LiquidHotMagma

28896 pts ยท December 2, 2014


The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Tiny adults with more fashion sense than me

Points -3
Comments 2
Views 288

Time to drop them panties

Points 40
Comments 21
Views 1938

My baby when I take my boob away from her

Points 0
Comments 3
Views 789

Pooh bye.

Points 62
Comments 3
Views 3153

I feel like Ben Stiller in anything is the male version of me

Points 7
Comments 10
Views 617

Rude

Points 2820
Comments 164
Views 147862

How Italians fill up on wine

Points 27
Comments 11
Views 2467

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Points 34
Comments 10
Views 1958

Secret Santa *Supreme*

Points 21
Comments 4
Views 1555

O_O

Points 4
Comments 10
Views 557

Good or bad?

Points -2
Comments 8
Views 2

My favorite quote ever.

Points 1410
Comments 136
Views 99122

Petite Uber dump (for your health)

Points 1616
Comments 72
Views 101166

I was sweating bullets.

Points 3
Comments 11
Views 554

Bamboozle your friends this Halloween

Points 20
Comments 18
Views 2088

Whoa. Am leavin

Points 7
Comments 2
Views 544

Sweet BTTF painting

Points 6
Comments 3
Views 5

Addams Family

Points 1790
Comments 91
Views 122848

Smol parenting dumpe

Points 1753
Comments 121
Views 107096

For Harvey victims in Houston who lost everything

Points -2
Comments 0
Views 130

Blade Runner

Points 49
Comments 8
Views 4444

I've always wondered this. Today I found the answer

Points 5
Comments 4
Views 1548

Be nice!

Points 14
Comments 3
Views 383

Micro dump

Points 5
Comments 1
Views 1

Flying Duck Orchid

Points 41
Comments 6
Views 2665

That's nastyyy

Points -5
Comments 1
Views 0

Every mf time

Points 3
Comments 2
Views 541

Double tap to refill

Points 32
Comments 12
Views 1799

Personally I like it

Points 8
Comments 5
Views 1598

Nice

Points -2
Comments 0
Views 0

Title shmidle

Points 4
Comments 1
Views 1

GoT and cats

Points 48
Comments 8
Views 2006

Thor

Points 118
Comments 41
Views 3546

wuuuuuut

Points 13
Comments 1
Views 3

Ridiculously long comment on Justin Bieber dating a minor

Points -4
Comments 4
Views 389

Whatever happened to these?!

Points 3
Comments 5
Views 402

"Attendant Has Been Notified"

Points -3
Comments 1
Views 344

Vvrrrrmmm

Points 30
Comments 1
Views 1049

Jerry Stiller then and now

Points 5
Comments 6
Views 417

Think Happy!

Points 12
Comments 4
Views 527

Cute Deb costume

Points 1100
Comments 69
Views 45184

Keep this in mind after you see IT

Points 58
Comments 6
Views 2442

MRW my husband showed up at my work on Valentine's day to take me to lunch at a nice restaurant

Points 21
Comments 7
Views 969

Me to my husband during his family's White Elephant game

Points 6
Comments 2
Views 498

Kids say the dankest things

Points 2
Comments 0
Views 390

Sorry I'm a mom finding this hilarious

Points 37
Comments 3
Views 4

Best scene from 'Heathers'

Points 12
Comments 6
Views 721

Hope you're having a Hell of a week!

Points 4
Comments 6
Views 6

When you find your friend after being separated while robbing some kids house

Points 3
Comments 1
Views 352

Yesssssss

Points 9
Comments 3
Views 553

We should have flying cars and meals in pill form by now but instead we have this

Points 7
Comments 1
Views 330

Oof!

Points -6
Comments 1
Views 191

Fantasy Warrior Princess: A Link to the Past

Points 1
Comments 0
Views 57

Simpsons artist Chris

Points 6
Comments 2
Views 326
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