klaceo
154583
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My wife let me know yesterday she wants a divorce. That's, one of the hardest things I've had to write down. One part of me knew, we've drifted too far apart. And yet another part of things, we can make it work. Idk if it's worth it. It's just hard when my only support mechanism is a very small group of online friends who don't know what I'm going through. I'm lonely and afraid.
I know at one point I'll need to speak with someone. I will. Just right now, idk. Thanks for listening...
sst05665
I got divorced, but only after it got so bad I tried to kill myself. Then, I met the love of my life. The most amazing woman. Married her two years later. We got beat down HARD by life and drifted so far apart for an entire year that even therapy didn't save us. Now I'm going through divorce #2. Life fucking sucks.
gaggedandgooped
My divorce just finalized last week. I was married for 23 years and had three kids. Therapy was invaluable for us both. It’s an investment into yourself—you deserve it.
JAEOONE
I second this! Therapy is and has been a huge help.
DWolf
Talk with someone. Define the matters that are important to you, that you're willing to fight for -- kids, property. Those will give you focus. And thanks for trusting us enough to let us be there for you.
klaceo
I am, I will.
UnattendedDeviant
Been there. It takes a long while, but you will heal. I promise.
klaceo
I know. Really I know. It soooo fresh, I can't see it
Eaglemk4
Happened to be in 2018 I've never been happier since finding a partner to deal with what life throws at you
cytherians
The fact that you recognize this.... is the first step. When you're deep in the moment... it's so very hard to see beyond it. We don't know your full situation, how long you've been together and what transpired over time to bring things to this point. But, try to remain calm, measured, and strive to keep things on good terms.
crankyoldgeezer
Would you advise going to therapy?
UnattendedDeviant
That could be helpful. I went to therapy during the marriage because things were so bad. I didn't, I tried to sef medicate and that wasn't helpful.
But even though I made mistakes like that, and the added complication of having a toddler at the time of divorce, I still eventually healed. Took several years for me.
You'll go through the full range of emotions. But eventually the bitterness and anger will subsid and acceptance of the fact that a relationship that doesn't nuture is unhealthy.
UnattendedDeviant
Good luck on your journey. I'm sorry you have to take a path you didn't choose. But that's often the best path. You'll heal.
klaceo
I'm typing to make it a point to do that. It's Sunday. Ice made an appointment with someone local to me and Better Help.
justuschickens
i was married for nine years, i've been divorced for... twenty? in the long run, it was better for both of us. we've remained friendly. she's dropped hints about getting back together, but there's no fucking way. i want her to be happy, but somewhere else with someone else.
just give it time, op. for a couple of months, i said to the mirror 'it's over, she's not coming back', and that helped build up the necessary scar tissue.
ArkenMint
been here, and with the distance of a few years, it is the best thing for both of us, but holy heck, it took a god 2 -3 years of serious depression and wanting to kill myself to break through to that realisation. still feel strong guilt, dm me fi you need to talk.
klaceo
Thank you, really. Guilt, fucking hell the guilt
RichardPicture
25 years married. 9 years since divorce. Give yourself the time to grieve the loss, like any major change, and you will see the light again. This is the hardest part but you will get through it.
mrwthisusernameisavailble
Over 10 years out and it's the best thing that could have happened - not only am I the best version of myself I've ever been, I'm happily remarried and achieving the goals I never would have been able to by staying with someone who wasn't on the same page.
sorryforsayingthat
I hear you and it's going to be hard but you'll get through. I'm a few years past losing a marriage that lasted 20 years and I was devastated. The guilt is so difficult there was a time where I kept creating situations that almost got me killed because I didn't care anymore. I'm better now but I had to change everything in my world to distract me from the depression. Hang in there my friend it will be OK eventually
woozle
I'm sorry. That sucks. We're here if you need to scream into the void.
RussianMafia1337
I too choose this man's wife
klaceo
Yeah...
Cuppyycaakes
Absolutely, meet me on Tuesday. ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
klaceo
If you're in the greater Los Angeles area (east side) meeting new friends sounds good
Cuppyycaakes
Ahh, opposite coast my friend. I'm in Massachusetts! Gaming communities are always helpful if you don't like the real peeps around ya, also!
PickleRiiiiiiiiiiiiick
klaceo
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1ZWhhc3dhcG9nOXBoZ2VuNzh4cjJ4Nm0wbmpzaG5ycmxheHRsZndzdyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/PcKLpZMiYeU5DfKFVj/200w.webp
PickleRiiiiiiiiiiiiick
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I wish you the absolute best. My wife & I are both double divorcees, so, if you ever want to reach out, Im here for you.
klaceo
Thanks, I will. Building a support network, even with anonymous imgur people, helps
pr3viso
We got divorced after 25+ years. The first couple of years were hell. I wasn't angry, I didn't want every day to be stressful. We split the assets in half, I didn't contest the 3 year alimony. She's flying in this week to help me clean out the house before selling. I'm moving to the Caribbean. We've been divorced 7 years and get along better than before the divorce. I got the two cats in the settlement, she's flying with me to help with the cat travel. We have two adult children and they are ok.
wuf1979
My wife left me 5 years ago. We have been together 20 years. It seemed my life ended. I could not be more wrong. I am making plans. Thinking about the future and have a new relationship in which I am valued. Therapy and meds helped me getting out of a pitch black well of despair. You can do it. You are more than a husband.
Duressuptime4
In my experience, if she's gotten to the point of telling you it's over, it's over. When women make that decision, it's usually because they've already done everything they're willing to do to work on saving the relationship.
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
klaceo
TexMexHex
Me and my wife were married for 11 years. Been single for 3. You need to talk to someone, asap, actually talk to someone.
I attempted to take me life 3 times before I did. Do it. It doesnt get easier.
GexmanDK
Psychological first aid.
Talk to anyone who will listen !
Zanzetuken
If you don't mind me asking, how long were you together before you were married? I feel relationships are prone to the "sunk-cost" fallacy (can't stop now, it's been too long-sort of thing).
TexMexHex
3 years.
TexMexHex
But we also saw other people for the first year.
klaceo
We have been together for about 17 years total. 4 years before we got married
melancholyterminator
I feel you mate. Sorry for your troubles, though times don't last, tough people do. If you ever want an anonymous stranger to talk shit through 👍
klaceo
Thanks, means a ton
Uptoo11ven
Life bro. Nobody is clean. Keep turning the page. You got this.
maythegorknmorkbewithyou
Hello friend, I understand. I got divorced five years ago, and she was the one who wanted it and wore me down for months until I finally told her to just make a decision. It sucked immensely, it was extremely painful, and I struggled a lot, but it did end and I did survive and I am thriving now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please hit me up if you ever want to vent.
You'll probably end up wanting to vent a lot.
klaceo
Thanks, and I will. All the responses of positivity is helping, a little.
maythegorknmorkbewithyou
I'm glad. I did a lot of dumb things trying to find relief from the sadness, so I understand very well what you mean. Do what you need to do to survive. I had to erase every trace of my ex from my life bc seeing her face and hearing her name was physically too painful to bear.
klaceo
Helluva thing to start to think about packing up 15 plus years with someone. I'll get there, I think. I want to believe I will. I think if we were in a better place and talked about THIS, I would be in a different place. The decision to end the marriage is something she's been working on for a while. She's had time to cry and process. I'm a little bitter about that, maybe hurts more than I care to admit. It's been 24 hours. I'm still figuring out how to process everything
Rabidgoat
Hey bro. If you ever want to talk with an Internet stranger so there no worry of judgement or ever having to talk to me again.
I got you bro, if you want a hand.
klaceo
Thanks
GrandChampion
This is going to hurt.
Let it hurt.
Scream, yell , cry.
Dont hurt anyone, but let it hurt.
We’re here for you
whatwhenwherewhyhowwho
I have gone through a divorce, six years later I married a wonderful woman.. We have been together nearly 20 years now.. There is life after divorce if you let yourself have fun and enjoy it..(It took me a year to get over my divorce but once I did, I started living again And haven't looked back).. You got this my dude.
klaceo
Thank you 🙏
IncognitoEnthusiast
klaceo
Thanks
uglydawg2
I miss the small moments with my kids! I had to give my pistol to someone because I was picking spots on my skull to put the bullett. Talk to someone!!!
DeercSnissassa
The biggest lesson I learned from my divorce was, being alone is far better and easier than being with someone who makes you feel alone.
It was extremely difficult at first, but after about a year, I learned to be happy while single. Having the freedom to travel, jump into hobbies and meet new people. After 5 years, I started dating again. Not to fill a void, but because I found the perfect person for me.
It won't be easy, but keep moving forward. You'll get through this.
klaceo
That... thanks
GuggelPlayer
It sucks but trust me, it will get better
Dapashun81
My hindsight wisdom is; the longer you delay your healing, the more joy you're missing. Wouldn't it be awful to meet someone's amazing partner, only to learn they were available while you were prolonging your agony.
stevelepastis
My sincere and deep-felt love to you, friend. 😞
You will be whole again, in time. Stay strong, the other side can be wonderful. Though, it will take work.
My heart to yours, brother.
azimir
Shit. That sucks, man. I've been there and it's 100% NO FUN. I wouldn't wish a divorce process on anyone. If it's over, then it's over and future days will be better, but it's going to suck for a serious while. It takes at least a year to rebuild yourself and figure out who you are. During my divorce I made one good move: I always took the high road. When the ex was being angry, emotionally crazy, or accusing I didn't engage and fight. Instead, I filed it away and focused on myself and the kids.
azimir
The big part about take the high road is knowing that someday you'll have to look back at the person you chose to be in hard times. You want to be proud of who you were then and how it demonstrates the strength you can have going forward.
Ionico
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NGdmMTFvNGdtajZvMXp2ZDUwYnhwbG5yOTZwY2ZlaWQzbDFyaTd5ayZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/7LAqMVFxOGPAc/200w.webp
klaceo
The plus side, if there is one, she wants it amicable. Tbh, we're not even at that point. mediation, or something, she's made it very clear, we came in with what we had, nothing. I guess thats something
azimir
Mine was also an amicable one, but there's always going to be rough times and raw emotions. UnattendedDeviant (also replied to me) nailed it: It's easy to fall back into the same arguments and blame sessions. My ex wanted to rehash 10 years of old sore points after we separated. It wasn't going to be productive or healthy for me to do so, so I didn't engage. I kept communications to the kids' needs and other legal issues and it paid off big later when I started to rebuild my own identity.
klaceo
Strange as it sounds, I think...no, I know part of the problem, we do have things, about ourselves to argue about...we dont have kids. So that's a thing. I just worked through some hard personal things. I thought I was turning a point. I thought, idk, can be better. Less stress, happy, new job that's close to home, better overall. Then this.
UnattendedDeviant
This is good advice and difficult. It was so easy to fall back into the same arguments and blame sessions even though the divorce is finalized.
You feel you can fix things are get the other side to acknowledge it was *their fault. Won't happen.
Best option is to leave the discussion if you find yourself doing that.
jkwgn
klaceo
Right now, I don't see how. I understand it's the freshness of the pain talking, but....I don't see how.
YouAreTheInsultMaster
That's the neat part, you don't have to! One day at a time
klaceo
Yeah... https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1cGhqc3d1MWF4Z3dqcnJydGx1dXFkNHJhd25yc21pbjN1YWFkaHhkZiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/qQdL532ZANbjy/200w.webp
JAEOONE
I’m sorry you are going through this! I will it’s a HUGE blessing that you don’t have kids in the divorce. That complicates everything and increases emotions. I believe the best thing that comes from divorce is finding your true self again and learning your must haves and must nots.
klaceo
Yeah no kids. And thanks
Darprice
Been there, and through all of the feels. 3 younger kids. Had a breakdown with a hospital stay to boot. But, I came through it. We’re even friends. Have a new wife, and we both work hard to keep things where they should be. There is light at the end of the tunnel…and it is NOT a train. DM me or someone else. Get therapy. We are all here for you.
cjandstuff
I've been there man. It sucks. It took me about 4 years to feel normal again. If you can get therapy, do that for your sanity. Find a hobby that doesn't include alcohol.
madmax17
4 years, damn.
klaceo
Drinking isnt really my thing. Don't get me wrong, I do love boozing, just not like that
fedupwithhumanity
Rebuilding yourself as an individual entity will be hard and bring sadness when you keep realizing little losses as you adapt, but it will get better if you actively work through it. I did about a year of online therapy after a 17 year relationship ended, drifted apart, stopped communicating, stopped connecting. Realigning my focus and self worth to not be wrapped in with anyone else was very helpful. Been a few years, still miss it, but am in a good place for myself.
Iguessyouwerewrong3
This is spot on
klaceo
Mirrors a lot of what's going on.
senorMitty
Haven’t gotten to the divorce part yet; we are still in counseling. Going on a year now. We are on the brink though, I can feel it. Get a therapist now. It will help sort the turmoil in your mind. I don t have a support system either and it’s helped greatly.
klaceo
Thanks
senorMitty
Best of luck.
klaceo
Thanks