JamieGeorge
6752
255
19
Imagine being a Secret Service agent.
You train for years.
Counter-snipers. Threat assessment. Protective operations.
Then one morning your supervisor walks in and says:
"Good news, Johnson. Today you're guarding presidential poop."
The wildest part isn't the toilet.
The wildest part is that somewhere, in a classified briefing room, adults in suits had to spend actual taxpayer-funded hours discussing the logistics of international fecal transport. ✈️
Democracy is a beautiful fucking thing.
Think about the paperwork.
Chain of custody.
Transportation manifests.
Security protocols.
Federal employees filing reports about a box whose primary strategic value is that somebody once shat in it.
The Founding Fathers are spinning like ceiling fans.
Nothing says "leader of the free world" quite like flying your own toilet around the planet and making government personnel escort the contents home.
At some point satire stopped competing with reality and just fucking surrendered.
#Trump #Politics #SecretService #ToiletGate #SatireIsDead #WorldNews #PoliticalHumor #Democracy
https://www.themirror.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-takes-lead-vladimir-1926930
Xero999
He's been wearing nappies for year though
urusername2
trump is like the reflecting pool: shallow, scummy, and falling apart.
SquirrelWithATophat
US presidents have been doing this for quite a while. I first read about this practice maybe 20+ years ago. It stems from paranoia that other nations will collect and analyze the waste in order to find out sensitive medical information that they might be able to leverage against a US president. If I recall correctly, this paranoia originated after the CIA did precisely this to figure out that the president of some other country had secret medical problems.
FLFrank42
Like he actually uses a toilet
JohnThatcher
Top Secret Document disposal chute.
urusername2
You left out analyzing.
freshthrowaway1138
Why do you always include an AI image with your posts?
SpectrumRabbit
Priorities
Stumpkiller
Yes. He’s wearing it in the photo.
xxFUBDxx
That's because his shit is full of cancer drugs Adderall and kiddy blood.
Margrave9000
Absolutely. Every accusation is a confession, so it's THEM harvesting all that sweet adrenochrome, not Hillary, Soros or Podesta.
kimwimgoddess
This is insane
bobbobbybobbington
all because he's afraid of what could be worked out about his well being from his shit
JohnThatcher
He's not afraid. His handlers are.
bobbobbybobbington
yeah, and they have told him to be afraid :P
he's afraid of whatever they tell him is scary, he's not a smart man, just an immoral one.
ralph2sam
How hard is it to carry around the presidential diaper?
meganical
You’d be surprised how much shit comes out of him
TeddyMoment
I wouldn't wish that shit detail on my worst enema.
kimwimgoddess
Not just the toilet, but the crap that he crapped into it? They had to bring back his actual body waste? For real?
jnmjnmjnm
They just have a Diaper Genie(TM) that makes a long poop-snake.
Arkheno
friendsofsandwiches
I'm starting to wonder if they're TELLING him to take his literal shit with him.
OneUniverse
Fourteen Giant Trash Bags Full Of Diapers, Underwear, Pants, Sheets, Chair Seats, Rugs, Other People's Clothes, Socks, Shoes, Wipes, Stripes of Carpet. Beast Seat Covers. We are talking a snail trail of personal essence there and back.
horseman05
KamikazeGerbil101
NMguy
Just like Howard Hughs collecting urine in jars...eeewww....
Chaapai
He's gonna portion it out into little "gold" vials; containers and sell it for $250 to his army of supporters. Or he's going to dry it, put into vitamin type pill and sell THAT to his loyalist for $250 a bottle.
And they'll trip over themselves to purchase it/them.
UncleScarwasright
Velv3tThunder
Tbh I thought they already did that
JohnThatcher
There were a couple links posted in another comment that suggest at least Bush Sr. and Obama did it.
MacTually
I saw something where Trump is allegedly on this new drug that's not released.
They're not going to leave that anywhere. Also depending on what phase of research the stools could be collected to sample how the experimental drug is working.
imgurmage
This sort of thing is to prevent other nations from analyzing his waste and figuring out things like medical conditions, medications, general health, etc.
davebarton315101
Are you certain it’s not just so he can smear it all over the White House?
PallasCatgirl
I was going to say he's only doing that metaphorically, but then realized I had absolutely no confidence in that statement.
INeedMoreGifMeMoreJustOneMore
Which actually says A LOT about what they might be trying to hide.
OBAMA NEVER HID HIS SHIT!
stryhf
He did, actually. And when he didn't, it was made into a big deal.
https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/president-obamas-toilet-sweden
YuckFuMaga
I just thought they were using a diaper genie.
Randomice
... drug abuse.
leviaton
And the good stuff! High end pharmaceutical shit
drdorman86350
You don't need a PhD to see what's going on with the aging pumpkin.
literallymike
Pretty much just eyes and/or ears on any given day.
NoIdeaWhatToUseHere
What a glorious day it is to have eyes. And ears. And a nose.
ostensiblystupid
That’s probably exactly why this is happening. If foreign interests analyze his shit, then they can definitively pin down some of the medical problems that make him unfit for office and make a global display of it if they want.
Someone who wasn’t distinctly worried about that kind of scenario wouldn’t go to this level of extremes.
Jamnew60
Storing Trump’s waste verifies that there is something wrong with him that he desperately doesn’t want to get out.
ImurevJourhein
South Park 10 years ago: "...no, we can't do this for an episode. It's too out there even for us."
CelestialSea
He's terrified they'll expose what drugs he's on. In this case anti-dementia drugs are probably his top priority.
RetrogradeLlama
lackinglife
It's usually done to stop analysis and finding out someone's current medical and health diagnosis.
It's a super paranoid thing that generally the "string man" dictators who in fact have serious health problems do. Though I will say in the N Korean instance that they are also paranoid crazy fucks on another level so who knows with them.
RetrogradeLlama
Actually my thought too. He doesn’t want people knowing how much is wrong with him and how many drugs he’s on - especially the one-off drug that the FDA approved for him that they deny.
HamAdvocate
Presidents have been doing this since Bush I at least. Not breaking news.
DrenLithear
Citation needed please.
fdt69
I cannot vouch for this website but it suggests George W. did it, at least. https://www.newsx.com/world/kim-jong-un-vladimir-putin-joseph-stalin-mao-zedong-hafez-al-assad-mikhail-gorbachev-yoweri-museveni-george-w-bush-private-toilets-excrement-espionage-secrecy-poopchina-russia-north-korea-57759/
fdt69
As does this one, in an article about Obama. https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/president-obamas-toilet-sweden
heckruler
#1 Gross and kinda embarassing... but, yea, this is standard procedure for presidents for the last couple of decades. If an advanced thread can get a hold of someone's DNA they can custom-build a virus that targets them. A common cold for everyone else, but super-deadly to the target. Probably near-future sci-fi, but well within the realm of possible. The joys of CRISPR.
nikinnorway12
they'd just shoot him, or poison him. nobody is going to steal his poo and make a unique virus.
SirButcher
No, we are still very far away from that (luckily). However, knowing their illnesses, medication is important info for different countries' agencies.
FortifiedWhine
Yeah science is bad. Like, all science. Just in case someone misuses it we must demonise science and those who work within that field.
AtmaDarkwolf
I am not entirely sure u understood the point of the comment was something CAN be used for evil and should be guarded against, not to denounce and demonize everything under it.
FortifiedWhine
The "joys of CRISPR" comment just made me think it was a typical knee-jerk anti-science sentiment made by someone who doesn't care about the benefits if there is one flaw to complain about. But hey downvote away.
heckruler
We ALSO have some really cool things like glow in the dark cats and spider-web slinging goats. But it's just tool in the genetic engineer's box. It's the sort of thing that helped us get mRNA vaccines in a YEAR.
Maybe don't expect everyone to encapsulate their entire political ideology into a short-form comment on the Internet? Or maybe get away from social media. If you want demonized science, social media is a prime candidate. Just a few black mirror episodes in here. We had such high hopes.
swordsmark
It’s self contained in his diaper. He brings it wherever he goes.