AskMeIfImFunAtParties
117696
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Sep 2, 2016 8:20 PM
AskMeIfImFunAtParties
117696
4933
410
TheAccursedOne
I mean for the song one, wouldn't Johnny be sent to Hell anyway for making a deal with the Devil, so Lucifer wins in the long run?
DefinitelyNotDavidDuchovny
Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste
ExplainThisJoke
#1 I would like to see how satan doesn't judge people for being human in the bible. He does quite a bit of judging in Job
Chillisqueaks
Just a small amendment, at least as far as Dante's interpretation goes satan doesn't really run hell as much as he is another inmate
xere212
in the bible jesus runs hell dante was the one who put the devil as well the devil
almostsomething182
The original inmate. Kinda a big amendment too.
YourWaifuIsTrash
Which is also accurate as far as the Bible is concerned, the Good Book makes no reference of Satan running Hell, only of him being there
JebediahJohnson
People tend to confuse Lucifer with Hades.
Moaguardian
John's Revelation would also back that up
mellowfish
Dante is political satire, not theology.
AgonyZ
And yet he coined the generally accepted interpretation of what hell looks like.
mellowfish
Right... And Homer was a historian who gave us an accurate and not at all entirely fictitious account of the battle of Troy.
JudgeJosephTheLawDredd
The Ancient Greeks believed it.
AgonyZ
Your sarcasm is quite misdirected. I just argued that most people adopted Dantes description of hell as the way they prefer to picture it.
mellowfish
The sarcasm was because anyone who knows theology even a little knows Dante was full of it. Same with those who know Greek history for Homer
zapsmass
The timing on that last one couldn't be more perfect..
garguybbj
KadabraGuy
ISayFuckAllTheTime
What an interesting way of spelling atheists.
Butane9000
i before e except after c... when did it go so wrong?
Snobster
Heist, feisty, weird, sufficient, veil... Shall I continue?
Butane9000
Not the point I was making.
KamikazeTikka
according to IQ there are more exceptions to that rule than there are words that follow it.
Myalprek
But...how does that prove anything? To atheists, none of it's even real.
Myalprek
But still, from here Lucifer seems pretty cool.
kickbabies
What if I want him to watch?
HairyJ
Sanosky
Well what if I WANT him to watch me masturbate
lapomm
Looks like David Bowie to me.
MrStark
Neil Gaiman rests comfortably after this statement.
LackSilence
If I knew lucifer looked like John barrowman I would've already been a worshipper
WingWangChickenPickenBingBang
Religion is stupid
Stupidpeoplearestpid
Pretty fun stories though
DrOfMachetecine
What if I WANT him to watch me masturbate?!
toyi85
Easy, sacrifice a goat in a pentagram to summon him and ask him nicely to stay while you watch porn...
jbilly90
Wtf
MostSereneDoge
The Lucifer series from DC is amazing and I highly recommend it.
AdmiralJohn
Dot for later reference... Move along.
katycatt
https://itsraininginengland.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/p4180919.jpg?w=331&h=497&crop=1 sexiest statue in the world happens to be of Lucifer
2pillows
Is it just me, or does lucifer look a lot like John Barrowman?
BlasphemousPrime
Oh man why didn't I post this?
bufferkiller
You forgot the best one!
WalterMatthau
It took me several pics to realize it wasn't Constantine.
ChaoticScholar
Slightly better presented, eh?
dakotaraptor
I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? (1/?)
dakotaraptor
Because I never rejected him! In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist.
NaosStulos
These words are the candy that serial killers use to lure their victims.
HereticsAllOfYou
So...much....heresy.....
homie4lyf
ImortalCow
Lewd.
ministryofpeace
Burn the heretic...
RandomTechpriest
Kill the Xeno
DaedaIus
I like the cut of your jib
GlobalStrike
What's a jib?
bntli
Bit of a sailboat
RandomTechpriest
Aguynamedcarl
SaltheartFoamfollower
Appropriate username is appropriate
DeathToHeretics
DID SOMEBODY SAY HERESY?!
ps283206
No no no, this is blasphemy. Heresy is different
HarshHarvester
This is neither. Lucifer is an Angel of God designed to show the "dark" side of your sorry ass. Talking yourself out of it is both.
fauxglove
Apparently I do not know the technical difference between Heresy and Blasphemy.
LookintoForever
BLASPHEMY! !
NamesElliot
Heresy is crimes against royalty. Namely kings, seeing as that was the last time anyone was tried as heretics
whysenpai
That sounds like something a heretic would say. *squinting at you*
marijuaney
No it's heresy. Blasphemy is denying God. Heresy is bad theology.
Imwearingblueslippers
This was so full of wrong facts and twisted truths, that I am wondering if it was written by Satan himself
xXMidNiteXx
In the yizidi religion lucifer isnt seen as evil. He made mustakes and was forgiven. So in fact humans have to take responsibility for 1/
xXMidNiteXx
their own mistakes and arent temped by him at all. Thats why humans can be judged in afterlife. They cant blame him. 2/
xXMidNiteXx
A famous sufi once said that she doesnt hate the devil, because there is so much love for god inside of her, that there is no place for 3/
xXMidNiteXx
hate at all. I kinda like the idea 4/4
Heavymettle
Well the Judaic concept of God is supposed to be that He can't hate a person. He only hates their sin. Thus looks away from Jesus' crucified
JacksonsDaddy
I'd like to genuinely thank you for the look into Yizidi culture.
SaintMaceToTheFace
Written by someone that has a grade schoolers understanding of theology
nobodyinparticular
Eh, I think it gets the basic point across that Satan is basically the bible's Shylock - there to make God look better by comparison.
SextusPompeiusMagnusPius
Wait, are you that one artist? I know that name
SaintMaceToTheFace
Not really.
nobodyinparticular
Agree to disagree.
RyanMcParty
What's the 7 wishes story?
cousteau
Bedazzled.
countseven
Faust.
RyanMcParty
Ah, thanks.
DarkNinja2462
I don't think so
AmArschdieRaeuber
Actually it was bedazzled, at least that's one version of it. Faust is vastly different.
countseven
Let me reference the first version of it I heard, decades ago, Wishbone's adaptation of Faust :P
countseven
Here: https://youtu.be/MA4DTCRIXDU?list=PLubA2PHzMV1jOfbf4b1RXpyv9sBED6a5K
ItispronouncedGIFwithahardG
Is the comic worth reading @OP? Always been curious but that many volumes is an investment and I don't wanna start if it sucks 1/2 way thru
DrowsyDude
what comic is it?
ItispronouncedGIFwithahardG
Lucifer. Vertigo comic from a while ago, spinoff of Sandman. Had about 75 issues in the run.
AskMeIfImFunAtParties
I don't know, I just found these and I thought they were funny. I hear good things though.
MostSereneDoge
I loved it. You don't need to have read Sandman to start reading Lucifer either.
ItispronouncedGIFwithahardG
Well yea, but who hasn't read Sandman?
MostSereneDoge
I actually read Lucifer first. Weird, I know!
shrekisourogrelord
I thought you were making a joke about the bible at first haha
thedevildinosaur
Absolutely read it. My all-time favorite comic, thought-provoking, highly quotable, rich storytelling.
ElRadis
The comic is amazing. One of my favourites. It will leave you satisfied, and you'll be a better person for having it read
thedevildinosaur
This! I read these comics during a very rough transition in my life, they had a profound effect.
ItispronouncedGIFwithahardG
Thanks, I need a new comic to get into!
ElRadis
Also, try: The Boys; DMZ; Lazarus; East Of West; Black Science; or anything by Jonathan Hickman or Warren Ellis. So many....
ItispronouncedGIFwithahardG
Read some of The Boys and all of DMZ, everything Hickman does seems to be solid. Thanks for the suggestions, Black Science looks interesting
ElRadis
Black Science is pure good sci-fi with a brilliant story. You'll like it.
ElRadis
Also if you like sci fi, Low by Rick Remender is brilliant. Supernatural stuff like Outcast, or Wytches are also solid.
Schmuck4hire
Did the Bible or anyone ever cover why Lucifer wants other souls in hell? Is he just trying to discredit god by bringing his people down?
NaosStulos
If you led a failed coup and was banished, but you had access to the leaders vulnerable family......what would you do?
Smozzerz
It never really states in the bible that Lucifer was even an angel. It just talks about how he was always the advocate in Gods plans. (1/2)
nowwhathadhappenedwas
i think it said he wanted credit for being the best musician in heaven
ThePickle
In order for free will to have any meaning, there must be choice
Nihilarious
do as i tell you to or else isn't much of a choice
ThePickle
Still a choice, and one people will make. I used to have a hard time with this too, until I met people
[deleted]
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Nihilarious
Nihilarious
now put the money in the bag
Imwearingblueslippers
According to Quran, Lucifer was one of faithful jinns(not angels but other beings) of God. When man was created, he was envious, didn't (1)
Imwearingblueslippers
Bow down to the first human(Adam) and led Adam astray at the garden. Also promised God to lead all men astray and into Hell.(2)
Imwearingblueslippers
Do tell if you are interested to read more
SaintMaceToTheFace
In the bible Lucifer is the highest of the Angels
Schmuck4hire
I am. So does the story go that his ill intent against mankind is all based on jealousy?
Rebonack
Nah, it's because God told him to only worship God previously and Satan called God on contradicting Himself. 's all about abrogation.
Imwearingblueslippers
So Satan( being a Jiinn, not angel) is created by fire(like all Jinns) but Adam was created by clay( modern day science confirms man (1)
HipHopSaint
The Bible says that Lucifer is not the ruler of hell, he is one of the prisoners
OmniEnder
Correction: It says he will be cast into the lake of fire for all eternity... he is not in hell at all until after the second coming.
HipHopSaint
True. I shoulda specified that. He's not yet a prisoner, but he will be when Jesus comes back. End of Revelation 19 to the beginning of 20
Schmuck4hire
Okay, so why is he bringing others down there? Does he just want company?
Stupidpeoplearestpid
He doesn't, souls are sent to hell after being judged
Schmuck4hire
Then where do all the stories about Lucifer tempting people into wrongdoing come from?
Stupidpeoplearestpid
If you wanna interpret it that way
Stupidpeoplearestpid
I guess technically he would bring them down since if he succeeds in tempting them they would have sinned and they would be judged into hell
TheGoodGoat
In Paradise Lost, I thought I read that Satan was SO jelous of God's love for humans(instead of loving him) that he tempted Eve
BirbJammin
Well who wrote the book?
TheGoodGoat
John Milton
SaltheartFoamfollower
He does have one of the best intros ever though, "Above them all the Arch-Angel; but his face deep scars of thunder had entrenched, 1/2
SaltheartFoamfollower
2/2 and care sat on his faded cheek, but under brows of dauntless courage, and considerate pride, waiting revenge."
Getsoft4u
i prefer to rule in Hell than to serve in heavens
fistermatic5000
In "memnoch the devil" he was pissed man's soul didn't go to heaven and hell was more purgatory than hell.
samwise85
Such an amazing book!
fistermatic5000
Blew my mind
hitshappens
Yes, but that's basically fan fiction
TheGoodGoat
I laughed out loud, good point
VeskaiTsumonit
Much of how we perceive Lucifer comes from that book though.
dontcallmeplath
hahaha Damn. That got me.
Zoodpy
At least it wasn't slash fiction
Baconmac1234
It's all kinda fan fiction
owlness
Considering the Bible was the *only* book in common people's homes for centuries, and the church had a strong presence... (1/2)
owlness
of course humans are going to latch onto storytelling in different forms. Fanfiction is older than the hills. (2/2)
DarkNinja2462
I know that the Divine Comedy affected today's perception of heaven and hell, so it was his headcanon that was adopted
CountVorkosigan
Some more so than others. *squints hard at Mormonisim*
Wormbo2
*asteroids fired!!!
JamesProton
Alright let's clear this up: the devil isn't the ruler of Hell, he isn't the ruler of anything
OmniEnder
Um, he is the Lord of 1/3rd of the angels. He also is not in Hell, merely cast out of Heaven. There are three levels of Heaven and it (1/2)
OmniEnder
Doesn't even clearly say if he was cast from the heavenly body. His true fall is at the end of the "millennium". According to "canon". (2/2)
JamesProton
Fair point, but being "lord" of other fallen angels is different than being the ruler of Hell and issuing punishment
ImagurBro
Technically, he's the ruler of the earth.
Neutrinus
He used to rule over Earth once Adam sinned and lost the title of ruler of the Earth...Jesus recovered that title when he died on the cross
Heavymettle
Technically he also plays by God's rules and is subject to punishment. Still not in charge of earth.
mysername
Technically correct is best kind of correct.
shrekisourogrelord
It's the only kind of correct
mysername
Technically, you're correct.
JamesProton
I will admit, partially, yes, but God still rules over Earth. Satan is just allowed to roam it for the time being.
BlankMage
I'm still a bit confused by the whole thing. If God's running shit on all levels, then why is there a level of eternal suffering...?
seedye
Something something ineffable something.
glacialbae
1 Well, as a Mormon, we don't really believe in hell as a physical place with fire and brimstone nor even a place of physical suffering.
glacialbae
2 It's really a state of mind brought on by your own guilt. Verse 38 here explains it a little https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/2
raveyards
What about those insane killers who feel only pleasure from their deeds? No guilt?
Stoneworth
hell was made for the devil and his fallen angels. a place to dwell in Eternal separation from God as punishment for their betrayal. 1/3
Stoneworth
it was never intended for human Souls but due to man's sin in the garden our souls are tarnished and cannot enter Heaven. 2/3
Stoneworth
So God extended an olive branch but if you don't accept the olive branch and the stipulations attached hell is the only alternative. 3/3
astrangehop
Doesn't having a new testament and deal imply that things could change later though?
Sprixxen
But why? Is it an objective rule that tarnished souls can't enter Heaven? Why not change the rule? It's God after all.
Stoneworth
imagine you're a game developer and you make a game with a final boss that has to be beaten with a certain sword to win the game. 1/?
Stoneworth
didn't want to do it. now you're a nice guy and you want your players to be able to win the game so you make a step-by-step guide 5/?
Stoneworth
they think you should change the game so that they don't need the sword to win. but no, that's not how the game was meant to be played 3/?
Stoneworth
you made the game, you designed it. this is your game not theirs. the quest to get the sword wasn't even that hard but they still 4/?
Stoneworth
the player gets the sword from doing a special quest in the game. but some players don't want to play by the rules 2/?
Stoneworth
but there are still those who will not follow the guide. they demand that you change the game. do you change it? 7/7
Stoneworth
on how to win the game and post it to the forms. but you won't remove the requirement of the sword, it is pivotal to the narrative 6/?
TCGreen
The Old Testament does make a pretty good case that God is the bad guy of the story.
[deleted]
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notso5ecret4gent
Old testament is the wrath
IAmDrBanner
Probably because of the world ending temper tantrums.
JamesBluntThatSmartassCunt
It was a different religion at the time. Demons were an immortal race that tested the faithful.
JamesBluntThatSmartassCunt
Not untruthful. Satan worked for God and the two even had a rapport.
BoozeHound001
See i got a theory about that. God is out drinking and comes home it's all dark and bangs his shin on jupiter like REALLY good. So he's all
BoozeHound001
like let there be light (it's like the clapper for god) and he's in pain and super pissed so he makes earth but he's still pissed so
BoozeHound001
that's the whole old testament. He sleeps off the booze and he buddy Jesus sees the project but that's another book.
GuyNamedSean
Yeah, read the Book of Joshua. Lots of killing random cities worth of people. Over 30 if I remember correctly.
friendlyneighborhoodanesthetist
I mean, if Deity is sovereign, He's responsible for literally every death ever. And life. It's kinda "by definition."
0mnicious
"I just let you live so I could see you die." God, probably
Ewanator
Many of them for really obscure and vague reasons as well.
TheBlackWindHowls
Forget that. The Flood, man. Killed errybody.
CaffeineManic
Yeah, if not for that we'd still have cool dinosaurs. (Please, I'm not serious.)
ThisIsCanadaWinterIsAlwaysComing
You were serious a little. Everyone, get him!
AmpsterMan
Or Judges. Judge Dredd is pretty much an expy of the judges in the book of Judges.
leodavinci1
Well... as the prime mover of the universe, isn't He ultimately responsible for everything that happens in it? He has a plan for it 1 of ?
leodavinci1
all and that plan is going to work out regardless of anything else, therefore free will is pretty much insignificant and inconsequential.
ExplainThisJoke
so long as you never read it
Buckbeak1486
Yea. That's why the writers of the Bible decided to write the New Testament. To try and cover up their grand fopah.
[deleted]
[deleted]
ignimbrite
*FUBAR
TheGrumpest
*faux pas
Pirsquar
Sort of; Roman Jews needed a way to tone down their religion so that the government wouldn't crack down on them.
Sprixxen
Also for the sake of expansion you need to appeal to more people. The originally tribal god of the OT served its purpose.
AskMeIfImFunAtParties
Nothing like some fire and brimstone with a side of pestilence to get your point across.
LeCacty
Ooh and genocide!
Koshunae
Hitler was God.
ChaoticScholar
Just to put the icing on the cake and the smoke in the cigar
ConditionOfMan
And the children! Won't somebody think of the poor Egyptian mothers and fathers losing their first born sons.
Pirsquar
Watch "The Bible Reloaded" on YouTube, that's their conclusion time and time again.
SigynRose
Bible reloaded? Is it a series or just a video?
Pirsquar
It's a series. They're going through the Bible, reading and reviewing. Both the hosts are atheist, btw. They also do Chick Tracts!
SigynRose
Cool! I'll go check it out
TheWayofTheFutureTheWayofTheFutureTheWayofTheFuture
A wrathful god is a feared god. A feared god is a god obeyed unquestionably.
TheGrumpest
*unquestioningly
happytreeleaf
Like Kim Jung Il, or whatever that fat prick is called.
Lefpa
What if the Old Testament was written with intentions similar to that of 1984, but people didn't understand?
keenidiot
What of its just a collection of stories and vague cultural memories and early attempts at morality thousands of years ago.
Lefpa
Morality hasn't changed much since then. If you read Moralia by Plutach, you'll see, but I don't think the OT was a morality guide though.
3point141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105
The old testament was about fearing the world and shunning people that were different from you, the new testament was about morality
Sprixxen
Idk, they at least tried by writing the basics on stones.
SAMUSlaughter
I think god killed millions while Satan's death toll was like 8 or something...
Butane9000
I think it's actually around 60 when you account for deaths caused indirectly by his actions. Still pales in comparison to god.
SaintMaceToTheFace
He responsible for those deaths. Think if sin as a virus and Old Testament God was bleaching areas
keenidiot
God created him in the first place. He's supposed to be omnipotent and all knowing, so he'd know what would happen.
SaintMaceToTheFace
And he GAVE them free will. They made that choice.
toyi85
And punished him for the same free will he granted. And if "God has a plan for everyone", then the "free will" is an illusion...
Negnarholf
By bleaching you mean nuclear genocide, sure.
SaintMaceToTheFace
The wages of sin is Death
InboxMeYourPuns
And I believe most ofSatan's killings are personal. Like he at least meets the person he kills before hand. god kinda just nukes an area.
Schuwatto
Or floods the whole dang planet, saving only the smallest possible amount of animals.
UrsaUrsa
It's like pressing the hardware reset button.
ashittypuncomment
If Satan is a bullet with your name on it, god is more of a "to whom it may concern"
Moaguardian
Sort of, he usually never killed the person he had a problem with, but killed there children/friends instead.
ElonMustToke
because it's fair to kill people who did nothing to you over a grudge.
Moaguardian
Well, he is the devil