ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay

37334 pts ยท June 12, 2017


You don't understand. My penis is magical and can devalue a woman with a single thrust. (Sorry, I'm throwing up in my mouth just typing that, but it's basically what purity culture is)

2 days ago | Likes 20 Dislikes 1

You are supposed to just shove it in the pillow case.

5 days ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I just want it. I don't even need it. I don't care who's against it. Fuck em all.

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Because he was a skater boy.

1 week ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

You can get tens units for medicinal purposes. There's even cylinder shaped attachments. Or so I've heard.

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

#42 not exactly. I tied her up tight and then instead of whipping or fucking her, I told her all the things I liked about her. Completely wrecked her.

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I know a guy who was an exceptional motorcycle racer. Not quite fast enough to go full pro, but still faster than most people. He took a spill on a low speed turn on a casual ride. Just bad luck. Fortunately he had on full gear but still looked like he lost a bar fight when he came in to work. Multiple friends have gone over their bike handlebars, and a helmet is what determined whether or not they had to relearn to walk or not. WEAR A FUCKING HELMET!!!

1 week ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 3

Meh. That floor is a lot softer than concrete. Maybe they want to replace it soon.

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

As a parent I just don't understand this. I'm so glad you're still around. Make sure you're eating your veggies and getting enough sleep.

1 week ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Time for some vitamin I, and don't forget to schedule your colonoscopy.

2 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Don't you ever forget!

2 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

This is the way.

2 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I wrestled with one of my kids. Having to go to PT now because I can't lift my arm all the way up.

2 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Listen here you whipper snapper...

2 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Sorry about your back pain.

2 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yes, but have you considered a truck with a railroad tie as a bumper?

2 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

This is only 75% true.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

If someone said this to me over the phone, I probably wouldn't laugh then. We'd be halfway through the conversation before it would hit me and then that would be it. I'd be unable to finish talking because I'd be laughing so hard.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

But the cheese is so delicious on the sweet bread.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I have an azawakh that was easily the fastest dog at the park. Had to quit taking him because some dogs would get mad and then get aggressive.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Put them in a cardboard box with a ripe banana.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

She's a giant and messing with a road construction crew.

4 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My wife just left. We were watching a show and I mentioned ice cream and then went to the bathroom. When I got out she had her keys in her hand. Ice cream incoming.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Lunch lady about to throw down some sloppy joes.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Laughs in Camry.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Yo yo yo this is MTV Cats!

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

There are tons of applications for this sort of tech. Like, imagine how awesome it would be for your glasses to remind you the name of the stranger you just met.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

BANGARANG!!!

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Foam parties always sound fun but they're awful. 1st you get it on your hands, then your eyes, and then you are stuck with soap in your eyes and no way to get it out.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I hate that the creepers already ruined these. Imagine how awesome it would be for the glasses to do things like remind you of the person's name that you're talking to.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0