AverageHouseCat
205452
4768
135
FP edit: Thanks again for the love Imgur. Send sexy recipes ;)
dacow36793
#2
boredAgain2day
I’m about to copy and paste the haiku to my hubby! Seriously, how hard is it to rinse off the sink after shaving?!
ameriki
#20 A fellow sufferer of Male Spot Blindness!
AJLopez1
Bark wahlberg
cartar929
ilikemilkandcookies
@OP more please!!
AverageHouseCat
I will see what I can do
sureasyourebornyourenevergoingtoseenounicorn
These sound about right
Moovovr
#3 Until he comes home with only beer and snacks!
Ermetu
No doubt. If you expect him to come back with anything more than a six pack, some pizza rolls, and chips, you're delusional.
MyLittleVenus
Always, and I mean always, make at least 50% more snack than you plan on eating yourself.
usernametakenisthestoryofmylife
I've learned long ago to make an extra grilled cheese anyway even when my wife "doesn't want one".
Skelezombiewolfensteinmonsteresquirethethird
My husband does this and it makes me very happy when the food smells make me hungry
Kiore
Worst case scenario you get two grilled cheese, I don't see any downside.
mysticarchives
I let my wife and son burn themselves a few times. Asked they said no, I made for me. “Hey I want some of that.” Now they just say yes
o4kill
Similar to always ordering large fries. Another trick is to just give it and not ask.
therealpdawg
Thanks, boredpanda.com, for gathering all these.
simonaj
#33 My fiance made a fb "Save the Date" event for our wedding and I declined. He called me a dickhead. No ragrets.
catsnroombas
All these people glad to be single... this stuff is WHY you get married! Humor just makes it work better.
bruttsmom
With the right person marriage can be the best thing ever.
JARKB
Hmm guess the good thing about being divorced is not dealing with someone else. But then again it's lonely. ):
tooomanystevesgotbanned
I miss being married.
ilikemetals
You probably stopped for a good reason. Now you’re free to go find happiness! :)
tooomanystevesgotbanned
Oh, it was definitely a good reason. Finding new happiness is taking longer than I expected, though.
MaDragon
18 favorites, I swear. Best, truest dump ever. Sending to daughter (She needs a good laugh).
freesnowcone
Bark Ruffalo
illogicaliguana
Fish
Timmy622
My dog’s name is Liam Fleason
Okiegoon
Robark Dogney Jr.
FriskyDing0
Spaniel Tosh. But I feel like the bark and the ruff wins the day.
americablanco
Lickolas Cage
bebechat
I momentarily forgot Whoopi's real name.
CourtneyRocks
The Weird Roomate one killed me lol
theshadowrealmyugiboy
Not the worst mom has some of the best tits
pandorafalters
That's probably confusing, & creepy-sounding, to the people who missed #29.
paul289
I read that comment thinking that there should be a comma somewhere, like after "worst," and thought "the hell?"
KI77354542
Some good advises right there!
PseudoDoc
@pseudocheer
AsparagusP
Re: grilled cheese Divorce is the ONLY option. Sorry.
LeSethX
Smell is a great way to figure out what food you want. There was a pizza place that would always make me want pizza when I walked past it
LeSethX
Even if I was post-Thanksgiving dinner full.
MechaNinja
AspieGamer
That escalated quickly
YeahBu0y
Ah thee 'ol Homer Simpson shtick.
blacksilence
These are hysterical. There are so many that are perfect for my marriage.
BurritoParty
Bob Barker.
kenttouchthis17
*Affect
theheebs25
my phone is a samsung and my wife's is an apple, so we're all set there
Mxlespxles
#2 was us last week. She's not a morning person anyway, but after three hours I asked. I was having an online affair in her dream. WTF
OMNOMNIVORE
To be fair, my fiance was pretty cranky for a day because I left him in his dreams. It's not just us ladies ????
Mxlespxles
Yeah, I think it varies from person to person. I've definitely had dreams that left me shook for a day, just never about relationships.
cfcannon
My wife was once mad for hours because, as she yelled, "You left me!" in her dream.
Arguile
Same.
GlitterInTheDarkNearTheTannhauserGate
From experience, she's not mad AT me, she's mad about her insecurities about me. Slightly different but I'm still fucked
Mxlespxles
Good point. I think I need to be on imgur less at home, then. Wish me luck.
dangerousmelon
That's actually really sweet.
GlitterInTheDarkNearTheTannhauserGate
alanivar75
Shouldn't stick ya dick in crazy
Mommasaurusrex
Then you must like men because this is literally every female.
savagestarshine
No, this is every selfish emotionally unhealthy person who thinks theirs is the only reality. I hate all these jackasses
Mommasaurusrex
Dreams can be very real and upsetting. I am sorry that you don't get basic human emotions.
SKELETONMAAAN
But seriously maybe don't generalize like that
darkdragonempress
Guys can do it to so the key is finding one that at worst goes silent so they can work through the emotions. Some women also don't deal 1
darkdragonempress
With it at all. The few dreams I have are generally twilight zone type stories. It's pretty awesome. 2
SKELETONMAAAN
LITERALLY
Mommasaurusrex
Literally
Liquidus90
Having a significant other seems difficult! Good thing I'm single! :'-)
[deleted]
[deleted]
ManannanMacLir
Pass
RennBear
It can be. But it’s so worth it.
v
iHaveAlotOfFolders
So, you’re single?
Liquidus90
Yep
ladysmurfette
wish I was single. I miss being single
iDownvoteDumpsWithCaptions
Then break up
ilikemetals
The good days always outweigh the bad, at least in a good relationship.
Notme68
She's crazy as fuck (as in government check worthy), but after 13 years I still get laid 5 times about week and 1
Notme68
after all these years we're damn good at it.
DuckFan87
It's super hard. I have yet to find one that's worth it, but I haven't given up yet.
DarthPickles
A tip. When you do find one that’s worth it, you will be surprised by how not-hard it is. It is very easy when you’re both in it all the way
DuckFan87
Good advice.
ladysmurfette
So, you like ducks
DuckFan87
Indeed I do. Specifically the Disney Ducks.
ladysmurfette
aww that's adorable. you're adorable
DuckFan87
Niddhoger
On unplugging my phone... oh HELL no. Stop losing your own charger! Find another plug! THIS MEANS WAR!
[deleted]
[deleted]
tzxAzrael
"before you even start on me buying a new charger AFTER YOU TOOK MINE... i want you to tell me how you broke a frikking charger?"
SexualConsent
She must have an iPhone
fnurglbhurg
Haven't you got at least two chargers? They usually comes with the phone. Or, a computer with USB outlets?
AnythingMuchShorter
I just keep getting chargers until the house is so saturated they can't be lost. Up to about 12 and they still get lost somehow.
BronzeLeaguePro
Why not get a bunch of charges with two outlets?
MMAgCh
Unwife her.
Proudfoots
I had 3 extra chargers, my last gf lost one and took the the plug in part for another because she kept misplacing her chargers
nero4ty2
I invested in usb wall outlets for every room and they all have dedicated cords, mostly solved the problem
wandergeist
Powerbanks you charge at work / on your commute save marriages
gr8whtd0pe
“What percent is yours?” Is a daily question.
SexualConsent
It's not about that, it's about the principle of respecting my property and
kgar77
Same here.
yourealltheworst
You have three goddam chargers, I have one. What the hell does it matter what my percentage is? Long story short she now has 4 chargers.
alovelypintofguinness
The Neverending Story
tooomanystevesgotbanned
How does that even happen? I have at least six chargers around my house, just for me.
1pixel
Hmm "how do you even lose a charger that's stuck in the wall." - my last comment that got me in trouble.
RiftSkipper
Because she takes it with her everywhere even though i have not once seen her charge it anywhere but home
MechaNinja
EX-FUCKING-ACTLY GOD DAMN WOMAN
wowsocoolawesome
ProxyPlayerHD
i got a charger with 2 USB-A ports on it... 2 people can charge their stuff at the same time... it was like 20 EUR
[deleted]
[deleted]
ProxyPlayerHD
use an extension cord or just sit on the other side of the bed
mysticarchives
6 port, central charging station in the house and USB ports in the wall plate on each side of the bed.
OneOfTheEnemiesWithin
So, you’re their king, huh? Nice!