Pilgrymm
30303
556
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Also makes a great TP replacement
Borat voice: mah wife!
If you tape 2 hotdogs together you still have 2 hotdogs
I liked jathan stasom before he was cool
It's because of the lice
Bitte
I spent years running around screaming SPAM SPAM SPAM BAKED BEANS SPAM AND SPAM over and over when I was a kid. Autism amirite?
I'm staring a hip replacement in the face.
Mine was a horse.
And I'll execute every last one of you!
The arrows, they do nothing!
I learned a long time ago to save every few minutes.
Nothing is real and time is a circle
I'm a cat!
Thanos was wroight
6 layers of petticoat and puffy bloomers
DEAAAAATH!
Keep your pants on
I barfed
I chose sewing and paracord
Linda is amazing
More like the last 6 months
Ugh that face
If a nuke goes off just hide under your newspaper
I don't know if Lego actually did this tho
Patrick Stewart is my spirit aminal
Karl Urban is my spirit animal
Yeah Mr. Pinkman, yeah science! *fist bump*
I eat ass
I wish I looked like She-Hulk, in reality I'm more of a Samwise with a bad leg.
I really want one of those 12ft skeletons
I've literally been selling my shoes to make ends meet.
I've learned to use DnD to screen calls. Any important #'s like doctors or family just get added to favorites so they ring through. It's actually amazing and I almost never miss an important call anymore.
An entire pot of coffee and a percocet and I can try standing up.
I've recently cussed out a few people and I have no regrets at all.
Also applies to children.
Yes but nobody else accepts my chaos. Seriously I've been trying to sell it on Craigslist for like 3 years now.
I got bequeathed The Queen's Birkenstocks.
Boodacious!
Hot
I've read the entire Bible, you think Tolkien scares me?
Hot
My wife has permission to sleep with Ewan McGregor.
Not sure how this one slipped into the dump and it's formatted poorly which isn't how I prefer things.
My wife gave me permission to sleep with Bill
Too bad I quit smoking
Umm
Still metal as fuck
Can't find a artist on this one
Puppy Tax: this is my dog Lewis when he was a couple months old. He's almost 4 now.
2Soon4Baboon
#17 I'd like to say 1 but it's 2
toyrobot
As much as I love the Spam sketch, it has always bothered me that the first two items on the menu don't have spam in them. Why doesn't she just get one of those?
Shaodyn
#2 "That's the 47th time you've told that joke this week, Dave. It stopped being funny on Monday."
bullestock
#45 Skarsgård, not Skarsgärd.
SkutFarkas
#9 Colfax Elementary was a shitty school, I guess.....🤷♂️
cosonfused
#1 okay but this could be useful. not for that. but for something.
Snooj
#7 The one thing that *always* bugged me about this sketch was that the wife asked for something without spam and the waitress didn't bring up the first couple menu items which did not have spam. And the whole thing is her freaking out because she doesn't like spam even though she had options.
Pilgrymm
Great now I can't stop thinking about it. I just rewatched the sketch and I'm like... Ummmm yeah huh weird.
seir
#44 So, my Japanese Maples need more zinc?
Pilgrymm
Yes... Japanese Maples...
eromitlab
#7 Shut up! *bangs spoon on till SHUT UP!!!!
Pilgrymm
Lousy Vikings
RayneOfSalt
#49 took me a while, but the artist is the Wizard of Barge. I recognised the art style from a magic the gathering card.
Pilgrymm
Nice thanks!
mithiwithi
#9 I didn't come here to be called out like this.
zombiejedediah
#27 Is that really Eomer above?
genericanamoly
Hahahahahaha
OliverKlozoff1269
Soboredwithlife
#1 Also works as a toothbrush!
Munchman347
#16 'It's bigger than mine!'... 🤪
Pilgrymm
Rofl!
MakeItBackAlright
#19 beet pesto i assume? Actually might be good
copperdomebodhi
#23 Remember when she was put on trial for being a bitch? Oh that's right, it was whether or not she slandered Johnny Depp in an editorial that didn't even mention him.
lx469
is that Micheal Mayers sitting in the playground where the woman stands at the fence looking over the playgroud towards a city skyline?
Pilgrymm
No it's Terminator 2 when Sarah has the dream about the nuke going off
somethingnotyettaken
#44 Are you.. trying to ask for a weed crop?
tarkus10
I love Lewis the dog.
SirSamuelVimesTheCat
#17 3 for me, I too, enjoy when somebody eats my meat
Anfalicious
My school mascot was a phoenix, but someone had lost the head to the costume, so it was just the bird suit. We were known as the chickens
IceWeaselX
#3 Technically... eh. One sheet = one lasagna. Two sheets = two lasagne. But it's not even something everyone in Italy cares to distinguish.
Pilgrymm
Yeah when I make lasagna I usually double layer the sheets. I think even if I quadrupled the layers it would still be 1 lasagna.
Snooj
One sheet = one layer of noodles? Because if that's the case I don't think I've ever had one lasagna. Always at least two.
Amomani
#7 well I dont eat eggs and i don't eat those kind of beans so i guess its the lobster for me.
StevieTheAussie
#2 Eyeliner on point though.
OliverKlozoff1269
#9
SilverFoxChaser
Looks like someone else got the Skyrim bug after playing Oblivion.
Pilgrymm
Actually I've been playing Morrowind recently.
Meltemi
Well met, outlander.
PipWhipple
My personal favorite! I love how it's possible to be godly even before the [features] kick in.
Pilgrymm
It's my first time playing it and I'm still kinda figuring it out. I've played skyrim for years and played a little oblivion back in the day but this is definitely a change.
byronwilliams4010
#9 A college friend told me that Bulldog was the most common school mascot in the US, so if you're in a strange town and you want to fit in, walk into the local diner and holler "Go Bulldogs!" (ymmv)
Pilgrymm
I'd say it's also a fair chance that you start a fight.
chaoticbear1
I think this was my literal high school mascot 😂