There was a post on reddit I think where the OP was comparing her bio dad and her stepdad in how they treated her mom. Bio dad always complained about mom's collection of novelty mugs. Stepdad built mom a special cabinet to display them.
The idea is that if you bring up something objectively unimportant, a good partner will chat about it with you. Which is very true, and this guy's reaction was stellar, but aside from the "test your partner" thing being bad, I feel like that's a thing you can just... observe.
Darn. And here I thought it was about how fun it is to engage in your partner's hyperfixation, because that man clearly is way more into birds than she is.
(1) This sounds like a stupid TikTok trend/test thing. (2) He was quite professional when saying it and even STOPPED WHAT HE WAS DOING to engage in the conversation. He only laughed at it once she started cracking up at the name, picking up the joke. (3) HE REMEMBERED AND SET SOMETHING UP THINKING IT WOULD MAKE WHAT SHE ALREADY ENJOYS BETTER! THAT MAN IS A KEEPER but I don't know if a woman who does TikTok couples tests deserves him...
I appreciate and respect that guys ability to just carry the conversation along. I get so wrapped up in subtext that it's really hard for me to actually prompt people to keep talking.. Usually just me answering them directly and then there's an awkward gap afterwards ^^;
All it takes emotionally to make a partner happy is a little interest/consideration and some unexpected affection. It's not much but it can take a long time [if ever] to attain that wisdom.
We've got a pair of titmice that have decided to next in the birdhouse we put up. (there's an old dude that sets up in a roadside lot with his pickup and dozens of birdhouses on the weekends, and we got a bright purple one).
I've been getting a couple of young pileated woodpeckers (adults are about the size of a smallish duck, but with a wood awl for a face), so I'm keeping the suet feeders full for them. Sweetie loves getting to see them.
The people finding themselves lonely and broken up with "out of nowhere" best take notes instead of commenting that tests are unhealthy in relationships. It really is very easy, for decent people
Sadly, it's a test. The goal is to bring up something trivial and see if your partner either engages in the conversation with you, or dismisses it because it's trivial.
Because OP is just reposting shit from TikTok, and a 2 second search for wtf "Bird Theory" is shows that this is just a shitty way to "test" your partner.
I had a big flock of cardinals in the pine trees at my first house in the fall through the winter. It was amazing seeing over a dozen cardinals at my bird feeder. I lived near a river and got tons of birds of many different kinds. I got married and had to move to a bigger place, but the amount of bird species was disappointing. Nothing but mourning doves on the ground and a big flock of house sparrows hogging the feeder. House sparrows are so common most people are unaware they are invasive.
I'm rural. Whole lot of birds around. My favorite of the last year though is this Canadian goose who's decided my duck is her best friend. She flew in on Mother's Day last year and just decided she's one of the flock. Leaves at night, comes back every morning. Naps next to my bench when I sit on the porch.
Every spring one male would claim the feeder and chase the rest off, but they always came back and overwintered in the big pines trees in my yard. Seeing all the juveniles was neat.
A good test would be if you feel the need to constantly test your partner to see if they're right for you, perhaps you're just looking for an excuse to end things. If you're looking for an excuse to end things, just end things, don't turn it into some fucked up mind game.
It's a social listening experiment, the value is in the aggregate response. We can see the swells of how some partners respond, and create conclusions of our perceptions of society. This instance is a good example of how we may mimic good behavior we see others do, called behavioral descriptive norms. Normalizing this is only possible by sharing it with others. Social science communication is my thing, stop on by sometime
I mean, you also don't need to look at it through a negative lens~ Some people have had hard lives, and these little reassurances make them feel loved, safe, and stable, feelings everybody deserves, and which, in this day and age, are unfortunately difficult to come by!
And adding to that, a lot of people think shitty relationships are the norm and the best they're ever going to get, so seeing positive examples on the internet is the only way they're going to realize that it is possible to have something better.
And if my girlfriend did it to me, I wouldn't break up with her over it, but I'd be annoyed.
To be clear, I wouldn't be upset about her telling me about a neat bird she saw. Shit, I told her about a bird I saw, just the other day. It was a heron, and it was awesome. I even took a picture of it
Saw it fly in and everything. Of course, I didn't tell her about it because I was judging the health of our relationship on her response, I told her about it because that was something I knew she'd like to hear about.
The flyover states are inundated with hard right wing/pseudo Christian rhetoric. Ads, television. It’s almost a different country from coastal cities.
This dude might be empathetic and probably built that sturdy looking porch with his own hands so his family has nice things to enjoy.
And maybe, just maybe, he could be masking at work so he can pass and have calm days. Same as gay people used to have to do to pass, or black people code switching voices.People do what they have to do to survive
I know I do. Just shutting the fuck up and wearing my still face is all it takes. I’m not fighting anyone’s fights or planting flags and dying for a cause at work. That’s at the ballot box. I got bills.
It's not a fucked up game. She's sharing something she enjoys, and he shows interest in it. That's it, it's not a test. The theory is that if you share something you enjoy and your partner/friend shows no interest in it or worse, dismisses it, it is a good sign that the relationship isn't doing well
It wouldn't be fucked up if she was authentically sharing something she enjoyed. Except, the "bird theory" written at the beginning of the video is some stupid viral trend where a women makes up shit about birds to see if there husbands respond positively to the shit they're making up. So, in the case of this video, it is fucked up.
Toxic would be feeling the need to enjoy everything your partner enjoys. Showing interest and at least letting them feel comfortable to talk about things they enjoy, is not toxic. Telling them "I don't care about that" or outright mocking their interests, is toxic. Something more like "that's not my cup of tea, but I'm glad you enjoy it and love hearing how happy it makes you" is where I think we should strive to be.
You don't need to, but it's immensely beneficial for the relationship. Fundamentally, if you're planning to spend a significant portion of your life with someone, you should take at least a base level of interest in the things they like.
It lets you come up with better gifts, hold better conversation, and can result in you learning that you enjoy something that you were unaware of. This is true for friends, as well.
Also, someone blowing you off when you're excited to share with them... hurts.
One of the leading researchers on marriage and relationships (Gottman) has found that one of the very big predictors of successful relationships is how partners respond to "bids for connection." A bid can be something as simple as a "huh" as you scroll on your phone, or more overt like "I saw a bird today." Happy couples have both more bids for connection, and a much higher hit rate when they offer those bids. So yeah, you should show interest when your partner is sharing with you.
So you are arguing for lying to a partner when they talk about something that is mind numbingly boring to you? That's insane. You can have your own interests and be happy for the other person to have those. You do not need to share everything.
Where did I advocate for lying? I said you should show interest when your partner is sharing. Showing interest in your partner is not necessarily showing interest in their topic. My wife regularly shares how her sourdough starter is doing. I don't much care about sourdough starter, but I care about her, so I listen attentively. Also, I pretty much stuck to the research on outcomes. I don't really care if you think it's stupid, I care about whether it leads to good outcomes. And it does.
This is literally the trend, the way she is describing the bird, is the exact same words that hundreds of other accounts have used. She is doing the trend, and he is engaging with her in "the good guy way"
I don't know, maybe she ALSO likes birds, but what she is saying, is the script of the "does he care about you describe a bird and see if he listens or tunes you out"
So the theory behind it is fairly ok but the way people use it is stupid and fucked up. Everyone communicates differently and has different interests. If you've never shown any interest in birds before and go "I DONE SAWED A BURD" yeah your gonna get blank stares. On the inverse my if my wife or i said "I saw a bird" the other would be like "oh wow did you dumbass they're everywhere how did you manage that?" And we have 7 bird feeders in the front yard. "I saw a bird" isn't how you start a 1/2
Different ways of communication indeed. If my spouse said "I saw a bird", I would expect that something more interesting is coming, so I would answer favorably. And even if I don't think it's interesting, I love my spouse and want to show interest in what they like
Didgesteve
Cleaning boots on the sofa? No questions about that.
CarInAVet
There was a post on reddit I think where the OP was comparing her bio dad and her stepdad in how they treated her mom. Bio dad always complained about mom's collection of novelty mugs. Stepdad built mom a special cabinet to display them.
dawnkelly3160
You won the husband lotteryđź’—
StarLeagueRecruit
*googles bird theory*
*sighs*
The idea is that if you bring up something objectively unimportant, a good partner will chat about it with you. Which is very true, and this guy's reaction was stellar, but aside from the "test your partner" thing being bad, I feel like that's a thing you can just... observe.
LiminallyInsane
Darn. And here I thought it was about how fun it is to engage in your partner's hyperfixation, because that man clearly is way more into birds than she is.
CrackWhoresAndCheese
I am a bit of a tit watcher myself.
watcher2099
Not a tit, just a watcher.
b00sk0r
MikeDropMeta
(1) This sounds like a stupid TikTok trend/test thing. (2) He was quite professional when saying it and even STOPPED WHAT HE WAS DOING to engage in the conversation. He only laughed at it once she started cracking up at the name, picking up the joke. (3) HE REMEMBERED AND SET SOMETHING UP THINKING IT WOULD MAKE WHAT SHE ALREADY ENJOYS BETTER! THAT MAN IS A KEEPER but I don't know if a woman who does TikTok couples tests deserves him...
Ryyyyyyyan
Most of these tests are just fun little games for couples. Very few people take it as serious as the video commenters do.
circlebreaker
Everyone likes a good Tit, mouse or not (European Blue Tit pictured).
UncleStan
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/heukEEXVfuk obligatory
Astral134
Saw a pair of Great Tits today. Took a picture. Wanna see?
wblueskylives
I appreciate and respect that guys ability to just carry the conversation along. I get so wrapped up in subtext that it's really hard for me to actually prompt people to keep talking.. Usually just me answering them directly and then there's an awkward gap afterwards ^^;
Poppypoppoppop
Rewatched Klaus recently. This reminded me of it and made me ball a little
excandusno
All it takes emotionally to make a partner happy is a little interest/consideration and some unexpected affection. It's not much but it can take a long time [if ever] to attain that wisdom.
DrewK98
Bird theory? Is this some kind of test? Those are bullshit, even when they "work."
theSoulciologist
It's less about the test. It's about showing how many men are failing basic decency and lads like this one showing how easy it is to be a decent human
ThisIsMyUsernameThereAreManyLikeIt
What are you, some kind of expert on bird law?
FanBladeFleshlight
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1YTFmandmM2k4YmgwZ3Fsem10bHJhaXNxbjFkeWFlcmQzajU4eHZzMCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/SyOG1zQe3X9z1f8ITT/200w.webp
DidgeryDrew
Didja know there's a bird called a 'bush tit?' It's a type of chickadee.
Knifesmith
We've got a pair of titmice that have decided to next in the birdhouse we put up. (there's an old dude that sets up in a roadside lot with his pickup and dozens of birdhouses on the weekends, and we got a bright purple one).
LeifHietala
I've been getting a couple of young pileated woodpeckers (adults are about the size of a smallish duck, but with a wood awl for a face), so I'm keeping the suet feeders full for them. Sweetie loves getting to see them.
ThisIsMyUsernameThereAreManyLikeIt
It's so easy to choose kindness. Be more like this guy.
CrouchingCorgiHiddenLurker
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MnlkcDRvM3VpeHBsMjB0MWl4cWo5MzFqODVoejJ2eXVxZGgyZTRpbiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/vPKtSdRzsXvdm/200w.webp
nation543
While this is wholesome and this man is a good man, "relationship tests" are toxic and they are bullshit.
StarmineRendezvous
"That's a nice squirrel feeder you got there." -Squirrels, definitely.
theSoulciologist
The people finding themselves lonely and broken up with "out of nowhere" best take notes instead of commenting that tests are unhealthy in relationships. It really is very easy, for decent people
vuvuzevka
Love Song for the Birds in Our Backyard https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=abFozwiHa4Y
whythefucknot215
As that dude- I support this. I love my wife and would do the same. If this is a test being played, shame on her.
FanBladeFleshlight
Sadly, it's a test. The goal is to bring up something trivial and see if your partner either engages in the conversation with you, or dismisses it because it's trivial.
whythefucknot215
Since your not the OP- how do you know?
FanBladeFleshlight
Because OP is just reposting shit from TikTok, and a 2 second search for wtf "Bird Theory" is shows that this is just a shitty way to "test" your partner.
FoxVoxDK
Arh, yes the psychotic mind game called "bird theory".
You do this and you're a shit person, period.
EucalyptusTrees
This is so sweet and wholesome!!!
MusicPenguin
Ans then there is te ADHD hsuband that buys the birdfeeder but the box sits in the hallway until winter...
IliveIdyeIliveagain
*husband lol
excableguy
I had a big flock of cardinals in the pine trees at my first house in the fall through the winter. It was amazing seeing over a dozen cardinals at my bird feeder. I lived near a river and got tons of birds of many different kinds. I got married and had to move to a bigger place, but the amount of bird species was disappointing. Nothing but mourning doves on the ground and a big flock of house sparrows hogging the feeder. House sparrows are so common most people are unaware they are invasive.
LateNightBunnyParty
I'm rural. Whole lot of birds around. My favorite of the last year though is this Canadian goose who's decided my duck is her best friend. She flew in on Mother's Day last year and just decided she's one of the flock. Leaves at night, comes back every morning. Naps next to my bench when I sit on the porch.
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
That’s adorable; and so is your username.
FartsSmellBad
a flock of cardinals is sometimes called a Vatican (no joke). I only ever saw them during mating season when they're more territorial
excableguy
Every spring one male would claim the feeder and chase the rest off, but they always came back and overwintered in the big pines trees in my yard. Seeing all the juveniles was neat.
Iwasoutedbyatroll
Probably should be called a conclave but oh well
aflarge
A good test would be if you feel the need to constantly test your partner to see if they're right for you, perhaps you're just looking for an excuse to end things. If you're looking for an excuse to end things, just end things, don't turn it into some fucked up mind game.
theSoulciologist
It's a social listening experiment, the value is in the aggregate response. We can see the swells of how some partners respond, and create conclusions of our perceptions of society. This instance is a good example of how we may mimic good behavior we see others do, called behavioral descriptive norms. Normalizing this is only possible by sharing it with others. Social science communication is my thing, stop on by sometime
korndogg83
Just film the entire interaction so it doesn’t get awkward.
IncoherentApplesauce
I mean, you also don't need to look at it through a negative lens~ Some people have had hard lives, and these little reassurances make them feel loved, safe, and stable, feelings everybody deserves, and which, in this day and age, are unfortunately difficult to come by!
CarInAVet
And adding to that, a lot of people think shitty relationships are the norm and the best they're ever going to get, so seeing positive examples on the internet is the only way they're going to realize that it is possible to have something better.
Ryyyyyyyan
Most of these tests are just fun little games for couples. Very few people take it as serious as the video commenters do.
aflarge
And if my girlfriend did it to me, I wouldn't break up with her over it, but I'd be annoyed.
To be clear, I wouldn't be upset about her telling me about a neat bird she saw. Shit, I told her about a bird I saw, just the other day. It was a heron, and it was awesome. I even took a picture of it
aflarge
Saw it fly in and everything. Of course, I didn't tell her about it because I was judging the health of our relationship on her response, I told her about it because that was something I knew she'd like to hear about.
SamHeldComics
I think this might be a "test" in the same way a buzzfeed quiz is a "test", where it's really just for fun
yamsonyamsonyams
This guy def drives a lifted truck with the thin blue line flag and a dont tread on me sticker
JustSomePersonThere
The ppl you’re describing don’t listen to their partners let alone get them bird feeders.
supervillainsevilmoustache
The flyover states are inundated with hard right wing/pseudo Christian rhetoric. Ads, television. It’s almost a different country from coastal cities.
This dude might be empathetic and probably built that sturdy looking porch with his own hands so his family has nice things to enjoy.
And maybe, just maybe, he could be masking at work so he can pass and have calm days. Same as gay people used to have to do to pass, or black people code switching voices.People do what they have to do to survive
supervillainsevilmoustache
I know I do. Just shutting the fuck up and wearing my still face is all it takes. I’m not fighting anyone’s fights or planting flags and dying for a cause at work. That’s at the ballot box. I got bills.
JustSomePersonThere
I feel ya. Hey man good on ya for hanging in there
MyronTheDormouse
It's not a fucked up game. She's sharing something she enjoys, and he shows interest in it. That's it, it's not a test. The theory is that if you share something you enjoy and your partner/friend shows no interest in it or worse, dismisses it, it is a good sign that the relationship isn't doing well
BeachsideBarghest
That sounds like a fucked up game
IStoleALoafOfBread
It wouldn't be fucked up if she was authentically sharing something she enjoyed. Except, the "bird theory" written at the beginning of the video is some stupid viral trend where a women makes up shit about birds to see if there husbands respond positively to the shit they're making up. So, in the case of this video, it is fucked up.
MyronTheDormouse
She seems so happy about the bird feeder i highly doubt her interest was anything but genuine
RevengeIsIceCream
Is she happy about the bird feeder, or about how he cares so much he went through the trouble to do it for her?
MyronTheDormouse
Not mutually exclusive
somebackup
I'm sorry, but you do not need to show interest in everything your partner likes. What you are describing is fucking toxic. It's fake, it's bullshit.,
PackratMagpie
You don't have to love what they love. Just give them a chance to be happy at you.
theshinobi23
Toxic would be feeling the need to enjoy everything your partner enjoys. Showing interest and at least letting them feel comfortable to talk about things they enjoy, is not toxic. Telling them "I don't care about that" or outright mocking their interests, is toxic. Something more like "that's not my cup of tea, but I'm glad you enjoy it and love hearing how happy it makes you" is where I think we should strive to be.
LoudBirb
You don't need to, but it's immensely beneficial for the relationship. Fundamentally, if you're planning to spend a significant portion of your life with someone, you should take at least a base level of interest in the things they like.
It lets you come up with better gifts, hold better conversation, and can result in you learning that you enjoy something that you were unaware of. This is true for friends, as well.
Also, someone blowing you off when you're excited to share with them... hurts.
psychologisttheologist
One of the leading researchers on marriage and relationships (Gottman) has found that one of the very big predictors of successful relationships is how partners respond to "bids for connection." A bid can be something as simple as a "huh" as you scroll on your phone, or more overt like "I saw a bird today."
Happy couples have both more bids for connection, and a much higher hit rate when they offer those bids.
So yeah, you should show interest when your partner is sharing with you.
somebackup
So you are arguing for lying to a partner when they talk about something that is mind numbingly boring to you? That's insane. You can have your own interests and be happy for the other person to have those. You do not need to share everything.
psychologisttheologist
Where did I advocate for lying? I said you should show interest when your partner is sharing. Showing interest in your partner is not necessarily showing interest in their topic. My wife regularly shares how her sourdough starter is doing. I don't much care about sourdough starter, but I care about her, so I listen attentively.
Also, I pretty much stuck to the research on outcomes. I don't really care if you think it's stupid, I care about whether it leads to good outcomes. And it does.
crazyspelling
That sounds like a test.
MyronTheDormouse
Not to me
aflarge
In what world is probing someone so you can analyze their response not a test?
MyronTheDormouse
That's where our interpretation differ. I don't see her talking about birds as probing
LordHosk
this is a trend on social media "test your partner by describing something dumb like a bird to see if they care about you"
MyronTheDormouse
Except to this woman, birds are not dumb.
LordHosk
This is literally the trend, the way she is describing the bird, is the exact same words that hundreds of other accounts have used. She is doing the trend, and he is engaging with her in "the good guy way"
I don't know, maybe she ALSO likes birds, but what she is saying, is the script of the "does he care about you describe a bird and see if he listens or tunes you out"
MyronTheDormouse
Ok
Pyrokneticbeavr
So the theory behind it is fairly ok but the way people use it is stupid and fucked up. Everyone communicates differently and has different interests. If you've never shown any interest in birds before and go "I DONE SAWED A BURD" yeah your gonna get blank stares. On the inverse my if my wife or i said "I saw a bird" the other would be like "oh wow did you dumbass they're everywhere how did you manage that?" And we have 7 bird feeders in the front yard. "I saw a bird" isn't how you start a 1/2
Pyrokneticbeavr
Conversation. "I saw a (interesting, large, pretty, unusual, any other adjective) bird today." Gives people something to work with
MyronTheDormouse
Different ways of communication indeed. If my spouse said "I saw a bird", I would expect that something more interesting is coming, so I would answer favorably. And even if I don't think it's interesting, I love my spouse and want to show interest in what they like