SheCursedTheHeavens
14975
6511
509
Jack and Jill.
Mar 6, 2014 2:25 PM
SheCursedTheHeavens
14975
6511
509
pistolshrimppumponmylapatalltimes
There's so many dirty versions of this, I forgot the original :/
MrBoomLazer
lostdogwithnolegs
I'd rather eat Randy
killerqueen
This is the first thing that popped in my head!
ListenToGeorgeCarlin
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/commercial/2012/3/26/1332776435179/Computer-program-display--008.jpg
SubzeroAK
Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her ass Now his two front teeth are missing
NicCagesDickRages
My name is relevant :)
Ritedank
RRRRRAAAAANNNNDDDDYYYYY *whining voice of Peter Griffin*
rudebikedecal
http://imgur.com/1rT1Z6B
xelegance
ఠ_ఠ
themanthemyththecharles
What. The . Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You. People??.
IAmTehBluey
A lot of things are wrong with me. But I for one do not find this funny... Do you?
cscsabi87
yepp,
minusthebert
Totally unrelated: Just bought Seinfeld tickets today......so excited
MrBoombastic
http://imgur.com/yJ7SC.gif
skylark28
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.... I don't think that is how hydrodynamics works....
InCaseOfStairsUseFire
Fluid dynamics, brother, and we're golden
bhobbit123
Celebrimbor
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jill forgot to take her pill, and now they have a daughter.
somethinglessserious
Maybe the well was on the other side of the hill?...
sn0pp
http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/templates/template_ext.php?&&&goback=yes&id=13&+School&opt=&goback=yes&iid=4345
skylark28
Just because that cartoon is on my fridge... (my wife is an engineer) :D
Ironblitz
They couldn't get the original line published " Jack and the bitch went down to the ditch..."
PickingUsernamesIsHard
"Jack and Sally went down to the valley"?
AbsolutelyDramaticNutjob
"To dump a pail of their waste. Jack fell down and he did drown, due to Jill's punch to his face."
grovermatic
Never in my 35 years has that realization hit me. You are a genius!
Melanisia
Unless there is a well at the top of the hill, and an underground river running beneath the ground right there.
strawberryfieldsforjusttoday
Two individuals proceeded towards a natural geologic protuberance to extract a fluid of dihydrogen oxide.
ISarabi
The masculine individual succumbed to gravity and fractured his cranium, and the feminine individual proceeded to duplicate his trajectory.
wrincewind
it does if the well is deep enough.
NerdN1
Yeah, turns out the person who dug the well was REALLY STUPID and climbed a hill to have to dig deeper for an inconvenient well.
wrincewind
or he lived on top of the hill and dug it in his back yard, then a few hundred years later his grandson made it a public well?
Emuhlah
Weren't they siblings? Hm.
Sellofan
That's... that's not how I learned English. (I wish I had, though.)
skillnwill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, stupid Jill forgot her pills and came down with a daughter. Safe sex is serious
KiMsPotetgull
UmVtZW1iZXJUaGVOYW1l
source? i want to see the video and laugh my ass off.
SweetBabyJesus
Doesn't matter, Jack still got lucky.
splorgendoich
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said, "Jill, you wanna?"
Ponyrider
Aren't they siblings?? I always thought so.
he2lium
Jack and Jill went up the hill to "fetch a pale of water," stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a daughter.
sirelurksalot
$20 is $20.
Ilikeboobies
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuanna, Jack got high and dropped his fly and asked Jill " do u wanna?" Jill said yes (1/2)
Ilikeboobies
And dropped her dress and then. They had some fun. Silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son!
ilackwittycreativity
I was making sure this wasn't here before I posted it.. Oh well.. Have an upvote!
senormuffin25
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but Jack forgot to cover his sack and now they have a son.
bruudwin
Here's a modified version of yours I have always known. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeHDnF7MU90&feature=kp
bruudwin
the version around 1 min of the video Jack n Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son
LongNamesAreStillCoolRight
He'd rather eat Randy
AssCancerGuy
YES. Thank you. Carry on.
ScottSterling
Randy is a full course meal plus dessert to seal the deal and oh I'll be needing a to go box.
pricklycactus
Jack and Jill go up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill comes down with 2.50 the little slut.
ImGettingPaidForThis
Three fiddy?
godzillasgreatleader
Ya goddamn Monsta! Go on get outta Hera!
JonSnowNotedWindmillExpert
Jack and Jill went up the hill, each one had a quarter. Jill came back with 50 cents, do you think they went for water?
TophersGophers
andrew dice clay?
JCTalls
AAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!
Jackospade
This was the appropriate response. +1
Schmedes
I feel like I would notice the penis isn't a vagina before putting my mouth on it...but that's just me
MrKuradal
Maybe it wasn't hard, and it looked like a big clit until it got hard.
Schmedes
What have you been having sex with?
MrKuradal
Reminded me of the show Californication where the main character makes fun of a friend's penis by calling it a clit. Figured it could be why
WeiYanZhuo
You must be exceptionally observant.
kerms
Jill/Randy probably forced it in there.
SpasticTactician
When they were done, Jack wiped the cum and said to dear old Randy: Don't go so soon, you've got no poon, but I could use at least a handy.
Geogon
I need my hands to heard the sheep, come to my bed and we'll do more than sleep.Take off your shirt and be dandy and help me with my panties
MrBoomLazer
iamnowhere
Didn't know what poon meant. Now I do.
landerthaur
poon. HAH!
beepbeepimabuick
Have my babies, please.
mikerosswannabe
Right in the childhood
MrPredator
As both came down the hill, they laughed and felt a great thrill. Their joy and laughter was a delight, but the saw a terrible fright.
iwantashortnameforonceohshit
...di you just make that up??
SpasticTactician
Like some sorta Dr. Seuss clone.
NeedsMoreCas
favoriting for this comment
DittoAidsCircus
You're the type of man that'd fuck a man in the ass and not have the courtesy to give him a reach around.
GameofBros
Now jacks on all fours, is randy's new whore and begs for more
paniconenvy
This is the reason I browse random after seeing everything on the front page
champin
That... was beautiful... *wipes away single tear*
theycallmebirb
just....yes....
PhallecBaldwin
"Seriously, someone give me a hanjo." - Archer
BuckOhNine
I was thinking of something funny to say... There is no beating this. Have my upvote.
wanooknox
haha.. beating...
idoubtanyonehasthisusername
No beating this? Jack would disagree.
Faylom
Jill beat him off till he was soft and both felt much less horny. I'd like to say they married gay but that's probably too corny
SpasticTactician
Randy grinned, then slipped right in to Jack's inviting rear. They spent their days so happy, gay, and their nights were kinky weird. (2)
SpasticTactician
Corny? Yes. But hey, you're blessed. That's how we like it here. Why don't we say, come wedding day, Jack smiled from ear to ear (1)
WeiYanZhuo
Randy smiled and ran away, and left Jack to his fate; but Jack just shrugged and said, "That's life. I guess I'll masturbate!"
FudgingHell
Fudging epic
Faylom
That's not the same rhythm or rhyming scheme! Boooooooo. I've got nothing as good but still, booooooooo
WeiYanZhuo
Haha, I'm not much of a poet, it just sounded close enough. Feel free to continue if you come up with something better!
WeiYanZhuo
Sorry people down voted your comment. Btw, I figured out how to fix mine to include the internal rhyming:
Faylom
No worries, I came off as more rude than I meant to. Good job on the reworking. Imgur should try some limericks.
WeiYanZhuo
Randy smiled and ran a mile, he left Jack to his fate; but Jack just shrugged and said, "Oh, bugger. I guess I'll masturbate!"
WeiYanZhuo
Randy went back to fapping Jack and said with demure gayness; "Sorry to fly, I just got shy. Wanna try my anus?"
SpasticTactician
Aaaaaaand here's the next verse!
WeiYanZhuo
As one prurient poet to another, glad you liked it! :)
WeiYanZhuo
Randy snuck to fapping Jack and said with demure gayness; "Sorry I ran, I just got shy. Wanna try my anus?"
trainmanauxl1
im commenting for when you continue
WeiYanZhuo
Haha, everyone wants to hear more details about Jack plowing Randy. No homo, though. :)
trainmanauxl1
behind every 'no homo' there is always a little homo.
MafLoic
OMFG lmaoooooo....
socksmcgee
This is the best thing I've ever bloody seen
liliputian7
demure gayness
pencilv3ster
DEMURE GAYNESS!!!!
monspub
Happy Jack saw Randy's crack and felt his heart beat hard; Randy posed with head near toes and said "Do me avant-garde"
pencilv3ster
Damn.
WeiYanZhuo
NICE!
CharlesFinley
Commenting for when this continues
rhymesagainsthumanity
And so attack, did Sir Jack, Randy's wishing well,
ifyouarereadingthisyouwillsooncometotheconclusionthisisnothing
Well done sirs well done. {Slow clap}
rhymesagainsthumanity
'til Randy bled - a frightening red! - and Jack's mini-Jack fell
Flametonguetotem
Jack looked around but nothing he found and Randy gave a cry; No lube on hand so it felt like sand, Jack had gone in dry.
cityofthefireflies
lol
Tamster
http://imgur.com/Mu8QihE
nothinbutlovebro
Sticks and stone may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me" - My dad circa 2000 when I was only 7
tripod2000
The internet circa 2000 BC
SkyZippr
Nah nah nah come on.
gmrkrm
Yea, well my dad said it circa 1999.
tekkenchoir
"So tie me up and throw me down, and show how much you like me!" - the follow-up line I was taught in 2nd grade.
SuburbanRobotsThatMonitorReality
I know it should be funny, but 2nd grade... damn... Kinda like, "abuse is good, that's love." Idk, not enough characters to explain.
SuburbanRobotsThatMonitorReality
Impressionable kids, and all that.
nylonreader
As a kindergarten teacher:
nothinbutlovebro
So when do we get to sue Rihanna for stealing his song?
FrankyFrankFrank
Technically it was first published in Snowboarder Magazine in 1996 in an ad for Outerwear.
JustSomeGuyFromTheInternet
You just remembered that or you just looked it up?>
FrankyFrankFrank
I have the magazine and said it to my mom when I was a kid and I got smacked. so yeah i remember it pretty well. Still have it kickin around
ButIDidntDieThoughItWasAJoke
Your mom must've been horrified to hear you say that.