Jan 24, 2017 11:13 AM
AussieAzza
203291
4401
333
It's hot too.
inspiring
bepoliteplease
I don't care.
Xraygenic
Good luck. You risk over doing it then resenting not doing it like you used to.
NotABadLookingNarcissist
How long were you dating?
Vanburden
very valid point.
johnnyseattle
Don't listen to all the people telling you it'll slow down. Remember - she comes first in bed. The rest will take care of itself.
PickleRiiiiiiiiiiiiick
45 of which were on their weekend honeymoon.
entrix51
Pretty sure imgur holds a 0:365 ratio (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)
irishrelief
Only 1:1? You gotta pump those numbers up.
Appel99
Pump those numbers up.....literally.
luposlipaphobia
Still figuratively, mate. You can't litterally pump numbers. Unless they're those birthday balloon thingies.
csrevolt
I mean he's technically still not wrong though, since it's the act of /pumping/ that's rising the number
ohwhatdave
https://media.giphy.com/media/d2bOZ4zvrpTGM/giphy.gif
IGuessDinosaursArePrettyCool
Yeah seriously during the honeymoon phase it wouldn't be crazy to have sex over 5 times
HolyShitZoom
Rookie numbers...
JustHereForTheRiots
Pounding chest intensifies
SinsOftheErectPhoenix
how about 1:1.5
incumbustable
How about go fuck yourself!
EMTsaidwhat
Handjob?
sizlon
how about 3.50
WhoDoesntLikeTacos
Beej
Captaintippie
been married 11 years, 3 kids, still have sex multiple (3ish) times a week. Never gone longer than a week unless there was a legit reason.
airchubbs7
Married 10 years, 5 kids... da fuck is sex?? #
AIDS
Pull out game is weak
Who said i pulled out?
cheeseslaw
We used to do this too, then realized that the sex is better with a couple days off in between. But you go for it, you crazy kids!
naturalborncynic
so true! quality over quantity
nomoreessays
So true this guy had to say it twice
biami
Masturbation doesn't count.
But blow jobs totally do.
kellogleo
Does it, tho....
Messina
Been married for 17 years, had sex 60 times too! o/\o
[deleted]
catscoffeecuddles
Plot twist: He's fucking other girls
mrspoontastic
Plot twist. She's pregnant.
MyUsernameMakesNoSenseAtAll
Plot twist: he married himself
RedOrbTalon
Plot twist: OP is the wife
TigerThong
Girls? Op is clearly a fag. No offense homosexual community
I'm operating at my limits. Who'd have the time?
SamArt53
@OP. So, there's 3 hours of your life you'll never get back.
DangerFluff
Doesn't matter, had sex
plasmarob
Internet guys who haven't been married, haven't had it great, and don't realize your body has limits.
TheUserSubHero
Schadenfreude8
that's the spirit!
DarthDeadpool
A real man
BananaBard
You tired
Eh. Not every joke lands.
EffieDeia
Like it was bad, but not what you got lol.
KingZullu
-53? Here's a +1 for ya.
KrisPhoenix
60 girls on 1 day, 59 days off.
jwsmythe
That's a lot harder than it looks.
atleastfourcharactersinlength
That's a cruisin' for a bruisin'.
MoneybagsMcGee
And just a white surrender flag pops cums out by the last time
AwkwardFaceLike
Life...uh...finds a way.
Fancyrobot101
soulman901
Clever Girl
WizardofParrotry
Well...uh, there it is.
CrocodileDunphy
Married 14yrs, averaged sad twice/yr during last 8yrs of marriage. She had no interest. Found out later her avg was way higher than mine :(
ReallyRonSwanson
Well, you have a great username so at least you got that going for you... https://memecrunch.com/image/52f147f01605fb4c1a0000f0.jpg?w=300
CuriousRed
4K video or it didn't happen
Only got HD because we dont have a 4k tv.
NeoKortez
That's what they call bloodsport
teardropivyyearofthetiger
Menopause joke here
UnsavoryCommenter
Till conception.
RiskyCommenter
Oh boy, just think of all the sex you're having now as all the sex you're missing out on later
DogsAreHappiness
That's a bad idea.
cjpoet
My 1st 60 days I probably had sex 80-100 times.
JakefromAllstate
Married three years, we're still on about 5-6 times a week.
esclavamente
Luckeeeee
We made a vow that we'd never be the type of couple to stop having sex, so we've even been known to schedule sexy time when we're busier.
dragonadamant
That is so encouraging to hear, and it's one of the ways I want to be compassionate to my someday-wife and her needs if/when I get married.
jqdao3
Must be no kids?
Nope, and we don't plan on having kids till we're in our late 20s.
tommy0877
Was married 6 years....and you have already had more than me
Nearlyburly
I was married twelve. Might have had sex that many times. Of course, she had it at least 5 more times than me.
After we got married there was no interest in sex unless it was for a kid.She got mad at me when we did it and dicovered I dint want another
That sucks. Better luck next time.
Am already on next time
well, there you go. I'm still looking for mine.
SergeantGSD
First wife was like this. Sex only for a kid. When she found out I was sterile she got drunk and fucked some dude at a bar. She got her wish
I found out and hit the bricks. Never looked back. Only called her once after I found out and that was to make sure she got the papers.
TallLightnHandsome
As a married man, I've had more sex since I got married than I had when I was single.
jherazob
I think this depends on how long have you been married
NickyGoodWolf
Are you telling us that living with your partner and being in bed with them every morning and night increases the odds that you'll mate? plz
ActuallyImSpartacus
Does your wife know this?
Jupsu
no shit?
Honestly. Of course, I married a good one.
Having sex with the same person you married? what are the odds
NotMicrowavable
So, still 0?
DespiseEveryone
Oooh, I was gonna comment with "once" but damn, you are more savage.
GoodGameYoungLad
No he said more so it has to at least be 1
Teatimebeforecolonizetime
If hand job count as sex than 1/4, still more than 0.
;-)
DrewSf29
I'm rooting for you to hit 100!
Yeah, we're Australian too. We got that.
alivicwil
hee: rooting! (Sorry - I'm Australian. It means something different here.)
jedi888
Put a penny in a jar every time you have sex in the first year of marriage after that, take penny out every time you have sex. You'll never
rainbowblow
I've read that before and it's such crap. Yes we went at it more at first but we still go at it regularly now.
run out of pennies. I figured it out!
PurityOfEssence
It's like sports in college, you really make your money on the two-a-days..
Made bank on a couple of three-a-days...but then a rest is required.
no doubt. no doubt.
CookiesaurusRex
That's some good stamina. Asking a fellow brother, how'd you do it?
Pawnderlust
Youth
TheBridgeburners
Over the course of a whole day its definitely doable. Just gotta remember to eat and hydrate!
I think the key is mixing it up. Bit of wham-bam, bit of sensual massage and spoiling.
At 42, I can't back to back. But if the day starts right..
IAmTiredOfRacismAndAnger
you only get 500 for the rest of the marriage. conserve your points...
iamMrG
Feels like it don't it...
FreedJaguar
When you run out, does your wife no longer give a fuck?
BukkakeRider3000
12 years married, this is not correct! So far 507 and counting.
theseekeroftruth
Your into negative territory.
I'm surprised at how popular this joke got. Reality: we start with 0 and earn points by being a good S.O. OP must be doing something right.
Caspooky
Guess you'll have to re-wife her every 500 days then :o
DarthFutuza
That's like cancelling your free generic_service_here trial before it ends only to sign up for a new one under another name. I like it.
ShitPostKing
Gotta break up after 500 days, then
bmjflow
Married 16 years, can confirm! Holding on to my last dozen!
lllamallamapigbang
19 years, 3 left here dammit.
gandraw
Eh so another 9 years that should be enough.
mynameisnotalice
2 years, already out of fucks... noooo!
justsignedupforthishit
Lucky bastard! My ex insisted the magic number was "I have the pussy, I make the rules." Cut me off during the honeymoon.
If only she did it beforehand. No consummation, no marriage.
Well, ya, but we lived together before we got married.
Consummation of the marriage is not the same as premarital sex. Good luck to you.
Try getting an annulment with that line of reasoning!
This should be criminal. "reverse rape".
Criminal? I don't know...The stupid part was why I put up with it...
True, why do we put up with it...
We? Sorry if you're a part of this sad group.
Because true love isn't always about sex right?
LateNightBunnyParty
Been married 12 years, have had sex 19 times so far this month. I keep track in my period calendar in case he ever whines that we never fuck
LongtTimeLurkerEveryDayMeatStickJerker
Downvoting you @DrGirlfriend81 for literally saying the same thing that you've been married 12 years....19 times this month....10 times here
Downvote if you'd like, but people need to talk about this shit. And if I can get people talking, maybe they'll be inspired to do the same.
KeikoTilde
Nice
hippokitty86
Haha I do this too! I do try and take one for the team at least once a week if I'm not into it.
That's the spirit!
WitcheryGrubb
That's good, it's always so dismal to hear about couples who barely fuck.
Makes my heart hurt to think of married people not lovin'.
elleyea
SirTinyPenis
Unless you got married super young.... gross...
Well, we were in our mid-twenties. Dunno what your idea of super young is.
jtb1313
Are you single?
Have an upvote for the cheek.
Ha! You wish.
Hey I gotta ask, you never know, people do win the lottery occasionally
ashipthatshipsshippingships
God bless you, cause my wife has lost interest. She's gonna go talk to someone about it soon. We did it twice last year. We're 31 :(
flover
Get a kindlefire, get her Kindle Unlimited, let her read all the smutty books available, reap rewards.
myfirstaccountwasshadowbanned
There might be someone else...
TheBestRussian
We're not doing too good either. Too tired at the end of the day, too busy on weekends. We've compromised by doing lube-assisted quickies.
JESUS! We're 36. 31 seems awfully young to lose interest in sex.
We have a toddler, and she said that she's lost interest after the baby. She says she still finds me attractive, but just has no interest :/
We have an 11 year old, but even as a little bitty kid who kept me on my toes all day, it didn't dampen my sex drive with my husband.
jaysadick
Just wanna say it happened to my partner and I after we had our two little ones, I lost all interest in it and it really took a toll /1
afterdinneromelets
As a woman, one of my worst fears is eventually loading all interest in sex. Even at 23 my libido is declining rapidly and I hate it.
trailwanding
I had the same experience around 23-25...turns out I needed to change up my BC + become okay with trying new stuff. it's back in full force!
Hmm. Hadn't thought about the BC thing but I've noticed some other hormonal issues on this pill so that's definitely a possibility. Thanks!
blurgh
stress, diet, exercise. Those are important factors
diet & exercise are probably mostly okay (minimal fast food, gym 3-4 times a week) but yeah stress is definitely a factor.
With kids, a job, a house to maintain and all that other adulting you're libido goes down. I want to sleep, not fuck!
That's how I feel 60% of the time and I don't even have kids or pets yet. Just work & cleaning is exhausting, which is kinda sad haha.
skelekittycat
Mine declines with relationship longevity. I want to want sex, but often too tired or health issues get in the way. It sucks. I'm 26 btw.
I'm 3 yrs into my (1st long-term) relationship now so I've wondered if that's a factor. Not a reflection on my SO or anything- he's great.
adadfirst
Just remember to focus on the other parts too. Balance and communication is the key to a happy marriage. I failed to heed these words 1/2
Sorry for you, man. Been there. 50% my fault tho.
Yeah, I should have been intentional in my marriage. Most days i was just along for the ride.
I guess the only good is that we learned a lesson.
Painful lesson. But we survive and carry on
In my marriage and it is now close to ending. 2/2
I'm sorry. :( I wish I could say or do something to magically make things better or give you another chance to make things right. Blessings.
But I am having to work on some very big issues in my mental health to have any chance of keeping my family together. It will take time
Thank you. Sadly when you do not seek balance and communication in a relationship they tend to fall apart. There is a small window of hope
If I may ask, have you and the other person talked to a marriage counselor or to a pastor (or maybe your parents if their marriage thrives)?
All of the above. The door isn't closed but its barely open for the foreseeable future.
itsdaddycalling
Don't get complacent and lazy, if you both put in the effort it'll work. 10 years and 2 children n we still average bout 5-6 nights/week.
roqueofspades
that's pretty awesome. definitely #goals if I ever saw it
halibeth
So many married people up above saying they don't boink on the regular :( thanks for giving the rest of us hope!
nero4ty2
it really depends on schedule/kids/work, some people find out how to make it work some don't
ABillionDucks
Don't worry, the guy above is the exception.
Ha, I've been married 8 years and we had sex once in the last 3 months.
amazinglyrandy
Very specific amount of times
I keep track in my period calendar, lol.
TheArrestingAbhorrentArrantAbominableAlliterator
I don't trust that. You're clearly measuring in dog-years.
stewy78
Why tho?
I have a medical issue. Tumor on the pituitary gland and hormone replacement for it. Makes me not even think of sex.
Braggart.
Ahaha I didn't think I was.
Hehehe cheers man, sucks to be us sometimes.
ShekelMaster
5 years, 0 kids. Four times a year? That must be nice...
Terbler
Marriage makes the hole close :(
Thenightswatch
It took you 8 years to get to once every 3 months. Wow it took me 3 months. Teach me your ways.
Well. The first thing you need, is a head injury, second get a tumor on you pituitary gland. 3rd, take hormone replacement pills. Bam.
Okay then......
homerinchinatown
Married 24+ years and can't remember the last time. 3 years ago, maybe?
Obi12knowme
I feel for you. I' m not married, have been living with the same gorgeous woman for 24 years. We have sex 3-4 a week. She still makes me hit
I mean hot. The hit is kinda obvious????
CreativeEgo
To each other?
DecemberRain18
10 years and I shoot for 3-4 times a week. After we had our baby that 6 weeks was the longest dry spell.. I can't imagine a sexless marriage
LeonardoDaTiddies
God's, these responses are depressing. My wife and I work at maintaining a healthy schedule and try to shoot for at least 4/mo. No kids.
whatsexacerbatemean
In an amazing relationship with woman that wants me as much as I want her. It can happen.
Just got laid. It was nice. Wife got off work early. Then got off again. Lol. Now I am gloating. Lol
Beeoneack
I've been married 7 years, have a 3 year old and a 6mo old, and I've had sex every other day for the past month.
PlainBoners
married for 7, still get poon 3-4 times a week... It's sad seeing all of this. I fear for my future.
Lorithias
Pretty sure it's not about "time" it's about "people" ... :)
I think more along the lines of 'same dick, day in, day out,' and I see how that would get boring. Then again, I love my SOs Vadge still...
catscatsyeahcats
Truest statement on this thread.
thmowingguy
Congrats on the sex lol
Thanks buddy.
Nerdygasm
8 years and mayyybe twice in 3 months. I just have a much bigger desire for it than him.
My wife is the same way. She is always horny. After my accident I lost my sex drive.
Ouch, you poor bugger.
It blows sometimes but mostly I don't even think about it. She reminds me we haven't had sex in awhile and I give myself a shot and we do it
That's awful. What happened if you don't mind me asking?
My husband hasn't had an accident. I'm the much more unhealthy/injured one and yet I end up taking care of myself while he's asleep.
I have told my wife she deserves better and gave her an out once. Told her whatever she wanted and I would pay for the divorce. She stayed.
I got a severe concussion during a motorcycle wreck. No, I was not wearing a helmet.
What have we learned? I've had concussions myself but never from a vehicle accident. I have a tendency to have seizures walking down stairs.
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
I found out my wife was pregnant 2 days after we were married. 10 years, 4 kids later...I don't think we've hit the 50 mark yet.
krewann
Well 4/50 is good right?
Are you Catholic? I wouldn't want to bone either if birth control wasn't an option.
We were using birth control but the medications have no effect on my wife. I ended up getting a vasectomy.
Good on ya. More men should step up and not be pussies about it. She had the babies.. A tiny op for us is more than fair.
Krynaion
Are you happy tho?
Vigasama
We demand an answer to this
yea
Since you are married for 10 years you probably have already went through this but didnt it make you more distant from your wife?
No, not really. We are a team
Cheyzam
omg that's awful :((
We're fine. its hard to have epic sex when kids keep knocking asking what we are doing
Buy a camper. And a couple dog kennels. Lock the kids in the kennels, go fuck in the camper.
deadpool381
I've been married 6 years and haven't had sex since July 2015
TeddysHeadies
if my SO didnt fuck me for that long id get rid of them
Damn. I'm sorry.
Is what it is
But why though?
I have a hard time being emotionally open and she says until I'm able to be open she can't get in the mood
bleblebla
What happend in July?
FengaPapitMasta
Damn! I feel sad for you...
BoredITGuy
I can't imagine a valid reason for that.
0ih469qy
Ouch.
Volucris0814
Married 5 years. 2 kids (1 1/2 & 4 months) I haven't had sex in over 3 years.
Sephority
Go do the do man... not good
wherethepunchlineends
You mean nothing's fucky. At least not on the last 3 years.
phaid85
Check the ages of the kids, and how long it's been since he's had sex
Yes I know. Fun fact, I'm incapable of having kids. Had to go and alternative route.
LetshopeIgotsomejokes
Ha, got it
thirdeyeape
Dump her
bennywith2has
uhm...
Dude, really? Mine is 2 1/2 and 4 months. Won't say I've got plenty of sex, but definitely not none.
JustBecauseIRockDoesntMeanImMadeOfStone
Ah bless you :). Joke went right over your head, but at least you have a sex life, so you've got that going for you ????
Don't down vote people just because they get more sex. This is a supportive group!
RxGeek
Read the original comment again, do the math...
VeryFastWithACucumberNiceAndSlowWithAZucchini
He's joking...he has a 4 month old- do the math.
And I voted you up Kellogleo, not sure what the downs are for.
Thatknifeguy
I think he missed the joke.
unicorninmypants
The math doesn't add up. It's a joke.
marsbaltz
We have a 2yo and I can count the number of time on one hand since he was born.
Nilsson310
I have a 9 mo and have had more sex with my wife than I can count since my daughter was born. Make time
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
Not that simple. Personally I wrnt allowed to have sex the first 6 weeks. And my child has slept by my side most days and nights since birth
so has mine you get her to fall asleep then go into the other room....
baguettesofdestiny
So besides counting is the one hand quite busy ?
mrmessma
Have an 18 month old and I lost count a long time ago.
aTrashedPanda
I also have a 2 year old and have been married 8 years and we have sex at least 5-6 times a week.
My 8 month old will not sleep if he isnt next to me (usually breastfed to sleep). I have no idea when I should have sex.
Does your 2yo not sleep? !!! Are they holding you hostage? Is it a Terminator? Blink twice for 'yes'.
AnAverageBox
jakabob101
Guys it's up to 74 blinks. I don't know what that means, but I'll keep the updates coming.
Gunsling3r
Doing gods work son
TysonGoesOutside
Thank god you can get porn on your phone. I feel it helps a lot of married guys cling to their sanity.
Ah the circle of life.
Kids will do that. Lol
I have 2, we still do it regularly.
ArchonIlladrya
Why though? My 18 month old sleeps a lot. Plenty of time to keep things going with his mom.
Savanted
No, poor relationships will. Longest spell we had was after kiddo was born, letting her recover. Been regular since.
Rekkor
Also the standard obgyn recommendation for sex is 6 weeks minimum post partum. It's usually more though
FLAK38
If it's usually more, then why is the standard 6 weeks?
Dundersnail
Low sex drive doesn't mean poor relationship. People are different.
AuBoss
There is a difference between low sex drive and 5 times in 2 years.
LapisScarab
You can have a healthy relationship and still end up going "Damn, I wish we had more time for sex."
puppiesincostumes
4month old baby and zero sex drive. tried couple of times for my hubby but it also hurts as hell. doc says its breastfeeding hormones. ugh:(
Not necessarily. Children are just a handful and sex isn't the highest priority for every couple.
I'll have to disagree with all of you. I'll stack our responsibilities up against anyone's and we still make time.
5 years in. Just signed an agreement to have sex "at least once per period".
Efficent
HadMeSomeChickens
Bad wording, sounds like the sex has to happen during the period.
Bad reading
kermie92
Once per cycle would have been more accurate
Sometimes you just gotta grab it and say, it's gonna happen.
Knilore
Scheduling is needed sometimes. Hub knows he's getting some and wife can prep. Both need to make sure the groundwork is lain for ease
Passion shouldn't be scheduled. All you have to do is hug & kiss your spouse and say, "It's snugglebunny time!" Works 98% of the time.
I'm glad that works for you but a lot of people leave the house before sunrise and get back after sunset exhausted
Tell that to a body/mind that needs 30/45 min to get to a point where sex isn't painful/ unfulfilling. Not fun for me if she doesn't want it
supermanjake
OMG! Are you all kidding? Been married 14 years and we do it 3-4 times per week, sometimes 3 times a night. We have 4 kids, from 13 yrs to 2
APackOfExcitedGingers
Da fuq? Do you just tell your 13 year old to play music loudly while mommy and daddy wrestle?
mrsmjb
I've only been married two years, but we have sex between 2-6 times a week, which is honestly more than when we were dating.
No kids yet but your comment makes me hopeful.
HelloMax
What a great response. I bet that made them feel much better
Right. Lol
LolaB
Married 29 years. Only slowed down to once a month since the hysterectomy (takes a little more planning.)
Cameron64
I'm glad there's someone who's getting laid... all the other posters have me scared. What are y'all doing right that other posters aren't?
I don't know, my wife is great and really enjoys it. I think we don't let the stressfulness of the day negatively affect our relationship.
1metalnation
Before she started beating me, my baby momma and I had sex fuckin constantly. Such a bitch, but so good in the sack
Ain't that how it always is. The crazy ones are crazy in bed.
YOU PEOPLE DEPRESS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! GO FUCK YOUR PARTNERS, GODDAMN!
enzio64
Ohhhh, THAT'S what we're doing wrong, we should just go fuck them. Wow. Thank you for your incredible insight.
Right. Jesus thank the lord we figured it out. We just gotta fuck. That's all. Lol
themediumlebowski
As someone who is about to get married, this scares me
I am married and have lots of married friends. THIS SHIT IS NOT NORMAL!
IAmJacksRagingBileDuct
It's not healthy, but unfortunately it's pretty normal.
I guess I'd have to see some studies. These droughts are anomalies among people I know.
bepoliteplease
I don't care.
Xraygenic
Good luck. You risk over doing it then resenting not doing it like you used to.
NotABadLookingNarcissist
How long were you dating?
Vanburden
very valid point.
johnnyseattle
Don't listen to all the people telling you it'll slow down. Remember - she comes first in bed. The rest will take care of itself.
PickleRiiiiiiiiiiiiick
45 of which were on their weekend honeymoon.
entrix51
Pretty sure imgur holds a 0:365 ratio (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)
irishrelief
Only 1:1? You gotta pump those numbers up.
Appel99
Pump those numbers up.....literally.
luposlipaphobia
Still figuratively, mate. You can't litterally pump numbers. Unless they're those birthday balloon thingies.
csrevolt
I mean he's technically still not wrong though, since it's the act of /pumping/ that's rising the number
ohwhatdave
https://media.giphy.com/media/d2bOZ4zvrpTGM/giphy.gif
IGuessDinosaursArePrettyCool
Yeah seriously during the honeymoon phase it wouldn't be crazy to have sex over 5 times
HolyShitZoom
Rookie numbers...
JustHereForTheRiots
Pounding chest intensifies
SinsOftheErectPhoenix
how about 1:1.5
incumbustable
How about go fuck yourself!
EMTsaidwhat
Handjob?
sizlon
how about 3.50
WhoDoesntLikeTacos
Beej
Captaintippie
been married 11 years, 3 kids, still have sex multiple (3ish) times a week. Never gone longer than a week unless there was a legit reason.
airchubbs7
Married 10 years, 5 kids... da fuck is sex?? #
AIDS
Pull out game is weak
airchubbs7
Who said i pulled out?
cheeseslaw
We used to do this too, then realized that the sex is better with a couple days off in between. But you go for it, you crazy kids!
naturalborncynic
so true! quality over quantity
nomoreessays
So true this guy had to say it twice
naturalborncynic
so true! quality over quantity
biami
Masturbation doesn't count.
AussieAzza
But blow jobs totally do.
kellogleo
Does it, tho....
Messina
Been married for 17 years, had sex 60 times too! o/\o
[deleted]
[deleted]
catscoffeecuddles
Plot twist: He's fucking other girls
mrspoontastic
Plot twist. She's pregnant.
MyUsernameMakesNoSenseAtAll
Plot twist: he married himself
RedOrbTalon
Plot twist: OP is the wife
TigerThong
Girls? Op is clearly a fag. No offense homosexual community
AussieAzza
I'm operating at my limits. Who'd have the time?
SamArt53
@OP. So, there's 3 hours of your life you'll never get back.
DangerFluff
Doesn't matter, had sex
plasmarob
Internet guys who haven't been married, haven't had it great, and don't realize your body has limits.
TheUserSubHero
Schadenfreude8
that's the spirit!
DarthDeadpool
A real man
BananaBard
You tired
DarthDeadpool
Eh. Not every joke lands.
EffieDeia
Like it was bad, but not what you got lol.
KingZullu
-53? Here's a +1 for ya.
KrisPhoenix
60 girls on 1 day, 59 days off.
jwsmythe
That's a lot harder than it looks.
atleastfourcharactersinlength
That's a cruisin' for a bruisin'.
MoneybagsMcGee
And just a white surrender flag pops cums out by the last time
AwkwardFaceLike
Life...uh...finds a way.
Fancyrobot101
soulman901
Clever Girl
WizardofParrotry
Well...uh, there it is.
CrocodileDunphy
Married 14yrs, averaged sad twice/yr during last 8yrs of marriage. She had no interest. Found out later her avg was way higher than mine :(
ReallyRonSwanson
Well, you have a great username so at least you got that going for you... https://memecrunch.com/image/52f147f01605fb4c1a0000f0.jpg?w=300
CuriousRed
4K video or it didn't happen
AussieAzza
Only got HD because we dont have a 4k tv.
NeoKortez
That's what they call bloodsport
teardropivyyearofthetiger
Menopause joke here
teardropivyyearofthetiger
Menopause joke here
UnsavoryCommenter
Till conception.
RiskyCommenter
Oh boy, just think of all the sex you're having now as all the sex you're missing out on later
DogsAreHappiness
That's a bad idea.
cjpoet
My 1st 60 days I probably had sex 80-100 times.
JakefromAllstate
Married three years, we're still on about 5-6 times a week.
esclavamente
Luckeeeee
JakefromAllstate
We made a vow that we'd never be the type of couple to stop having sex, so we've even been known to schedule sexy time when we're busier.
dragonadamant
That is so encouraging to hear, and it's one of the ways I want to be compassionate to my someday-wife and her needs if/when I get married.
jqdao3
Must be no kids?
JakefromAllstate
Nope, and we don't plan on having kids till we're in our late 20s.
tommy0877
Was married 6 years....and you have already had more than me
Nearlyburly
I was married twelve. Might have had sex that many times. Of course, she had it at least 5 more times than me.
tommy0877
After we got married there was no interest in sex unless it was for a kid.She got mad at me when we did it and dicovered I dint want another
Nearlyburly
That sucks. Better luck next time.
tommy0877
Am already on next time
Nearlyburly
well, there you go. I'm still looking for mine.
SergeantGSD
First wife was like this. Sex only for a kid. When she found out I was sterile she got drunk and fucked some dude at a bar. She got her wish
SergeantGSD
I found out and hit the bricks. Never looked back. Only called her once after I found out and that was to make sure she got the papers.
TallLightnHandsome
As a married man, I've had more sex since I got married than I had when I was single.
jherazob
I think this depends on how long have you been married
NickyGoodWolf
Are you telling us that living with your partner and being in bed with them every morning and night increases the odds that you'll mate? plz
ActuallyImSpartacus
Does your wife know this?
Jupsu
no shit?
TallLightnHandsome
Honestly. Of course, I married a good one.
Jupsu
Having sex with the same person you married? what are the odds
NotMicrowavable
So, still 0?
DespiseEveryone
Oooh, I was gonna comment with "once" but damn, you are more savage.
GoodGameYoungLad
No he said more so it has to at least be 1
Teatimebeforecolonizetime
If hand job count as sex than 1/4, still more than 0.
TallLightnHandsome
;-)
DrewSf29
I'm rooting for you to hit 100!
AussieAzza
Yeah, we're Australian too. We got that.
alivicwil
hee: rooting! (Sorry - I'm Australian. It means something different here.)
jedi888
Put a penny in a jar every time you have sex in the first year of marriage after that, take penny out every time you have sex. You'll never
rainbowblow
I've read that before and it's such crap. Yes we went at it more at first but we still go at it regularly now.
Schadenfreude8
run out of pennies. I figured it out!
PurityOfEssence
It's like sports in college, you really make your money on the two-a-days..
AussieAzza
Made bank on a couple of three-a-days...but then a rest is required.
PurityOfEssence
no doubt. no doubt.
CookiesaurusRex
That's some good stamina. Asking a fellow brother, how'd you do it?
Pawnderlust
Youth
TheBridgeburners
Over the course of a whole day its definitely doable. Just gotta remember to eat and hydrate!
AussieAzza
I think the key is mixing it up. Bit of wham-bam, bit of sensual massage and spoiling.
AussieAzza
At 42, I can't back to back. But if the day starts right..
IAmTiredOfRacismAndAnger
you only get 500 for the rest of the marriage. conserve your points...
iamMrG
Feels like it don't it...
FreedJaguar
When you run out, does your wife no longer give a fuck?
BukkakeRider3000
12 years married, this is not correct! So far 507 and counting.
theseekeroftruth
Your into negative territory.
kellogleo
IAmTiredOfRacismAndAnger
I'm surprised at how popular this joke got. Reality: we start with 0 and earn points by being a good S.O. OP must be doing something right.
Caspooky
Guess you'll have to re-wife her every 500 days then :o
DarthFutuza
That's like cancelling your free generic_service_here trial before it ends only to sign up for a new one under another name. I like it.
ShitPostKing
Gotta break up after 500 days, then
bmjflow
Married 16 years, can confirm! Holding on to my last dozen!
lllamallamapigbang
19 years, 3 left here dammit.
gandraw
Eh so another 9 years that should be enough.
mynameisnotalice
2 years, already out of fucks... noooo!
justsignedupforthishit
Lucky bastard! My ex insisted the magic number was "I have the pussy, I make the rules." Cut me off during the honeymoon.
bmjflow
If only she did it beforehand. No consummation, no marriage.
justsignedupforthishit
Well, ya, but we lived together before we got married.
bmjflow
Consummation of the marriage is not the same as premarital sex. Good luck to you.
justsignedupforthishit
Try getting an annulment with that line of reasoning!
theseekeroftruth
This should be criminal. "reverse rape".
justsignedupforthishit
Criminal? I don't know...The stupid part was why I put up with it...
theseekeroftruth
True, why do we put up with it...
justsignedupforthishit
We? Sorry if you're a part of this sad group.
IAmTiredOfRacismAndAnger
Because true love isn't always about sex right?
LateNightBunnyParty
Been married 12 years, have had sex 19 times so far this month. I keep track in my period calendar in case he ever whines that we never fuck
LongtTimeLurkerEveryDayMeatStickJerker
Downvoting you @DrGirlfriend81 for literally saying the same thing that you've been married 12 years....19 times this month....10 times here
LateNightBunnyParty
Downvote if you'd like, but people need to talk about this shit. And if I can get people talking, maybe they'll be inspired to do the same.
KeikoTilde
Nice
hippokitty86
Haha I do this too! I do try and take one for the team at least once a week if I'm not into it.
LateNightBunnyParty
That's the spirit!
WitcheryGrubb
That's good, it's always so dismal to hear about couples who barely fuck.
LateNightBunnyParty
Makes my heart hurt to think of married people not lovin'.
elleyea
SirTinyPenis
Unless you got married super young.... gross...
LateNightBunnyParty
Well, we were in our mid-twenties. Dunno what your idea of super young is.
jtb1313
Are you single?
LateNightBunnyParty
Have an upvote for the cheek.
LateNightBunnyParty
Ha! You wish.
jtb1313
Hey I gotta ask, you never know, people do win the lottery occasionally
ashipthatshipsshippingships
God bless you, cause my wife has lost interest. She's gonna go talk to someone about it soon. We did it twice last year. We're 31 :(
flover
Get a kindlefire, get her Kindle Unlimited, let her read all the smutty books available, reap rewards.
myfirstaccountwasshadowbanned
There might be someone else...
TheBestRussian
We're not doing too good either. Too tired at the end of the day, too busy on weekends. We've compromised by doing lube-assisted quickies.
LateNightBunnyParty
JESUS! We're 36. 31 seems awfully young to lose interest in sex.
ashipthatshipsshippingships
We have a toddler, and she said that she's lost interest after the baby. She says she still finds me attractive, but just has no interest :/
LateNightBunnyParty
We have an 11 year old, but even as a little bitty kid who kept me on my toes all day, it didn't dampen my sex drive with my husband.
jaysadick
Just wanna say it happened to my partner and I after we had our two little ones, I lost all interest in it and it really took a toll /1
afterdinneromelets
As a woman, one of my worst fears is eventually loading all interest in sex. Even at 23 my libido is declining rapidly and I hate it.
trailwanding
I had the same experience around 23-25...turns out I needed to change up my BC + become okay with trying new stuff. it's back in full force!
afterdinneromelets
Hmm. Hadn't thought about the BC thing but I've noticed some other hormonal issues on this pill so that's definitely a possibility. Thanks!
blurgh
stress, diet, exercise. Those are important factors
afterdinneromelets
diet & exercise are probably mostly okay (minimal fast food, gym 3-4 times a week) but yeah stress is definitely a factor.
hippokitty86
With kids, a job, a house to maintain and all that other adulting you're libido goes down. I want to sleep, not fuck!
afterdinneromelets
That's how I feel 60% of the time and I don't even have kids or pets yet. Just work & cleaning is exhausting, which is kinda sad haha.
skelekittycat
Mine declines with relationship longevity. I want to want sex, but often too tired or health issues get in the way. It sucks. I'm 26 btw.
afterdinneromelets
I'm 3 yrs into my (1st long-term) relationship now so I've wondered if that's a factor. Not a reflection on my SO or anything- he's great.
adadfirst
Just remember to focus on the other parts too. Balance and communication is the key to a happy marriage. I failed to heed these words 1/2
justsignedupforthishit
Sorry for you, man. Been there. 50% my fault tho.
adadfirst
Yeah, I should have been intentional in my marriage. Most days i was just along for the ride.
justsignedupforthishit
I guess the only good is that we learned a lesson.
adadfirst
Painful lesson. But we survive and carry on
adadfirst
In my marriage and it is now close to ending. 2/2
dragonadamant
I'm sorry. :( I wish I could say or do something to magically make things better or give you another chance to make things right. Blessings.
adadfirst
But I am having to work on some very big issues in my mental health to have any chance of keeping my family together. It will take time
adadfirst
Thank you. Sadly when you do not seek balance and communication in a relationship they tend to fall apart. There is a small window of hope
dragonadamant
If I may ask, have you and the other person talked to a marriage counselor or to a pastor (or maybe your parents if their marriage thrives)?
adadfirst
All of the above. The door isn't closed but its barely open for the foreseeable future.
itsdaddycalling
Don't get complacent and lazy, if you both put in the effort it'll work. 10 years and 2 children n we still average bout 5-6 nights/week.
roqueofspades
that's pretty awesome. definitely #goals if I ever saw it
halibeth
So many married people up above saying they don't boink on the regular :( thanks for giving the rest of us hope!
nero4ty2
it really depends on schedule/kids/work, some people find out how to make it work some don't
ABillionDucks
Don't worry, the guy above is the exception.
SergeantGSD
Ha, I've been married 8 years and we had sex once in the last 3 months.
[deleted]
[deleted]
amazinglyrandy
Very specific amount of times
LateNightBunnyParty
I keep track in my period calendar, lol.
TheArrestingAbhorrentArrantAbominableAlliterator
I don't trust that. You're clearly measuring in dog-years.
stewy78
Why tho?
SergeantGSD
I have a medical issue. Tumor on the pituitary gland and hormone replacement for it. Makes me not even think of sex.
lllamallamapigbang
Braggart.
SergeantGSD
Ahaha I didn't think I was.
lllamallamapigbang
Hehehe cheers man, sucks to be us sometimes.
ShekelMaster
5 years, 0 kids. Four times a year? That must be nice...
Terbler
Marriage makes the hole close :(
Thenightswatch
It took you 8 years to get to once every 3 months. Wow it took me 3 months. Teach me your ways.
SergeantGSD
Well. The first thing you need, is a head injury, second get a tumor on you pituitary gland. 3rd, take hormone replacement pills. Bam.
Thenightswatch
Okay then......
homerinchinatown
Married 24+ years and can't remember the last time. 3 years ago, maybe?
Obi12knowme
I feel for you. I' m not married, have been living with the same gorgeous woman for 24 years. We have sex 3-4 a week. She still makes me hit
Obi12knowme
I mean hot. The hit is kinda obvious????
CreativeEgo
To each other?
DecemberRain18
10 years and I shoot for 3-4 times a week. After we had our baby that 6 weeks was the longest dry spell.. I can't imagine a sexless marriage
LeonardoDaTiddies
God's, these responses are depressing. My wife and I work at maintaining a healthy schedule and try to shoot for at least 4/mo. No kids.
whatsexacerbatemean
In an amazing relationship with woman that wants me as much as I want her. It can happen.
SergeantGSD
Just got laid. It was nice. Wife got off work early. Then got off again. Lol. Now I am gloating. Lol
Beeoneack
I've been married 7 years, have a 3 year old and a 6mo old, and I've had sex every other day for the past month.
PlainBoners
married for 7, still get poon 3-4 times a week... It's sad seeing all of this. I fear for my future.
Lorithias
Pretty sure it's not about "time" it's about "people" ... :)
PlainBoners
I think more along the lines of 'same dick, day in, day out,' and I see how that would get boring. Then again, I love my SOs Vadge still...
catscatsyeahcats
Truest statement on this thread.
thmowingguy
Congrats on the sex lol
SergeantGSD
Thanks buddy.
Nerdygasm
8 years and mayyybe twice in 3 months. I just have a much bigger desire for it than him.
SergeantGSD
My wife is the same way. She is always horny. After my accident I lost my sex drive.
AussieAzza
Ouch, you poor bugger.
SergeantGSD
It blows sometimes but mostly I don't even think about it. She reminds me we haven't had sex in awhile and I give myself a shot and we do it
Nerdygasm
That's awful. What happened if you don't mind me asking?
Nerdygasm
My husband hasn't had an accident. I'm the much more unhealthy/injured one and yet I end up taking care of myself while he's asleep.
SergeantGSD
I have told my wife she deserves better and gave her an out once. Told her whatever she wanted and I would pay for the divorce. She stayed.
SergeantGSD
I got a severe concussion during a motorcycle wreck. No, I was not wearing a helmet.
Nerdygasm
What have we learned? I've had concussions myself but never from a vehicle accident. I have a tendency to have seizures walking down stairs.
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
I found out my wife was pregnant 2 days after we were married. 10 years, 4 kids later...I don't think we've hit the 50 mark yet.
krewann
Well 4/50 is good right?
AussieAzza
Are you Catholic? I wouldn't want to bone either if birth control wasn't an option.
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
We were using birth control but the medications have no effect on my wife. I ended up getting a vasectomy.
AussieAzza
Good on ya. More men should step up and not be pussies about it. She had the babies.. A tiny op for us is more than fair.
Krynaion
Are you happy tho?
Vigasama
We demand an answer to this
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
yea
Krynaion
Since you are married for 10 years you probably have already went through this but didnt it make you more distant from your wife?
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
No, not really. We are a team
Cheyzam
omg that's awful :((
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
We're fine. its hard to have epic sex when kids keep knocking asking what we are doing
ButterMyButtAndCallMeBiscuit
We're fine. its hard to have epic sex when kids keep knocking asking what we are doing
SergeantGSD
Buy a camper. And a couple dog kennels. Lock the kids in the kennels, go fuck in the camper.
deadpool381
I've been married 6 years and haven't had sex since July 2015
TeddysHeadies
if my SO didnt fuck me for that long id get rid of them
SergeantGSD
Damn. I'm sorry.
deadpool381
Is what it is
NotMicrowavable
But why though?
deadpool381
I have a hard time being emotionally open and she says until I'm able to be open she can't get in the mood
bleblebla
What happend in July?
FengaPapitMasta
Damn! I feel sad for you...
BoredITGuy
I can't imagine a valid reason for that.
0ih469qy
Ouch.
Volucris0814
Married 5 years. 2 kids (1 1/2 & 4 months) I haven't had sex in over 3 years.
Sephority
Go do the do man... not good
wherethepunchlineends
kellogleo
You mean nothing's fucky. At least not on the last 3 years.
phaid85
Check the ages of the kids, and how long it's been since he's had sex
Volucris0814
Yes I know. Fun fact, I'm incapable of having kids. Had to go and alternative route.
LetshopeIgotsomejokes
Ha, got it
thirdeyeape
Dump her
bennywith2has
uhm...
kellogleo
Dude, really? Mine is 2 1/2 and 4 months. Won't say I've got plenty of sex, but definitely not none.
JustBecauseIRockDoesntMeanImMadeOfStone
Ah bless you :). Joke went right over your head, but at least you have a sex life, so you've got that going for you ????
bmjflow
Don't down vote people just because they get more sex. This is a supportive group!
RxGeek
Read the original comment again, do the math...
VeryFastWithACucumberNiceAndSlowWithAZucchini
He's joking...he has a 4 month old- do the math.
bmjflow
And I voted you up Kellogleo, not sure what the downs are for.
Thatknifeguy
I think he missed the joke.
unicorninmypants
The math doesn't add up. It's a joke.
marsbaltz
We have a 2yo and I can count the number of time on one hand since he was born.
Nilsson310
I have a 9 mo and have had more sex with my wife than I can count since my daughter was born. Make time
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
Not that simple. Personally I wrnt allowed to have sex the first 6 weeks. And my child has slept by my side most days and nights since birth
Nilsson310
so has mine you get her to fall asleep then go into the other room....
baguettesofdestiny
So besides counting is the one hand quite busy ?
mrmessma
Have an 18 month old and I lost count a long time ago.
aTrashedPanda
I also have a 2 year old and have been married 8 years and we have sex at least 5-6 times a week.
marsbaltz
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
My 8 month old will not sleep if he isnt next to me (usually breastfed to sleep). I have no idea when I should have sex.
BoredITGuy
Does your 2yo not sleep? !!! Are they holding you hostage? Is it a Terminator? Blink twice for 'yes'.
AnAverageBox
jakabob101
Guys it's up to 74 blinks. I don't know what that means, but I'll keep the updates coming.
Gunsling3r
Doing gods work son
TysonGoesOutside
Thank god you can get porn on your phone. I feel it helps a lot of married guys cling to their sanity.
marsbaltz
TysonGoesOutside
Ah the circle of life.
SergeantGSD
Kids will do that. Lol
Beeoneack
I have 2, we still do it regularly.
ArchonIlladrya
Why though? My 18 month old sleeps a lot. Plenty of time to keep things going with his mom.
Savanted
No, poor relationships will. Longest spell we had was after kiddo was born, letting her recover. Been regular since.
Rekkor
Also the standard obgyn recommendation for sex is 6 weeks minimum post partum. It's usually more though
FLAK38
If it's usually more, then why is the standard 6 weeks?
Dundersnail
Low sex drive doesn't mean poor relationship. People are different.
AuBoss
There is a difference between low sex drive and 5 times in 2 years.
LapisScarab
You can have a healthy relationship and still end up going "Damn, I wish we had more time for sex."
puppiesincostumes
4month old baby and zero sex drive. tried couple of times for my hubby but it also hurts as hell. doc says its breastfeeding hormones. ugh:(
LapisScarab
Not necessarily. Children are just a handful and sex isn't the highest priority for every couple.
Savanted
I'll have to disagree with all of you. I'll stack our responsibilities up against anyone's and we still make time.
0ih469qy
5 years in. Just signed an agreement to have sex "at least once per period".
EMTsaidwhat
Efficent
HadMeSomeChickens
Bad wording, sounds like the sex has to happen during the period.
0ih469qy
Bad reading
kermie92
Once per cycle would have been more accurate
SergeantGSD
Sometimes you just gotta grab it and say, it's gonna happen.
Knilore
Scheduling is needed sometimes. Hub knows he's getting some and wife can prep. Both need to make sure the groundwork is lain for ease
SamArt53
Passion shouldn't be scheduled. All you have to do is hug & kiss your spouse and say, "It's snugglebunny time!" Works 98% of the time.
Rekkor
I'm glad that works for you but a lot of people leave the house before sunrise and get back after sunset exhausted
Knilore
Tell that to a body/mind that needs 30/45 min to get to a point where sex isn't painful/ unfulfilling. Not fun for me if she doesn't want it
supermanjake
OMG! Are you all kidding? Been married 14 years and we do it 3-4 times per week, sometimes 3 times a night. We have 4 kids, from 13 yrs to 2
APackOfExcitedGingers
Da fuq? Do you just tell your 13 year old to play music loudly while mommy and daddy wrestle?
mrsmjb
I've only been married two years, but we have sex between 2-6 times a week, which is honestly more than when we were dating.
mrsmjb
No kids yet but your comment makes me hopeful.
HelloMax
What a great response. I bet that made them feel much better
SergeantGSD
Right. Lol
LolaB
Married 29 years. Only slowed down to once a month since the hysterectomy (takes a little more planning.)
Cameron64
I'm glad there's someone who's getting laid... all the other posters have me scared. What are y'all doing right that other posters aren't?
supermanjake
I don't know, my wife is great and really enjoys it. I think we don't let the stressfulness of the day negatively affect our relationship.
1metalnation
Before she started beating me, my baby momma and I had sex fuckin constantly. Such a bitch, but so good in the sack
SergeantGSD
Ain't that how it always is. The crazy ones are crazy in bed.
LateNightBunnyParty
YOU PEOPLE DEPRESS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! GO FUCK YOUR PARTNERS, GODDAMN!
enzio64
Ohhhh, THAT'S what we're doing wrong, we should just go fuck them. Wow. Thank you for your incredible insight.
SergeantGSD
Right. Jesus thank the lord we figured it out. We just gotta fuck. That's all. Lol
themediumlebowski
As someone who is about to get married, this scares me
[deleted]
[deleted]
mrmessma
I am married and have lots of married friends. THIS SHIT IS NOT NORMAL!
IAmJacksRagingBileDuct
It's not healthy, but unfortunately it's pretty normal.
mrmessma
I guess I'd have to see some studies. These droughts are anomalies among people I know.