TL;DR TIME: /KINDA/ terminally ill (tho more like ill af, amirite? Word.) & more than just slightly introverted. My hobbies include living vicariously through memes & fitfully staring into the Abyss while simultaneously dreading/hoping that the Abyss will stare back. Ex-PhD/MD, because I'm a fuckin' failure. Also shy af but tryna get tf over it. ..The shyness, that is. Not the PhD, or lack thereof. For reasons.* [*reasons: Once Upon A Time, a multitude of metaphorical ships designed for getting the fuck over the whole "fancy-science-degree-morphing-into-a-generous-heaping-of-wasted-potential-with-a-side-of-death-and-dying" thing—had attempted to set sail. Yet somehow, due to forces wholly unknown to man, these plethora of Failure-Ships only managed to succeed in repeatedly running forcefully aground enough to dig a hole STRAIGHT DOWN to the place that they bore to in that one movie. ..you know, the movie where Harvey Dent and that chick from what was likely known to your teenage self colloquially as The Most Horribly Depressing Movie On The Face On The Planet; "Boys Don't Cry?" Oh, and also Stanley Tucci with copious amounts of bad science is there. Anyway, it's where they take some kind of fancy space-soup can out for a spin in order to slap around a self-destructing earth just a little bit? And then they—and I shit you not—JUST STRAIGHT SMASHED THAT BITCH INTO THE GROUND AND THROUGH DA MOTHERFUCKING CRUST OF DA MOTHERFUCKING EARF (creating what is known in scientific circles today as "The Anus of the Earth")? So, like, you know that spot toward the end of the movie after pretty much everyone but Two-Face & Million Dollar Baby die? Where they dug so deep down into the world that their shovels broke before saving the world, and by extension, the earth? (..Or fuck it, maybe they just kept digging, digging to China, just like the Wise Ones of The Lost Holy Book, in the previous abandoned timeline of Our Lord, prophesied through the heretics known as Looney Tunes.) Well, anyway, that's where my hopes and dreams went. (..Or is it Looney TOONS? CURSE YOU, MANDELA EFFECT! CUUURSE YOOOOU). But I digress. Like some kind of Icarus flying too close to the sun, they probably just dug until they were almost to China then gave up and fell off the face of the planet. Just like my dreams.] —In any event, because I just KNOW you must still be reading; reading and hungry for much, much more of this ABSOLUTELY RIVETING TALE OF WOE & INTRIGUE..Here's some nerd shit: --- ABSTRACT: OP is an introvert with a debilitating life-threatening illness, and an istorical susceptibility toward both inherent shyness & perpetual existentialism. Preferring to instead remain anxiously withdrawn, OP has passed the majority of a lifetime wrapped well within the confines of intentional sociological avoidance; while at the same time paradoxically attempting to maintain a connection to her fellow human beings through anonymity—regarded by the scientific community as, quite simply, the elusive observational paradox of "lurking." However, following a landfall study a recent (and unexpected) development has arisen: a need, beyond a societally-enforced need to reach out to her fellow human beings. The results were not to be contested as a whopping 9 out of 10 dentists agreed that this new undertaking has become crucial for determining remaining quality of OP's life. Therefore, it has befallen OP to endeavor into the paradox referred to as the Influence of Positive Human Social Interaction. Unfortunately, previous studies surrounding the unique phenomenon known only as "Faith in Humanity™" proved only to be ambiguous & precarious at best; but it is our hope that these extraneous variables will prove to be ineffective to our study. INTRODUCTION: Supporting variables will introduce our study by attempting to answer the age-old question of "To Lurk, or Not To Lurk." Data is currently being carefully compiled beginning with the relinquishment of the safety-nets of previous accounts through social media/meme site: imgur.com, and what is known to some, and perhaps others, as the Front Page of The Internet: Reddit.com. METHODS: For methods of determination, using these profiles in combination with a series of very delicate & complicated scientific pro-cesses, we seek to establish a correlation (or lack thereof) within the hypothesis of: will OP remain an introverted little bitch? RESULTS: Sources remain inconclusive; simply stating vague threats such as "All Signs Point to yes," or "Cannot Predict Now," as well as, "Concentrate and Ask Again Later." and, finally, "BY THE POWER OF JA-HEE-ZUSS, GET YOUR NERD SHIT THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, OR SO HELP ME GAWD." DISCUSSION: it is hoped in this study to indicate whether or not a person positively petrified of people will persistently wield the ability to procure enough portions of positive people, to achieve an end result of potentially becoming a (partly) people person. Ka-POW! *** IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR: Hi! And congratulations! Did we just become super best friends!? Uhhh.. If you actually understood it.. First of all: How!? And secondly: Beyond the quite glaringly obvious fact that it's been a VERY slight eternity since I've written a scientific paper, I actually have no idea what I'm talking about! And furthermore: Y THO. Anyway, you win a prize. First place, you lucky bastard, you! Are you ready for your prize? It's really exciting!!1! Here it comes: IT'S NOTHING! SURPRISE! But hey, kudos to you for getting through this superfluous edition of conjecture, hyperbole, and just total shite; home slice. So get out there and fly your nerd flag high you fuckin' nerd, because YOU, sir, are AWESOME, and WELL-DESERVING of THE EXCESSIVE USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS. I SALUTE YOU. In conclusion: Plz be my fren. Or don't. I'm not your supervisor. ---
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