needs more David Attenborough.

10 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Do you have to apply it directly?

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Not my favorite. It was out of place here. This was a tribute to George, and all of the talent on that stage let George's music shine. Prince made himself shine. Pas bon.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 2

May she live forever in your memories.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My son used to roll.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Coach: How's life treating ya, Norm: Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Thanks, I hate it.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

When you lie on your résumé and still get the job.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Does he use his balls as a weight belt?

1 year ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 2

Looks like something H R Giger designed.

1 year ago | Likes 144 Dislikes 0

My new girlfriend told me very seriously that Valentine's Day is very important to her. I'm so excited! I can't wait to see what she has planned!

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Everything reminds me of her.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Don’t leave me hanging, Bro.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

I didn’t know titties could eat fruit much less go out.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Cajun here: use everything but the squeal.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Instructions unclear. Ice cubes are now yellow ochre.

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I'm sure there's a body under all of that.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

In space no one wants to hear you scream.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

My muse.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My Mom told me she would watch the Rockettes when she was a little girl. I looked at them on TV and thought to myself how good they looked for being so old.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My cousin and I were camping one night when he punched me in the head. So I slapped him. He said he was sleeping. When we looked out of the tent flap there was a herd of wild boar rooting around. Scared the crap out of both of us, but they left us alone.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Oops

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

On the farm we used a product called Zima dip for our sheep. So when they introduced a drink branded Zima I refused to even touch the bottle. I could smell the old Zima dip, and I imagined what that near beer tasted like.

2 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 2

I've been to the top in that little vehicle that resembles an oversized clothes dryer.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My Dad and three of his buddies were coming back from the racetrack when a rear tire flew off of his car at a stop light. He looked at the guys and said "I guess one of you is a praying man since it waited till we stopped."

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0