This is Nothing

This is just how I get psyched up before I shoot my Youtube videos. I am posting this so I can post the link to my reddit. If you upvote it and people get mad at me for making the FP that's on you. THEN PUT IT TO PRIVATE they'll say.

No. Absolutely not. That defeats the entire point. If I suffer the psychological damage of accidentally hitting the front page of Imgur then WE suffer together as a COMMUNITY.

Also people do not understand what happens before I hit record on one of these videos. They think I just calmly sit down and go “today we’re discussing trans internet culture” No. There’s a full pregame ritual.

At some point before filming I WILL end up standing motionless in my kitchen staring at a tortilla for like fifteen straight minutes while mentally rehearsing a counterargument to a comment that has not been written yet by a person named like “LogicFan1977.”

And then somehow that spirals into me thinking about Ace Ventura again.

Which is dangerous.

Because once I start thinking about Ace Ventura I start thinking about the fact that there are fully grown adults online who will hear me say: “hey maybe forcing an entire room of men to projectile vomit because they kissed a trans woman was kinda weird... Seeing that as a kid was weird for me actually” and they respond like I just personally burned down the Library of Alexandria.

Then I start imagining the exact person typing: “SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE CANT TAKE A JOKE” while their profile picture is a Ford F-150 taken from 2 feet away.

Then THAT somehow leads me into thinking about Firefly discourse again because my brain is basically one of those conspiracy corkboards at this point.

If you mapped my thought process with red string it would eventually connect: Ace Ventura - Tumblr - Joss Whedon - Moth Girl - Animorphs - Reddit front page - me eating shredded cheese at 1am in fishnets editing pictures.

And the worst part is by the time I actually hit record I’ve convinced myself I’m about to deliver the “I Have A Dream” speech except the topic is “why people got weirdly mad at me for talking about how I enjoyed Japanese vending machines.” And then inevitable just end up talking about IBS... probably due to that 1am cheese now I think about it.

Then the camera turns on and I’m like: “Hey everybody, it's AlsoAshley”

Meanwhile my fitbit is warning me about elevated heart rate because I spent the last hour pacing around my room listening to the same hyperpop remix like I’m preparing to storm Normandy instead of making a YouTube video called “The Internet Thinks I’m a Virgin”

Anyway if this hits the front page and somebody writes a twelve paragraph comment about how women on the internet are ruining society I need everyone to remember this was YOUR choice. You enabled this.