If someone on the mountain tells you "to the wall" you press to the wall without asking whether it is a rock that is falling. Sometimes acting without knowing everything is needed. And if you do not trust your partner to make that call, you are wasting their time.
I mean I can never say "never mind" to my wife; she *always* needs an explanation of what it was I changed my mind about, but if I called her name and said get in the car she'd do it. Then she'd ask why. She's not stupid, just insatiably curious.
This is why it's a good idea to wirk out a code system beforehand like orange for possibly a mugger, get in the car quickly but calmly, or red for godzilla, drop everything, dive through the window if you have to
Okay, but if he EVER says that and it's not a dangerous situation, it's grounds for immediate divorce. If you want to have that power, that trust from someone, to make them do what you say when you say it, you better not EVER fucking abuse it.
The person could be in error. Maybe the weird dude that he thought was a mugger is just asking for change.
I tried to explain a decision matrix to an (now) ex: In case you do the thing: Best case is that your life is saved. Worst case is that you are slightly inconvenient. If you don't do the thing: Best case you showed your partner you don't trust them. Worst case is death.
If my partner asks me "Quickly get me an orange pencil from the drawer and a rope of duct tape" I do it.
Men's Hero power trip is saving their partner from a stranger. Women's Hero power trip is saving themselves from an abusive partner. Neither's wrong, but it sucks.
My partner recently asked me if she needed to turn left to get onto the freeway to get home from Costco. We have shopped at the same Costco for seven years. She decided to wait until I took a bite of hot dog to ask. Panicking, I pointed at the GPS, which said turn left. “Go straight?” I pointed to the left turn lane. “DO I GO STRAIGHT HERE!?” I choked down the food and said “LEFT!” … “Oh my gosh I have no idea why you get so worked up, you could have just said ‘Mm-hmm’…”
Staying calm is pertinent though. Let her drive a few extra blocks if she doesn't know after 7 years, can't read a GPS and doesn't understand fingerpointing. As they say even, even a good driver sometimes misses a turn, but someone who never misses their turn is a bad driver. Safety over expediency.
Me walking down the street holding my girlfriend's hand. I see a guy stop his motorcycle, get off quickly and I try to pull my girlfriend into a shop and she fights back. Decided in a split second I'm done with this shit and let go, go into the shop and watch her have her phone stolen. I yelled through the glass I think we should break up. Police struggled not to laugh at the situation when they were filling out the report.
"Get in the car. Bees!" Is going to get me in the car a lot quicker than "get in the car". If you want me to react quickly, add a couple of words of context. Saying an extra 3 words will take less time to get away.
"Get in the car", Dead: you arent going to be saved just by moving 0.1sec quicker.
If you saying "get down" there's pretty much only one reason.
So her fear is about danger, he acknowledges it, and that she's safe. His fear is about not being trusted or listened to in an urgent dangerous situation. She questions it, then shows how she wouldn't trust him in a dangerous situation. Get therapy folks.
This is also an extremely blown out of proportion and unrealistic "example." If you are so close to death that you can't say "man with a gun, get in the car," then you were already dead. You can even explain why as you're getting in the car.
If his fear is not being trusted in an urgent situation, then he can still add more context that doesn't endanger them further. If he literally doesn't have that time, then it never mattered anyway.
The urgency that half a second would make a difference in this scenario is irrelevant. Either you have enough time to add 3 extra words, or you were fucked from the start.
Some poeple are just people who always want to have control, and these kind of people always put the why above acting. In the end its a trust issue to let soemone else take control for a moment.
There are certainly situations out there where this would end deadly. As I mentioned in another post, if you're on the mountain and someone (anyone) tells you to push flat against the wall, you do it, period. Not being able to extend your partner that courtesy and not even being able to understand why that would be an issue is certainly a question worthy of therapy.
Our code is I call my wife’s name in a super calm low voice dead eye her and say don’t panic , get in the car……. The mixed of my calmness and don’t panic conveyed the message and she complies instantly……. Had I just said get in the car it’s the above 50 questions before. Now you can’t abuse it even once, it’s there for life or death
I’m a clever-ish, witty guy with a wicked sense of humor. I’m also terribly insecure and self conscious. This means that 99% of what comes out of my mouth is humorous in some way or is a joke. My wife instantly did what I asked the one time when I thought we were about to be in a “situation”. Once we had relocated I apologized for possibly coming across as bossy and she said something like “I didn’t know what the fuck was going on but I have never heard you talk like that.”
Wouldn't work. I'm the type whose panic response is "emotions off, lock down, and either super focus or just freeze up." Meaning my "extreme danger" response sounds exactly like my "nothing is going on" response, just a bit faster. Which HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED between my husband and I once.
I have similar problems, and the solution is often a safe word or single word answer that is atypical for you. Like, A: Why? B: Vibes. B never uses that word to describe how they feel or what is going on, so A knows that it is a POTENTIAL emergency. Establish something like that and it becomes instant code for "something is happening that makes me fear for your safety and probably mine and lots of other people. Please immediately get safe so I have increased bandwidth to decide next steps."
My wife and I sleep in like pitch black. Worst nightmare is basically that scenario followed closely by she's somehow possessed and as soon as I turn a light on she kills me then gets unpossessed.
I mean this in a genuinely non-combative way: Expecting your partner to follow your orders unquestioningly because YOU deem the situation super dangerous, but refuse to even inform the other person or get their opinion... You just want to be obeyed. You're not actually making them more safe. They might see that getting in the car is the worst possible choice but you wouldn't know that because you just think someone should fall in line at your risk assessment without including theirs.
Idk, maybe women aren't evolved for survival. Even with men I met hours ago, we can communicate to each other a- there is danger, b- let's get out/prepare to fight without even uttering a grunt. We also can communicate solely with grunts. Just the other day: my friend asked me where I was going and I told him I was going to the car to get the pipe to smoke weed, he doesn't need to come, I'm coming back, and the only word spoken was him saying yo?!
Yes and no. I hear what you're saying, but everything--this included--is context-dependent.
In this case, the context includes things like: does this person have a history of just issuing orders all the time? Then yeah: there's probably a bit of a control issue there, and an order likely doesn't indicate danger, and the things you say apply. But if the person has no history of doing this, and then one day, out-of-character, issues an order like that? Probably best to not question it and 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦.
I mean, I love and care for my wife dearly. If I perceive a threat before she does and I can't articulate the danger, I would hope she would just listen. I want her to stay not dead. That said, if it were reversed, I would probably be the one questioning the validity of the danger. My wife has a greater fear response than I do and I'd probably get killed by not reacting fast enough
How would getting in the car be the worst possible choice, unless you had reason to believe that the person in the car would harm you? What would literally standing there and doing nothing be a better option regardless of the situation?
I mean, statistically the most dangerous person in a woman's life is the man she is married to... Not trying to be intentionally incendiary. That's just a scientific fact.
Sure, but again, how is standing there and questioning him going to accomplish anything? That's just going to make him more agitated and scornful. What are her options other than getting into the car, or refusing to get in the car and let him drive off without her?
If it's so bad that she's worried for her own safety, then she should end their relationship.
Y'all, you know for a fact he would not just hop in the car if she said to get in the car either. It's bad phrasing and it's not good emergency language.
I mean, it's a fictional situation with contrived characters, so what he would have done in such a situation is out of scope and a non-sequitur.
But to follow up on my other response to you: if my girlfriend, who has no particular history of doing so, suddenly issued an order like that? You'd bet your ass I'd obey first and ask questions later.
Is the wording ideal? Maybe not, but in an emergency situation there's often not time to stop and think up the perfect phrasing.
Wouldn't have the issue if there was more clear communication. "Get in the car" is vague and long. MOVE, DANGER, WATCH OUT are all much better ways to approach it. But instead he's insisting she follow vague orders without question. That shows he doesn't know how to handle an emergency very well.
While true in general, in an emergency situation this could be quite dangerous. If somebody yells "MOVE!" you should move. Not inquire why - the car that was speeding your way won't stop and wait to acknowledge it before it runs you over.
Even if the person warning you of an emergency is wrong - maybe they did misjudge the situation, the prudent thing is to get to safety first and then re-asses. It's not about blind obedience, but applying caution the right way.
I think my issue is with his wording "Get in the car." Not "Danger", not "Watch out", not moving to protect her. But the assumption that she should just obey an order that could mean a million different things with no context. It's not prioritizing her safety by the words or actions, it's prioritizing her obedience.
The order is clear - go to the car. It doesn't matter why - the context is that there they are serious - voice and tone, dictate it. Maybe it's hard to articulate in the moment. Maybe it's better not explain in public.
You can be angry with the person all you want, but they are trying to protect you. At least do what's asked since they believe it's what's going to keep you safe. You can afterwards analyse if it was warranted or not.
Again, this isn't about blind obedience. It's an emergency.
"I just saw your ex - the one who tried to stab you last time. We should best leave before he sees you" doesn't exactly flow in the heat of the moment. It can also alert others and cause a scene which you don't want.
"I'm having trouble breathing and my chest is tight, can you please drive me to the hospital" can also be too much for somebody to say if they are having a health issue. They know they need hospital and car goes to hospital. They can explain on the way, the key is to get moving.
I grabbed a lady and yanked her back onto the sidewalk one time. She identified me as a threat a moment before she realized I had saved her from getting gibbed by a douchebag in a white sports car.
I apologized, she thanked me, she went on with her day, I went on to my first date (with a different woman), I told my date that I wasn't in a good place because I had just grabbed a lady out of the street and tried to make small talk.
You grabbed a lady when she was in danger. You didn't tell her vague orders and expect her to obey. So you're literally defeating the purpose of this conversation with your example.
You shouldn't use a non-sequitur during an emergency. I will also say, I tend to have a relationship with my partners where if they would say a random order it would be way out of character and I would assume something is wrong and I would get in the car. But I don't have the kind of relationships where anyone would ever give me a random order to get in the car because they know they couldn't speak to me that way in any other context than an emergency.
I would tell you, but you're dead. Noticing that your partner is in fight or flight, and trusting their instincts might save your life.... or save them from pooping their pants... or a million other things. The question is, if your partner freaks out, do you trust their reaction?
Not at all. Life threatening and a fantasized future what if scenario based on lack of understanding both elicit identical reactions. I've been trained well over the years to basically ignore most reactions, because it'll be fine in 10 minutes and when she last ate something is usually involved...
Simply: No. My husband has zero situational awareness. He doesn't notice when he's being pickpocketed (twice!), his eyesight isn't what it used to be, & he has twice brought edibles into a country where they are illegal (without meaning to). He's afraid of heights, will admit to anything to the cops, & has to take Xanax bc he gets overwhelmed. He's wonderful, but no, if my partner freaks out, I don't trust his reaction. He's not my protector or body guard or guard dog, he's my husband.
That's exactly the point. It doesn't matter what it is, the point is that you need to get the f out of there fast. It could be a mugger/robber with a gun/knife, and you have exactly 2 seconds to get in the car so we can drive before it's too late. Not enough time to explain. It could be an unhinged mentally ill lunatic with a broken bottle coming to stab you.
If you're with a person you trust, and they suddenly tell you to do something fast in an emergency tone, just do it.
(1 of 6) You're making the statement as if it's an argument to be had, but the way you're presenting the situation has a foregone conclusion. It is thus a bad faith argument, and your complaint boils down to, "I was hypothetically right, but you did not listen to me: you should have known I was right from the tone of my voice.""
2. As a guy who's seen more than a few friends/family gp through this, what I've noticed is that folks who make such an argument tend to be the ones who are, in fact, controlling. When their partner tries to take some part of their lives back into their own hands, then they complain about not being trusted.
3. Your first assumption is that you have spotted something that has a guaranteed negative outcome for your partner. Context is key. On a regular day, danger is so unlikely that if you tell me to get to the car right away, I might just ask you why because I'm just taken aback.
4. Secondly, you assume your partner knows your emergency voice - it's not always as clear-cut as you think in your own head. How often have you used your emergency voice with them? How would they know?
Yeah, but. What if you're the lunatic and you're always screaming angrily to get in the car because something like mustard on your shirt sets you off? I don't WANT to get on the car with you when you're mad, you're just gonna take it out on me and road rage the whole way home. I'll catch a ride with Godzilla, or whatever. The Great White shark. It'll probably be in a better mood.
Be the type of person somebody would instantly trust and want to get in the car for is the lesson, maybe. When you live your life like a Spinal Tap dial, you're just the boy who cries car then gets upset when your SO is like, "...I don't believe you."
You're inventing a bunch of extra facts to try and change the outcome. "Do you trust your partner when they say something is serious?" 'Well what if my partner is a total asshole abuser rapist liar homicidal maniac?!?! 11!!? "
ThatSonOfaBitch
film888master9
I feel this in my soul
forelle
If someone on the mountain tells you "to the wall" you press to the wall without asking whether it is a rock that is falling. Sometimes acting without knowing everything is needed. And if you do not trust your partner to make that call, you are wasting their time.
IHateYouMyselfAndEveryone
He can also just be like, "DANGER GET IN"
Felberin
"Get in where?" or as established in the video Even with "there is danger" he'd still need to explain the danger very quickly, and they'd be dead.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
Guaranteed that if she used that tone of voice and said, "get in the car," he'd wanna know why too.
chipjack
"JEN GET IN THE CAR THERE'S A FUCKING SHARK COMING".
It doesn't have to make sense, it just has to work.
Efreeti
"GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB THERE'S A SHARK"
Colopty
technofiend
I mean I can never say "never mind" to my wife; she *always* needs an explanation of what it was I changed my mind about, but if I called her name and said get in the car she'd do it. Then she'd ask why. She's not stupid, just insatiably curious.
smellsmiketeenspirit
"Who deaded us ? You did, Jen. You deaded us."
crateo
This is a classic AI generated slop. The weird random facial expressions tells it all. Audio is probably stolen.
vorodar
The audio seems to be from https://www.facebook.com/MichaelHarrisonOfficial/videos/this-is-my-nightmare-meettheharrisons-theharrisons/1582601313515605/
The two of them are doing a lot of comedy videos. So, this one is probably a sketch.
dixxienormus
Avoid this problem. Just take out a Wife Insurance policy then get in the car yourself.
gnomedeplume
This is why it's a good idea to wirk out a code system beforehand like orange for possibly a mugger, get in the car quickly but calmly, or red for godzilla, drop everything, dive through the window if you have to
PauliePlaysPoorly
Meet my wife.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
Okay, but if he EVER says that and it's not a dangerous situation, it's grounds for immediate divorce. If you want to have that power, that trust from someone, to make them do what you say when you say it, you better not EVER fucking abuse it.
obijan
The person could be in error. Maybe the weird dude that he thought was a mugger is just asking for change.
I tried to explain a decision matrix to an (now) ex:
In case you do the thing: Best case is that your life is saved. Worst case is that you are slightly inconvenient.
If you don't do the thing: Best case you showed your partner you don't trust them. Worst case is death.
If my partner asks me "Quickly get me an orange pencil from the drawer and a rope of duct tape" I do it.
HalfADozenBearCubs
100% correct.
Nolegdai
Men's Hero power trip is saving their partner from a stranger. Women's Hero power trip is saving themselves from an abusive partner. Neither's wrong, but it sucks.
baldbear
I can see her point, but she's dead.
southflhitnrun
The Bear would get in the car without her.
QuantumInc
TBH, I am both of these people.
thatunpleasantfeeling
"JEN THERE'S A SHARK!"
newphonewhoodis
My partner recently asked me if she needed to turn left to get onto the freeway to get home from Costco. We have shopped at the same Costco for seven years. She decided to wait until I took a bite of hot dog to ask.
Panicking, I pointed at the GPS, which said turn left.
“Go straight?”
I pointed to the left turn lane.
“DO I GO STRAIGHT HERE!?”
I choked down the food and said “LEFT!”
…
“Oh my gosh I have no idea why you get so worked up, you could have just said ‘Mm-hmm’…”
pixelsnader
Staying calm is pertinent though. Let her drive a few extra blocks if she doesn't know after 7 years, can't read a GPS and doesn't understand fingerpointing. As they say even, even a good driver sometimes misses a turn, but someone who never misses their turn is a bad driver. Safety over expediency.
xcrit
Me walking down the street holding my girlfriend's hand. I see a guy stop his motorcycle, get off quickly and I try to pull my girlfriend into a shop and she fights back. Decided in a split second I'm done with this shit and let go, go into the shop and watch her have her phone stolen. I yelled through the glass I think we should break up. Police struggled not to laugh at the situation when they were filling out the report.
CrikShore
off to the streets with you
Frustaz
Trust. It all comes down to trust.
TheobromineAddict
Oh yeah. I divorced one like that.
Alistairetheblu
Which one? They're both pretty insufferable here.
CptRobotNinja
Same. Like...didn't we get married because you liked me and trusted me? Also stop fucking other guys
thespaceneedle
Just because she wouldn’t get in the car?
SnailsAgainstTungstenSpheres
No that one is dead
Zeterai
...... was she an immortal whose spouse tried to warn her that it wasn't a decoy?
Rightinthegonads
Is it because she wouldn't get in the car?
pixelsnader
Ironically, she didn't get OUT of the car in time.
imreallytrying
If i was her i would have asked "how many dangerous situations have we been in?" Be like "seems as though we're covered on that"
isthisjunkmail
She’d have gotten in the car if she was a worm.
rhalm
My friend doesn't understand what it means to be a worm.
SpamYarBlockers
There is a meme of a girlfriend asking “would you still love me if I was a worm”
rhalm
Thank you! My friend looked it up and understands it now.
IHaveAGuyForEverything
She’d have no choice. As a worm, he just loaded her in. Win win. All GF’s should be worms. We still love them, but we save them.
Nightcaste
How worm are we talking? Can she still talk? Is she human sized or worm sized? Does she still have rocking tits?
jostnick
Would you rather get in the car with a bear or a white and gold dress?
vorodar
Can the bear wear the dress?
terajack2048
Or was it blue
BrontTheGoodBoy
What if the car is a trolley?
huffnpuff72
"Get in the car. Bees!" Is going to get me in the car a lot quicker than "get in the car". If you want me to react quickly, add a couple of words of context. Saying an extra 3 words will take less time to get away.
"Get in the car", Dead: you arent going to be saved just by moving 0.1sec quicker.
If you saying "get down" there's pretty much only one reason.
pixelsnader
WHY ARE YOU TELLING THE BEES TO GET IN THE CAR!?
huffnpuff72
Partner arguing about getting in. Might as well get the danger in the car.
Mechame
So her fear is about danger, he acknowledges it, and that she's safe. His fear is about not being trusted or listened to in an urgent dangerous situation. She questions it, then shows how she wouldn't trust him in a dangerous situation. Get therapy folks.
CleverUsernameDotCom
This is also an extremely blown out of proportion and unrealistic "example." If you are so close to death that you can't say "man with a gun, get in the car," then you were already dead. You can even explain why as you're getting in the car.
If his fear is not being trusted in an urgent situation, then he can still add more context that doesn't endanger them further. If he literally doesn't have that time, then it never mattered anyway.
shitheadtookmyname
I hope this thought continues to give you comfort, and that you're never in a situation that proves you wrong
CleverUsernameDotCom
The urgency that half a second would make a difference in this scenario is irrelevant. Either you have enough time to add 3 extra words, or you were fucked from the start.
Grimmrog
Some poeple are just people who always want to have control, and these kind of people always put the why above acting. In the end its a trust issue to let soemone else take control for a moment.
forelle
There are certainly situations out there where this would end deadly. As I mentioned in another post, if you're on the mountain and someone (anyone) tells you to push flat against the wall, you do it, period. Not being able to extend your partner that courtesy and not even being able to understand why that would be an issue is certainly a question worthy of therapy.
terajack2048
Our code is I call my wife’s name in a super calm low voice dead eye her and say don’t panic , get in the car……. The mixed of my calmness and don’t panic conveyed the message and she complies instantly……. Had I just said get in the car it’s the above 50 questions before. Now you can’t abuse it even once, it’s there for life or death
Righteousdew
Are you getting paid by Big Period to use more periods?
LurkerByNature
I’m a clever-ish, witty guy with a wicked sense of humor. I’m also terribly insecure and self conscious. This means that 99% of what comes out of my mouth is humorous in some way or is a joke. My wife instantly did what I asked the one time when I thought we were about to be in a “situation”. Once we had relocated I apologized for possibly coming across as bossy and she said something like “I didn’t know what the fuck was going on but I have never heard you talk like that.”
JodyBird
Safe words really are the answer to so many communication problems
ChazzK
Wouldn't work. I'm the type whose panic response is "emotions off, lock down, and either super focus or just freeze up." Meaning my "extreme danger" response sounds exactly like my "nothing is going on" response, just a bit faster. Which HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED between my husband and I once.
shitheadtookmyname
It's worth pointing out that this is a you problem, then. "Wouldn't work because I have problems" is what you said.
ChazzK
Probably why I didn't say "wouldn't work for anyone besides me."
HalfADozenBearCubs
I have similar problems, and the solution is often a safe word or single word answer that is atypical for you. Like,
A: Why?
B: Vibes.
B never uses that word to describe how they feel or what is going on, so A knows that it is a POTENTIAL emergency. Establish something like that and it becomes instant code for "something is happening that makes me fear for your safety and probably mine and lots of other people. Please immediately get safe so I have increased bandwidth to decide next steps."
Efreeti
Being honest, my worst nightmare is waking up next to my spouse and they've died in their sleep.
Evenmoreuselessname
Oh geez. Now I have a new nightmare.
Varrick
My wife and I sleep in like pitch black. Worst nightmare is basically that scenario followed closely by she's somehow possessed and as soon as I turn a light on she kills me then gets unpossessed.
KatInTheCorner
I mean this in a genuinely non-combative way: Expecting your partner to follow your orders unquestioningly because YOU deem the situation super dangerous, but refuse to even inform the other person or get their opinion... You just want to be obeyed. You're not actually making them more safe. They might see that getting in the car is the worst possible choice but you wouldn't know that because you just think someone should fall in line at your risk assessment without including theirs.
tolgabrotha
Idk, maybe women aren't evolved for survival. Even with men I met hours ago, we can communicate to each other a- there is danger, b- let's get out/prepare to fight without even uttering a grunt. We also can communicate solely with grunts. Just the other day: my friend asked me where I was going and I told him I was going to the car to get the pipe to smoke weed, he doesn't need to come, I'm coming back, and the only word spoken was him saying yo?!
mrputter
Yes and no. I hear what you're saying, but everything--this included--is context-dependent.
In this case, the context includes things like: does this person have a history of just issuing orders all the time? Then yeah: there's probably a bit of a control issue there, and an order likely doesn't indicate danger, and the things you say apply. But if the person has no history of doing this, and then one day, out-of-character, issues an order like that? Probably best to not question it and 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦.
shitheadtookmyname
You aren't arguing in good faith. "Get in the car" in this situation is a warning and advice, not an order.
IAmJacksViagraInducedErection
I mean, I love and care for my wife dearly. If I perceive a threat before she does and I can't articulate the danger, I would hope she would just listen. I want her to stay not dead. That said, if it were reversed, I would probably be the one questioning the validity of the danger. My wife has a greater fear response than I do and I'd probably get killed by not reacting fast enough
rhalm
How would getting in the car be the worst possible choice, unless you had reason to believe that the person in the car would harm you? What would literally standing there and doing nothing be a better option regardless of the situation?
KatInTheCorner
I mean, statistically the most dangerous person in a woman's life is the man she is married to... Not trying to be intentionally incendiary. That's just a scientific fact.
rhalm
Sure, but again, how is standing there and questioning him going to accomplish anything? That's just going to make him more agitated and scornful. What are her options other than getting into the car, or refusing to get in the car and let him drive off without her?
If it's so bad that she's worried for her own safety, then she should end their relationship.
KatInTheCorner
Y'all, you know for a fact he would not just hop in the car if she said to get in the car either. It's bad phrasing and it's not good emergency language.
mrputter
I mean, it's a fictional situation with contrived characters, so what he would have done in such a situation is out of scope and a non-sequitur.
But to follow up on my other response to you: if my girlfriend, who has no particular history of doing so, suddenly issued an order like that? You'd bet your ass I'd obey first and ask questions later.
Is the wording ideal? Maybe not, but in an emergency situation there's often not time to stop and think up the perfect phrasing.
ErgodicAnomaly
And now they're dead. Good job.
KatInTheCorner
Wouldn't have the issue if there was more clear communication. "Get in the car" is vague and long. MOVE, DANGER, WATCH OUT are all much better ways to approach it. But instead he's insisting she follow vague orders without question. That shows he doesn't know how to handle an emergency very well.
vorodar
While true in general, in an emergency situation this could be quite dangerous. If somebody yells "MOVE!" you should move. Not inquire why - the car that was speeding your way won't stop and wait to acknowledge it before it runs you over.
Even if the person warning you of an emergency is wrong - maybe they did misjudge the situation, the prudent thing is to get to safety first and then re-asses. It's not about blind obedience, but applying caution the right way.
KatInTheCorner
I think my issue is with his wording "Get in the car." Not "Danger", not "Watch out", not moving to protect her. But the assumption that she should just obey an order that could mean a million different things with no context. It's not prioritizing her safety by the words or actions, it's prioritizing her obedience.
vorodar
The order is clear - go to the car. It doesn't matter why - the context is that there they are serious - voice and tone, dictate it. Maybe it's hard to articulate in the moment. Maybe it's better not explain in public.
You can be angry with the person all you want, but they are trying to protect you. At least do what's asked since they believe it's what's going to keep you safe. You can afterwards analyse if it was warranted or not.
Again, this isn't about blind obedience. It's an emergency.
vorodar
"I just saw your ex - the one who tried to stab you last time. We should best leave before he sees you" doesn't exactly flow in the heat of the moment. It can also alert others and cause a scene which you don't want.
"I'm having trouble breathing and my chest is tight, can you please drive me to the hospital" can also be too much for somebody to say if they are having a health issue. They know they need hospital and car goes to hospital. They can explain on the way, the key is to get moving.
iRecommendBooks
I grabbed a lady and yanked her back onto the sidewalk one time. She identified me as a threat a moment before she realized I had saved her from getting gibbed by a douchebag in a white sports car.
I apologized, she thanked me, she went on with her day, I went on to my first date (with a different woman), I told my date that I wasn't in a good place because I had just grabbed a lady out of the street and tried to make small talk.
iRecommendBooks
If I had said "Stop" she would have been at least sent to the hospital, if not the morgue. Car was going 45 or 50 in Pioneer Square.
KatInTheCorner
You grabbed a lady when she was in danger. You didn't tell her vague orders and expect her to obey. So you're literally defeating the purpose of this conversation with your example.
iRecommendBooks
It's a non-sequitor at worst. If I told my wife to get in the car she'd get in the car, cause that'd be really weird.
KatInTheCorner
You shouldn't use a non-sequitur during an emergency. I will also say, I tend to have a relationship with my partners where if they would say a random order it would be way out of character and I would assume something is wrong and I would get in the car. But I don't have the kind of relationships where anyone would ever give me a random order to get in the car because they know they couldn't speak to me that way in any other context than an emergency.
Imalwaysready
So, really, though…what was the emergency?
JackieTreehornProductions
doesn't matter now we're dead. Thanks
Wrenfield
In today's society? Probably an active shooter brewing. I say this as someone who's been through two already.
TK421isAFK
Exactly! I was watching this, almost yelling at my phone because this entire situation happened to me and my ex. I never ordered her 1/2
TK421isAFK
around or played some antiquated "the man is the boss" bullshit, but we were in the parking lot one time and I saw a robbery or gang 2/3
TK421isAFK
fight break out, and two people pulled guns. I usually opened her door for her, but I was on the other side of the car, dropped a bag in 3/4
TK421isAFK
the car and yelled for her to get in now. She came from a belligerent family, and immediately close the door, crossed her arms, and said,4/5
Mechame
I would tell you, but you're dead. Noticing that your partner is in fight or flight, and trusting their instincts might save your life.... or save them from pooping their pants... or a million other things. The question is, if your partner freaks out, do you trust their reaction?
7hatsBollocks
Not at all. Life threatening and a fantasized future what if scenario based on lack of understanding both elicit identical reactions. I've been trained well over the years to basically ignore most reactions, because it'll be fine in 10 minutes and when she last ate something is usually involved...
ThrowAwayAcct0000
Simply: No. My husband has zero situational awareness. He doesn't notice when he's being pickpocketed (twice!), his eyesight isn't what it used to be, & he has twice brought edibles into a country where they are illegal (without meaning to). He's afraid of heights, will admit to anything to the cops, & has to take Xanax bc he gets overwhelmed. He's wonderful, but no, if my partner freaks out, I don't trust his reaction. He's not my protector or body guard or guard dog, he's my husband.
shitheadtookmyname
This is very sad.
Elkarlo77
White Shark Tornado !
4Astaroth
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1a3Qxd2g3Z2k5bTdqNHdlYmh2dnFoZWdhamZqNXFtZ2h0cDI5dzFmdSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/1UTlM8gw3xWRq/200w.webp
zorock
That's exactly the point. It doesn't matter what it is, the point is that you need to get the f out of there fast.
It could be a mugger/robber with a gun/knife, and you have exactly 2 seconds to get in the car so we can drive before it's too late. Not enough time to explain.
It could be an unhinged mentally ill lunatic with a broken bottle coming to stab you.
If you're with a person you trust, and they suddenly tell you to do something fast in an emergency tone, just do it.
marcellusmartel
(1 of 6) You're making the statement as if it's an argument to be had, but the way you're presenting the situation has a foregone conclusion. It is thus a bad faith argument, and your complaint boils down to, "I was hypothetically right, but you did not listen to me: you should have known I was right from the tone of my voice.""
marcellusmartel
2. As a guy who's seen more than a few friends/family gp through this, what I've noticed is that folks who make such an argument tend to be the ones who are, in fact, controlling. When their partner tries to take some part of their lives back into their own hands, then they complain about not being trusted.
marcellusmartel
3. Your first assumption is that you have spotted something that has a guaranteed negative outcome for your partner. Context is key. On a regular day, danger is so unlikely that if you tell me to get to the car right away, I might just ask you why because I'm just taken aback.
marcellusmartel
4. Secondly, you assume your partner knows your emergency voice - it's not always as clear-cut as you think in your own head. How often have you used your emergency voice with them? How would they know?
B1tchtastic
Yeah, but. What if you're the lunatic and you're always screaming angrily to get in the car because something like mustard on your shirt sets you off? I don't WANT to get on the car with you when you're mad, you're just gonna take it out on me and road rage the whole way home. I'll catch a ride with Godzilla, or whatever. The Great White shark. It'll probably be in a better mood.
zorock
Then it's not really a person you trust, I would imagine :D
B1tchtastic
Be the type of person somebody would instantly trust and want to get in the car for is the lesson, maybe. When you live your life like a Spinal Tap dial, you're just the boy who cries car then gets upset when your SO is like, "...I don't believe you."
shitheadtookmyname
You're inventing a bunch of extra facts to try and change the outcome. "Do you trust your partner when they say something is serious?" 'Well what if my partner is a total asshole abuser rapist liar homicidal maniac?!?! 11!!? "
zorock
Indeed, that is also the lesson. To be a reliable, dependable and trustworthy character (As we should all try to be) would go a long way
CongratsYouAreHereNow
Hey… don’t get in the car. I’m leaving though