Some prison stories for y'all

Some background

When I was twenty (almost ten years ago) I was woken up by my father, who was very abusive my whole life at this point, woke me up by charging into my house yelling death threats, I slept with loaded guns and I rolled out of bed and shot him dead at my door. I turned myself over to police and later plead guilty to manslaughter which landed me a sentence of over ten years.

I'm in Canada and due to the amount of force I used and our lack of castle laws I was not able to plead self defense.

TL;DR I shot my abusive dad and went to prison for a long while.

The day shit got real

We had a long covered walk way between facilities (work out room, mess hall, etc.), that stretch had a lot of shit go down in it, the only place more violent is the mess hall, there were four units in this pen, only two of them got to interact with each other on rec periods the rest of the time units were segregated from one another with one exception: breakfast.

I had been in the pen for about three months, other than getting in a couple fights it had been pretty quiet, until breakfast on this morning, I was standing in line waiting for my meal tray and I can hear some bustling right behind me, in situations like this it is dangerous as fuck to look around for what's going on, if you draw the guards attention when guys are up to something you will get stabbed, maybe not now, but you will.

I hear a muffled cry from the guy behind me, and then the chatter stopped and I get bumped by a guy that's masked up shiving the guy behind me in line. I can tell you right now that the single worst sound I have heard is a man gurgling on his own blood.

The day the pedophile fucked up

Everyone hates pedophiles, but by far your average convict hates them more. Largely because a lot of convicts are guys that got molested as kids, like a disturbingly high percentage.

So the pen I was in is notorious for rooting out skinners and hounds (rapists and pedophiles) we try hard to eliminate all of them. The prison then gives them fake names and fake paperwork, sometimes it's a guard, most of the time it's outside contacts but we get the information eventually. This particular day a goof (pedo) that had been a loud, charismatic character that had made some friends who thought he was in for armed robbery got ratted out by one of the guards.

An hour later two units were out for recreation, he made the mistake when one guy called him by his real name and he answered immediately, seconds later 27 guys masked up and armed swarm him, he was stabbed, beaten and kicked to death on the walkway, the bloodstain was there for weeks, the investigation into his murder came up with insufficient evidence to charge anyone.

"Hey buddy wanna make fifty bucks?"

So the pen can be an extraordinarily boring place, every now and then someone gets a bright idea for some entertainment. So we had an exceptionally stupid guy on my unit, he fessed up to several robberies (some of which he didn't even commit) for a burger and fries from dairy queen. Exceptionally stupid, so my buddy and I are walking laps in the back forty at rec and my buddy spots the Cheeseburger Bandit (from this point on I'll call him CB) and calls him over.

I don't know what he's up to at this point but I know he's plotting something, so CB gets over to where we are and my buddy says "Hey buddy wanna make 50 bucks?" CB not being one for prudence immediately jumps on the opportunity "What do you need me to do!?" my buddy tells him he'll pay him $50 for trying to climb over the 20 ft fences... CB doesn't even blink and says "I got dis!" what happened on Saturday is one of my favorite memories.

So saturday morning rec period most of the unit is in the back forty 'enjoying the weather' when CB makes his appearance, he gets into the forty and immediately sprints for the fence, the guards catch sight of the dumbest guy in prison making a mad dash and hit the alarm, CB doesn't even break stride and proceeds to book for the fence like a retarded gazelle on steroids, grabs hold of the chain link fence and by this time the response team is hoofing it down the fence, the whole time the guard tower is screaming at him to stop, he makes it about half way up the fence when the response team gets to him and shoots him with a beanbag pretty much point blank. Two months in the hole some bruised ribs and legendary status for the rest of his bit. $50 well earned.

TL;DR idiot made an escape attempt for 50 bucks, got shot off the fence with a beanbag left a legend.

Let me know if you guys like these and want more.

FP Edit: Wow, can't believe the response to this, it has been amazing, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it so, without further delay here is

Part 2: http://imgur.com/gallery/6t183
Part 3: http://imgur.com/gallery/9Edtt
Part 4: http://imgur.com/gallery/4yNxY
Part 5: http://imgur.com/gallery/o3ka1
Part 6: http://imgur.com/gallery/nuCXH
Part 7: http://imgur.com/gallery/Cp1B0
Part 8: http://imgur.com/gallery/W7cRW
Part 9: http://imgur.com/gallery/TP79z

Part 10: http://imgur.com/gallery/obCyF