Chidumebi
293942
9835
160
Aug 17, 2015 3:50 PM
Chidumebi
293942
9835
160
candysandy
I have saved pieces of expired credit cards and have thrown them out little by little over the course of months.
SpringPixie
I do every single one of these...
SFMFR
This post = my life
SmokeMeAKipperIllBeBackForBreakfast
With the garage door, watch it go all the way down, in case it hits something and opens back up with the blinking "Come rob me" light on.
ZOMGNO
I put the trash out last night and watched the entire door go down. I was like "You're being paranoid" to myself, but now I feel validated.
Iverno
Are you me?
wastycakes
Are YOU me?
Gamecube762
I am me.
Pico371
I can really relate to this bird
avocado4
I think I found my meme.
cliojayne
Paranoid parrot is my life
jinxphire
This is so comforting, I thought I was alone.
MyCrazyLifeStories
well fuck it, i guess i am a paranoid parrot.
DontBiteTheTip
Alarm is set for same time every day, still check it 3 times before i go to sleep
mop36
I set a back up alarm on a different device otherwise I can't sleep
lilmonkie
I don't remember posting my life on imgur.
RobT727
This got worse as it progressed... But I enjoyed
smitmp02
Press unlock button while walking to car. Presses unlock button at least ten more times before arriving at car.
Lanka
Wouldn't call most of the paranoid. More of neurotic. Also I do most of these, especially checking my pockets 3 times before walking out.
SubmissiveTwink
ALWAYS check your urls. Always. Sorry mom.
TimeFoDat
#18 Hey man, always double-check your copy/paste. I once sent my auntie the phrase "FUCKING CUNT!" instead of the URL I thought I copied.
NiftyNips
To be fair though, your aunt does have a bit of a reputation. I'm just sayin
TOMMOEX
The maths one gets me in particular and I'm Asian...
Onuruto
SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!
TOMMOEX
When you get to a point where it's full algebra, and chain rule, integration etc with letters, you're like what are numbers? Haha
janeq
I am definitely a paranoid parrot...it all makes sense now
TehBloxx
WHY IS EVERYONE ME? ARE WE ONE?
Pshermanfortytwowallabywaysydney
Once, I panicked because I felt my pocket and did not find my phone while I was on the phone with someone
nacko
Once? I've done this dozens of times.
YouThinkThatsBad
Or looking for your sunglasses when everything you see is tinted.
GavinScreaming
every. single. time.
KobaltKnight
If it makes you feel better, I've put my glasses on so I can see better while looking for my glasses.
nicktron
TIL I'm a parrot. Squak
guggeriet
this one spoke to me
ButtholeIceCreamParlor
At least you aren't a gay fish.
k2viking
I do the credit card destruction one, and testing url before sending
Ignak
In Finland when you get a new credit card, there actually are instructions with it, to do exactly that to your old credit card
tomyironmane
There are none in the US, but MOST people I know do that anyway.
WisdomPlaytime
Both are wise things to do.
k2viking
I think so also. ha
minipancho94
seriously though, if you ever think someone is following you, make 4 rights or 4 lefts, if they're still behind you, well goodluck. 1/2
minipancho94
also if you ever need to tail someone, you need at least 3 people, and swap out at various points in the route and be ready for a loop 2/2
YouThinkThatsBad
This happened quite a bit in Prague. Stopped, guy stopped. Walk the other way, guy starts walking back.
6ft1DickC
Car honks to indicate it locked. Hit lock button 3 more times
IDontCareImStillFreeYouCantTakeTheSkyFromMe
Yes.
Pshermanfortytwowallabywaysydney
The first two times sounds like you unlocked it. So a third time to lock it and a fourth time just to be sure.
TallAndPowerful
But then there are 4 beeps and 2 divided by 2 is 2 and then Half Life 3 confirmed and then you beep it again and then check the door handle.
d0gma
That's just silly. You only hit it again twice.
6ft1DickC
OCD shots fired... 5 times, but picking up each case and inspecting in between
noddie
I discovered my car will auto lock if I accidentally unlock it and don't open the doors. So now I worry ninjas will take advantage of that
MissMcBoner
1/3 I do every one of these. Except the mind reading one...When I think about something fucked up i think to myself:
limki
I think about murdering everyone around me as violently as possible, hoping it could shock them enough to show
MissMcBoner
2/3 "If someone's reading my mind congrats you know I'm sick weirdo. But you can't do anything about it
MissMcBoner
because everyone would know, you can read other peoples minds..and that's kinda creepy"
zachzac
Mcboners
KevinW42
#7 Person in front of me makes the same turns I make. "Oh jeez, I bet they think I'm trying to murder them."
ninoteko
When this happens to me I will literally go off route so they won't think I'm following them.
bunnyrut
i've followed people into my own apartment complex. was tempted to just go with it and slowly pass them and stare after they parked.
mop36
Happened to my brother the guy in front literally pulled over and my bro went into the driveway poor guy
spaghettifacebang
Once, I was driving behind the same person from Houston to Austin, about 200 miles. But then I murdered them.
my7nightmares
or "oh god, they're probably reverse stalking me. they already know where I'm going."
mydoppelganger
Crossing a one way street? Better look both ways.
crispylikechicken
No, this is legit! I was getting ready to cross a one-way street and I got run the fuck over by a bicyclist.
sms001
Seconding 'Addicted...' - the people driving the wrong way down a One-Way are the ones you REALLY wanna watch out for.
Tritan2
"One way" is a suggestion, not a fact. Bear this in mind my friend.
Morbidprayer
A smart man know it's a one way street. A wise man still looks both ways.
boonearoo
Nearly hit by a police car going the wrong way down a one way. No lights or sirens. Just a shortcut.
RecentlyDeceasedHighQualityCorpse
I have seen a lot of different drives going the wrong way down one way streets...
DDPB9k5G
better look a few more times just in case.
doublekross
Bikes!
Lagarto26
Yes! Almost been hit a few times because they were only looking one way.
ImmaPsychoLogist
I thought it was a law that cyclists are supposed to ride WITH traffic, for their own safety, and the safety of others (pedestrians).
TheFrumpyButler
In toronto there are some streets called bikeways. 1 lane for cars but have 2 lanes for bikes.
iamnotthrowingawaymyshot
I've seen someone fired that way. They shut off access but forgot to tell her not to come in. Awkward.
cossettetape
I've been just not placed on a schedule...apparently passive aggressive managerial technique is a way to avoid having windows broken in
A911owner
That happened to me. We had to be called to set up our schedule. One day they just stopped calling.
sarahnotsera
Husband left work to mail our wedding invites and the door code was changed when he got back. Secretary thought they'd already let him go.
iamnotthrowingawaymyshot
That's brutal, sorry to hear that.
sarahnotsera
He was working for a startup that was having troubles, so more of a layoff than a firing. Luckily, he found something else pretty quickly!
Loxachi
I've also been that person about a year go, Its Fucked up.
FlatPlutoSociety
Back in the day, my BlackBerry (yeah, that long ago) just stopped working. Learned I'd been part of a layoff when I called in to IT.
TheElementsOfHarmony
I'm stunned this actually happens o.O
TakeMyWorfPlease
One of my password want working today at work. This didn't even cross my mind. Now I have a new fear.
Underdogewow
lol'd *checks he can still login to work webmail*
NiftyNips
Coworker forgot to lock PC. Manager out a joke sticky note "you're fired." Coworker started bawling because she thought it was real.
mildlymelodramatic
I've been that person. Not cool.
angelandaddict
i'm this person too!
thezoolityre
Was your boss Bob Slydell from office space? "We just, 'fixed the glitch'"
mildlymelodramatic
Lol probably!
ItsyBitsyTeenyWeenySnail
Me too. Very much a dick move. At least give me a courtesy call!
mildlymelodramatic
I was thru a temp agency who failed to tell me that the temp job was over (not my fault).
TheRogueGinger
Same here. She was on a planned week-long vacation, came back, and her door code had been deactivated.
Xaldyn
That's actually how I lost a job once - their crappy employee portal wouldn't work, (again), but I had no way of contacting them without it.
was821
I accidentally fired someone while they were on vacation
higherthanakitemanhellyeah
did you unfire them?
Towelieeee
PatrickRob82
Did they also keep her stapler?
leiaili
I got fired that way. After working for the company for three years. It worked out though, I have a pretty awesome job now.
Anonamus1
Coworker- I'm fired me- nah u just forgot ur password. *avoids eye contact goes back to office immediately *
JustAnUndevelopedImage
At Amazon warehouses your badge will just stop working. No call, no notice.
newyorknyc
Were you watching office space at the time?
iamnotthrowingawaymyshot
They came over to her desk while she was sitting there trying to log in and were really confused as to why she was there.
angelandaddict
this also happened to me
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
I got fired that way. The same boss fired someone else that way. Douche canoe
Loxachi
Just out if curiosity what company was that?
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
It was a hotel. The new management were trying to get rid of as many people and make the salaried GM and his wife work as much as possible.
Loxachi
thats some seriously fucked up management.Had to ask because my old manager did the same to me and an friend/coworker that I lost touch with
fizyx
It's pretty common, especially in 'high security' settings. The company wants 100% to know that you can't mess with anything. (1)
iamnotthrowingawaymyshot
It was a high security, and her access was cut the previous night. They just forgot to call her and tell her not to come in.
fizyx
Not that I condone it, I still think it's pretty shitty honestly. Can achieve the same with a surprise meeting and cutting access then. (2)
forgottenshore
Had a surprise meeting. Turned out I was doing really well. Sat there for five minutes before they said this, thought I was getting fired
kittana514
OMG Seriously I thought I was strange about thinking about mind-reading people... I'm not strange... ok i'm strange - but not alone in it :)
Pshermanfortytwowallabywaysydney
There was an Indian movie where a barber can read minds as he cut people's hair and he starts killing the evil people. I started (1/2)
starfight
what moovie
Pshermanfortytwowallabywaysydney
Everybody says I'm fine! http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0296621/
hiimhar
Me too. Especially when I went to church. I was always afraid that people could read my sinful thoughts xD
PORTUGUESETORTURING
mild confession time. masturbated to thoughts of girl, everytime i was around her id think about puppies and stuff so she didnt know
kerouacsblackcat
I do this too!
kerouacsblackcat
I do this too!
Lyrabelle
I can't poop with pictures of people/magazines in the bathroom because I secretly fear they can see me.
TheSpookyMrSkeltal
I just go on to think more insulting things.
SilverCrowaz
I do it constantly. I'm always afraid someone's reading my mind.
Shad0wBr33ch
I sometimes tell mind readers how to contact me anonymously so I know if they're there. I won't stop until someone does...
kittana514
Occasionally I'll call out "Hey you!" in my mind to see if anyone looks up... Got nervous when someone did.
sendguineapics
There are dozens of us!
ImmaPsychoLogist
Dozens!
Pshermanfortytwowallabywaysydney
Thinking nice things when I was at a barber's shop after watching the movie. (2/2)
Rivalyn
Apparently OP is a mind reader, because this list is 100% accurate. It's uncanny.
SandwichesOfOpium
I've done this since I was little, then I learned the "Cough if you can hear me trick." Freaked me the fuck out when they did.
AegonnTargaryen
I've been working on keeping two consistent lines of thought for this reason alone. Just so they get confused by overlapping thoughts.
HoldensThreesome
Everytime I do this, I think of gross looking dicks in hopes that it will make them stop wanting to know what I'm thinking.
Lowdras
Totally one of my biggest fears. Sometimes I think really weird shit just to see if anyone I'm looking at reacts so I can know if they do.
TrueGentOfTheNorth
If someone could read minds though, think of all the shit they would have seen people think!
FaZeLemmeWinks
But if they could read minds, they would know you're purposely thinking about weird shit to see if they will react. *ques inception horn*
TwitchTheyCallMeDave
I know...
healthyasfuck
I've been apologizing to people in my head for as long as I can remember
gingermoll
People? I do it to my cats..
LetsTakeBikiniBottomAndPushItSomewhereElse
Im pretty sure cats can read minds
Gamecube762
Can confirm, had a cat.
kittana514
You understand me! :)
linkIMER
Toy story 4 and hlf3 confirmes!!
abbreviated
Probably read your mind.
kittana514
I'm sorry!!! ;)
Shamorza
The unwarranted guilt makes me wonder if you guys are catholic. Are you?
BeansForShort
Wtf. I do everyone of these.
TheWolfWhoPlaysWithFire
Oh thank god
Nightowljrm
I'm sorry, you've been diagnosed with being a normal human being. I'm afraid it's terminal.
TenNineYellowColdSadPurple
Til I'm paranoid but so is everyone else... probably. "Makes broad generalization on imgur, immediately adds modifiers to avoid backlash"
sharknadoconnor
Can we get a paranoid parrot about relating to every paranoid parrot?
serenitychick
These fucking speak to me and it's annoying.
squirreltactics
Same!
sendguineapics
I do all of these except the mind reading ones
PICKAPICKLEANYPICKLE
Sometimes I think up a really funny joke to see if the mind reader laughs.
dixie18402
Every. Single. One.
GalacticSquirrel
Me too. We're all paranoid!!!
Catumi
I do or did every single one but the Password, Dog, Doctor and Insult to strangers ones.
cptjoker
... or do you?
WaffleCopters
I have GAD and these are all aspects of it.
YoungQuillius
Yupppppp
dawhiter
All but #1 i stare the camera down
LaBotte
yeah ... exact same thing... I was like ... fuck ... fuck fuck ... dammit, all of those describ... descriv... all of those are me !
ConstantGardner
I'm not the only one!! even the credit card thing, just did it a week ago and looked behind me every time to make sure no one followed me
TheRicM
My dad taught me to do
. I think this bird is my dad
BigHandz
https://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrtgx3kR7v1r0pc43o1_400.gif
daraos
It's called attention to detail and diligence, it helps in most jobs. I found myself in many of the statements above, but not in all.
Moonmoonn
Same here lol
WhyDoesSomeoneHaveTheUsernameIWant
Same, are you me? Are we them? Are they us?... We are the parrot.
sendmeyourarmslikeliterallycutthemoffandsendthem
Except for the snooze one... I don't care I will sleep through an entire day
kittana514
I have my alarm set on weekends too just so I won't accidentally sleep through an actual workday. Had that happen due to a prescription 1/2
kittana514
making me confused about days and I slept through a Monday - came in next day and they were asking me why i didn't call in. 2/2
MrBananaBeak
You may have a mild anxiety disorder.
BeansForShort
More than mild probably.
KharnApproves
You guys are actually worried people around you are mind readers? They've not. Believe me.
batlrar
That's what you think ... Zachary!
highteck9
Now I will be... thanks op.
HeavyCloud
Same here.
357nb
I don't have a garage, but everything else is on point.
BeansForShort
If you had a garage, this would happen.
Infinatus
RIGHT?!?
LordofGoats
I feel awkward when I end up making all the same turns as the car in front of me because then I think I have to murder them.
nuplsstahp
I feel awkward when my targets watch their garage doors so I can't slip in so they think they're safe.
YouHaveJustBegunReadingTheUsernameYouHaveJustFinishedReading
I do the same when walking behind people
destruckt
I usually slow down and let them go...for their lives.
nacko
I simply must. There's no way I can have followed them this long and let them escape with their lives.
RyanHaynes
Well yeah, they're moving SO FUCKING SLOW GRANDMA
ShutUpImWorking
(shit he's going to Murder me... act normal) ... 'sup .. sha-sha-sha POCKET SAND!!!
AUsernameMyFamilyWontRecognize
Yup
airandfingers
If you bring your wallet when you go walking, wouldn't your murderer just take your wallet off your corpse?
dwilson0725
Wtf, he's a murderer, not a thief. Jeez.
FutureHermit
It's more for the hit by car or struck by lightning scenario.............What?
airandfingers
Ah okay, not sure why my mind jumped to "mugged and murdered". Maybe it was the fact that it's only talking about going out at night?
iTouchYourCatAtNight
I also like to do everyone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
EnthusiasticStudent
I do so many of these!
omgbs
i would to if i had a garage u.u
OtherRichard
Same here man, minus 1 or 2 because that would be weird right..... Looks around nervously....
IcyFlow
I'm just smh for literally every single one of these
MrsPajamaPants
Me too :(
CheckOutMyFutonGirl
This parrot is apparently my spirit animal.
iSoulend
EVERY SINGLE ONE these are so accurate I don't know what to think anymore, I didn't think the murderer/mind reading was that widespread
StatisticallyInsignificantCanadian
Are you me?
BeansForShort
I am unsure, but now I am paranoid that I am
notasanonymousasimighthope
every damn one.
SirBraxton
I checked to see if I locked my front door 3 times before leaving for work today. Then i made sure to double lock my car. FML D:
data2dyne
BRB, going to check all the locks and garage door
blak
all of the damn ones
sFida
Damn ones of all the
imnotokaywiththis
One of each of all the damn.. All one.. All. I broked trying to make that sentence.
jb1701d
Every single of the damn ones.
Gamecube762
Damned ones of every single.