LogicDude
33464
850
27
Jan 4, 2026 3:43 PM
LogicDude
33464
850
27
PantlessThunderGoose42
What’s the old song “ women are gonna be the death of me but what a way to go.”
Micro2112
F
laner7112000
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1eDhhbnJubGV3aTIxcWE1azR2bXIzN2NzNDMwdnpkcmJjMWZkaGdxNyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/11i77XHsbqUcZa/200w.webp
Dannyalcatraz
Coulda tapped out. Didn’t.
LEGEND.
justplainvanilla
RevRagnarok
TYVM
DOcelot1
From the best man:
"Man, what a fucking awesome way to go, though, right?!” said Miller’s best man, Mike Carlson. “That girl had some of the best tits I’ve ever seen, and they were so good he died over them. Well, in them. It’s crazy. I mean, I kind of feel bad for Brenda, his fiance, but she is sorta a bitch anyway, so no harm, no foul. I know that Mills is looking down at us right now, rubbing one out over his own death. Classic Miller, dude"
Kittenman15
I like this part of the report ... "The dancer, whose stage name is Jiggles, reportedly has size 39-Triple-E breasts, and often uses them by shoving them in the faces of her customers."
Jiggles.
ShimmerinStrider
Velv3tThunder
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1ZmR0amM0M3dmOXB1b2R6bGY0dGxhaG9jdndmNDlvNWZoY21xYTgzMiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/ZhrmCmJ36LwUE/200w.webp
spooktree
relevantPop3771
Just remember, "Empire News" is like "The Onion", for anyone who had empathetic hopes this actually happened. (I mean, it WOULD be a great way of shuffling off this mortal coil, but...).
TheLastGreatAudit
DonkeyGoat
Tits the way he wanted to go
Waaaazzzzzuuuuuupppppp
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1ZHgyYnhpZ2x0MGYxNDZsa3BrdmVoYjdxNmFja3VpdHdyc2V1MXM0aiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/eunrMjB8lBUKeL1fqD/200w.webp
xmaneds
he died doing what he loved
yamamasyamaha
(Suffocating)
jebstat59365
I remember when I was enjoying a nice ride and my motorboat quit... Scary.
southoffrance
When life imitates art...
skarreslave350
johnefffd
usernametakenisthestoryofmylife
Ultimate motor boat!
HobbstheTiger
TO VALHALLA!!!
Notch8
O death, where is thy sting?
sevro77
Went tits up.
throwawayaccount321
Hatsodoom
Reminds me of a scene from Total Drama World Tour that was removed from US broadcasts. It involved Cody sinking into the statue of liberty's tits. Que cutaway where he says, "For a second, I thought I was actually gonna die." Then Chef who is tending his wounds says with a chuckle, "But what a way to go." Prompting Cody to respond, "True that, woo hoo!"
Yrmsteak
I used to watch the island version of that show as a kid. Always felt like a reality show that they chose to animate instead. I remember there being an episode where one of the character flashes everyone accidentally and it's blurred out. I can't imagine the statue scene was worse than that, yet it getting pulled is funny
psuedon
well known fake story originally from"Weekly
GorillaPowers
God forbid men have hobbies
psuedon
well known fake from "Weekly World News" back when it still publishes on original dead tree media
REOJackwagon
Motorboating accident
comeonjointhejoyride
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1cDE5M2NyazU0czI0a2xmMXl3bW9uejVqeGl4dGo0aXM0ZXZobGNmNSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/k3YNVBrbn2KqbXEgDJ/200w.webp
IMustGrowUpReally
Could have been worse - could have been assphyxiated.
ReallyOG
His last words were believed to be…
WWHHHHOORRRRRBBBBBLLLEEEGOOOORRRRBBBLLLEEEEBBBLE
HastyPuddingPops
A+
ILikeFood2000
DD+
AnonOmis1000
Thats it. That's the best comment of the day
deetatron
mycatsings
At least he died with a smile on his face.........."Death, were is thy sting?"
ChicanoBatman
And Comment Of The Week goes to REOJackwagon. Congratulations. Extremely well played.
tReasonoustRump
WhatUpDog3000
Living the dream
Dannyalcatraz
Well, not exactly “living”…
WhatUpDog3000
*lived
SecretAgentSuperBooger
ThailandExpress
or Woody Allen parenting advice
yamamasyamaha
“Just fuck em a little bit”
- woody Allen
SayRamrod
another norm quote "when i die, i want my body donated to science. but more specifically to a scientist working on bringing dead guys back to life"
theworldcouldbeflat
Source or it only happened in a galaxy far far away.
xmaneds
@EccentricaGallumbits
relevantPop3771
"Empire News is intended for entertainment purposes only. Our website and social media content uses only fictional names, except in cases of public figure and celebrity parody or satirization. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental." So, parody site.
TI99Kitty
Well, according to the byline, the source is "Bob the Empire News Potato."
Make of that what you will.
LogicDude
https://empirenews.net/man-dies-at-bachelor-party-after-strippers-large-breasts-suffocate-him/
whiskeywonka
That site feels a lot like satire
Xenarion
First article on the site is "Op-Ed: ‘Joe Biden Just Ruined My Anti-Biden Business’"
LogicDude
To quote Bugs Bunny: "Mmmmmmmmmmm...could beeeee!?"
dorpjorp
But also, fuck Brenda.
lazybuthappy
To Vallhalla
deetatron
DocBenny
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1OTc0NWVhdnc5dDBjZXdyaTM5c3c5ZmVyNnhia2FwMXMwYjNpMnJ6bSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/TghWHPRPHI1dC/200w.webp
comeonjointhejoyride
He...he fought the boobs?
yamamasyamaha
He fought for his life among the boobs
jimbo6507
U go to Valhalla if u die in battle... or if you die getting suffocated between the legs of a maiden! Im guessing breasts also count!
comeonjointhejoyride
Breasts also cunt