WeAllLiveInAUserSubmarine

192109 pts · October 29, 2012


"Cruisin' the murky waters of User Sub for pearls and sunken treasure." That's me motto. ...y'know what. Nobody ever comes to these things. I'm not famous. If you're reading this, it's because you've made a real commitment to learning more about me, and I want to reward you for that. Let's start with 10 simple rules for life: 1. Using Spanish words casually will make you seem cool, hombre. 2. When you're chatting up a girl/boy, ask yourself "Is dis easy?" If yes, is diseasy. 3. Name your dog 'Bucket'. That way, you can set him loose in your ex's yard and repeatedly shout "Come Bucket!" without getting arrested again. 4. To all you young whippersnappers out there: stop snapping whips! We old folks need them. You don't need to know why. 5. Your perfect girl is kind, intelligent, and a little shorter than you - so in a word she is 'understanding'. 6. Apparently, you can't describe colours to a blind person: you have to say 'black people'. 7. The key to comedy is it's all about the delivery. Unfortunately, mine is like a petite woman with octuplets. (The great thing about that joke is either you're laughing or I'm right) 8. If someone insults you, don't retaliate in kind. Kindness should have nothing to do with it. 9. Write a book about a stranger in prison; it's about time someone did. 10. You should only ever have sex three times in a row, maximum, because four fucks ache guys... They call my penis The Treasure: - it's like, so precious - I can never find it - help me bury it? - whaddya know, the Treasure was inside you all along Pretty poem #1 - Love is staring at the skies Reflected in another's eyes And ever seeing stars inside Some username suggestions (all free as at time of writing): @LordYoinkethaway (now taken!) @ThePantychrist @iSpeakImglish @SteeeeroooiiidJeeeeeenkiiiiins @MyLoveIsLikeAHurricaneAKANewWhoreLeans @TheScientits @TakeMyLoveTakeMyLandTakeAwayMyHotdogStand @iDontCareCosImStill3 @YouCantTakeThisPieFromMe (now taken!) Strategy #1: 1. Gain doctorate. 2. Teach a university class. 3. ??? 4. Prof it. Strategy #2: 1. Learn to fake seizures. 2. Make living hustling passers-by. 3. ??? 4. Pro fit Strategy #3: 1. Have a superficial TV show. 2. Support family member's decision to change gender. 3. ??? 4. P.R. off it Seriously though, ask me anything. I'm a problem solver by nature and I like to help people out. Big talk: we all have too few outlets for it, and that's a shame.

How to commit libel, with your host Jim Jordan

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Views 95899

Dat jiggly tangerine

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May this find whoever needs it

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So... What's in the news today,

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Is this the world's most embarrassing tweet?

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Views 2796

I wrote a song for an attractive blind girl

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An interesting talking point: what does the rest of the world think of Donald Trump?

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Looking for gold in usersub

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Views 1768

God bless you Speedy, wherever you are.

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Views 73157

Every damn day on this site

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Lurkers be like

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Let's all please encourage him to try

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Views 2823

My friend's first ever ski jump.

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Views 310

Don't tell the moderators. In fact, don't tell anybody. 

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Just bought a sweet new smoking jacket in Cincinnati

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Views 634

Anyone else remember when One Piece got surprisingly real?

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Back in ye olden Imgur times, it was good etiquette to repost a perfect comment for posterity

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Views 237

My friend Max and his "fun facts"

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Just posting this for use as a reply in a thread, but you're welcome to see it

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Australia is hot in December

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I posted this in the comments a couple of days ago, and - I shit you not - it appears to have been deleted by a moderator

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MRW I hear that nobody likes the circus

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Me after sex

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Busted!

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And Todd hates flags.

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Several photos that will make you say "so that's what a lab x Collie x whippet looks like"

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Oh no, I've been caught taking pics of dogs

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Why my girlfriend can't post in RHM

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Views 550

I admit, it is a bit forced

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Some day I may come to regret my choice of username

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Is it crazy to relate to a cartoon character?

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Just ignore this - I'm using it to prove that I randomly spotted my girlfriend in someone else's picture in User Sub...

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MRW an app I created and had forgotten about recently hit the top 100

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If this makes FP with no comments, I will actually quit my job and pursue my dream of becoming a professional musician

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Views 730

I talked to someone once. I think it went pretty okay...

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Watching a post fail in usersub like

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So I just found out that the cookies in my hotel room were free the whole time

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I don't really know why I'm doing this

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Ever upvoted something, only to return later and find that the upvote has vanished?

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Views 237

I said 'your ear', not 'your rear'

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His dognosis skills are excellent.

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I think someone needs to make Imguraffe comics (just not Oglaf and me...)

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One of the last great secrets of the universe

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Views 129

Easter? Well he stirs me, if you catch my drift

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CAGG Day

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Imguraffe explains why there are so many unwed insomniacs out there

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What I heard two club bouncers discussing last night.

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Views 189

Poképuns.

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Cuteness is measured from 1 to this.

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Ninjabread

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Entreprenerd

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