m37z63rm31573r0
167928
2817
122
Feb 23, 2018 6:40 PM
m37z63rm31573r0
167928
2817
122
CorrugatedUrethra1995
I hope that one wasn't your wife's favorite.
pallupallupallupallu
We need a back story
[deleted]
[deleted]
MaDragon
Staph is horrible - congratulations on keeping your hand - actually looks like they did a real good job.
yoshiien
they did a nice job making it line up neatly
SamAndJanetEvening
Live long and prosper.
theDogter
You're a Simpson!
forum93rx
Hey ! I know a guy who can custom make you gloves !!!
TehSeksyManz
High four bro!
OllyMillMill
In retrospect ,asking The Hulk to pull my finger probably wasn’t the best idea...
BelfryBats
I can't quite put my finger on it, but something seems amiss...
RobertDunder
If someone gives you the finger...take it!
cfsimmons
ZeusLivesOn
one of the few times i actually laughed out loud
infinCheeseCat
That was the best damn comment ever!!!!
byronshell
There will never be a funnier comment on Imgur. I would give a million upvotes if I could.
EmperorHarvey
@ExtraUpvote
lurkeylurkeychickenturkey
@extraupvote for this comment please
ExtraUpvote
+1'd
Johnsnowden
ihonestlyhavenoideaforthis
i laughed so hard, i woke my wife xD
withoutapaddle1
Seriously, who's the guy he flipped off?...stay away from him
RaenMaker
OP can give the Perch and Twirl gesture instead of the Bird.
EchoRaido
GingerHezus
qbanruben357
Am an amputee missing a leg and I hope you don’t get offended when I say first I’m sorry this happened to you but that looks AWESOME
lookingOknaked
There is something missing here... but I just can't put my finger on it.
yesisaiditnotsorry
Fucking Genius Comment. I can't even begin to spell the look on my face.
InsaneInMembrane
We need a back story here.
Xeires
The prequel: Flip me off one more time and I'm taking it
tailwagsdog
killer hangnail
Arook1
Good luck with you new cosplay talent
GPUJunkie
Once you heal up you are going to have the most impressive "shocker" any woman has experienced!
MustardTiger1337
nombre11
Love your username you macrel smelling bastard!
RunShadowfax1
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam
purdhapley
These real life simpsons characters are getting out of hand.
DevilDisowned
Cosplay dedication
WhatTheDormouseSaid
Hang nails are a bitch
deadknightdistrict8
Saw the movie teeth?
Freshmaker
Yeah! gimme a high five!
nonepizzawithIeftbeef
Brutal hangnail eh? Sorry for your loss I usually stop pulling on it at the first knuckle.
MadMupp
If anyone asks what happened I want you to tell them you broke it off fingering their mum!
12Badgers2MushroomsAndASnake
Good for holding one of these though...
cabrioletcook0
What is that
12Badgers2MushroomsAndASnake
Energy sword from Halo.
cabrioletcook0
I'm more of an assassins creed person
cabrioletcook0
Thank you
PutThePRNDLinD
Well, you've still got you thumb...so there's that...and that's thumbthing to be happy about...
EE102
This is brilliant!
TooStronkkk
theschizneck
he’s got some of what?
bigtomstud84
Did you chew it off?
mds308
His girlfriend had crossed her legs.
Un0riginalComment
Only way he could escape the Chinese finger trap
ButIBuildAThousandBridges
All jokes aside (and some of these comments are GOLD) what happened?
PhantomGeek
Truth
Willybum84
You ever seen the film teeth?
razmann
BlocksToThis
Brutal hang nail
IntrnetPtz4u
Shocker...
TheMightyElk
Do tell
m37z63rm31573r0
I broke it pretty bad, and then after they put it back together it developed a staph infection
FutureHylian
Damn that sucks. Everyone knows you main catalysts.
ThatGuyThatEveryoneKnows
“Pretty bad”
randomusergnome
this thread is gold
DevilDisowned
I used to work with a guy who had a similar hand due to him not paying attention while using a table saw
giraffinator
It only takes one close shave (literally) with a table saw to make you respect the shit out of it
DevilDisowned
Or a lobster hand
PhantomGeek
Did you tell them your original equipment did not have Staph, so the upgrade was not wanted?
GrandpaRick
Elven91
And they said "Fuck it, paint it yellow you are a Simpson now".
notashill
Reminds me of the neo-sapians from that cartoon exo-squad I think it was called
SoyKarlReyDePatos
Am I right in assuming that this was a ray amputation?
EarlGreyCreamNoSugar
I saw one of those just this past week! So cool.
m37z63rm31573r0
Mmhmm
CaptainWolfsburg
Well, look at the bright side: you're now one step closer to being a ninja turtle.
PatrickRob82
ObliqueRay
or any cartoon really
SpearOfFlame
So they removed a finger because of the staph infection?
Englishisnotmyfirstlanguage
Even if they try to Staph it?
ARSONlST
Yes staph can be extremely bad, especially if it is MRSA. MRSA is highly resistant to antibiotics.
jessienhs
The infection must have gotten into the bone... osteomyelitis is no joke, usually results in an amputation
hencethequeef
Staph infections are brutal. My boss was in the hospital for three days with an infected cat bite. Almost lost her thumb.
m37z63rm31573r0
It broke by getting hit with a police-issue beanbag gun. Those things hit hard yo. The other beanbag missed my dick by less than two inches
makelthappen
You don't just say that and not provide details
ArtOzz
So they missed your groin by 3 whole inches, damn, close.
m37z63rm31573r0
Comedy
ArtOzz
I try. :>
UsernameMatt
I’m just here for the tiny penis jokes.
mike11010
Ok, still needs more explaining lol
EarlGreyCreamNoSugar
A "Ray resection" or "Ray amputation." It involves taking out the metacarpals as well as the finger. I saw one of these just this week!
EarlGreyCreamNoSugar
The removed metacarpals allows the remaining finger to "shift" over a finger-spot, so you don't have an empty slot where a finger should be.
MisterWho
Well, that was a smaller target.
Kinger1793
This just got interesting!!! I call for a new post with much detail.
GodEmperor0fMankind
What the hell man? You're just going to leave us hanging like that?
CliffCarter
Judging from previous posts here, it's the only thing substantial enough TO leave hanging ( to OP: the easy joke was there..had to be done)
Fleggy
Story please
AngryWayneGretzki
Wrong cup sir...
PhantomGeek
Why were there police issue beanbag(s) flying around your man junk so furiously that swatting was required
plainoldfool
Yeah, if I had to choose getting shot in the dick or my middle finger, well, fuck my middle finger
nagelbett
And the worst part is you can't even go "Fuck tha police" now. Because you lost that finger.
captainswoopty
Those stitches would get you banned from Imgur... I think....
DahPrincess
Animated hand. Someone make a cartoon
galeebstunktoof
Why do you think it's called a bean - bag anyway?
rebeliousboob
Why tf is this not part of the post
NewHouse32
Op what are you doing
Snaggley
That just makes me have more questions!
OliverKlozoff1269
That's what happens. Don't riot.
humanproof8
Or you’ll end up like OP
richitobandito
Said William Wallace never
SecretGate
Play stupid games.....
kirbfucius
Because at no point do police ever use excessive force. Nope. Always justified.
idonthaveanyideawhatthehelliamtalkingabout
Did you read what op did ? he played stupid games and won the price...
PoetDesmond
Jesus fuck, thank god it missed.
gingerlover43015
.
Hagge47
.
TheFastpaws
So you going to sue? It is the modern era for that...
at1mp
Glad it wasn’t me, or they would have hit about five of my dick inches.
PabloIsGreat
So if it were anyone else their dick would be shot off? Ouch
assassin180sx
remember that time robocop shot that dude in the dick?
Votvotavota
you monster
kennerly
.
Irishtrailrunner
.
leonbloodbane
Story time, why were they shooting beanbags at you
BigSnicker
.
steelerchief
.
WoahDerBUD
.
apdskib
.
clashak
.
feawen
.
DudeWithBong
Still wanting for story, hope it comes out before HalLife 3
DudeWithBong
Typo, damit #still waiting for story... Blaa blaa
theslimydepartment
.
inb4tehlulz
....
lspreee
.
LiquidPr0phecy
.
Psychedelicious
.
samgelinas
.
ImASnek
.
sparklefox09
Doot
number2commenter
Doot mcscoot
Lumpy4Toucan
.
Hipcatjack
.
Cantthinkofone
.
sargeantpacman
.
Docretier
.
Zorroinabox
.
IKnowAndIDrinkThings
.
CancerousSloth
.
Uzernaime
.
ThisIsMyUsernameBro
.....
dubbedcat
.
BoozinYooper
.
ShwagMaster150
.
littlemissunshine
.
Drapeta
............................................................................................................................................
DwithanE
.
RetsamEvalsEht
.
YaHeardTurdFerguson
Doot
Samshumanmaid
.
Murvel
.
TwoG
.
Justanotheraveragejoe
.
popuptent
.
elsamo
.
poopoobrain
.
TheGalacticLeprechaunwithtinynipples
.
balloonsRfun
.
ThisWillDoUntilIThinkOfSomethingWitty
Story dot
TylerDunkleberger
.
torque88
#storytime, or it didn't happen
viludium
.
nexuspowers02
.
ElberethGilthoniel
He just said "police issue" not that they shot him. Maybe that's why there's no response...
Adv3r5ity
...
PercivalFailed
.
scrawnyclownsnatch
.
JewAndMe4Ever
.
rawrhayyyley
Dot to follow up on beanbag shooting question
C141Clay
Why were they shooting beanbags at your dick?
SirZackShack
.
PhallicDischarge
.
JackKellyHasSmallHands
.
DinoKebab
Well look at him. They wouldn't use live rounds. (I'M JOKING)
waargarbl
.
Shootawoo
.
DevilDisowned
Because he’s an asshole
GregoryMegatron
Reminder
bigdaddyfatpants
.
bulldozeprime
.
WhoScalesTheScale
.
SwampDonkey223
.!
CrossBetween
joethebro
....
Talamander
.
Grimcloud
.
SlurmsMcEnzie
.
MandAYYYYYY
I got excited when I saw the amount of comments thinking there would be a good story with it... damn dooters
ILikeNewEnglandBeer
Please tell us, OP - or if you cannot due to legal reasons, please tell us that
asseenonnetflix
.
thebeardedaustrian
It was wizardry
ruralLingrist
.
mwoodman
"He doth protest too much" - Riot police, probably, deciding to shoot him
WiserDucksLivesLonger
Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
m37z63rm31573r0
I was trying to get them to shoot me so I started waving a knife at them.
bmxjenious
And they shot u with beanbags?....u must be white
m37z63rm31573r0
I was suicidal at the time, so i called in a threat and waited. They surrounded me. I charged a shotgun wielding officer and blam
BernerMuntschi
Thanks for being honest, good you’re alive but man what a dick move.
Fade42
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
DushBid911
.
Zugar38
Doot
Irishqt4ever
.
Hyippy
Dot
DearAbbi
@OP - You'll let us know when you toss up the Story Time Post... Right?
m37z63rm31573r0
How do i? I've never used imgur before
upvoteswhendrunkorboredorwaitinginlineoravoidingresposibilities
.
Hagge47
.
Roland191145
.
TheWielderOfTheFlameOfAnor
.
dasbookthief
.
snowmexicans
.
geosynthetic
.
SquanchingonImgur
.
DracoTomes
.
SomewhatSoberSometimes
downvoted everyone that put a (.)
seaelisaurus
Get a hobby.
pantsz
Upvoted everyone that put a (.) Your move
wuttwuttinthebuttbutt
Looks like everyone that put a '.' down voted you too...
vihra
Holy shit... Stop biting your fingernails!
Juleva
He prolly skips lunch just to have enough room in his stomache just for those finger tips
TyrionLannisterTheImp
At first I was like "lol it's a joke cause his finger's off" but then I saw his nails and I gotta say what the actual fuck @op
bed1am6666
Honestly, I didn't even notice the missing finger till I read your comment.
SammMoney
Well he's going to stop biting one of them that's for sure.
GTIBH
I so agree , stop eating yourself !
thatguy73
I'm more bothered by that comment than the picture
InternetPeasantry
MODIFICATION
vihra
bhaha.. fucked up.. +1
ReallyWittyName
Came here to say exactly this!! Ha!!
1Whatthefudge1
Doohhhh
Raccoonlifeainteasy
Idontwantmybrothertoknowmyname
He'd better stop eating pizzas
LatrineUsedToBeShitHouse
I like turtles.
Lizaderp
I used to bite. One day I put on acrylic nails. They looked so nice that I didn't feel the need to bite. When I took them off, I didn't bite
ADisturbedOne
I used to as a kid, but grew out of it, I can't even stand the feeling of my nail after biting. it feels horrible and cringy.
DoublevBomb
I did not notice the missing finger immediate due to those nails, oh man.
CleanLeQueefer
This.
ackackackackackackackackackackackackackackack
Yes yes YES this is why I come to imgur. For the top comments
Zegot
it's impossible to quit. stopping for a while and letting it grow back just makes it look more inviting than before.
IdHaveSexualIntercourseWithHerIfSheLegallyConsentedToDoSoWithMe
@OP apparently didn't stop at the nail on one finger.
Mebae
This is what I thought he was talking about and didn't even see the fingernails.
yesisaiditnotsorry
I had to go back to see which finger then, OH! CAN'T. STOP. LAUGHING. NO BREATH. CALL 9.1.1. I'M UNDER MY DESK. OH. GOD!
clarkster501
Well ..4 chances left to stop biting them on this hand ...
tcwelldone
playingdead2022
They wanted a hot dog
SexyAlligator
My mom bites her nails like this. She's been doing it for years. Nothing works to prevent it. Some people just have a bad addiction.
Recycleyourpets
Spray some Carolina reaper chili spray on her fingers. I have a feeling it should do the trick pretty quickly
SexyAlligator
lmaoooooo
7HIris
How about leave @OP alone .. it's hardly the worst thing he could be doing .. and like telling someone to calm down, you aren't helping
ResearchByJoe
Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap yourself whenever you bite or pick. You'll stop within a few days
vihra
I'm told this works with masterbation too but fuck that..
ResearchByJoe
Agreed
clarkster501
Jessicarrrlove
My ex's nails weren't as bad as these, but not far from. I loved him, but god his nails made me cringe.
FuzzPig
Zegot
that first one is next level stuff.
noonannight
Is that from nail biting?!
SirDownvote
For some reason a lot of guitar players have these kinds of fingers. Nasty shit
HighFive1
I stopped biting 3mos ago &mine looked like this (not the 1st pic). It is kind of a mental condition similar to cutting w/ less drama
TheCur
There is a nearly 60 y/o female manager in our division who's fingers look like this. It's so gross and distracting.
LatrineUsedToBeShitHouse
Better watch yourself or she'll give you the fingers.
itstara333
You're gross and distracting... GOT EEEMMMM
RobAPhahmacy
I bite my fingernails too, just like this. It’s so embarrassing. Tried everything to stop, just can’t.
[deleted]
[deleted]
FoundationSCP
Hey it's not entirely bad. The small exposure to germs will slowly build your immune system over many years!
Zegot
or make your immune system attack your own body.
HighFive1
I started taking biotin which makes them grow crazy fast and strong...that def helped break the habit since i could get excited ab progress
Zero3Quarter
Does anyone here do it to the point that it shifted their lower jaw so that they don’t have a technically proper underbite?!
rumblyinmytumbly
I had to replace the habit with a different one. Started with putting polish on and picking it off. Then filing and buffing.
rumblyinmytumbly
Mine were horrible, but it's been more than ten years, if I can do it so can all of you!
cozykel
The only way I can keep from biting my nails is painting them a really cool color. Until it starts to chip, anyway...
lifforic
same here.... I think it's time I put poison or something like that on my fingers
Raccoonlifeainteasy
Jesus Christ, people. Get some fucking will power over your life.
Flyndaran
Maybe OCD meds seeing as how it's a self destructive compulsive behavior.
michBeast
Tell all the people around you, to slap your face when they see you doing it. It will stop.
PabloWhiskobar
I recommend a traumatic brain injury. Worked for me. Memory came back after about a month, no more nail biting.
SpaceGhostToast
Glad you made it out alright!
PabloWhiskobar
Thanks! I got lucky.
fastfire57
If you don't like it just f***ing stop
d0pium
Yeah same problem here. It's embarrassing but oh so satisfying... then you get a hangnail and regret everything for the next day or two
IvanReznov
It's called willpower, bud.
PennFifteen
So much of it is sub concious
jaesley
I quit my job with no backup and about a month later realized I hadn't bitten them since. Unemployment sucks but my nails look amazing.
ladydavis
I stopped by putting nail polish remover on my nails every morning, tastes awful!
smashasaurus
I used to till I got acrylic nails, the bitter taste of chemical, gel and such pretty much killed any desire to bite or pick at them.
glitterkitty
Same!! I'm 33, and I've done it all my life. Tried everything, nothing works for me at all. :-(
ChiewParkAhbra
Grab yourself a manicure kit, shift your attention by grooming. I suffer severe GAD and have pulled entire nails out before. I am healing.
SomeGeographer
I get fake nails for this reason alone. You can try using clear nail polish (specifically a nail hardener one) to help deter yourself.
Raccoonlifeainteasy
The glue kills the nail. Good job
SomeGeographer
They're acrylic you idiot. I get them done professionally.
casuallyalive
I’m the same way. It’s very embarrassing and when I’m corrected I feel so ashamed. My boss and boyfriend are trying to help me quit but..
smashasaurus
Get acrylic nails, it's pretty hard to chew or bite when they taste awful.
casuallyalive
I just can’t quit. I’ve tried everything.
JayWalkinParakeet
Try doing some walking during the day when u feel like biting and keep your mind busy.any time I lose focus or stress bad I start again.
KizzleTizzle
Go get a manicure. Keep getting them. I’m a former biter and I stopped just cuz I wanted my hands to be pretty.
cozykel
Pretty hands is the key.
justchelsea
this worked for me, but only when i got gel nails. and getting upkeep on those is so expensive