Hreiomarr
2499913
19648
300
May 21, 2016 8:49 PM
Hreiomarr
2499913
19648
300
SecretCatPolicy
Family problems aren't mine? Well in that case I'd like to return my mother's cancer and my selfish idiot stepson to their rightful owners.
Cruxador
"Your family problems aren't yours" You can choose if they are. They come with the family successes.
SuperVillainWithAHeartOfGold
As someone whose family on both sides of the marriage cause/generate a lot of bullshit, I am very fond of that slide
Nemothenubbed
+1 for not cropping out the artists website
DillonGriswold
404 ... That's All We Know
Hreiomarr
Ofc not! Probobly should have linked as well : http://www.snotm.com/ (been quiet for years) https://www.facebook.com/snotm/ gets updated
BambiChii
As an insatiable whore, I'm a little insulted.
taylorisnotacat
boy, a bunch of these are super judgy
MatWud
Women are not as horny as men in general. Generally our sex drives and reasons for sex are very different, to deny this is deluded.
ActualKangaroo
Dude, some of these sound awful and borderline shitty to say.
Calabrasitor
Anyone who needs to spread thrir advice like this thinking they're so wise are usually arrogant af.
FloranceBarrete75
When, obviously, each individual person can fall anywhere on the spectrum from "zero libido" to "vigorously humping the couch"
miki9808
Oh neat, nicely illustrated bullshit.
liliputian7
Many of these are wrong or unhealthy
1maybeoldbutimnotdead
Porn and Disney in the same sentence. I am satisfied.
CaptainMinnette
I think a lot of romcoms fall into that category
Loominati
rule 34 will do that for you. and maybe satisfy you too, idk what youre into.
imhoots
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves on Disney and Pornhub are two different movies both of which have a satisfying climax.
Loominati
The Disney version doesn't have a satisfying climax. It has a satisfying resolution. In porn, climax and resolution are the same.
imhoots
Grumpy disagrees - he had a satisfying climax
Loominati
I... but... okay fair enough.
yumyums
Dude, you don't internet enough
TortoiseGaming
#24 I'm good at nothing, does that mean I'm strong
timelessclassical
If you're good at nothing, it just means you've not found the things you're good at yet :)
itisntisit
Why shouldn't people know I've got a small dick? I thought I was supposed to be myself?
ElbowdeepinElmo
Actually, way too many people listen to noise makers
PotatoPotatoePotato
Yeah, explain Trump.
SoapyMammaryMasturbation
I make the best noise, I know all the best noisemakers, people say to me, they say "You make great noise, the best noise.".
ChinaFerrariSexOrgyDeathCrash
You can brag all you want but lemme tell ya i have heard quite some noise in my day and i sure as heck can tell a good noise when i hear one
JessieJanson
The family of insane religious people on the corner always use megaphones and I can NEVER understand them when I drive by. But you can 1/2
JessieJanson
hear them 1/4 of a mile away. 2/2
noracrat
I'm so sorry about your llama.
ElbowdeepinElmo
The llama is the perpetrator not the victim c:
Blackd0nuts
Yeah I heard about an election later this year
ILovePsychedelicMusic
Savage :D
VikingTheMad
Loudest wheel gets the oil, as the homeless man who lives in the creek always whispered into my window at midnight.
LlamaLlamaQuack
Greetings fellow llama!
UkHugo
Only if you know the best words
nightmarerunner
I'm looking at you, Fox News...
bachterman
yeah, like on the internet.
TitaTitanium
COUGHCDONALDFUCKGTGTCOUGH
millyfoo
If playing Town of Salem taught me something it's this.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Jeez that was around 300 years ago. How old are you?
lysithean
Town of Salem is still running
lysithean
It's always the damn jester
GladIGotMyCootieShot
Or the exe
RandomVoiceFromTheInternet
I prefer Jesterless games personally...
AluminiumFalcon
Trigglypuff.
PubesFromTheNthDimension
Don't think that you are in the best country unless you are North Korean. You don't have a choice in that matter
FlappinBurgers
North Korea is best Korea!
ThisIsCanadaWinterIsAlwaysComing
Or Canadian. Being Canadian is pretty great.
AmArschdieRaeuber
The candian government is shitty though, not the best country at all
TheEdmontonMan
It's ok, at best. We got alotta problems.
Krikr
This is trying way too fucking hard to be deep. Most of it's not even good advice, or just flat out wrong.
nofaithleft
I know it's only downhill from here but I really doubt I'll miss today any time in the future
Supernerdtastic
It's only downhill if you stop finding things to enjoy.
nofaithleft
I had things I enjoyed and they got pretty much all taken away. can't even drive a car ever again
SpecimenSpiff
Yeah, I'm successful because I'm not in prison or doing meth, crack, and drinking literally 24 hours a day anymore like I did throughout >
SpecimenSpiff
> my 20s and early thirties. I may not make a lot of money, but I've overcome more than many people.
MissSpelledTattoo
Winning username too.
Therearetoomanyusernames
Those are definitely reasons to be proud and feel successful. Good job!
SpecimenSpiff
Why, thank you kindly!
Therearetoomanyusernames
You're welcome. =o) Stay strong and continue to improve your life. I'm happy for you.
Supernerdtastic
Success kid for you - own it. Well done.
SpecimenSpiff
Hey, thanks! Just passed 4 years sober, and I have wife and child now so things won't ever go back to where they were.
francisdolarhyde
Glad to hear you're doing well! Keep it up, my friend.
roomsofthehouse
Some of these are cute but the rest are kinda shitty.
Valharroth
" respect others' view of success" "normal is lame"
SecretCatPolicy
To whom is 'normal' success? I'd imagine some misguided souls believe it's the path to success; that's surely the point.
Mycologics
Ha I was thinking those two were a weird combination too
jacquesrobespierre
I think hes talking about those who try to be as inoffensive as possible. It doesn't make you a bad or anything, but you can't please...
TheUpsidedownestPersonAlive
...shapeshifting reptoids' thirst for the flesh of the unborn and the unknowing aide of the masses.
jacquesrobespierre
...everyone, so just do you.
Astrocyta
'Someday you will miss today'. Well that's depressing and makes me pre-emptively be mournful about the worse-than-now future :(
ABillionDucks
Don't worry, I don't miss most days. :D
Supernerdtastic
Wrong. It means enjoy today even if you think there's nothing worth enjoying.
Astrocyta
I know what it's supposed to mean. The phrasing still made me sad
ShartShrapnel
I think it's safer to say we'll miss things about this time in our lives. Not everything.
MrDanielGerber
It's not getting worse, though. It gets different
Asinya
Yeah, I'm with you there - the thought that it is actually going to get worse is...dark :/
lovetorun
who thought the printing press was going to kill everything?
ShartShrapnel
Was also wondering this.
zeethenomad
This is actually true. Hell, Plato actually thought the written word itself was bad because people wouldn't have to memorize evertything
lovetorun
Wow seriously? Lol now I feel bad about harassing my son..
zeethenomad
whoops sorry, it was Socrates, as related by Plato http://apt46.net/2011/05/18/socrates-was-against-writing/
Nova225
Well someone in ancient Greece said reading would ruin our youth like we claim the internet will today
thisisprocrastination
They were right, then and now :)
Marmz2016
The luddites.
minnow1776
Fashion isn't bullshit, it's just not mandatory to follow it. It's actually really interesting to see how fashion sense evolves over time.
SecretCatPolicy
Just because it's interesting doesn't mean it isn't bullshit. I mean religion and politics are both fascinating in their ways too.
DoctorIdentity
Everyone follows fashion to some extent. Most people nowadays don't wear leisure suits anymore. Because it's not fashionable.
mudpie
It's not practical for the working class, however richer folk do tend to wear leisure suits/dresses ect.
PuppiesoverKittensAnyday
no
HorseMcFucker
http://www.political-humor.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/what-fashion-companies-try-to-sell-men-vs-what-men-really-want.jpg
SoftwareChef
If girls are as horny as guys, why isn't there more of a market for female oriented sex? Or do I just tune it out?
marcoyolo69
Girls like sex. Fact. But as horny as guys is an overstatement
SoftwareChef
So, where would you put the ratio of how much guys want sex as opposed to gals?
IratetheD
because the industry is kinda just realizing we like sex too. it was shameful before for women and a lot of females still think it is.
IratetheD
our society has contradictory idea on what women should be. if you are too sexy or like sex you're a whore, if you don't you're a prude 2/2
ABillionDucks
Because it's a lie to make guys feel better.
Telkesh
Not with my gf. Seriously considering getting a pitch hitter.
SoftwareChef
I know a guy who knows a guy who doesn't care for guys.
EroticZombiePants
The market is there. It's just much easier to make stuff for men, because we are easier to sell sex to.
SoftwareChef
You are probably right, erotic zombie pants.
poochyena
tune it out. As someone else mentioned, 50 shades of grey was an incredibly successful book and movie.
lotkas
traditional gender roles. I, along with other women I've spoken to, are hornier than men.
catcherintherye
girls might want sex, but they want shoes, clothes, real estate and $$$ a lot more.
SoftwareChef
Yeah, I asked my very good female friend, and she said there are probably ten things on a girl's mind at any time, whereas a guy... 2 or 3.
crocheton
I think some of it has to do with traditional views of women and sexuality. Women who liked sex were shamed/undesirable. Thus they hide it.
SoftwareChef
Hell, if a gal could keep up with me (sex and food), that'll totally turn me on.
IPutAHexOnYou4c6f7665206d65
you got insecure men who "slut shame" any horny woman that has sex or wants to have sex to thank for that. It's not "proper" or "lady like"
taylorisnotacat
are*
FecesAllMighty
Debatable
taylorisnotacat
You can debate it all you like, but "sexual women are shamed" is a plain fact. Not 100% in every instance, but in swathes.
Supernerdtastic
If you mean porn you totes tuned it out.
SoftwareChef
Explain
zeethenomad
50 shades of grey is one of the best selling books of all time. It's nothing but porn for kinky women. And judging by the sales, thats alot
SoftwareChef
Okay. That is true.
MazrimTaim
It's also a very elaborate description of a non-consentual relationship, stalking and assault.
Supernerdtastic
x-art/romantic is female oriented. Actually there are literature/discussions about realizing the female market & supplying for it.
SoftwareChef
Really? As a guy, I really like what I've seen of xart
francisdolarhyde
It's super high production/4K, attractive stars that are not popular in mainstream porn so no overexposure, and a more intimate/romantic 1/?
Supernerdtastic
And some women like porn aimed at men. Market expansion benefits everyone :D
Sprixxen
Because that is empirically false. There is a large sex difference in female attitudes towards casual sex and male. It's biological and ->
IceCreamMmm
This theory has been showed to be severely flawed. It was really hot back in the 1800s and used to discredit female sexuality
Sprixxen
The study was done in 1989...I don't care what it was used for. Now we have reliable, empirical data to prove it.
morgrimmoon
It's talking about horniness, not desire for casual sex. Stereotypes of men struggling to satisfy women probably contribute to that.
Sprixxen
The two are related. Horny means the desire for sex right? So if someone walked up to you and offered sex the more horny of the two 1/2
morgrimmoon
No, horny means the desire for orgasm. If you think it'll be more satisfying with a partner you'll want sex, but if not you'll masturbate.
Sprixxen
Then that means men are still more horny. They masturbate 4x as much (Avg: Once a week for men and once a month for women)
Sprixxen
would accept it because it is satisfying that need. 2/2
Sprixxen
makes sense taking into account the parental investment theory. Men want more sex, with more partners, at more times generally.
Sprixxen
There was a cool study where a confederate would walk up to an opposite sex participant and literally offer them sex (everything was ->
Sprixxen
controlled for including attractiveness, safety, relationship status, etc.). 0% of women agreed to the sex. 75% of the men did.
Sprixxen
They replicated it multiple times and tested all counter hypothesis. Men just want sex more, it's a fact of life.
thisisprocrastination
A confederate?
SoraPonyBoyVersetti
Yankee killer
Sprixxen
Someone who was in on the study.
assbad
I like to think most people masturbate to thoughts of me
[deleted]
[deleted]
Knillis
Well, is there an ex or someone who really envies you for no apparent reason?
[deleted]
[deleted]
Knillis
He or she exists. Otherwise the universe wouldn't be in balance and all hope were to be abandoned.
Lumintie
Hahah that's amazing :')
OPENYOURMOUTH
Omgmoar
I know a couple people do
SonsOfMoog
See number 12
assbad
See #17
SonsOfMoog
Lol, you win.
TheLaserRaptor
I think that would be one of the most flattering things to me.
Supernerdtastic
I totally dig it. Nothing has to come of it and it makes two people happy.
Escueleto
Are you flattered right now?
TheLaserRaptor
Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
assbad
Say no so they flatter harder
RevolutionOnHerLips
I'm flattering so hard right now
SmokedtheChair
Same.
JoonasD6
I suppose I can give one fap to a good cause.
Elerich
i had someone like that... now shes engaged to someone not me :x
meepmuup
Well she probably still does it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
francisdolarhyde
For real.
Elerich
nah but for real, she's really freaking happy with him, and I wish her the best.
Elerich
https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/CGgmY6_UkAAwWGG.mp4
ilikewobbleboards
My uncle likes dressing me up as a Japanese girl and makes me shower in pepto bismol - this is definitely also my problem
twfeline
That's not really pepto-bismol in that bottle.
Zippla
BUT DO YOU GET STOMACH ACHES?!? that's what I thought.
dannyb89x
Hahahahaha XD
TheAnswerWasAlwaysMoreLube
Uncle touchy just cares about you.
Williciousness
COME ON DOWN TO UNCLE TOUCHY'S NAKED PUZZLE BASEMENT AND HAVE A FANTASTIC TIME
KalmiaKamui
Uncle Toooooouchy's naaaaaaaked puuuuuuuzzle basement~ You won't wear a shirt and you'll cryyyyyy~
Williciousness
Another fan of Patton Oswalt, are we?
KalmiaKamui
Of course! He's in my top three comedians list.
OneFuckedPony
Well....he's not hiding anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
wonwonweasley
It's talking about your family's petty bullshit, not their health problems. Like your aunt's grudge against your mom for stealing her 1st bf
SnowFallingOnCholera
A problem or a blessing?
KnightofMalta
Classifies as a personal problem dealing with family.
SolidGoldFish
Um that's not ok
Kobbz
Well, then someone is masturbating thinking about you. Always look at bright side of life! :)
djinn5454
came back from 2 posts forward when this hit me and I lol'd. +1
Hreiomarr
It doesn't sound like your uncle has a problem with it. Thus the point still stands.
Knilore
But you said family problems aren't his problems....but but but
ihopenoonehasthisusername69
It's not really the family's problem because the uncle likes it, therefore it's just your problem.
simpleton123
What about crippling family debt?
myrealnameisginger
Sometimes the best way to help people is to let them work their problems out themselves.
JamminNujabes
Did you help achieve the crippling debt?
simpleton123
If I'm a child that needs money spent on for a good education and life, then yes! (except that we don't have debt)
dullgenericusername
Generally people care about their family members so try to help if they can when the other is suffering, but you aren't obliged to.
simpleton123
debt is passed on from dead relatives in asiatic countries
simpleton123
even in non-asiatic countries, gang related debt is definitely you and your child's problem. America, Italy, Greece, Brazil, anywhere really
playkill
unless you caused the debt yourself, or inherted the money the debt came from, its not your problem
rarararararararararararararara
Yeah why should you care if your kids got a horrible illness and need extremely expensive treatment that will lead to inminent debt?
playkill
kids are technically a cause of you and your partner. im taking about debt from parents and other older family members. like tax & mortgage
iguessihaveto
Eh, I got a job to feed my siblings. My family's debt was everyone's problem.
simpleton123
sorry, but in most asiatic countries, your parent's debt becomes yours after he/she dies. It is your problem.
simpleton123
selling you to the black market or abandaning you for the debt (which can be gang-related as well) are all possible chances in this world.
foximillian
There's a legal procedure to go through where you decline your inheritance in Korea and Japan. This lets you not inherit their debt, at the
treadwords
I just don't believe women are as horny as men. That whole "better at hiding it" basically means they're not hiding anything!
DammitTodd
Ya they hide it so well it's damn bear nonexistent, especially if she's married
nihilityfarce
As a woman, sometimes I hide how *low* my sex drive is.
SecretCatPolicy
This needs so much qualifying. It should say "some women are as horny as men, sometimes, in different ways and for different reasons".
Supernerdtastic
Oh wrong. So very very wrong. We are good at hiding it - for one ours doesnt make a tent in our pants.
Sprixxen
Yup. It's categorically false. Men want more casual sex, with more partners, at more times, in all situations. Lots of studies show this.
Daster
i don't >____>
Sprixxen
Men (generally). If you are a college age male and want casual sex less than your female counterpart then you're simply an outlier.
Daster
20 years old, never wanted sex with a lot of people, just wanted sex with a partner
Sprixxen
Generally around 75% of men wanted to engage in short-term mating strategy. You're part of the 25% that wants exclusively long-term.
Sprixxen
This new idea that women must be exactly the same as men in every way is a side effect of some recent political pushes, not scientific.
Sprixxen
If anyone wants those studies I can PM. For reasons why this is look up Triver's theory of parental investment.
Sprixxen
TLDR: It was ancestrally advantageous for men to want sex with lots of people. It was disadvantageous for women. Thus the sex difference.
RainbowUnicode
1) I'm happy you have studies to cite, but as a good scientist don't forget to consider the nuture side of things. Humans are unique
RainbowUnicode
4) some men are less horny than some women, and making genetic "blanket statements" is dangerous.
RainbowUnicode
3) or decreased depending on cultural values and norms. Genetic variation of individuals is important to consider too;
RainbowUnicode
2) in that we are able to surpass many of our natural inclinations. I believe women's sex drives can be substantially increased
HomerLanes
Hide nothing and you'll have nothing to hide? Come on we all have skeletons
GentlemanScientist
Oh yes. George says hi!
CrazedDroolingDonna
Or things that can be misinterpreted as skeletons.
SoftwareChef
Skeletons that would tear a relationship apart. I get suspicious if someone has nothing to hide. No one is perfect.
ShartShrapnel
Nothing to hide doesn't mean you've never made mistakes, just means you don't fear judgement.
SoftwareChef
I don't fear directly fear judgement. I fear others seeing me the way I see myself.
ShartShrapnel
That's judgement.
SometimesImReady
Yesss
RobertEmmet
And hopefully we'll never see our own
azureraptor
I don't trust people who claim they have nothing to hide, or sneer at privacy. They are at best lame and boring - or pro liars.
ImSoMetaEvenThisAcronym
I'm pretty sure I'm one of those people - not that I sneer at privacy, but I have nothing to hide. Yes, I jerk it to porn. AMA
jGRite
Having nothing to hide means there is nothing.
Knillis
Yeah. No privacy would mean NSA XXL but then pubilicly available info. Imagine girls calling off Tinder dates bc of your web history
fredgiblet
I'm quite certain no one is masturbating to me.
BrontTheGoodBoy
May 21 marks the day when roughly 2 dozen people masturbated to you, @fredgiblet . You should feel honored.
Twinklepot
Your Christmas selfie was nice fredgiblet. There is someone out there who will like you.
KnightofMalta
Looked at bio. I'm sure you're someone's cuppa.
RevolutionOnHerLips
It genuinely cheers me up that people have given you kind responses
doubtful
SIGH *unzips*
nexusdog
DrBee
Think again <3
GIFsummaries4U
wrong
XiYen13
Ditto. Mainly because I keep to myself, therefore the amount of people who even know I exist is pretty low.
TheHuskee
Fred I don't feel proud of myself but as a man I'll take one for the team for ya
yumyums
Show us your butthole!!
SpyRevenge
U got so many fans, bud. Add one more *unzips*
AnythingMuchShorter
Maybe like the greasy 400 lb guy at the DMV. The one with a beard of sparse yet full lenth beard hairs covering most of his face.
OverlyCynicalImgurian
I know who masturbates me and I know who I want to masturbate to me.
itsthevoiceman
Ditto
EpicSneak
Yeah, same here
AmArschdieRaeuber
You can't say that anymore, if you read the replies
Hoseupmynose
You and me both
TheGuywithTehHat
Yeah that one is completely, objectively, mathematically incorrect.
KawaiiPotatoGirl
Me either :(
karmaforlama
*unzips* hhhnngg uhmmm yeahhhhh you like that KawaiiPotatoGirl
KawaiiPotatoGirl
I didn't say on me, I said TO me.
karmaforlama
Say no more, next time it will be IN you.
natio2
I don't know, your profile says you're glorious =P
Telkesh
I am just about to start. Send me a pic
fredgiblet
I have a pic on my bio.
Telkesh
I know ;)
stackoverflo
I can definitely relate to that one
[deleted]
[deleted]
Supernerdtastic
That's hot. I love learning stuff like that even if nothing ever happens with that person.
Leinad199
It was hotter when I blew him for real.
candysaur
Exactly how did you find that out?
Leinad199
Basically what the other guys said.
LatchHookRug
He started blowing him and he blurted out "just like I fantasized for the last 6 years!"
degaz
It came up in conversation after he blew his friend.
KingOfTheAnarchists
This one goes out to Fred
snuzzled
I hope no one is masturbating to me. I actually find it pretty disturbing if someone i don't see that way is doing that...
Supernerdtastic
Open your mind kid, sex can be totally JUST sex.
EikonaCloud
*Wanks*
buttermyarse
Haha I know what you mean. There are people that would terrify me if I found out something like that.
Caryatids
Someone probably is; but it's not necessarily true that you'd be attracted to them also.
fredgiblet
I doubt it. I have very few connections, most of them are either the wrong orientation or quite taken by people more attractive than me.
lightfoot
lmao
NotebookTheCat
Doesn't mean that if someone is taken they can't masturbate to other people ;)
sonofabeesting
Dang don't be to down on yourself bud
iisgray
No one gets off to the same person every time. It's refreshing to think about the unlikely and unusual sometimes, gives new appreciation..
Caryatids
there's always the random behind you in line at the grocery store. :)
kantackistan
No seriously. They're ALWAYS behind you when you go to the grocery store. Inches away. You should call the police.
stejun
Well I'm soooooo sorry but you smell just too good to stop
Arrrya
Same here :D
ItsJustRocketScience
I know EXACTLY whose masturbating to me - her name is Emily and she is the craziest bitch I know. I need a restraining order.
pleasenononoyes
OMG, i think i now her. ... It can be only one CRAZY bitch named Emily in da phooking world
astrangehop
One Emily of a thousand faces. Hivemind.
SoftwareChef
A restraining order isn't rocket science. It is law though, which is much more difficult to understand.
theadagency
I bet the Germans have some fantastic huge compound word for that precise feeling of "knowing exactly who is masturbating to you".
SheerAnalBumParty
Wouldn't put it past them...
thenoisegeorgemichaelmakeswhenannbreaksupwithhim
as a german, sorry we don't, but i'm sure the japanese have an amazingly poetic one
BreadyStinellis
. I'm waiting on a German here. I want to know this word.
OnlyBegottenDaughter
My name is Emily ... did I ... did I do something to hurt you?
Knillis
@itsjustrocketscience kek
ItsJustRocketScience
Lol you'd know if you were her.
OnlyBegottenDaughter
i'd also probably know if i was masturbating to you ...
astrangehop
Thinking about all the Emilys I know, you probably did you crazy bitch (:
OnlyBegottenDaughter
i'm older than they are. hopefully that means i'm better. sadly Emily has been one of the most popular names for the last 20 years or so.
astrangehop
as a Noah I used to be the only one. It was in the top five in 2015.
PraiseTheAbyss
Welp, *unzips* There's a first time for everything.
zombiejohnholmes
My turn!
karmaforlama
You are the hero we need, but don't deserve :)
PotatoIsland
this is imgur, I think we as a community deserve this.
JupiterJedi
Do me too, please! Wait...
CutOffAllTies
I got you fam
karmaforlama
*We got you, quick get in the circle ;)
StatisticallyInsignificantCanadian
http://imgur.com/TPVCQNJ
FecesAllMighty
Here is me /a/vnREC. Fap away
AladdinTheMuffinMan
You glorious mother fucker. +COFFEE COFFE!
iisgray
Stop distracting us from FredGiblet, we're on a mission dammit
TrumpIsAFelon
Most intense orgasm I've had since showering this morning. Thx
EhIWonderHowLongAUsernameCanBeLetsFindOutShallWeAaandThereItIs
Wish somebody did that for me :(
ItsBetterToBeASmartAssThanADumbass
Done????
karmaforlama
I just did ;)
EhIWonderHowLongAUsernameCanBeLetsFindOutShallWeAaandThereItIs
I feel like a new person now. Thanks
KnightofMalta
You wanna fucking bet. *whips out penis*
Shargan8
You da boss, man. You're a true hero.
OPENYOURMOUTH
fredgiblet
Th-thanks?
stratojet96
Don't worry. He's not masturbating to you. Just the idea of you.
JasonWaterfaIIs
Don't worry, he's not masturbating to you, he's masturbating at you.
exarkun00720
I just somehow picture a dude with a KnightofMalta name tag just wanking all night yelling out fredgiblet as neighbors wonder what that is.
fredgiblet
Now picture him doing it outside.
IgnoreEverything
Wearing a batman costume...
RevolutionOnHerLips
at 3:34am in his neighbor's sprinklers
karmaforlama
Plot twist: He lives across across the street from an elementary school, and it's not his first time.