hoopsnek
251339
8065
98
High capacity tactical assault shorts
May 24, 2018 7:36 PM
hoopsnek
251339
8065
98
TheGrubermeister
Buzzfeed's opinion carries less weight than my grandma
kr662
Dear BuzzFeed, stop being cancer.
MadMupp
And who the fuck are buzzfeed to dictate what people wear?
Batarcher
I love how the 2nd profile pic is of an operator in R6S that wears cargo shorts
DickMangoes
It's also the name and url
Batarcher
velvetBugVillan
I’m an old guy. It was about 3 years ago I found imgur and then deleted buzz feed the next day because they sucked my will to live out of me
DrewF650GS
I would also like to delete buzzfeed
CoinsareBinaryDice
Dear Buzzfeed, Stop vilifying straight men for no fucking reason.
LSharkfin80
Imagine listening to, or caring about anything Buzzfeed had to say.
ThrashPanda1
If wearing cargo shorts is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
tzxAzrael
women hate cargo shorts because pants are bad enough, but this is just rubbing the pockets thing in their faces.
Dionysus187
I have pockets I dont even USE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Buef0rd
Go f yourself buzzfeed
MSGinSC
Ok, I'm just gonna cinch a Crown Royal bag around my balls and donger and wear that instead.
AlwaysAdventurous
Hang an exit sign over your ass
putthatinyourjuiceboxandsuckit
AudioRyan
This was almost me with my beer. Hand covered and all
AudioRyan
Lost it at “donger”
XCavAo
That made me laugh very conspicuously in the middle of the office.
TheUpdootist
Donger is a pretty underappreciated word.
EdoubleLIOdoubleT
Airplane mini?
TheRealGoddamnLochNessMonster
We want pics
iwishjtmoneywasstillavailableitsmyoldvideogamemoniker
Seconded
RainDog55
Secondary Sack. Backup Balls. Traveling Testicles. Concealed Coin Purse.
falconuruguay
Only the classiest of sacks for your sac...purple IS the the color of royalty!
fullblownSatan
Please no I can't lose her again
GlassApples
$50 for that ensemble at Urban Outfitters
theloneponderer
Easy dyi sporran
MSGinSC
The perfect accessory for my Rebel flag kilt.
Girwashere
That's fucking awesome
CometLaHal
PhilipJFryIII
EternalSunshineofthePotlessMind
Do you listen to Dave and Chuck the freak?
MSGinSC
never heard of them.
Waitinglikeastalkingbutler
Best thing I've read so far today
HomeSliceCoolBreeze
Heavy lies the crown, brother!
ImNotAnOrange
Becarful where you do that or you will end up on a list for life
tegfdd77
Stay home and drink
LadyKatie
You won’t.
nicktahou
The Donger need FOOD!
FreckFamMonster
Only upvoted this for "balls and donger".
Fiss
Ahh, the "Dice Bag" maneuver. Classic!
RenaissanceFaireMan
Where else are you going to keep your D&D dice?
SirStrongBad
Thank you for making me LOL
BoopityBee
Spoiler alert: we don’t really care if you wear cargo shorts.
notanimposter
I don't care if men do, but cargo shorts/pants are actually really attractive to me on women, for some reason
BigRai
Spoiler alert: we don't really care that you don't really care if we wear cargo shorts
NeynasGhost
I care because I'm jealous about how hard it to find cargo shorts that fit me.
LostABetCanOnlyCommentNoOrVariationsThereOfWhenIFeelLikeItMOM
this article is 3 years old, written by a man, and is complaining that there isn't more variety because saminess is boring. Oh the horror.
batmobile2
Thank you
Thuperduper
Also, I think cargo shorts are sexy. Where what you want, men!
thirdearthsurf10
No album..
FinallyGotAUsernam3
Some girls actually really do care but I grew up in a preppy part of town.
ninoochka
Yes we do
thehoesenone
I guess the point here is no one every speaks for half the population, whether you're for or against them
rainyrivers
I buy my husband cargo shorts they're like a diaper bag I don't have to carry
BionicToad
Found the married woman section...
rainyrivers
And? Find yourself a woman that doesn't hate them. Marry her. We're usually kinda cool.
BionicToad
18 years happily married.
dijital101
Yep, my wife demands I wear them if we're doing family activities. Zoo, amusement park, all-day shopping trips, etc. No purse worries.
SchrodinergsSpy
Me too. I love not having to carry my phone or wallet.
rainyrivers
Yas. My purse is usually the repository but when he wears cargo shorts they are!
whatupmyknitters
i make fun of my dad when he wears them, but that's because they're too big for him, he doesn't wear underwear w/ them, and you can see his-
nicktahou
Donger!
whatupmyknitters
--asscrack from space.
orangemarmaladesky
Now cargo kilts on the other hand...
BunnyBooBear69
youareprettygreat
https://imgur.com/LLYKcqn
RichardValentine
Some do, I've been mocked! Mocked, I say!
Insomnia297
Get off the cross, we need the wood
saltminer1117
These girls were making fun of my cargo shorts at a bar #MeToo
TheDustyOne
Because they are jealous. Show off your pockets and carry capacity.
Millillion
Cargo shorts are like a real life version of mods for RPGs that increase carry capacity.
TheDustyOne
The ultimate legacy cargo shorts would be able to hold other cargo shorts.
pancreas
where do you think those rpg stats came from...?
AlienMark
Step 1, ignore everything ever posted by Buzzfeed. Step 2, enjoy your wonderfully protected brain cells
notaprofessionalcommentor
"They can have our cargo shorts... WHEN THEY PRY THEM OFF OUR COLD, DEAD, ASSES!!!!"
noodlingBananathing
...hopefully
TarzanLickingJanesJungle
mextexcomenntaco
If they find on which pocket I’ve hidden the scissors
MinnesotaMathew
I'm hitting the age where I just don't give a damn what women like. That and having been married for 16 years helps. I'll keep my cargos.
tomyironmane
Bah. I know what they like. The opposite of whatever I am.
Pansuchi
Humor or a huge dick
tomyironmane
...Fuck. OR. That's my problem. Not AND.
footblockking
Cold, dead, FABULOUS asses
J1289k
*flat
GiantDad420
Flatulous*
rootintooincowboi
Just imagine cargo pants double the pockets. We will win every war
DoublevBomb
J1289k
You forgot “flat”
alasaurusrex
And even then good luck, for I will have glued it to my cold, dead ass
opeterdadju
tottally sayd it my friend
glenlochie
.... when women give up spiked heels and panty hose
tegfdd77
Gladly!
DoublevBomb
Ready your A-Salt rifle.
a07joshuajj
or when we get grass stains on them...
thatwoodguy
"Um, phrasing"
o4kill
I will stop wearing cargo pants (not a shorts guy) when I stop carrying a wallet, keys, cell phone, sunglasses, screwdriver, more keys, ...
tomyironmane
I might have to upgrade from jeans myself.
o4kill
Carpenter's jeans are similarly useful. I'm partial to Duluth's with the gusseted crotch.
ComanderoftheShepard
Dude if you can afford to splash on them 5.11's are dope cargo pockets with dividers in them knife pockets on the front and each crotch room
tomyironmane
If they're patterned after military trouzers in cut, I might.
CrusherOfCities
Articles like this are only further damaging the dangerously low testosterone levels at Buzzfeed.
AlwaysandEventuallyHannah
Buzzfeed is a business it can't have a testosterone level
valen00
mission fucking accomplished
NotACanadian
Soyfeed
DoublevBomb
Existential dread and/or empty bubble-headedness can do that too. Probably common in Buzzfeed shitposters.
Veggisaurus
Women need to then stop wearing animal prints and those giant scarves.
FrogBotherer
...what's wrong with cargo shorts? Most of my shorts are cargo shorts.
ResetButton
Say fashion is judged by the elegance of a silhouette. Many cargos struggle with baggy fits in the top block & legs and inelegant fabric.
doubleormuffin
I like shorts. They're comfy and easy to wear
odinigh
Gotta fit 'em all!
exlurker42
They're not cargo shorts when they're black. Then they're high capacity tactical assault shorts.
BADD0GGIE
That thing coming out the front is my pistol grip.
ThomKlanc
...I'm wearing high capacity tactical assault shorts right now
BahamutBBob
But are they black, or slightly darker black?
ShouldersDeepInAHorse
Why do we allow civillians to own Assault Shorts!? REEEEE
ThoughtYouSaidSithLord
Banned in California. And you can’t buy more than one pair of regular capacity shorts a month, to so you can’t just wear multiple pairs.
Camacho2016
I didn't know CNN had an imgur account
lanemyer2dollar
The extra pockets are like bump stocks.
WoggyWogs
tomyironmane
Illegal in NY.
ReaperCDN
Tacticorts. They're called Tacticorts.
gatharen
They also look great through grainy cafeteria security cameras
cardboardunderwear
I would also put camouflage in that catagory.
LongEaredGaloot
Don’t say that dude! California will probably ban them now......
ActionAndy
Ban all assault shorts. No one needs to be able to carry that much in their shorts.
DougDeNasty
If they are zipped up then they also have a flash suppressor/flash hider, that makes them even worse!
Ugotitinmyeye
Best comment ever!
jumbosmooth
Yeah, assaulting the yard, the grocery store, the parts store, Home Depot. Next to the M1 these are the greatest battle implement ever.
tehniceguy
yee
WellBehavedZombie
My friend Lesion from rainbow 6 says plain brown cargo shorts are just as tactical.
ColoniseTheGalaxy
Go well with a tactilneck.
thalass
TheHumanCentipanzer
Capable of firing off a non stop stream of 30 sweet finger guns without a reload
thedarkcanuck
And if they're in faded woodland BDU camo, they're my metal concert shorts
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
tomyironmane
Might have to make me a pair... I got some old MARPAT deserts lying around...
thedarkcanuck
Makes me miss my CADPATs. Maybe I should pick up a set for camping
TarzanLickingJanesJungle
Arnoxthe1
When you're just about to take on a boss in Serious Sam.
Grudgebearingmidget
"Commando" for anyone wondering, Its basically every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie rolled into one, if you like action films, watch it.
Grudgebearingmidget
Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie*
pancreas
tactleshorts
Rampaigekidd
To keep you tacticool.
usernametakenisthestoryofmylife
1 pair, issue-HCTAS.
bohjeenie
Assault shorts you say...
EatTacos
Yes. Assault shorts, with the option to attach a chainsaw bayonet.
barf1189
You can assault my shorts.. they are weak and feeble like the Ukraine
BearToof
Ukraine, they aren’t dead. Yet.
bohjeenie
Was thinking more nefarious, as I'd hang out in dimly lit parks wearing my new shorts from Kohls...
killer10347
Don't forget semi-automatic. One hand goes in, one item comes out.
SecretlyHitlerandStalinsLoveChild
But what if you go fully semi-automatic
tomyironmane
Then you should fix the hole in your pocket.
Treksdot
Then you're just playing with yourself at that point.
idowhatiwantwastaken
Military grade even! Which I still have no idea that actually means
bohemiancrabcity
It means "scary looking"
exlurker42
Assuming they mean it's built to military spec, shitty but massively overpriced due to testing to make sure it meets the low military specs.
idowhatiwantwastaken
This guy knows! Haha
DoublevBomb
*deep breathing*
meresin2718
Jameshooper
*screams in Diane Finsteinn*
rangeit
This is so on point. +1
DirkNurple
I voted for her, but my god did I laugh at this.
tomyironmane
... why? Why would you vote for an autoritarian troll like Frankenstein?
CyborgScribe
Autoritarian seems a little exaggerated
tomyironmane
Only because she ain't succeded at the anti-gun part yet.
DirkNurple
I guess I’m a bleeding heart liberal? I’m guessing you don’t like her stance on guns? She’s actually pretty hawkish.
JustaDick
Some of us aren't a fan on any of her stances. With guns she's a particularly amusing combination of loud and uninformed.
dravasaur
Lol i just bought vans cargo shorts! And i must i cant keep the ladies off me.
dravasaur
*say
dravasaur
*say
HelaSisterOfThor
I don't get the cargo shorts hate. My man wears them. My son wears them. I wish I had pockets in my clothes.
JRedBear
My younger sister complained about this so I gave her some pairs of Cargo shorts. She loves them.
honeyboobees
My fiancé wears them. I’m glad he does. I give him my phone and wallet to hold in the pockets sometimes.
NotyourDuckingMothersmastectomy
I WEAR his cargo shorts... they're just clothes jeez...but yes, very practical tactical
youknowthatiknow
I love a man in cargo shorts! So manly! They got everything in there! Tools, miscellaneous fittings, loose change Ames snacks! Dad purse
CrossBetween
Dad purse? I’ve never heard that one before, but to me it brings a mental image of a nutsack.
SqueakShow
Worked for a lady who bought all her shorts from the men's section at an army and camping store. She was my idol. Soooo many pockets.
EnderPanda13
Actually I work in apparel in Wal-Mart and we've gotten a tonne of dresses and other clothes with full depth pockets. Try looking up- 1/2
EnderPanda13
Time and True and Terra & Sky brands. T&T are actually really soft and flexible. 2/2
giraffinator
They're practical and reasonably comfy but they're the Nickleback of the pants world
Hasll1
They screw up your natural body shape because of how baggy the pockets are cargo pants with pockets that are closer to the leg are fine
Alphahi
They're comfy af.
dowingba
You're allowed to wear them too.
RedHeadMtnGrl
Thank you, I like them as well (on guys that is, I’m not inclined to wear them).
letthefuturebegin
That’s why I wear jeans.
Zeefox
Why does anyone need more than the normal 2-4 pockets for casual clothes? Why would you wear something ugly that adds practically no value?
GrundleFondler
To reverse your question: why would one need handbags? It's not like there's ever an occasion where you need space for more than half your ~
GrundleFondler
~phone, car keys and 3 tic tacs?
DrKriegersClone
Back pockets are worst pockets. A wallet is about the least bad thing to sit on that you might put in any pocket, and even that isn't great.
GrimAnimus
1. Ugly? 2. Having items in big, loose pockets is way more compfy then shoving my wallet+phone in the small "standard" pockets
zFUBARz
Adds plenty of value, I got shit to carry. Also fuck skinny jeans, which seems to still be the "fashionable trend".
PandaDander
The fashion industry hates cargo shorts because they aren't something people will buy for 100 bucks a pair.
Ljnoodles
$13 a pair at Costco! Suck it skinny , ripped, and other deformed leg clothing.
plainoldfool
I'm sure there are some Eddie Bauer/Banana Republic-level cargo shorts that retail for +$100. Me, I get the cheap shit at Kohls or Old Navy
DominickDickerson
Utility vs aesthetics. I think it’s that the trend has gone back to a shorter men’s short. Cargo shorts typically will end below the knee.
EllenElyse
Yeah, I like cargo shorts on guys.
nafierye
Here, here!
DoublevBomb
*slow, deep breaths*
FrostyLady
Me also!
Totallyscrewedinaustin
What's stopping you? I wear cargo shorts
Bassemuss
I just need like 2 set of pockets, that would be nice. I need fair middleground between long pants and pocket big enough for a phone
Equinox13
I concur. I used to wear men's cargo shorts all the time and, take it from a girl, they were the most comfy thing ever.
aPokal
And take it from a boy. If you put weight in the side pockets, you still get a nice form fit on ya ass. A big phone is already enough.
Equinox13
I remember the time I went somewhere and fit an entire book in one of the side pockets to take with me. Bliss.
aPokal
Admittingly pants, not shorts, but i had pair i once packed a WEEK worth of food (for me and i eat big). I only carried potatoes by hand.
honeyboobees
I don’t like how they fit on me.
HorribleWifey
I don't care for them, but the second I tell him what to wear, the moment he can select my fashion. No thanks. Wear it or don't, idgaf
SirDuckOnQuack
What if he wants to wear them on his head when going out somewhere public
HorribleWifey
Then let him. He can look dopey all he wants. Not my choice.
PresidentialRoboHobo
Your username does not check out
MrSnowy
You're a good person
HorribleWifey
Shucks. I'm not horrible at everything I guess ;)
OBM1
Haha, yes funny how that works.
gopms
I've never met a woman who has any opinion on cargo shorts on guys.
hormelchi1i
You'll get roasted for wearing cargos on a college campus in the southeast.
RiddlingVenus0
I go to college in South Texas and I only wear cargo shorts. No one has ever said anything.
depressingcomments
So like Florida? Since when do we care what those idiots think of us?
RealScienceMan
You could wear them, just because they say men's doesn't mean that they burst into flame if they come into contact with a whoha.
canyouthriveat35
Men’s clothes don’t fit properly though.
honeyboobees
I don’t like how the fit on me. Idk?
tanebou
Why call it a "whoha"? Does it make a sound like a glass bottle when you blow across the top?
RealScienceMan
I dunno, it was funny to me at the time.
TailBiter
They are super comfortable. But I notice there’s extra material in the front for my non existent nuts. Looks weird to me.
Mavgurian
Ask your mom/nana to show you how to trim clothes? (Yeah, yeah, maybe men sew too, sue me ...)
BearToof
Well to be fair I’ve never seen an article pleading women not to wear them. Maybe they were for women all along!
fightyminnn
They hold anything and everything, including the Vagene
HeyZeusPourMeAnotherGlass
Given your name, I hope that you've tested this... While wearing a lab coat and goggles.
StealthLog
Lab coat, goggles, *and* cargo shorts
RealScienceMan
Shorts are unacceptable lab safety attire. We wear cargo pants.
RealScienceMan
Unfortunately we're still in the recruiting phase. Oddly enough women don't want to be in a study where different clothes are rubbed on them
Mavgurian
Maybe do not wear the clothes at the time you are rubbing them on the women?
Shendorion
They're the ultimate expression of male privelege. You're lucky to have six pockets in your whole wardrobe, and I've got six on one garment.
Peanutchews
And they can hold more than a single quarter! My phone barely fits in the butt pocket of my jeans.
Mdhe
Wait are... are women forbidden to wear cargo shorts?
Shendorion
By other women, yes.
BunnyBooBear69
So you're saying that other woman literally prevent you from wearing them? Or are you just being metaphorical, in which case, screw them.
Shendorion
They come out in mobs and tear you, limb from limb if you're caught in cargos. It's really gruesome.
sahdad
As a dad, I wear cargo shorts all summer, and sandals, and I got them all from Costco. I'm comfy and it was cheap.
MetalPsychologist
I’m right now wearing Costco cargo shorts. And I’m at Disney. Cargo is an official sponsor of Disney parks.
MetalPsychologist
Okay, fun story. I’m sitting on the monorail. There are four people on my bench, all guys, all cargo shorts. Three khaki, one charcoal.
rhilterbrant
And you got handy snack pockets when the kids are getting whiney. "Have some goldfish. You are kind of a dick when you are hungry."
sahdad
Just yesterday I was carrying cookies in my cargo pockets while walking the kids to the park.
JSmith316
DadddyWarlord
I bought these running sweats were they don't have pockets on the sides, but have one pocket near the thigh area. Pretty weird, but it works
Icantbelieveitsnotskepticism
Don't you fucking steal my business idea! That's word for word what I had in mind. Even the name! I say as if I had the energy and money.
JSmith316
MightyMayhem
badmusicpuns
Hooot pockeeeets
idontlikecricket
I told a colleague I liked her dress the other day. She said she wasn't sure. I said, but it has pockets? Dress love ensued
ilsalta
EvilDeadTed
See, women are just jealous of our cargo shorts!
samwyze
Oh, your clothes have no pockets? Mine have ALL the pockets!
Shawnthegirl
I would shop there.
BumbleBeeBeardedGingerBear
mspeel7212
I would shop there!
sphincterstretcher
I'd shop there.
EmmaReiki
I would buy all of my clothes from here.
MockerBird
POKETSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
MinnesotaPeach
Hells yes. It's about time
ShowMeYourPenisOrTitsOrWhateverAnyNudeWillDoImNotPicky
I'm honestly surprised something like this hasn't taken off in a big way yet. It seems like most women share in this frustration.
ThanksItHasPockets
How do I favorite a comment?
JSmith316
I’ll make it easier:
v
Ivoteforscience
They make sports bras with pockets and they're amazing
DiscoPandaGluck
LetumComplexo
Bras are pockets already though.
jayar1st
Stop posting this and do it.
zFUBARz
Pssst I believe they make bras with pockets, although they're more of a novelty/drug thing.
KyPi
Fuck yeah
Zeefox
I want to start a chain of sewing stands with the sole purpose of sewing real pockets into clothes that already have fake ones.
jwan
It’s called eshakti.
DoublevBomb
They remove them because they want to sell you expensive handbags. Unisex retailers help to buck this trend.
SophiaRose01
Why Is that not a thing yet
n0n53n53
bras are just pockets for boobs though
MorrighanWolf
Do it and we will invest.
myrkana
Underwear with pockets can be part of the hidden booty line xD
EliteSpork
Pockets are one of God’s colors.
benadrylcandysnatch
My sports bra has a pocket inside :)
CoopDaWoop
Bra-kets
marblefoxx95
The "burse"
MaxweIIhaus
MechanusIncarnate
is a common quantum mechanics notation.
Ryanator50
that's a clever strategy. you can even patent the pocketed bra to make sure no one copies it!
merciz
what if they ask for a pocket-less pocket clothes?
sistersu2
The Bras with pockets should be called "treasure chests"
mratio
EmmaReiki
You need more upvotes. @ExtraUpvote You brilliant person!
ExtraUpvote
+1'd!
JSmith316
I agree, and we could pair them with some “booty shorts!”
SmokeMeAKipperIllBeBackForBreakfast
If you think about it, bras are already strap on pockets. Pockets for holding boobs.
TheBestRussian
Over the shoulder boulder holder
jdiamondd
I've seen a lot of people use their bra as a phone pocket and I've never seen anyone who wasn't gross use their bra as a phone pocket.
RunsNakedThroughSwamps
Boob pockets. Bockets.
Daddygeek84
And cell phones.
HeartMiyu
But then they get sweaty.. And you get boob print on the screen
RocketRodster
How about a clothing store called "pockets" and nothing inside has pockets? It will be ironic, hipster, and hopefully close down after 6 mon
theeAndikrist
Will there be craft beer?
billtopia
Only the craftiest of beers.
nashpotato
I hope.
Hellboy86
Just use nature’s pocket
celestedrake
No.
CosmicTeapot
Grab her by the pocket!
BraapJohnson
Pu...pu, put your dick in it.
unseenkiller
I caught that futurama reference
HappyMadison
A hot pocket?
teakasaurus
Natures pocket gets sweaty and damp DX
SandwichRGood
Yeah, they have 2!
TemetNosce000
The prison wallet? Sounds unsanitary
MarcoPoloOnPollo
TherealVenomSnake
He’s got an ass pen, he’ll stab you with it
DukeDarkwood
"Let me tell you about this watch."
mratio
LBarto
Why is this not top comment
trigonman3
Not enough upvotes.
JacksNaggingProcrastination
Because it’s a reply, not a direct comment to the post.
KroggandMohawk
Don't let em pick ur pocket!
unseenkiller
I caught this futurama reference too. Good on you two. Everyone else, shame.
Rensome
Grab em by the pocket.
AidenT92
You can pick your own pocket, but not your friend's pocket
Squideer
"You can pick your friends, And you can pick your pocket, But you can't pick your friend's pocket."
CommunistDarthVader
The lesion profile picture puts the icing on the cake
Gezo
I hadn't even noticed
pilgore
Captain Cargo Shorts himself!
SeverianBC
Just a little prick
Slaptron
I did a word search for Lesion in the comments, thank you for not disappointing.
happybeeps
Time to bring back the fanny pack.
muddymoomoo
Aka the bum bag to us brits
OTTERMAN2500
Bring it back? Like it ever left!
LetsGiveItATry
I bought one. Joe Rogan is a helluva salesman. Glad I listened.
DoublevBomb
A fanny pack being on the front seems confusing until you remember what it means in British.
Kakya
I am a women. I went to the men's section and bought myself a pair of cargo shorts. I love all the pockets.
thewizdad
My wife loves this!
Shakktii
I’m the same way as well. They are comfy and have pockets.
SqueakyFearFart
All of my shorts are dude's basketball shorts. Breathable, comfy, durable, pockets, and -gasp- actually cover my ass unlike women's shorts.
Kakya
I really hate short shorts and it is almost impossible to find cute shorts that actually cover anything.
Gianttesticlemonster
I love my cargo shorts. Have about 3 pairs. And I look dead sexy in them.
LiterallyNothingAvailable
About 3? Give or take 1 or 2?
Daemoneyes
Probably 1 that doesnt show wear, 2 that are so so and 5 he never threw away because they are good enough for work.
Daemoneyes
I speak from experience and ButtFeed can go to hell, i wear what i want.
OTTERMAN2500
That's probably because you have gigantic testicle
Gianttesticlemonster
My boys need room
NotJimi
What else am I supposed to store my backup beers in while I mow the lawn?
Jackiesfetus
Oh my god you are genius. How have I not thought of this?
NotJimi
You gotta drink fast though, or they get warm and shaken up.
fake40nedeso
That’s part of the fun!
ZeroTA
Damn right. 1 in the cupholder, 1 in each pocket.
NotJimi
*Shoots finger-guns*
PedanticGonkDroid
I will say I was pretty popular at summer band practice due to carrying six water bottles in my pockets. My section was HYDRATED, folks.
thenipplebandit
Marching band brother/sister?
PedanticGonkDroid
Yep, trombone here.
thenipplebandit
Well this alto saxophonist says hello.
PandaPliskin
I like the way you think.
ResetButton
https://imgur.com/NagEGe8
NotJimi
Only if there’s a sombrero option.
ResetButton
...https://imgur.com/kS7fGeo?
NotJimi
lalwaysupvotecatsandTHT
Time to give all my pants away and wear nothing but cargo shorts for the rest of my life.
Lostchild12
It kind of gets to a -25 F here not counting another -10+ F for wind chill.
HawaiianWithExtraPineapples
Two Words clear snow pants
lalwaysupvotecatsandTHT
Sounds like a nice Easter!
jennico78
1) The person from Buzzfeed who wrote this was probably a man who wears skinny jeans and uses a murse. 2) I, as a woman, find them sexy. Bam
DancesWithPibbles
And I as a woman love the skinny jean look and find cargo shorts unflattering. We each have our own likes and dislikes, which is good.
CrusherOfCities
And apparently has shockingly low T.
MidLifeChrysler
Came to post this. They don't even qualify for Beta status.
DiracsDelta
Fuck you, I wear what I want. And I want fucking pockets on my shorts.
Ryannewton85
And lots of them
ToasterDent
Rage Against the Clickbait
NotACanadian
I wear cargo pants. With 4x the pockets. Pockets on those pockets. And a cargo shirt. Cargo shoes. Cargo hat.
noahfuxgiven
and cargo croks
DiracsDelta
How about a cargo vest and cargo neckerchief.
DoublevBomb
iwishjtmoneywasstillavailableitsmyoldvideogamemoniker
I wish I was handy sowing, I would sow pockets on the outside of pockets.
CrusherOfCities
How does telling men what to wear even work? One of the LEAST manly things a guy can do is care what others think about his clothes.
NubbleDelimigator
Reverse psychology marketing by Big Apparel.
DoublevBomb
Some people are mindless slaves to commercialism, norm-enforcers and other types of pointless-conformity-for-someone-else's-benefit.
Nenstuff
... But what am I supposed to wear? Jorts are mocked. Basketball shorts aren't useful for everyday
DancesWithPibbles
I really like banana republic’s Aiden slim shorts. They’re hot. But I tend to like my husband in a little more stylish look like that.
PossiblyABananaButProbablyNot
MC Hammer pants, but with the bottom cut off.
nero4ty2
Kuhn renegade shorts
BronzeLeaguePro
A mankini.
notaprofessionalcommentor
Wow! Rude much? Please call it a Banana Hammock like a normal person
DoublevBomb
Cargo shortalls.
WaffleDestroyer
If only basketball shorts had better pockets... I keep donating change every time I lay down or sit on a couch... it just flys out.
ResetButton
Owned a pair of shorts with a downwards-pointing flap sewn halfway down the pocket. Would catch change, phones, keys...
AxelYamanaka
Harem pants, like Aladin
ResetButton
Cargos with a nice taper can look great. Dark chino shorts are timeless and versatile replacement for jorts.
OMGamIImguringCorrectly
Obviously what any other self-respecting male would wear. A romper.
DoublevBomb
I prefer shortalls, myself.
Nenstuff
ah i see.
Quesadildos
It's not our fault. Have you tried finding affordable men's shorts that don't have cargo pockets? They don't exist.
pamyuffs
They exist... but they're shorty shorts in hideous pastel colors.
OfficialCommentFromCorporate
Point me to these pastel shorty shorts, I would like to procure some pairs.
chiefs86
https://www.vineyardvines.com/mens-shorts/
OfficialCommentFromCorporate
jackpot! Thanks!
Deadpoolio7
Fuck off am I spending £50 on a bright pair of fucking chino shorts that make it look like I just came from a day out at Wimbledon
BakaWakka
Why would I want shorts without cargo pockets?
Jammkat
You could use swim shorts but they have that horrible netting on the inside that makes your balls feel like supermarket vegetables.
srslydude
Can’t you cut it out?
Strongit
There are dress shorts and cargo shorts. No in between.
Chowdahhh
The Gap had shorts for $20 this past weekend that seem pretty decent
ink1982
Target, too. Plain shorts, twenty bucks. Find your size, buy all the colors; easy peasy.
zFUBARz
Ugh, so many pleats, Now THAT is terrible looking.
ZimGenzko
Yeah they do.
nero4ty2
Kuhn renegade,$50 but worth it
Estoyp00ping
Plus they come in stylish zip up pockets, button pockets and the best of em all Velcro pocket covers!
DetroMex
Squishy shorts
MycolTheFunguy
I cant stand looking for shorts cause they all look like shitty cargo pants. Try and find a flat pair of plain volcoms anywhere seriously.
itsrainingincalifornia
Found some Volcom shorts at Nordstrom rack for $26 there were sooooo many
catscatscatscat
This is not a good excuse, man. Internet shopping exists.
gingerkittylove
Haha they exist. Men have it SO easy when it comes to clothes.
MultiTrackDrifting
Oh fuck you. No one has it easy when it comes to clothes except all those skinny little fuckers that can shop at thrift stores.
opkraut
I'm skinny and it's annoying trying to find pants that are the right waist size and length. It's still not easy for us
MultiTrackDrifting
My bad, I was speaking out of anger. You’re right of course...
AidenT92
Lies! You can find cheaply priced women's clothes everywhere because there's a bigger market for it. Men, not so much.
Jedimika
The down side for men is lack of variety. Women have tons of formal options. Men? Grey or black suit... But you can pick the color of tie!
Quesadildos
Men have like three different levels of clothing formality. Women have 1,846,284,288,392
ScumCommander
It's because we stole the women's pockets and made larger pockets for us.
AidenT92
Shhhhhhhh they haven't caught on yet
Sutashi
You bastards. We want our pockets back.
deathclamfive
I have this issue right now and my wife doesn't understand.
Quesadildos
Like, I'm not shelling out for a pair of $60 designer shorts just to avoid cargo pockets.
MissAizea
Go to Ross, they have a lot of designer brands for very little $
deathclamfive
Ive been there, all the shorts are either crazy designs/fabrics, cargo or normal but very short.
itsrainingincalifornia
Nordstrom rack, they have really nice regular shorts for under $40 AND they also sell really nice cargo shorts too.
DancingPanther
I mean... What's wrong with nice, comfortable cargo shorts? Better than jeans in the summer. I wear them as part of my "decent" wardrobe
Quesadildos
I don't care about wearing them or not. I'm just tired of getting ragged on for wearing them!
MycolTheFunguy
Because they make you look like a dad with socks and sandals or a 10 year old.
DancingPanther
I mean mine are from Abercrombie ( I know I know it's the only thing I buy in there) and they absolutely make me look like neither of those
Sutashi
No. That would be those shorts that are shorter than boxers. I swear every old guy wears those.
ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay
I don't accesorize with 10 year olds. That is just weird.
PresidentProTempore
They have nice shorts at Ross :/
AnOtterDisaster
battleofhastings1066
Don't get me started on the shorts from Ross!
MissGrangerIfYoureNasty
They do! I know it's not every day you can find your size, but that's where my husband started getting shorts after the cargo discussion...
LasciviousHedgehog
There is nothing wrong with cargo shorts. But there are a lot of shitty cargo shorts out there. Ones that touch the knee and have velcro.
JackDawesLovesmybigwhat
What? Mens shorts should fall at or just below the knee.
LasciviousHedgehog
You're in good company then
OtterlyMagnificent
Yeah, no. As a girl, who wears cargo pants because pockets, USE FUCKING SNAPS!
SpikeTheGoat
[ Velcro ripping sound intensifies ]
OtterlyMagnificent
NOOOOOO!
CyrusTheOk
I hate shorts that don't go to my knees... Because I hate my knees... Because my knees are weird....
PedanticGonkDroid
I don't know you or your knees, but nobody's knees are attractive. It's just not made to be a nice-looking joint. Go easy on yourself.
zFUBARz
psssshhh, You aint seen my knees. But still that other guy should go easy on himself. It's a high bar.
CyrusTheOk
Haha actually though, I'm slightly knock kneed and pretty self conscious about it. So bulky cargo shorts are a life saver.
filben7
You get those weird, boxy, doofy looking old men shorts that are just khaki pants with the legs cut off.
imAUser
Cargos with missing pockets?
mynameisbetterthanyours420x69
Oh God, someone got me those as a gift and I returned it
filben7
You dont want both sides of your shorts to look like your butt? Cargo shorts are dead because buzzfeed said so!
yourmotherandIthinkyoushouldmoveout
For DOUBLE THE FUCKING PRICE
filben7
Ebay. $12/shipped for shorts.
yourmotherandIthinkyoushouldmoveout
6$/shipped with giant pockets
filben7
Where, you will give link NOW!
kookyabird
For when you want obnoxious permanent creases instead of useful pockets!
GdSvThQn
Or bizarre looking pastel shorts with ducks on them.
PeteButtigieg
Or pineapples.
PaintChipsandScotch
Don’t you be takin smack about my sweet dorts now.
GdSvThQn
If you like em, wear em. They just aren't for everyone, cargo shorts 4 lyfe.
PaintChipsandScotch
There’s a time and place for everything, haha. Vegas? Dorts. Work on a 100F day? Cargo... or those weird pants with the knee zipper.
nopost
Or those overly preppy "My father is a lawyer and will sue you" pastel shorts
azmyth1
Those things are so much worse than cargo shorts.
chiefs86
What, don't you love those shorts where Brayden wears the pink ones and takes the family yacht out for a cruise with his best buds...
chiefs86
(2) Finn, Asher, and Noah, wearing pastel green, baby blue, and creamsicle orange, respectively?
Octoduck
Those... those are normal shorts.
Akirareturns
It's impossible to find "normal shorts" that don't reveal half my thigh. Cargo shorts are usually a longer cut, good for tall dudes.
filben7
Normal if you are a white, 50 year old suburban dork dad. Dont forget the matching calf high white socks and white new balances.
IllusivePanda
Today I Learned I'm a dorky dad. Which is odd as I am not a dad
Akirareturns
It's not the children that you father that are important here, but the dad jokes in your heart.
pamyuffs
Men can't win with shorts. Cargo shorts, you'll get made fun of. "Jorts," you'll get made fun of. I don't get why people judge them so bad
tomyironmane
Because women rule the world and don't care about men's comfort.
dwilson0725
Boots and jeans, 24/7, 365. Sleep in them. Shower in them. Never remove them.
tomyironmane
And trousers almost never have sufficient room in the ass or crotch unless the beltline is three sizes too big.