chichiniya
73917
1083
51
A few months ago a went through a break up and have moved to live on my own for the first time in my life. The place is old but nice and the walls are thick thankfully. It’s a great location and my dog loves it. I met my neighbor briefly and she was lovely.
A few weeks later her father knocks on my door to introduce himself and proposition me repeatedly while his daughter was a work…
It was clear he was not completely there and was not aggressive but the whole experience was horrifying. He had asked to come in beforehand but I refused and instead stepped outside. I was able to catch my neighbor the next day and tell her what happened and she was apologetic and thankful I didn’t call the police, and explained she was his care taker and harmless. I felt so weird about the situation because I understand he is good hearted and mental regressed and truly doesn’t feel aggressive, but im tiny and he is a huge older man and I feel like I’m paranoid.
It’s been a few months and I just caught him messing with my back screen and porch door, so I’m going to have to talk to my neighbor again. I’m about to move a pet cam I have to my back porch to make sure this was the only time he’s ever done that. He didnt see me catch him so I’m sure if he has been doing more then I’ll get it on camera…
Edit::
Thank you everyone for replying, it really helped me feel better about not being okay and it also helped me realize how much I was brushing under the rug.
To keep it brief, she told me her kids lost their key and were using the back door and most likely he just mixed up the doors after one of his walks.
Personally I do feel like this is very likely as he didn’t force the action and it wasn’t a quick test as he was turning a way like it was preplanned response kinda thing. Hard to explain lol. BUT I do know that could also not be the case. I’m going to be setting up cameras for the back porch, but I can’t put them outside the front door unfortunately. I do have a camera inside the front door though. I’m just going to make sure I have receipts from now on in general.
She mentioned that him causing trouble would hinder her career as she is working, studying, caring for him, and is a single mom. I understand her stance but I’m going to take care of me first. Next big issue and I will get it on file. I got her phone number in case I need to contact her. Also I do have in door security, including a taser and a nice bat. Sadly I’m not counting my dog as she ran away and hid upstairs when the neighbor was at my back door haha
My plan now is that this isn’t going to be comfortable for me long term, so I’m going to work on upping my house buying and/or moving to another country plan
redtails2649
All it need to happen is once. He is building toward it happening. Report it. Get video cameras. Carry bear spray
aj8321
Parkinson’s—-Parkinson’s——Parkinson’s.
I had neighbor who has Parkinson’s, there is a medication that makes them “Extremely horny and make them Gamble”(Truly, look it up). He got kick out of Target for sexually harassing a Target Employee. It was the meds that he couldn’t live with out. ( He has Parkinson’s dystonia )
stevelepastis
He's not aggressive until he is aggressive. Take all precautions, please be safe.
NonstopRampage
That's true for everyone. Especially taking precautions. Remember that. In this persons' case, however, I'd suggest keeping pepper spray on hand. Especially considering they're dealing with someone who is literally dementia-adled. It's probably the best insurance they could have, incase it DOES go from "Oh he's harmless" to "Who's that person at the foot of my bed?".
Baltzdelirium
Do me a favor and still file a police report
donttrythisathomeorelse
I think speaking to your neighbour is probably wise. Regardless of whether he seemed aggressive of not, that doesn't sound like a pleasant situation to be in. Hopefully it can be resolved soon.
Commentsaboutyourusername
Yeah I just hope he doesn't try that at home
OutlawGerman
I'd honestly file a police report. If there's two instances where you've felt for your safety a track record should be made. He may be doing the same to others. It's a fucking shame due to his mental condition
nezo
This
Fyrebaugh
My father in-laws descent into alzheimer's has been painful to watch. I noticed things years ago, but after his wife passed 3 years ago it ramped up. He would take apart his Microwave to "replace the heat bulb" because it wasn't working. He would do things in his house with his electric shaver that would blow the breaker and then he would complain that he needed to call an electrician to fix his house. He is in assisted living now and thinks he is married to one of the nurses..
Panicpeace
Oh good. His daughter said that he's harmless. That means nothing. This man is dangerous.
icmojo
I'm sure glad you know everything. Someone needs to.
Stoneleigh219
I understand your neighbor is struggling to take care of her loved one & he is largely not to blame due to his condition but you absolutely need to report this behavior. If he’s trying your door (or others) he probably needs to be in a care home.
SuperfluousMeh
Definitely needs supervision. If we had a patient like that at my previous health facility, they would go into our locked Ward where there's a higher level of monitoring. Too easily a patient can abuse another patient because of a difference of mental faculties. I've seen a male patient just sitting in a chair and a female patient's room and that kind of thing needs redirection. And maybe it's as harmless as he wandered into the wrong room, or Maybe not.
Sulexar
Act as if you feel threatened, because you should. Don't wait to report it. That she thinks he's harmless despite him already causing harm means she's not going to do anything until the guy actually assaults you.
elusiveenchilada
You are not being paranoid, please don't think that.
mikeatike
Yeah. It's not paranoia if he literally is out to get you.
Ironannekidd
Wyze cameras are pretty inexpensive. You could have one facing each door. Being nice time is over. Protect yourself. Report your neighbor.
Lantis02
Yo, none of this is okay. They can have as many excuses as possible, but it's never enough for you to have to deal with this shit on your own property. Tell the caretaker to get that shit under control or there will be a restraining order.
invaliduserformat
You need to file a report. I understand youre trying to be kind in a bad situation - but this isnt your situation - and its turning bad for you. This is all very dangerous and lest we forget your neighbours daughter does Not have your best interest at heart, of course she would say he is harmless even if he isn'tand you wouldnt know that. Its on you to have your best interest at heart. File a police report. Protect yourself. Protect other potential victims. It might even protect an ill person.
FluxSagrie
That caregiver needs to be more aware of these things. I have had some experiences with the mentally handicapped like this. They can be very nice and friendly but I have seen it go sideways very fast. It isn't their fault that their mind is how it is, but for their own safety and those around them it needs to be managed much better than that. I hope you stay safe and he gets the actual help he needs because that kind of behavior can go very bad very fast.
Zyvun
Not a threat until he is. Same reason no one buys the 'he doesn't bite' line when the dog is actively jimping and barking at you and pulling the leash.
drunkStar
If you don’t want to get police involved you can try adult protective services. It sounds like the daughter needs help taking care of him and they can provide assistance.
onecatnokids
This. Every state has these services. Also, patients with dementia can become agitated and strong, if he is denied what he wants and attacks you......you need to be proactive and nip this in the bud.
TeeTeeEffEn
A CAMERA DOESN'T STOP YOU BEING HARMED. Please add locks to your front & back doors and give copies of the keys to landlord (legal reasons). This man does seem innocent but not harmless if he is basically attempting to BREAK IN. Dude.
CedricDur
You're trying to be nice, but, consider your safety first, then consider others afterwards.
xenjamin
Call the police NOW! File a report. Add security deadbolts and cameras if you need. Have a lawyer write a letter to neighbor and building manager. BIG F'N RED FLAG! Sorry for your situation. Men can be awful. I am one and i have known awful men.
dunkum09
I've had a couple of neighbors with dementia, who have come over on their own and it is always an uncomfortable experience, but that is quite a bit worse than anything i've had to deal with.
chichiniya
I did live near a little old lady who had I had to walk home before after trying to open my front door, and also when she tried to get into my neighbor at the time’s door as well. I was very thankful she was a small lady and was sweet as can be, but she had a caretaker that was not good enough 😡
dunkum09
one was a neighbor from down the street who we didn't know very well, and thankfully someone came by shortly after to pick her up, because I wouldn't have known what to do or who to call. the other was from across the street and we had her daughter's number, so that one was a bit better, just had to chat with her until her daughter came around. but she was fairly paranoid, i don't recall what about specifically, so it was still a bit difficult
Chapter2000
Make a police report. You have no idea if he has assaulted other women. This doesn't seem like harmless behaviour to me.
nuclearmomm
So daughter is caretaker she’s responsible. Who is watching this person when she goes shopping or has to run errands? This seems really scetchy (sp). Should be reported to senior services or social workers or something. He was trying to get in through the back door? Sure he’s not on a perv list somewhere? This is scary
SuperfluousMeh
This caretaker definitely needs assistance and it seems like the patient should be in a 24-hour care facility.
MrHappySmiles
Get Ring for your doors. Perhaps some interior webcams.
HeyOP
Use end to end encryption. https://www.nbcnews.com/business/consumer/ring-doorbell-camera-employees-mishandled-customer-videos-rcna87103
OccultGhoul
It absolutely is not okay for this behavior to be shown regardless of the persons mental condition, if she’s claiming he’s harmless he couldn’t be doing this kind if thing and she wouldn’t be so chill about it happening.
I honestly feel like you shouldn’t feel bad/guilty for wanting to protect yourself, time and time again women have been made to feel guilty or as if what was happening was OUR faults and then the unwanted behavior progress to a point where it can’t be stopped, it’s too late.
OccultGhoul
Remember that the perfect predator always seems unthreatening.. Please be careful, please take precautions, please report this and please protect yourself. Regardless of anyone else feeling he is “harmless” he’s proven himself otherwise ..
You deserve to feel safe, especially in your own home!
AlienJeffries81
You need to stop preparing for your role as the victim. Get your video and call the police.
Jamesstin
what the hell kind of bullshit statement is that? it's like some creepy way of trying to not victim blame by victim blaming. btw 1/
d0o0o0d
...that happens with dementia, sometimes. It might be time for him to be transferred to a more supervised environment.
WhistlePig
Good luck affording one. They start at $4,000/mo here. Hopefully there are funds to help but if not...it sucks
TacoPoweredHelicopter
Sometimes the $$$$ is not there for that.
realrealluckless
At the very least it is time to talk through some clear procedures, get professional input, and consider tools like panic/alert buttons to streamline getting help.
clearlyselfloving
this sounds like good advice to me
chichiniya
I had a feeling it might be that or similar, she did mention he has been this way since she was young and moved him in when her mother passed
PredictablySilly
Talk to her and request a contact number that you should call next time at the first sign that he is focused on you. In lieu of him being in a more supervised environment that would be my next step.
CaptainTinyTongue
Frontotemporal Dementia starts earlier than typical dementia and specifically acts on areas of the brain that deal with inhibition in addition to the usual dementia symptoms- sounds like this could be what he and his daughter (and you i guess now too..) are dealing with
SuperfluousMeh
We had a patient like that in our facility and he would often get aggressive with staff to amuse himself.
chichiniya
So I trust her judgement for him 100%
Cynnith
There are super cheap super loud alarms you can get that will go off when a door is opened. They are commonly used for dementia patients that like to wander. Might be worth getting one for your back door just to be safe.
nomunnywunnytilugetthebunnyhunny
Dementia progresses. He made advance out of his normal issues and they may possibly not be able to be controlled by his daughter when she is away. You may trust her, but only a doctor should have judgement of his illness.
VolcanoHerder
She may be completely right up to this point but later stages of dementia can cause previously sweet and loving people to become aggressive and violent, they aren't the same person anymore. It's super sad when that happens but your safety/comfort shouldn't be the price for her not being ready to accept that. I'm not at all saying that's what this is or that you need to do anything rash, just giving info so you can decide what's best for your own well being. Good luck!
TK421isAFK
Uhh, that might be misplaced judgement. Don't forget that she has lived with him her whole life, so she's less likely to notice small, 1/2
TK421isAFK
gradual changes. You absolutely need to at least make a police report so you have a chain of evidence when this takes a turn for the 2/3
TK421isAFK
worse, which it likely will - and you need to be prepared for that. Remember Lenny in 'Of Mice and Men'? He just wanted to touch her 3/4
SethSlone
Harmless people don't try to break into your back door ...
wiltsjunk
or your "back door."
prawnklng
JDJersey
SuperfluousMeh
Look into something called 'sundowning.' It's quite common amongst the older folks. It's a phenomenon that usually occurs around traditionally what their culture would put dinner time or sun down, and it causes all types of erratic behavior and altered mental states and confusion with some aggression. But before and after, they're kind of normalish.
Wraid
SarahTheEverlame
If he has dementia he might not even know it's her door and not his.
wingweaver415
Then whys he messing with it if he assumes iyd his
OnlyPositiveFavourites
Still a huge man who wants sex from her breaking into her door.
Sulexar
Irrelevant. It's still causing harm. You wou;dn't let him off the hook if he broke through the door, raped her, then murdered her.
syko2k
He knows.
FastAsTheFlash
In my town, we had someone with Dementia kill someone because they wandered into the wrong home and thought the people who lived there were breaking into his house
Eldis
fucking this jesus christ
SuperfluousMeh
Older folks who are sun-downing can become aggressive due to their confusion. I'm not saying that's this situation, however I am familiar with aggressive sundowning elderly folks. I've seen them cause bruises, and twisted fingers. They're confused and they're scared and they lash out. Then again, assholes get old and develop dementia too, so.
SarahTheEverlame
Weird that some people are assuming that by saying this I'm saying that he isn't a danger. I'm simply saying that he might not be aware that what he's doing is wrong. His intent isn't necessarily criminal.
OnlyPositiveFavourites
People on the internet are idiots until proven otherwise, you didn't prove otherwise.
thetickcannothaveaspoontoobig
What if he isn't aware that rape is wrong? The man's focus has been sex with her, including trying to break in her home. She is in danger
SarahTheEverlame
I didn't say she wasn't in danger. c'mon.
thetickcannothaveaspoontoobig
Ah, I misunderstood. I thought your message intent was kinda "he's simple, what's the harm, boys will be boys", don't make a fuss, it's easier if we all let it be. I am genuinely worried for OP.
Eldis
If he has dementia in that stage he should be in supervised conditions, because right now he's a real, tangible threat to his tiny neighbor. She's gonna get fucked up if that patient ever goes haywire, and he's already tried to "solicite" sex, and no matter how politely it was done mental degradation means it absolutely can get dangerous.
SarahTheEverlame
Absolutely.
SuperfluousMeh
We had a rather big patient come in, who had a smaller wife. The man had Huntington's chorea, so he was losing his ability to walk, and we wondered how the wife was able to walk him when it took three of us. And I always thought, his aggressive tendencies were what got him to the facility. Otherwise though, very sweet man, at least to me.
Bystandr
Can she afford to make that assumption, here?
SarahTheEverlame
Nope! I'm just pointing it out. With the small amount of experience I've had with people with dementia It's best not to assume they mean harm. That being said, you need to protect yourself best you can. OP is right to be on their guard.
charondaboatman
Please impress upon your neighbor that while you’re certain nothing will come of his repeated efforts to get in your house or his continued efforts to have sex with you, there will come a time that you will report him to the authorities unless she can stop his behavior or get him under control. If you don’t feel threatened, I think you should, and act accordingly.
DaveSamsonite
Great advice!
SarcasticComment
100%. at some point their burden isn't yours. I'm not dealing with home break ins because you have family trouble. That is an unreasonable expectation for "being neighborly"
CoarseAndSalty
Yeah, even if your neighbor is sweet and apologetic there are neighborly limits of what you should be reasonably expected to put up with.
mikeatike
I can almost guarantee she didn't do shit about his behavior if it happened again.
Slashenaar
This, but more kind, less nice. I'm not certain nothing will come of it, I want to make certain nothing will come of it, and I deserve to feel safe in my home and this does not make me feel safe. If they are willing to work towards a solution that's great, if they aren't you'll have to let professionals handle it for you, which sucks, and we would probably rather sort this out so that we all feel safe in our homes
AceOfShovels
I'd go so far as to say that someone who is that forward and persistent isn't that far from becoming sexually aggressive, regardless of mental state. Especially if he's trying to get into your house, as the "messing with the backdoor" detail seems to indicate.
AnnaBananaFoFanna25
Yes please at a point this becomes elder abuse if they are letting him get out and he could hurt himself as well as you.
thelonepig
Wait, how and why is she certain nothing will come of a huge mentally unwell horny man repeatedly trying to break into her house? Literally NOTHING about that sounds "certainly" safe. In fact, this sounds like a perfect recipe for disaster. He may have been a nice man, but now he's losing his judgement and impulse control. Call the non-emergency number next time.
charondaboatman
In making the statement, “I’m sure he won’t…..” you’re allowing the daughter to keep her dignity, and keep the discussion as just that. A discussion. The requirement of getting him under control “or else” sets the boundary of a consequence that will take it out of the daughter’s hands, which she will completely understand, and frankly, may be relieved about. But yes, it will escalate.
thelonepig
I think that is very nice and I hope my neighbors are as kind as you. And I hope I'm not being a terrible feminist killjoy when I say I think this is one of those times when NICE needs to go out the window for this woman's safety. Too often we play nice too long so as not to make someone uncomfortable at our own expense. (Just suffered thru a date w/a guy trying to "cuddle" me bc I didn't want to be rude or dramatic but in hindsight, I should not have been nice anymore.)
Edowyth
Dementia won't stop him from committing a horrible physical crime. It might cause it to happen. It's better to be as safe as possible.
treed240z
THIS! Also, get better door locks, reinforce the door jam where it connects to the dead bolt, and get a camera for your doors. I understand you're trying to be nice, but in the same vein that we ask people to not let their dogs off leash because they don't understand anything, this lady needs to keep track of her father. Your safety and well being matter.
BeragondGreatstride
Also replace the screws in the hinges with longer ones.
mouseasw
Also if the hinges are on the outside, install security screws. They stick out from the door into the open hole in the door frame and prevent opening the door via removing the hinge pins.
justherefortheconfession
and get bear spray
Baconlovesyoutoo
An air horn might be a good choice here. The old dude shitting his drawers might be a better option than tumbling down a set of stairs and then shitting his drawers.
jayman0123
Wasp spray works almost as well and has an 18 foot range fyi
AnAverageBoxEnthusiast
you mean brass knuckles and bear spray
RussellTodd
Brass knuckles are a force multiplier, not a force equalizer. If she’s a petite woman with no self-defense/mma training, knuckles won’t make a meaningful difference.
AmbassadorOfAndrew
Human mace is actually stronger, since bears have more sensitive noses they don’t need the same potency to be deterred by it
BigTex1
And get a bear.
justherefortheconfession