notathingyoucando
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Found this on Playboy, thought i'd share.
Feb 10, 2015 8:54 PM
notathingyoucando
4558
17223
276
monsterpotatowrangler
first time hanky panky with a vajayjay wielding she-beast....was shy in dark....i oopsed my anaconda into the buns
demontheses
Not gonna lie, I really like when a girl wearing socks during sex. Good chance I will be doing the same. Its cold up north!
kalvdasker
I am going to be keeping my socks on. It's for protection.
NothingRhymesWithClockworkOrange
I feel it helps my blood flow to more vital regions. That being said, is this list for reals???
kalvdasker
Don't take tips from lists you found on the internet. Talk to your partner, about everything no matter how weird, that's the key.
NothingRhymesWithClockworkOrange
Don't take tips from lists, but take tips from random strangers telling me not to take tips from lists.
kalvdasker
It's not even a tip! It's a recommendation to take tips from your partner.
NothingRhymesWithClockworkOrange
I'll give you a tip! ;)
deenewname
As i was trying to think of why you should yell "Beast Mode".. i realized.. id start laughing and that would push your dick out.. so ye dont
Ytsirkwons
I hate when that happens, and the worst is when they are still going and hurt their dick. Sex over. :(
GoDeeGo
Had I been reading this comment for some reason whilst having sex, his dick would have been pushed out. LOL +1
Mabregick
Well do you browse imgur while having sex? Cause that can't be a confidence booster
GoDeeGo
"Should we paint the ceiling beige?"
Mabregick
Yeah. That wouldn't help either i think
MaryJaneAnn
P..p..push it out? Idk your kegal game must be strong..I don't know anymore.
stimulated
p...pushed.. out? is that possible?
Frogapus
Consider that at the time, you are surrounded on all sides by muscle. Let that sink in while you do the same.
ddeck11
that sounds like a challenge when you say it like that
GirlX
Can confirm. This is a thing.
ButtonsAreForPushing
For realsies about not blowing into a lady's hoo-ha. That shit can cause an embolism. Also, she could blow up like a Macy's parade balloon.
IratetheD
i dont understand??? how??? so could you murder a woman that way???
tangybreath
I'm gonna level with you, I think it takes a bit more air pressure than you think to make it past the cervix. Still not a good idea but yeah
InTheWoodsWhichStutterAndSing
I'd imagine you'd have to seal the gasket as well
sjhamn
For a second I thought you meant cumming in someone, and then I was all "EMBOLISM??? WTF YOU TALKING ABOUT??"
BreadyStinellis
Do people ever do this?
wb95
YES. My idiot ex. and now I hate him knowing it couldve ended with me dead.
YeahWellAboutThat
Finally explains what Dobby did to Harry's aunt Marge.
TotallyNotMyBad
ahahahaha :D
salriella
Eww I really can't and don't want to picture it happening to me :(
chaosdagger
A study has shown that wearing socks during sex will aid in reaching orgasm, for women. The woman has to wear her socks.. not the guy.
nephrocentesis
This is basically giving sex advice to people who will never have the chance to use it.
UpvotesForCalicos
I ain't takin my socks off for nobody.
AsgardianSeraph
None of these rules will ever apply to me =(
Ruester
I'm firin' mah lazer! That's cool right?
theamazingmst
Absolutely yes. And yes to "pew pew"
MagnusDeacon
She might shoop da whoop your ass.
icookfoodandfightfire
the list didnt say you couldnt so i think its still fair game
OverRedundant
You have to say "pew pew!"
Koztah
Sexytime music: www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUpo42oMpgE
derpcommander
#1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, :{ why does a girl cumming have to turn us on so?
MagnusDeacon
Exactly, don't yell "Beast Mode"... Say it in your best Batman voice.
wafflesmgee
"You're riding me like a car!" "THIS ISN'T A CAAAAAAAAR"
BonerDoner
Oh God.. My bf randomly broke out in Batman voice during playtime. I couldn't stop cracking up for 5min. It was awesome :)
nighthawk23
Instead say "I'm just here so I don't get fined"
SanicTheHedgehog
and then say THE DARK DICK RISE
KapnKershaw
YEAST MODE! (oh shit...)
bradgt04
Or "the lannisters send their regards"
TehAccountant
where is scarecrow
Duendes
I tend to screech, "I'm a big boy now!"
xochiluvr
The penis your vagina deserves...
Koztah
Or, if you can't do a Batman voice, say "Engage." in your best Picard voice.
MagnusDeacon
Naw, you save that line for until you and she have been dating for a while.
bigpong
No you say I'll pass and lose the superbowl
Tehspy
She says my batman voice sounds like an orc from LotR
Grapefruitspoon
Adam West or Christian Bale?
bingokongen
"I love this job more than I love taffy ... and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy."
acocadorocks
who for heavens sake blows into a vagina ?! o0
MisterWho
SHAZAM!
imbapro
I'm Assman!
pacDiesel
Y'ALL KNOW WHY I'M HERE.
Austria
Beast mode? No, I'll pass.
OddlySatisfyingPotato
anything in the batman voice in the bedroom and I'm already cumming
Skrewd
http://imgur.com/JhfEldZ
joshelliottthemanthemyththelegend
Why does this not have 1000 poimts this is perfect
wolfetrax
It's not the third tuesday yet, bro.
KillingTheJoke1
How awesome would Camp Imgur be if it landed during the third tuesday of the month
wolfetrax
KillingTheJoke1
Was waiting for this.
mpififunny
But is it ok to yell "Beast Mode" on the 1 yard line at the Superbowl?
redrockets666
I hope my boyfriend will find this as funny as i do...
MagnusDeacon
Correction, you're hoping he'll do exactly that. =P
YoMTVRapz
I was gonna run with beast mode, but I passed.
babystraightjacket
Say it with yo Chest!!
CogitoErgoDubito
Just a little relevant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enOHraf3LEk
scriptkittie
*Marshawn Lynch
Pomirum
…This. This is why I imgur.
dinosarahsaurus
I would positively die laughing if a guy yelled beast mode. Probably have to stop to high five
secretidentitycrisis
Exactly! How could you not?
THEBESTUSERNAMEINTHEWHOLEWIDEWORLDEVERSINCETHEBEGINNINGOFTIME
I volunteer!
dinosarahsaurus
How noble of you!
THEBESTUSERNAMEINTHEWHOLEWIDEWORLDEVERSINCETHEBEGINNINGOFTIME
Thanks ;)
TropicalMary
I think I'm going to make it mandatory that my husband yells "BEAST MODE" from now on...
dinosarahsaurus
I agree. It may be my new litmus test for if a guy is a keeper!
Letihaugur
Im up for high fives
thestuggleisalmostreal
Mrw she won't ride it: "this isn't a car".
humbugga
Wrong... you say "HERE COMES THE KRAKEN!!"
Jawsmine
I would love this. I would die laughing, then continue with the sex
manik024
MORTAL KOMBAT
Nalianna
FINISH HER!
IAmCatSidhe
FINISH HER
MagnusDeacon
But take your time doing it.
IAmCatSidhe
always
thundrlipz
rankdank69
Reference game on point
saltypond
I'm still waiting to find the right person to try the autobots: transform line on.
saltypond
to be fair i haven't slept with anyone since i first read/heard of it so it might take me a while
MagnusDeacon
Considering I have the Autobot logo tattooed on my arm, I would approve. You a guy or girl?
saltypond
does it matter ;D
MagnusDeacon
As a straight male... Yes. =P
saltypond
I can neither confirm nor deny that I may or may not have lady or man parts
Asrodrig
Especially if it's the third tuesday or whatever
captainobvioustits
don't pull anal beads out like you're starting a lawn mower either. protip.
Monkeyburrito
protip: don't just copy someone else's comment from the same post an hour after they did. (1/2)
Monkeyburrito
Do it within the hour so it is harder to tell who originally said it (2/2)
DontEatTheCrabDipYeyay
OUCH
FisterRobot0
Exactly what I came here to say.
BentoboxCrackerdong
Splat?
notsogoodatusernames
VRRRRUM VRUM VRUM VRUM VRUM VRUM VRUM VRUM!
ToxicDL
Actually keeping on your socks keeps your feet warm which helps in the acts of sexytime and can lead to better/stronger/easier orgasms.
andyonetime
What if they are knee/thigh highs? God do I love a good catholic school girl.... Uniform...you know...for role play...
RomeoSniper
Why are people so against socks? I'm pretty sure I'm barely gonna notice them when I want sexy time.
Legendariel
Dude. I even take my socks off for a pelvic exam. Idk just seems weird to wear socks without pants
salriella
Besides, when should you wear your fucking socks if not during sex?
ToxicDL
Haha I see what you did there. +1
BerwynBrewyn
Yes. I agree completely. When my feet are warm the sex is much better.
ZOMGNO
If my feet are cold... I can't stay in the mood. So if its winter? Socks on. Deal.
Jhollie
Yeah, we went with out heat one year..socks were a must, and I'm pretty sure if my footie pj's had had a butt flap I woulda left that on to!
DARLAISSHAKINGTHEBAG
Also, I have reallly cold feet. Ive been told to keep socks on or have careful foot placement
Legendariel
I still want socks off, unless we're doing clothed sex. People just look so fucking goofy totally naked except for socks
shadowfallen
To each their own!
Threns
Yeah, its so visually distracting to me it pretty well swamps any advantage having warm feet would bring
Legendariel
Right? If the warmth of your feet make a significant impact on the enjoyment of sex, someone's doing it wrong.
PussyLiquor
Not for me, I overheat if my socks are on. Also if I'm underneath a blanket. :/
iCameHereToDrinkMilkandKickAssAndIJustFinishedMyMilk
With socks on I tend to lose my grip when not in the bed... it kind of ruins the mood if you have to re-adjust after every couple thrusts.
muffincrumpet
Also, as someone who hates feet, it's a massive turn-off.
ILoveCreamPies
I'm not into feet but my ex was and husband is, so now when they start touching them I get excited cause I know good stuff is gonna happen.
HotShower
Solidarity bump. Feet are fucking gross. Yes, baby feet too. They are still feet, therefore disgusting by definition
ToxicDL
And on the flipside if someone loves feet, they should at least keep them warm while admiring them and be open about their love of feet
lucidcute
I always keep my socks on, if I'm wearing some. I'm female and I often wear knee-highs, if that makes a difference. Never paid attention...
RelartOfGivia
Droooool
HennyPennyStegosaurus
I think knee-highs are an exception. I have totally had my boyfriend react to seeing me in just knee-highs and panties.
lucidcute
To if the dude has socks on. If we just came home from some place, why take the time to take them off?
GilderoyPopDropNLockart
I think knee highs on a girl are sexy
MaggGyver
A guy did #10 to me legitimately on accident. First time for both.
iamireland
I've done it, too. She was very wet so I was well-lubricated.
GreenYawgmoth
Same here. Fortunately for both of us, she discovered she likes anal.
thekeeb
Yeah, we were in the shower. It does happen on accident.
Natsumori
It's happened to me, too. Once in the shower, the other with really great lube doing lay - down doggie.
PapyrusFont
I went out with a guy who claimed "accident" about 5 different times :(
IAmCatSidhe
Alright... which one of you yelled "BEAST MODE"
[deleted]
[deleted]
IAmCatSidhe
fjemwhsa,vwevgcds,gvhjawedz
iliketokeepitsimplestupid
The question is, who didn't?
ForgottenTaco
when we switch positions i one said, "transform and roll out"
NoodleTubes
*Do yell beastmode
Frogapus
Relevant http://imgur.com/lQmQJmg (NSFW)
MMPRMastodon
I'm just replying so I don't get fined
angryangrybird
but were you expecting The Spanish Inquisition?
mordrul
Probably Cheetor. He always was overexcited most of the time.
Homophone
Future me.
HannibalPoopsPeople
Literally all of us
icypants
*slinks slowly toward ground*
TheDrySideOfThePenny
I'm 100% going to do this next time I have sex.
kmikl
Prolly the same fuck that said he'd give a gym rat shawty the 'old lickeroo'
RoswellM
I don't need your judgement!
freedomsfreedom
I may have once....by mistake
RBBaker
It was me. Sorry fellas.
theclevernamegoeshere
I'm going to start doing this now. Time to get the wtf gave from my wife during sex. Kek
NotSoSmartAlek
Just out of curiousity, do you play Star Wars The Old Republic? And do you have a Cathar character, if so?
IAmCatSidhe
Nope. Never played it.
NotSoSmartAlek
sorry, your username made me think of it. now if it was Cait Sith instead, I'd think of FFVII.
WoahPleaseImTesla
Well I will now
GodSizer
@Kylecorn
Yummyyummytacoz
I personally only say "ITS CLOBBERING TIME"
Deacold
I am actually guilty of this.
coltsfan12
I haven't. But I will now.
AlxEverett
Simbaaaa...
CalvinBall
What can I say, I'm just all about that action
danglerfish
MORTAL COMBAT
pulvertorget
Wow. Reference game on point.
CrossedLines
Its a reference to a post where 2 bros living in a flat would yell "MORTAL KOMBAT" before cumming and the other responds with "FINISH HER"
MrsSkittles
FINISH HER
ScaleScentedAnalDildo
*Kombat
moxie916
....my boyfriend has definitely used the phrase "HARD MODE" before....haha
Tipsyrooster
@kylecorn
GodSizer
You beat me to it!
Amythyst
@arcspace
strugglesnuggler
That implies that someone here had sex. And we all know we didn't cause this is the internet.
pookieeatworld
I'm totally doing sex with your mom. Literally right now. As I type this. And I probably won't call her, either.
napoleonbonerfarte
But... the internet is where porn is...
HeyFreckleFace
Pffft, I have sex.
ISeeStoopedPeople
CaptSlowShow
But people on the internet also don't lie
THEBESTUSERNAMEINTHEWHOLEWIDEWORLDEVERSINCETHEBEGINNINGOFTIME
This is a valid point
TheDweadPiwateWoberts
Looking at you, Marshawn
100PercentGradeABumblebees
I enjoy your username, sir.
MarshawnLynch
WHATCHA WANT, BITCH
TheHighestGrizzlyBearInTown
You to beat the Patriots
thiscannotpossiblygowrong
RandomFellowImgurian
The slow mo killed me +1
SolidLikeAFox
I'm just here so I won't get fined.
stc02bbb
Reference game on beast mode.
ChalupaBatman834
And after he yelled "BEAST MODE" it rained skittles
SweetBabyYeezus
HOL MA DIH
TransVersed
iSoulKiller
The banner in the background makes this
SomeoneWhoLovesYou
This little thread made me so happy.
Tzazi
diggetydug
I would like to keep my "fucking" socks on during sex. That's precisely what my "fucking" socks are for.
diggetydug
Also, this is the most points I have ever gotten on anything. YOU LOVE ME, YOU REALLY LOVE ME.
GirlX
I don't like feet so I prefer it if everyone keeps their socks on to be honest.
ZeldaMariners
http://xkcd.com/90/
diggetydug
Precisely.
AsAScholar
that my friend is hysterical
clnoy
Just realized a condom is like a sock for your penis. It's a fucking sock.
wrincewind
put a sock. on yo' cock. :D
BairaagiVN
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02192003
hoffbox
Those are business socks. It's business time! http://youtu.be/fpIRBdUYBE0?t=2m12s
SomeoneWhoLovesYou
And you know when I'm down to just my socks what time it is...
diggetydug
Flight of the Conchords. Yeeeeeesssssh.
feraljesus
Aww yeah.. it's business time
Yemmster29
I also think I read somewhere that warm feet = easier orgasm. And aside from those with the fetish, who the hell is looking at feet during?
vladadmiresputains
I think it was buzzfeed...but for now we shall say it was the Illustrated Encyclopedia of Foot Coverings and the Things That Go in Them
hoofbeatsandsnowflakes
naked people with socks on bother me soo much, I don't know why. Like yeah, sure I can Probably ignore it, but god it bothers me.
shadowfallen
To each their own!
AYYLM400
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/710/755/ff4.jpg
wrincewind
fuckit. i have that kink and prefer everyone keeps their socks on. socks can be cute.
newsock
Why no socks?!
Robvp
Yeah socks give me grip and the floor is a bit cold
HennyPennyStegosaurus
NOT hot unless you're a girl and they're knee-high socks or thigh-high stockings. On guys...very unflattering. Sorry, just a fact :(
newsock
Sounds like a challenge to me
DontEatTheCrabDipYeyay
Socks help circulation and warmth, which increases the likelihood and intensity of the female orgasm. Keeping the socks.
MASTER0Fimgur
#18 - VERY important
jakovii
afuckingmen
PeterME
Not sure if dating- or prostitution advice..
Valgov291
yes
CircleJerker
Take into account how much you have haggled for the rate before adding tip though. Source - 'a friend' who visited Thailand.
FuckIsengardImTakingTheHobbitsToSecondBreakfast
I'm kind of okay with beast mode. Especially if you growl it at me all demonic sounding.
GilderoyPopDropNLockart
You...I like you
FuckIsengardImTakingTheHobbitsToSecondBreakfast
In that case... How YOU doin'?
GilderoyPopDropNLockart
I was going to type out that creepy seductive face but realized I don't know how, so I don't really have a go to at this point
FuckIsengardImTakingTheHobbitsToSecondBreakfast
Lol! Seriously, though, how are you feeling? Would you like a blanket? Some cookies? A shallow grave?
GilderoyPopDropNLockart
As long as I can eat the cookies before the shallow grave, I'll be OK with it
Iwastoldwewouldallbenaked
Perfect execution
mackinskor
No one else has "oops"ed it in?
ScottishLasseh
My ex did... then I got an e.coli urinary infection that would flare up every single time post-sexytime, I was always in pain after that
hoofbeatsandsnowflakes
it fucking hurts and makes girls not want to continue fucking you. So just be really careful with that.
Adnarime
Same. Happened once. Really slippery... way too far in. Then I was writhing in pain and sobbing. Sexy times were totally over.
ddeck11
she screams and wakes the kids. then they want a explanation
youpieceofdribblepiss
accidentally with my finger when I was drunk once
iamireland
Totally have.
qqfest
I have & she flew forward, hit her head on the wall. I laughed, she didn't find it funny. Assured her it was accident. Cont. sexy time.
qqfest
Talked her into trying it later on. She liked it. Good for those mother nature weeks and avoiding red gel like substances.
Killerby
Holy shit you are a class A asshole. Congrats.
qqfest
To expand it really was an accident. I dn really "talk" her into it. I suggested she want too. Nothing wrong with exploring, she liked it.
hayduke
I've accidentally penis stabbed it without going in, wasn't pleasant.
Mopey
I was like 2 thrusts away and I penis stabbed it. My God the pain and anti-climax.
BabyMamaMina
It's not fun for either side when it's stabbed. That shit hurts.
MalcomsRage
That's how I got engaged. No joke. (didn't get married, thankfully)
TheFireWoman
I don't mind socks... :(
shadowfallen
Right? I get sad if my feet are cold and sad =/= sexytimes.
salriella
Keeping your feet warm lets your circulation flow to more important areas, too.
CountMeInFellas
#2 fellas.. very important if Im putting it in my mouth. :O
NoIWillNotFixYourComputer
Well I just so happened to have gotten outta the shower sooooo......?
HennyPennyStegosaurus
Some guys don't realize I guess. Some guys REALLY need to understand that this is necessary. Some ladies too, I guess...
CountMeInFellas
it apply's to everyone..
thesimpleimagecommentator
I would have thought this was a given... I guess not.
CountMeInFellas
defiantly goes both ways.
thesimpleimagecommentator
Agreed, always be clean because 1.Its Normal... and 2. You never know ;) haha
BabyMamaMina
Not to some people... Looking at you, Chuck!
thesimpleimagecommentator
Damn chuck!
CountMeInFellas
you'd be surprised ...ikky
thesimpleimagecommentator
ikky?
CountMeInFellas
same as yucky. sticky/yucky = ikky
thesimpleimagecommentator
I figured that out as soon as I sent that reply... haha
thesimpleimagecommentator
haha Well in any case I hope you don't have to encounter any more people who don't wast correctly.
itaril
Fucking number one. Graaarrrrggghhhh
IfistedTux
Its awesome with that really lousy one night stand and you juat want to sleep!
Southsidenstein
As soon as I get the heads up from her, that's when the countdown begins. Game over.
Snotty128
I know right, youve got your groove on and then she goes and says a thing like that.
itaril
Noooo. I am the she!
Snotty128
Well stop it! 'Thats the spot' or 'right there' etc works a lot better
itaril
Does the same!! Sometimes, anyway. Sigh. Orgasms.
Imaybegotthis
We already established that they don't exist anyway. Ask any man. Especially after he's already done.
smeefy
its ok they working on the patch
TheProkrastinator
Notting to to with the words, as much as it has to do with before and during an orgasm the holyness start squeezing and get a lot tighter..
yuyufan43
For me, when I say it and he cums, it pushes me over the edge and helps me finish. I like finishing at the same time.
FuckingRafael
I just keep going, even after I've blown my load. You'd be surprised how you can finish them with a semi.
srv4412
My wife knows that my trigger is when she says ,"fuck me harder" , I am done soon after.
Winecellar
Yes.... I had a discussion with my gf about it, now I know how to not make that mistake again.
TrentleBerryCrunch
Even better when spanish words flow softly from her mouth while her entire body tightens and turns into screaming with lots of rolling r's..
TrentleBerryCrunch
Que rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrico, just to name a few :)
MightyWarPony
Number one, you make sure to say it so right when you finish (or even while you do) your sentence, it happens, makes both go sync, BOOM.
theManTheyCalledJayne
how is "make sure you don't stink" (aka No2) not No1 ?
SwedishPrincess
It's the worst curse possible
justTed
The more enjoyment a women is having the harder it is to keep control cause its so damn sexy. God damn catch 22
itaril
It goes both ways!!
jadedimgurian
that makes no sense
jadedimgurian
if you cum its fine. if we cum its over. Well, for us anyway.
itaril
Depends on the cum, and depends on if you (or either parties i guess) are willing to switch 'instruments'.
jadedimgurian
haha, always willing - other comment tried to rectify this to WE'RE finished, time to go to work
jadedimgurian
no it doesnt
itaril
Personally, if the person I am with (regardless of gender) is enjoying themselves, I am having a better time.
Dumbstatz
#2 is the big one for me. Hard for me to enjoy giving a bj if it smells like ball sweat and pubes :/
sprayfartmaster
Try not to think about it and just focus on what your doing and what it feels like for you and your partner.
ItDoesNotDoToDwellOnDreams
Or, if in 69 position, it smells like straight up asshole. Gag.
guitarification
Noted
ItDoesNotDoToDwellOnDreams
Oh, are you stalking my Imgur profile? <3
bingedreaming
But when you DO cum together... It's like a sexy syzygy
miraquiTOMA
Splendid!
PrinceSatisfactory
Excellent use of syzygy
ZaphodsFriend
As a lady, I find it unbearably hot when a guy days hes going to cum, but there isnt enough time to elicit a matching response
Myowngrampa
my bad
strongfkennedy
That's why, early on in the process, I solemnly tell my lady friend "I'm going to cum...later."
snozzberries215
Right!! Then were left hanging!
RosesAreRedMyBedIsGreenIWantYouInItIfYouKnowWhatIMean
Gotta work on that refraction period, or just wait for overtime.
huggers
You're not the only one who hangs afterwards ;)
Klingon00
A man should do the right thing and help out.
TheStinkyPossum
We have to say it because guys like to switch tempo all the time!
Kaorikasai
EXACTLY!
DeathByTeacup
Husband did this last night. I WAS SO CLOSE.
TheStinkyPossum
What a jerk. You need to do that to him now. LOL
DeathByTeacup
he finished the job later on. Just took longer than it had to! lol
TheStinkyPossum
Whew! Ok. Good.
theblackcanaryyy
I'm gonna die I can't stop laughing
GoliahWombat
We switch it up to hold back. From jackhammer to merry-go-round rhythm and everything in between. Keeps our junk confused.
TheStinkyPossum
And it keeps us from orgasming.
RationalLunatic
http://www.metronomeonline.com/
Myowngrampa
hahahahhaha
Ajunadeeps
I hear this and hold the pace steady until you start cumming then pound it in and watch as you shotgun through orgasms. Good times.
OverRedundant
Just say "Yeah, just like that." When you say anything about "about to cum" that puts us over.
TheStinkyPossum
Boo.
OverRedundant
Hey it's for your own good, haha. Wait until it's happening then talk about it all you want, eh!
afterdinneromelets
That's why I just kinda take over at that point. He can't ruin it if I'm in charge- plus, he gets a break instead of doing all the work.
itaril
That change in tempo destroys it all!!
sugar3
We do it so we don't cum.
TheStinkyPossum
But then we don't cum. :(
sugar3
It's cruel world. That's why we eat it before we beat it.
oneofthecalled
Ok, FIRST this is something most people (especially guys) don't understand. TEMPO. It's rhythm. That's why girls like good dancers.
Myowngrampa
now I'm not sure which way the causation goes, can't dance cuz can't sex or vice versa... maybe I should try this sex thing to check
oneofthecalled
As my 7th grade Bible teacher accidentally bestowed upon my class, "Sex leads to dancing, no wait-"
oneofthecalled
But if the guy it doing all the work, you have nothing to complain about, really. Help him pick up the beat when he tires.
oneofthecalled
Thrusting to a rhythm can be hard, because certain muscles will fatigue quickly, THIS is why we change it up.
oneofthecalled
Also, unless you speak up (or at LEAST vocalize) about your pleasure patches, We won't know which areas to work on endurance ;P
Staaty
We switch tempo so we can last longer than 2 minutes.
TheStinkyPossum
Well then you're the only one who gets to orgasm.
IbukiOnTheScene
if the guy's about to cum, that was the inevitable result anyway. Biology is a cruel mistress
BreadyStinellis
If you didn't switch it up you wouldn't need to go longer than 2 minutes.
[deleted]
[deleted]
BreadyStinellis
I can assure you, she can get herself off in under a minute. Maybe not with you there, but alone? Totally possible.
frostotter
exactly
MissMoneypenny
TRUTH
ImVeronicaCorningstone
Few things are more aggravating than when I say "don't stop/just like that, I'm about to cum" AND HE SWITCHES IT ALL UP
ObiWanCanBlowMeE
Naw. You're adorable.
slagath0r
ENRAGING
Thesmellofgoblins
God I said this a while ago... got downvoted to hell. Hate it to!
iDrinkDrano
Not that it's consolation but reasons can be: helps us not to cum OR our hips feel like they're going to rip apart if we maintain heading.
Thesmellofgoblins
Yes but... If you accidentally cum while trying to make me cum, I will make it up to you. Deprive me of orgasm to last longer... I hate you.
hamildong
"Heading." Yes. Good term. Maybe she should shout "MAINTAIN HEADING!"
iDrinkDrano
Yeah... that'd get a "AYE AYE, SKIPPER" from me.
TheStinkyPossum
Orgasm is usually imminent when a woman says this. Just power thru for another minute. YOU GOT THIS!
iDrinkDrano
Aye aye, skipper!
MyHorseAteMyPaycheck
THIISSSS! For some reason, guys think, "Don't stop, I'm about to cum" means "please do your best jackhammer impression!"
Ineedabetteradult
Your guys watch too much porn. Unfortunately to me, the thought of the girl having an orgasm gets me off. Its a tough fight.
OverRedundant
Any time you say anything about "I'm about to cum" it gets us excited and results in finishing or trying harder (changing pace).
raidleadergutts
That reason is because going faster makes us cum harder/faster so we do it to you too. Good intentions lead to hell and all that.
OverRedundant
Just leave that part out. Stick to "Oh yeah, just like that."
Ineedabetteradult
Exactly, or just Don't stop. Don't mention anything about the orgasm coming.
Xist3nce
When told "Don't stop" we speed up, as it's encouraging. Also turning guys on more usually speeding up cumming. Which can cause a slow down.
MrsBettyCocker
OMG THIS. WHHHYYYYY
Snotty128
Thats why its such a bad phrase for everyone. It should be, keep doing what youre doing
hamildong
"Keep it up champ," that won't make us finish
ImVeronicaCorningstone
But so many times I've said "just like that" and he must hear "that's good but CHANGE IT UP NOW!"
IamMelonLordeYaYaYa
Am I the only one here who doesn't get off to a dick in me? Dont get me wrong, I love dicks in me, but my clit controls my orgasm.
TRANCEgender
As a transsexual, once my g spot is nice and swollen from proper foreplay, a constant grind against it is enough to set me off ;)
TRANCEgender
Also I do have that problem when I warn aguy about my climax and he does the faster deeper thrusting.Sometimes it works,sometimes it doesn't
ILoveCreamPies
Same. Or both at once.
IamMelonLordeYaYaYa
Yeah both is nice ofc. But their docks aren't making me come, their hands and mouths are
TheStinkyPossum
I hear you, but the dick helps. And when I say don't stop, don't stop!
wanderingwhiteguy
My girlfriend is the same way. No matter how much vaginal stimulation I give her, she just can't orgasm. Her clit is the only way.
RosesAreRedMyBedIsGreenIWantYouInItIfYouKnowWhatIMean
Probably not, more guys need to learn to use a free hand for clit control.
matsiyasei
I've never had an orgasm from a hot dicking, but it sure does feel good.
RosesAreRedMyBedIsGreenIWantYouInItIfYouKnowWhatIMean
What about a good dicking?
Valladin
A 'hot dicking" LMFAO, damn you I snorted hot coffee.
LesbianWieners
+1 for 'a hot dicking'
StyleSavvyCupcak3
Tip: have your man get you to orgasm first. Then you'll orgasm again during sex.
DeathByTeacup
Yeah, a lot of times my body goes "You orgasmed once? Done for the night!" It's like it doesn't know I'm female...
BreadyStinellis
Hahaha! Oh, how I wish that worked for everyone!
BreadyStinellis
I think the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation. But I've never had a vaginal orgasm anyhow, so what the hell do I know.
Rhase
QUESTION. What about thigh-high socks?
thesimpleimagecommentator
Keep them on!
MyHorseAteMyPaycheck
Thigh-high socks or stockings on a chick are always ok!
HennyPennyStegosaurus
Knee-high socks and high-high stocking on a chick are separate matters than a guy wearing his socks. As a lady I can strongly confirm this.
ZaphodsFriend
ON. Oh gee, I got a bit gay there
thesimpleimagecommentator
Some one really likes socks...
ZaphodsFriend
Im a (mostly straight) girl
underscoreneckbeard
I approve this message.
Nerdygasm
My husband and I don't always remove our socks, honestly
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
Actually it's best to keep your feet comfortable. Easier for you to orgasm that way.
AdamKeller
I have bad circulation in my feet, so they are always cold. The socks definitely stay on.
CrispCitrusTaste
Yup yup yup! I'm like you. Don't care. Keeping my socks on!
Satinsball
A woman has a harder time orgasming if she's cold. Socks will actually help this.
SayNoToLNI
All the yes!
TheRicM
"But I bought these socks specifically for fucking though"
TachyonCode
That's... probably what *she* said.
cvsprinter2
Had sex in 8* F. We both agreed socks on would be ok
Nerdygasm
yeah, fuck that! *snicker*
TheStinkyPossum
I prefer my socks on. My feet are always cold.
felidori
This.
quantumvendetta
These socks were made for fucking and that's just what they'll do
Wrkncacnter
I hardly ever do.
SassySemen
My SO likes when I leave my socks on.... just the socks
TheSkeletonWar
Socks are hot.
Nerdygasm
As in, physically warm, or sexy?
TheSkeletonWar
well, both.
thisistheonlycommentiwillevermake
Actually proven to increase orgasms- better circulation and warmer body temp, help achieve orgasm...
MeowAnna
We don't either. I've seen/heard this mentioned before. Why are people so against socks during sex?
ToucherOfButts
I like my wife's socks off because I like her feet and she knows that, but sometimes she keeps them on for warmth and that's ok.
keyqueen
Dude, my feet are always FREEZING. I doubt he wants my feetscicles touching him during sexy times.
catcatcitybitch
My boyfriend always puts my socks back on when they come off with my pants...I love socks.
imamermaidgangleader
there was actually a study (dont remember source so dont base life decisions on) that said orgasms are easier then, as girl is more comfy
impostersquall
i love socks :[ they keep feet warm and feet are gross
DongOfTruth
Same, don't prefer them on or anything. I just don't see the need for it.
darxide
My socks only come off when I shower. No exceptions, ever.
secondgoaround
Me neither. My feet get cold. And I don't like the fan on.
SmokeMeAKipperIllBeBackForBreakfast
Especially if they are your fucking socks.
DougForcett
Seriously, if they are your fucking socks aren't they made to have sex in?!?
danzafan37
So, girls especially but all people have trouble cumming when cold. Socks actually help this. Not sexy but true
TinksTitties
I like never take my socks off. For anything. Even sex. I'm a lady. I feel this is frowned upon.
lesbianyellowsourfruit
WAIT... WHAT. NO. after 80 years of marriage my hubs and i will never ever ever leave socks on. ever. ever ever ever everrrr
tossingEwoksIntoLakesOfMethane
+1 uname
lesbianyellowsourfruit
+1 for +1ing my uname
wintermute93
You know when I'm down to my socks its time for business // That's why they're called business socks // Its business, its business time
Plumbus
Every single one of these in this list is legit, except for the sock one. Makes you wonder if the person who wrote this has a foot fetish.
reasonenough
Us either - I can't cum when my feet are cold.
whywecanthavenicethings
I'm on mobile and without sauce, but I read it actually makes it better psychologically. I know because (1/2)
whywecanthavenicethings
I do it and I don't want to just be lazy (2/2)
lucidcute
I don't know why anyone would care about this.
ImASexyUnicorn
My ex never removed it shirt, eventually I stopped bothering to remove mine. It was weirder than wearing socks IMO
Zziltoid
I remember there bein some research about cold feet reducing arousal and socks helping with that. Anyone?
mwppmarauders
I've heard keeping socks on can help you orgasm, actually. Or keeping your feet warm just in general.
Konoton
Comfort is important to orgasm. Cold feet aren't comfortable.
8bitTunes
that's honestly okay.
girlyBIRB
As long as everyone is having fun, who cares what you're wearing?
IPeakedinSecondGrade
Then they are literally your "fucking socks"
AmbiguouslyPunny
Take your socks off. Be confident; feet touching, surprisingly, can be GREAT foreplay ;)
Ihaveaneightinchdickisthatnormal
You're more likely to orgasm if your feet are warm actually...
epsilon526
You know when Im down to my socks its time for business, thats why theyre called business socks
PhonicCookie
More traction with them on.
OverRedundant
I wear a sock on my ball sack now and then, even. Can never have enough socks when gettin' it on.
pixelsnader
They're not called "fucking socks" for no reason.
INoLongerCareBoutThisName
My feet get cold- who cares?
TachyonCode
Probably the rest of the wedding party.
phdinhorribleness
People with a foot fetish
LuckieHarms
As a former derby girl, that's what I use my knee socks for. Sexy AND warm.
tossingEwoksIntoLakesOfMethane
and the helmet … keep the helmet on ;-)
LuckieHarms
Good idea. That'll come in handy if the headboard gets too close.
TachyonCode
Unrelated, but I thought "knee socks" were a martial art move until I was 20...
iDrinkDrano
I maaaay have used my toes to remove her socks mid-sex before.
Nerdygasm
I can't say I haven't done that to him but not because the socks are bothering me. I do it cause it's hot
iDrinkDrano
That is its. I do it more because I have monkey toes and can pin her feet down with mine easier if she has no socks.
Nerdygasm
I have monkey toes too! He's usually doing the pinning down, though and I LOVE it :D
iDrinkDrano
Woooh! Right? Also.
handbutt
That's how you know it's time for business cause they're business socks ooohhooooo
TheyCallMeTheHiphopopotamusIgotFlowsThatGlowLikePhosphorous
sup
staudt69
It's business... It's business time!!
TheEgolessEgotist
Ohoh Ohoh Ohoh ye-yea yeaaa
SuperRockinMrMagic
I always keep my socks on, feet are gross and the transfer of blood from extremities to wiener makes them cold sometimes
TaylorLately
Feet are gross? Wtf?
SuperRockinMrMagic
I think feet are generally gross, am I the only one?
numbertenox
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/4687094/hammer-time-o.gif
TaylorLately
well done
MechaNinja
Pretty sure we married couples are excused from a few of these.
athenabelina
Oh good!
Nerdygasm
Agreed!
alexa129
I think it increases orgasms anyway? Warmer feet? Science?
SirChucklesLaughALot
Like #10?
MasterPrime
I feel like I'd be the type of husband to do the powerball anal beads.
definitelynotanarc
Pretty sure we would be friends.
MadamPuddifoot
Serious relationship here: socks required. He has stupidly cold feet!
MechaNinja
How odd. My wife (and every girlfriend I ever had) has the cold feet in our family.
TheManWithTheMasterPlanForSoundLifeAndMaybeABanana
Keeping your socks on, actually intesifies the orgasm. Science, bitch.
80percentlegs
I've heard it will make you cum faster too
TachyonCode
Apparently, so does looking at something blue. Or, so I've heard.
TachyonCode
... which explains the Avatar movie.
xBurrito
It helps it even happen from where I read. Cold feet prevent orgasms.
LiquidPoo
cold feet suck.
causality
I was just about to say that. Probably not a great idea to take sex advice from a porn vendor.
Zavec
I've read this before but it didn't have a source. Do you have one? I want to show it to someone
TheManWithTheMasterPlanForSoundLifeAndMaybeABanana
Btw, are u from Slovenia ?
Zavec
I am not, why?
TheManWithTheMasterPlanForSoundLifeAndMaybeABanana
Zavec.. as in Dejan Zavec, some sporty fck from Slovenia. Nevermind
TheManWithTheMasterPlanForSoundLifeAndMaybeABanana
http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/wearing-socks-30-orgasm/
TheManWithTheMasterPlanForSoundLifeAndMaybeABanana
http://www.handbag.com/evening-bag/advice/a434779/improve-your-orgasms-with-this-keep-your-socks-on-sex-tip.html
The8obman
but how will she know it is business time if I'm not wearing my business socks?
YoloSwagginsAndTheKnightsOfTheRoundTable
i like when they wear socks.
alcatraz0363
you are my hero!! :D
thisisstupidstuff
It's business.. it's business tiiiiime
theonlywhitegardener
The scene is perfect there is nothing on tv.... the scene is perfect
Bumpaddler
2 minutes in heaven is better than 1 minute in heaven.
SomeCleverNickName
Because it's Wednesday!
GeorgePancakes
Business hoursxare now over
mostardently
When you take your socks off, you can turn it into a sexy dance ;)
ique
Holy hell I just thought about this song yesterday for the first time in three years. It's business time. It's business time.
GoDeeGo
That's why they call them business socks!
TheEgolessEgotist
Oooooh
TheGirlWhoCouldntEven
Seriously, did you guys know that if you wear socks the sex can actually be better? If your feet are cold, you will feel cold.
Muffyns
but sock fetish and they look cute?
fuckweaselry
Your blood circulates quicker & cold feet become warm feet. Ditch the socks, loser.
TheGirlWhoCouldntEven
A recent study conducted by researchers from the University of Wageningen in the Nederlands says better chance of orgasm w/ socks. Loser.
thetonestarr
I know what you're trying to say. You're trying to say it's time for business. It's business time!
SummerGuineaPig
Flight of the Conchords! Always +1
missersupermannohome
Because it's Wednesday
Lioness8200
HUMP DAAAY
Jawsmine
Nothing on tv
bigpong
And Wednesday is the day we make sweet sweet love
hawkalert
Monday night is my night to cook. Tuesday night we go and visit your mother, but Wednesday night we make sweet, weekly love.
pretendimgoodatthis
Yessssssss. Lmao. This made my day.
yesthisisturbo
Making love for two. Making love for two whole.. minutes.
Flanneljack
The powerball one got me. I'm doing that next time
plyinglemon
...next time?
saucefornoreason
I know, I'm not allowed anywhere in fhe vicinity, or at least any closer than the vagina already is
ashrynn
'Next time'
Zipp4Real
Dont!
Belcanto
Nah, you rip those suckers out like ya startin up a lawnmower
ddeck11
it was her idea
traumajunkie
Had a friend in the Marines who's gf wanted to try beads. His lack of experience led to exactly that being done. Poor girl
traumajunkie
She ended up marrying him too. To this day I've always jokingly wondered to myself if it was a matter of, "you break it, you buy it."
Mrgorsh
I've once read that it is in the Bible.
Halfdog
Genuine belly laughed at this.
JKDE27
Shit might literally hit the fan if you do!
DangerZoner
BA-RUMMMMMMMMBBBJAGAJAGJA
BedBugDude
Had one that ended up in the ER I was working in... also, cant yell out BEAST MODE when your starting that lawnmower
Escueleto
When's the next draw going to be?
Flanneljack
when the jackpot hits 1 million
AStainlessSteelRat
Wednesday night! $485M!
Naugle
If she yells "don't pull out" pull out, get dressed, and get the fuck out of there
okayfinedude
Pull out of her life.
PhoenixQueenAzula
TachyonCode
... said the butcher to the emasculated backyard barbeque enthusiast.
TheSara
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
Hearon20
Always stick your dick in crazy. Just don't let crazy know where you live. Also, wear condoms. Crazy might have chlamydia.
ILieForPoints
#truth
AlternatePlayer
What if you wanna cum inside?
meganmarianne
My husband and I just had a baby. She's 4 months and I want another one! This is the struggle lol
TragedyCake
BE MY BABY'S DADDY!!!!!
fr33m3
except, you know, if she is your wife for 10 years and you've just put up with yourself and your beer belly. Just pointing this outcum ..
RastaPal
Truer words never said
MightyWarPony
But, I've got an IUD... D8
khaleesidany
Whats wrong with it if you're on birth control?
Akeera
Even on BC there is still a chance to get pregnant.
khaleesidany
not with an IUD! :) Wel very very very little
Akeera
So...still a chance then.
afterdinneromelets
I'm on the pill and my SO always pulls out or wears a condom, just to be extra safe- got a lot of shit to do before either of us wants kids.
khaleesidany
I'm a firm believer in the IUD
xofr
Assuming this post means with someone you dont know well/1 night stand. If its a girlfriend/wife then you should be fine.
khaleesidany
Well even if its a hook up buddy, pulling out is super unsexy. Just use condoms and be on BC
wrincewind
i think it's more 'crazy woman lying about being on the pill in order to have a baby / steal child support'. it's a thing, i guess?
khaleesidany
I don't know who these crazies are...
clavdivscaesar
I don't get the problem here.
UltraBaconist
Do you want to get an accidental baby cause that's how you get an accidental baby
anxiously
http://imgur.com/RynxumO
SkunkyLightstruck
wallyparadise
You're not gonna get your full paycheck either.
clavdivscaesar
Ha ha ha NO, see, I WILL, because I use a goddamn CONDOM. How is this not the assumed default situation?
TheLordLucifersBannedAccount02
Children.
Laurararose
I'm definitely with you on this
clavdivscaesar
To all repliers past, present and future: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom
wrincewind
sabotaged condoms are a thing, too. one pinprick is all it takes.
apcolleen
As a woman I can't wait for Vasalgel. It will give men who don't wear condoms or like my friend whose were tampered with a safety net.
khaleesidany
Get an IUD!
apcolleen
Vasalgel is a gel implanted into MEN so they can control what happens if they get spermjacked.
khaleesidany
Implanted?! How does that work? That's awesome
apcolleen
http://www.newmalecontraception.org/vasalgel/
Jawsmine
Is this the jello to stop sperm from being ejaculated? If so, fuck ya! BC is a two way street
Dekker3D
I thought it pretty much just kills all the sperm, instead of stopping ejaculation. Either way, if it works, it's awesome.
apcolleen
It shreds it so that its no longer viable but allows seminal fluid and the shredded bits to pass through.
apcolleen
Yep. I keep up with their FB page the babboon studies are underway. More should know about it and fund it lol.
Jawsmine
WOW I didn't know studies were happening yet!! That's so exciting!
Adiktedgottaregisternow
What if your wearing protection ?.....which you should always have if having sex with someone you don't know well.
chickenfriedriceisdabomb
If you're wearing a condom then blow away. That's what the little reservoir is for.
akarinakana
I'd say it's best to just not have sex with people you don't know well.
Iittleshit
Nah
akarinakana
Actually, I'd say just stop having sex with people you don't know well.
trustmeiamnotadoctor
I'm not just going to leave my ovulating wife in my bedroom naked and wanting a child sprawled over my bed covered in the unspeakable
Zerubbabel
Looking at the upvotes, the married dudes of Imgur know whats up.
mizekel
I feel like that sentence is missing punctuation. Unless your wife really does want a a child in your bed covered in unspeakable.
TachyonCode
It said *the* unspeakable, so I'm assuming it's some horrorterror from outer space.
NotSoSmartAlek
Or a worker from the Department of Mysteries.
CaptainUnspeakable
You rang?
trustmeiamnotadoctor
Yes, you've made a mess in my bedroom once again
andyonetime
All over his wife. Brutal.
grandw0lf
With his wife.
theManTheyCalledJayne
And he probably enjoyed every minute of it
trustmeiamnotadoctor
That whole minute
OliverClothesoff70
I've had a vasectomy, so it's OK with me either way.
WisdomThumbs
My grandfather had a vasectomy. Aunt was born. Then grandmother got fixed. Uncle was born. I don't know what they did next.
GBWI
Different doctor...
AjaniGoldmane
That doesn't always work. My father in law was supposed to have one too but here my bf is lol.
Ivaer
That's why it's suggested you get yourself rechecked once every few years.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
Your father in law and your boyfriend.. Wat.
AjaniGoldmane
It's confusing cause I never met him since he died before I could so that's just what I call him.
40watz
I agree...wut