Ayxu22
193856
5725
177
Oct 9, 2015 9:56 AM
Ayxu22
193856
5725
177
kickeymouse
Whaaaaat we can use emojis here
GenericActionMan
Of all the Bill Hicks quotes to use.
MadLikeAHomo
Imgur is mcdonalds.
rumandbass
Seriously. I need to stop going to imgurdonalds. I've got like 180,000 fake internet points from just commenting. I CAN'T QUIT YOU IMGUR.
YourFriendlyNeighbourhoodGiraffe
I feel like that stud/slut joke needs to stay in Facebook where it belongs
candysaur
I just realised imgur is my mcdonalds.
Histrionical
So THAT'S why so many "Hey, guys, I have Cancer" posts hit the front page... Imgur is giving it to us... Shit.
Textuality
So if a guy does nothing but sleep with sluts (ie, he doesn't have to "work at it" at all), is he still a "stud?"
memesis
He's a slud.
WhiteTexan
I bothers me that the pic of Dave Chappelle is not from the "killin them softly" performance. Which that joke it from.
PunkyPhoenicopterus
Love that performance.
SomePeopleSayThatCucumbersTasteBetterPickled
so many people living mcdonalds lives
MyDogJake
this was hands down the deepest. made me think. Time to get off of McDonalds
jmartkdr
imgur is my McDonald's.
mimomisu
actually, imgur's usersub would be an equivalent of McDonald's. including the cancer and regets
MuffinShepherd
Wait, we are going to get cancer from imgur?
Walrusalwayswins
I think a large portion of us are the cancer
AMooPointIsACowsOpinion
Probably ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
SaintLuciferVonAllah
This will get lost somewhere,but as a night-shift worker...24/7 atms are the real MVP.
kootiepatra
As another night shift worker: Just about anything 24/7 makes me really excited. "You mean I can DO stuff?!"
Hoagiefest
Better known as: patriarchal standards! Women can never be as good as men and their studly ways of fucking anything and everything.
Specimen88
Question about n°4 (I don't care to know his name): if sluts have sex easily, then it's easy for studs to fuck sluts, hence studs are sluts?
Hoagiefest
Better known as: patriarchal standards! Women can never be as good as "men" and their study ways of fucking anything and everything.
GiveLifeBacktoMusicAroundtheWorld
Uh. There are plenty of fat/ugly "studs." Ever heard of a fraternity?
ImpoliteCthulhu
I read all of these in their voice.
MobiusAzarath
Why does everyone comment this. It's obvious you read it in their voice. It's their picture and their quote...
WeAllLiveInAUserSubmarine
I threw in a few curse words for Jim Jeffries, just for good measure
TheGiratina
I read jims using his falsetto that he uses. "Hot Pockets"
StaringAtSidewalks
Try Morgan Freeman's voice.
LtCmmdrData
so did 100% of everyone.
What1977
It's written in their voices.
IWasBannedBecauseImgurSucks
I wish I knew all their voices. Actually I don't remember enough to be able to read any of these in their voices, even those Ive seen...
Macksiiie
Yet when I try to do the impression out loud. It's Shit.
QueenMerciful
I never found it easy to be a slut. Men have standards that I just can't live up to
Volimar
#4 is from a female comic. Also I never saw people mistreat Oscar on Sesame Street.
mikeandrews2009
Eventually someone will post an Aziz joke that I find funny. Of course, I feel the same way about Amy Poehler.
veronicamarsdestroyerofworlds
The last one--a girl I know posted on facebook that her husband has been "her whole world since she was 18." BITCH YOU ARE TWENTY NOW
ThatsJustYourOpinionMan
Why no George Carlin or Louis C.K. D:
dronecorpse
That's just like.... your opinion man
iwillstitchyoulikeoneofmyfrenchgirls
can't we just enjoy this ones? or how about you make a post about Carlin and louis? that sounds good...
PhunPhact
Thank you.
ninjagaidensigma
Too raw for all the special little snowflakes floating around here.
ABoxOfSpiders
They put Bill Hicks in there. He doesn't get so much recognition anymore.
baronridiculous
There are plenty of fat ugly guys sleeping with lots of women. Money, or charm, or fame, or any number of things can do it.
SwimminglyNate
In my experience, charm is rare with fat, ugly guys. However if it's money or fame, people are more likely to label the woman as a slut.
baronridiculous
Wow, no. I know at least three fat, ugly, hilarious guys. All very charming. One is a flat out pussy hound, he's always got a new girl.
SwimminglyNate
Haha well I got downvoted pretty bad so your probably making a good point.
SwimminglyNate
*you're. Before anyone corrects me.
mechanimated
looks much more than women. Women are also more willing to "swap" benefits, e.g. replace hotness with being funny or smart. Men, however, /2
mechanimated
are more likely to treat ugliness as a 100% dealbreaker. Apparently Australia is the best place for ugly funny guys. /3
mechanimated
Guys are waaaay pickier about looks, idfk where this bullshit that "oh any girl can get laid" comes from. Guys will self-report valuing /1
TooLazyToDoSomethingElse
That's because all those guys are fucking liars that don't want people making fun of them. Put a willing chick in front of a dude and he 1/
TooLazyToDoSomethingElse
2/ will fuck her.
mechanimated
Yeah? You real sure about that? Because I'M real sure that's a shitty attitude to have about men. They're not walking erections.
TooLazyToDoSomethingElse
As a man, yes we are.
AdmiralMuffins
As a man, we are not.
jpaugh78
I'm a little sad Ron White isn't on here.
Kangarou
His lines typically aren't "one-liners". I've seen a few of his acts, he's good, but he enjoys the long story.
jpaugh78
I guess that's true. It's been awhile since I've seen any of his material.
UnworthyBeatrix
"I got thrown out of a bar in New York City" 20 mins. later "Are you Ron... 'Tater Salad' White?" His shows have room for two punchlines.
CerebrawlHemmorage
His stupid is forevah joke would probably fit here though, if barely. :)
eagle193
Aziz has a point, though. Didn't he write a book about that?
ultrasoundscape
He has a point but that joke just doesn't work.
ThisNameDoesntMatter
Please explain.
ultrasoundscape
You don't expect a sweater to last a lifetime, and the older it gets, the more likely it is you throw it out, unlike a good relationship.
ino84
I married after 1.5 years, been married for 11 years now. I was 19 at the time too. Sometimes it's just the right one and you know it.
ForSomeAbstractReason
Yup. Our big joke is: worked for us, but we don't recommend it. Moved away for a job after 6 mo of knowing each other, married 1.5 yr later.
pennemin
May I ask what you'd maybe do differently the second time around?
ForSomeAbstractReason
Honestly, of anything was different, we wouldn't be together. We're not always happy go lucky, but we do believe we're soul mates.
LtCmmdrData
He has the best point! & yes, it's a book about modern day "love"
PudgeTheFish
This is one of my favorite Aziz quotes. Love it.
pennemin
I watched that show the other day, it's good!
Nomulus
It's funnier because his character in Parks and Rec got married to a hot woman because of green card reasons.
ino84
I married after 1.5 years, been married for 11 years now. I was 19 at the time too. Sometimes it's just the right one and you know it.
podunkpfunk
+1, huge Bill Hicks fan here http://www.atheistrepublic.com/sites/default/files/Bill%20Hicks%20-%20Experiencing%20Reality.jpg
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TheRealEalonMusk
Life is a roller coaster man.
podunkpfunk
It's just a ride
TheRealEalonMusk
what you just said, was so fucking calming to me. Its just a ride.
Elroydb
wow so edgy. Has he ever read a history book? On the whole I'd say we're better now morally than we've ever been
funnymunqee
I have most everything of Bill's, I try to imagine what he would say about today's events of the world and realize, I'm not that smart...
podunkpfunk
Try to imagine what he'd say? He already said it! Eerie how his stuff transcends. I forget a lot that he didn't say it yesterday.
funnymunqee
agreed! Spot on!
iamkarlpilkington
Tool's Aenima brought me here
podunkpfunk
Well...learn to swim
puremind7772
Love Bill Hicks! Also love how much the my favorite band Tool loves Bill Hicks. Bill was all over Tool's early album art works :)
podunkpfunk
Way back in the early days of tool (1993ish) before he died, BH would do an opening set for them. Not full tour, just big shows.
ThatsJustYourOpinionMan
I love Bill Hicks! The only thing this post is missing is George Carlin.
podunkpfunk
Agreed
Nineteenletterslong
But with Carlin, every other thing he says is a brilliant observation, how could you choose.
podunkpfunk
Your username is very satisfying.
SilentScreamsX
I didn't count it out of fear that it would be a lie.
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
Not as big as Dennis Leary. He was such a big fan he literally took over his entire chain smoking coke fueled cynical persona.
podunkpfunk
"I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did." -BH
SilentScreamsX
Dennis Learekt.
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
REKT.
SpoonOfDoom
The stud/slut one just means that we have to invent and properly apply a word to women who sleep with a lot of guys but have standards.
Speldrawng
High class hookers?
iamnotanigerianprince
A useless word for an impossible thing. Women are the sexual selectors, their number of partners is directly linked to their standards.
mechanimated
Right, but the implication is men will always fuck anything. #1 reported fear of men on OKC? Meeting a fat woman. Men are just as picky.
LadyCottonHead
You're assuming they wouldn't give that fat woman a quick lay anyway... I mean, I'm not saying they do, but I would like to see studies.
Baylin33
A key that opens a ton of locks is an awesome key, but a lock that any key can open is a shitty lock.
DoYouWantItYaass
a pencil sharpener that sharpens many pencils is a great pencil sharpener, but a pencil thats been sharpened too many times gets thrown away
iamnotanigerianprince
Men, on the other hand, have a number of partners that correlates to our attractiveness. Standards have much less to do with it.
TooLazyToDoSomethingElse
Gold digger?
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Zombiedrd
I will give you the reason I had when I was younger. I was insecure. I feared that a woman who had a lot more partners than me would be(1?)
Zombiedrd
I have since been cheated on twice, but I don't blame women for being sluts, I was wrong for that. Now I see it was just assholes.
Zombiedrd
disappointed because she had so much more to compare to. After seeing my parents divorce to infidelity, I was afraid of being cheated on.
EyesOnThePies
Men who sleep with anyone are man sluts. Girls who sleep with only the hottest guys are girl studs. Equality for all.
NexiKuro
Jefferies has much better observations than that one tbh, but I guess that his gun control routine isn't as popular.
Dragonbug300
Honestly, I loved his bit on gun control, but the rest of that skit struck me as incredibly chauvinistic and bigoted.
NexiKuro
I'm afraid that's most of his repertoire, the guy relies on shock comedy after all. But I agree that he's better with a target.
IseeallofthesepeoplewithlongusernamesandIdecidedtotryitout
Ron Jeremy is a fat, ugly stud.
Cuntard
only because sluts were paid money to make him one
Dragonbug300
Jim Jefferies himself is dating a gorgeous model and has talked about having sex with numerous women. He, too, is fat and non-handsome.
pinkbunnies
I came to say the same thing!
missing7
Women were paid to have sex with him. I wouldn't call that being a stud. I would call that being a pornstar.
IseeallofthesepeoplewithlongusernamesandIdecidedtotryitout
That doesn't negate the fact that he has had set with dozens of women. Money is just an aid.
DoctorDeegan
Plenty of women have had sex with him for free, and it's not like he was a virgin before his porn career.
missing7
How do you know how many women have had sex with him for free? And not being a virgin does not equal being a stud.
DoctorDeegan
Use your brain. He's a rich, famous man, who's hung like a horse.
missing7
So, in other words, you don't know. You're just assuming based on your perception of how shallow women are.
rainbowblow
What about the hot sluts? Do they get a little more credit than the fat ugly ones??
Cuntard
hot sluts become gold diggers. ugly sluts just get free drinks
DankS0uls
No, they just get paid more.
Kangarou
They get respect for being in the upper percentile physically. Being in the upper percentile sexually still isn't credible.
mynameisnotalice
And I know a lot of ugly guys, some even fat that had a lot of women.
Cuntard
where they rich?
mynameisnotalice
No. And that's not the point. Men are no better or worse than women when they are "successful". Everything else is just sexist bullshit.
wolfkin
By the joke's argument they get less. Even easier to get laid if you hot. Inverse with studs.
rainbowblow
ahhh so ugly sluts are studs then??
SamMan
Maybe if the guys stopped calling girls sluts they'd get laid more.
wolfkin
Don't get me wrong. I disagree with the jokes premise entirely. I think it's simple minded shallow idiocy. But I understand it.
Cuntard
in my experience, it is girls that call other girls slut in a derogatory manner
nakec
Jerry is the only one I don't find funny. Sorry not sorry.
joeyvelour
Can't tell if you don't have a sense of humor or just trolling
nakec
Both. But seriously, whaaaat is the deal with Jerry not being funny?
Kreia
to be fair he just stole this joke from scott adams
Therearetoomanyusernames
That's why there are so many comedians around. Everybody is different. I LOVE Seinfeld. Show an comedy.
srslydude
Which one is he? I don't watch these very much.
Therearetoomanyusernames
#5
srslydude
Thank you
JustLivin
Dude is hysterical. Great example that you don't have to be obscene to be funny. Watching Seinfeld right now actually :)
missing7
I didn't like it when it aired and didn't like it when I tried rewatching it this year. I just don't find anything clever about it.
JustLivin
Guess you just don't like the type of humor. It hasn't been called the greatest sitcom ever for nothing!
missing7
I guess so. I found it to just be a bunch of observational "humor" mixed with simply mundane but melodramatic situations.
TheAmericanMacho
WELL I DO. So fuck him and fuck you.
Cuntard
you think i give a damn about an emmy?
JustLivin
Yeah but you forgot about the funny part.
AllegedlyUncleTonton
Christians wear crosses because they have no other way of showing they're supposed to be Christian.
BhawbTheMagnificent
Yeah, like how would we have known Jesus was such a swell guy if he didn't go around wearing a cross?
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
Nirvana fans seemed to have found a way to express being Nirvana fans without wearing a shotgun around their neck. Just sayin.
missing7
I don't know a single Christian that wears a cross as an identifier rather than a personal memento or aesthetic preference.
miraglo
I wear mine visibly so Christians especially evangelical preachers will leave me alone. Other than that it's hidden.
parker52
Burn.
RockMeSweetTonyDanza
*some
dogfrost9
We wear crosses to remind us of the suffering that Jesus endured for us and our sins.
TheCornDogger
bingo.
Doopapotamus
Makes sense about Jesus coming tho. If he comes back, last thing he's going to want to see is those things EVERYWHERE. PTSD central.
TheCornDogger
It is a representation of our acceptance of His sacrifice for our sins, and thus our rebirth. It is a symbol of us accepting His grace.
BhawbTheMagnificent
He's had two thousand years in heaven to get over it.
Ayxu22
I dunno, the fish is a pretty cool symbol
srslydude
It was actually a secret symbol to see if people were Christians when they were persecuted by Rome. Cool backstory, really.
samIamm93
I think OP knew that and thus proposed it as a better symbol.
srslydude
I read his second comment and replied based on that. I think it's a great symbol.
Ayxu22
as it shows 'helping others' etc
doublekross
But if they actually showed Christianity through their actions, they wouldn't have to wear a symbol is what @JaKooistra is saying.
AllegedlyUncleTonton
Thank you.
Honorius77
I agree, the true symbol of any religion should be deeds, not an emblem. "Ye shall know them by their fruits".
Honorius77
And the Cross is a poor choice IMO. I see it like memorializing the shotgun that killed your big brother. WHY?
Ayxu22
Every religion has a symbol regardless of your day to day actions, the cross is a poor choice considering its true meaning, is whatwesayin
doublekross
I'm just clarifying what JoKooistra said, as you were responding to that.