When grandpa offers to open your choccy milk

Aug 23, 2026 1:41 AM

Huor

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455454

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568

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38

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Ikeda clan samurai ceremonially beheading choccy milk during Japan's Edo Period when all Western trade was banned under the Tokugawa Shogunate. NB the footage MAY have been colourised.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Expected the usual quick slash. Was literally thinking, "This would be WAY more impressive as a slow cut."

Was even MORE impressed when I got said slow cut, but in an empty container.

Now I want that guy to trim my beard. +3001. (One more than Tony Stark loving his own kid.)

3 weeks ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0

This kills the carton.

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

This is pretty much the reason the Portugese where able to kick their ass. It turns out a bunch of highly ritualized nonces can't compete against some drunk ass portuguese with a death wish.

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 2

Depends on the period really, samurai lasted for a very long time after they stopped being effective as a military group. And the idea of a code of honor was at the very end when they were trying to pretend they still existed.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Ngl, he started cutting in and there was nothing spilling out, and my first thought was, "Is it cake?"

3 weeks ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 1

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

3 weeks ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Hattori Hanzō sword?!

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

You think that's good? Wait until you see me with my Stanley box cutter

3 weeks ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

Yeah, fuck you, milk carton asshole. Take that.

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Could I do this? I don't know, I've never been attacked by a milk carton.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

But, but, but where's the milk?

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I have heard of lactose intolerance, but this is taking the punishment too far!

3 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

3 weeks ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Thankfully we've come up with easier ways to open a chocolate milk carton over the centuries.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

So unrealistic. What kind of milk carton is just going to stand there?

3 weeks ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

All that drama and ceremonial stuff to do what everyone can do with a sharp knife

3 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Do it again, grandpa! Do it again!

3 weeks ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Not to brag, but pretty sure I could do it faster

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

It’s coffee milk, guys, can’t you read Japanese?

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I think many people on the Internet can't even read English.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That's a milk coffee carton tho

3 weeks ago | Likes 85 Dislikes 4

What do you y'all think? Milk coffee or coffee milk?

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Grandpa's eyesight isn't the best anymore, okay?

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

well fuck, that changes everything!

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Caffeinated chocolate milk.

3 weeks ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 1

Do not mess with grandpa 👴🗡️

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Recycling in Japan is fucking serious

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Hesitation is defeat.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

🔊

3 weeks ago | Likes 78 Dislikes 1

3 weeks ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

That happy hop really makes it for me. It's really cute.

3 weeks ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

Wheres my choccy milk?!!!

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Granddaughter would have opened it on the unsheathing stroke

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

What was the practical-historical application? Killing very slow opponents very slowly?

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

It’s waxed rigid cardboard. As long as the edge is honed correctly, it will slice through it like butter every time.

3 weeks ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 4

Cutting paper does wonders to the edge.

3 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

As a quick follow up, the key word is “slice”; any cut that uses a drawing motion as opposed to a brute force cut will almost always be more effective and efficient.

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

3 weeks ago | Likes 113 Dislikes 4

Why she doesn't blink?

3 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

She's blinking when you blink.

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I blink one eye, then the other

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I could watch this all day.

3 weeks ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Idk I think this is pretty badass

3 weeks ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

This seems like a lot of guys gathered and armored up just to slowly take care of a milk carton.

3 weeks ago | Likes 329 Dislikes 2

How'd you get that idea

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Like any gather of men, one man was in his driveway doing something, and then the others came over to stand around and watch.

3 weeks ago | Likes 35 Dislikes 0

To be fair the carton appears to be empty and would be reasonably easy to accidentally knock aside as opposed to slowly cut it like that.

3 weeks ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

That's just how cosplay conventions are these days.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

They used to test them on dead bodies and how many you could cut through in one blow. Maybe you'd like to see that instead?

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

*coffee carton

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Yeah, they kinda frown on them doing this to people these days ...

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Could be a mimic

3 weeks ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

This is just guys being dudes

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

That milk carton is the dreaded Shogun of Lactose Death, the dreaded Otokonoko-tachi o niwa e-sama. He is responsible for countless deaths. His execution has saved hundreds of thousands of young men, who will no longer follow the siren song of corruption.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Some SCP shit

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I suppose it's a skill thing. To cut it instead of pushing it or moving it at all.

3 weeks ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Yes but they're all lactose intolerent so the carton is evenly matched

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I don't know what's happening but this feels like a Japanese renn fair

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That milk cartoon killed my dog and rped my sister!!

3 weeks ago | Likes 85 Dislikes 3

It dishonored my master!

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Oh, no, senpai, no. Samurai serve a lord, and since they are long gone, these are by definition ronin, who serve no master but themselves.

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Pretty sure if they are ronin they are also referred to as “masterless samurai”. However, I don’t think this milk carton killed his master as I said it DISHONORED his master. Guess he’s still a samurai.
But in this instance I was referring to his master teacher of cutting milk cartons or Shihan

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I hate it when a milk carton role-plays as someone's sister!

3 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Whew. For a second I thought you were John Wick.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Kidnapped a few kids back in the 80s as well and bragged about by showing their pictures around.

3 weeks ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 1

Bought an island and invited Trump over!

3 weeks ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a milk carton ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!

3 weeks ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Again?!

3 weeks ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

You can say rape. It’s an English word

3 weeks ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 2

it's "roped"

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I can say it, but I chose not to. Just like I choose not to say a lot of other words.

Does my saying it or not saying it matter so much to you...?

3 weeks ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 7

I'm not the person you replied to but it seems a little weird to "say it but not say it", tbh. You typed a deliberately misspelled version of the word that was close enough that anyone reading it would know what word you meant.

That's functionally the same as if you had just typed it out properly so it's kinda like... What's the point?

3 weeks ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

Who cares?

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 3

v

3 weeks ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0