Fanner50
39692
1108
24
I asked a friend “why don’t you date smart women?”
He gave a well thought genuine answer:
“They won’t date me”
Jul 12, 2025 11:54 AM
Fanner50
39692
1108
24
I asked a friend “why don’t you date smart women?”
He gave a well thought genuine answer:
“They won’t date me”
Co1dNight
I understand the necessity of women's liberation from needing a man to function in society, but we need to normalize humans needing humans instead of this "I'm so independent" bullshit. Humans are a social species and this notion of hyper-independence = good has poisoned us.
CanadianLadyMoose
I respect that that was his answer. He could have said anything and he went with the most positive and uplifting thing he could say, empowering his own exes of all people. He might not be the kind of guy women want around if they don't need him, i guess, but at least he isn't a dick about it.
XEndeadX
Ahaha, don't have to worry about strong independent women leaving you if they won't date you in the first place! *curls up and cries in lonely*
psstuphere
Isn't he also a horrible person?
psstuphere
That's what they say. Just rude and mean
johnblood616
What a cute way to say "Im a narcissist who cheats on my wives for younger women. But I make movies so I can literally do anything I want and people will worship the ground I walk on."
Dlaw25
My grandpa asked me why I'm not married yet. I said "I know better to stay away from the crazy ones. And, the normal ones know better to stay away from me."
Detacheddavid
Nice story, but not true. His divorces coincide with major film projects.
Wafflesaur
Maybe don't cheat on strong independent women james
neilwatkinsfromaccounting
Richard Pryor was married seven times to five women
rigello
Not counting Marlon Brando!
Hoiloidl
Elizabeth Taylor was married eight times to seven men.
blzrdphoto
It’s definitely not a me problem, naw it was 5 completely different women. THEY were the problem….
benlepus
They joy when you find a non transactional relationship . I don’t need him he doesn’t need me. We enjoy each others company and have fun . Not needed isn’t the same as not wanted .
IBentMyWookie
James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is... James Cameron
khaoselement
Only a little truth. My wife doesn't NEED me, but I'm the man she wants around.
edevolt
I'm wondering how much does James Cameron pay in alimony, after five divorces?
Surisuule
Find yourrself a smart insecure woman. Mental health issues give us duds a chance.
I often tell my wife, "I don't know how I love you, your choice in men is trash."
spiritussancto
Everyone loves a woman who won't take shit from anyone, until they realize that she won't take YOUR shit either!
thekadeshi
Where does he find the time! Holy cow being rich must be so freeing to just not have the daily shit that consumes so much of a normal life. To have the time to pursue five relationships that end up in a marriage AND be James Cameron? Must be incredible to live in that kind of world
license2kilt
You don’t marry someone because they need you…
PinkEater
He wanted a woman to need him? I believe want is the better word for a good relationship.
jjw9
He’s a brilliant film director. It’s interesting, however, that he defines what bonds people in relationships as “need.”
Liking the other person, enjoying their company, having a trusted partner to share things with are all part of what forms lasting bonds beyond “necessity”.
As a film director, he’s known to be very tough on his team to deliver precisely on his vision. That kind of exacting control, while effective for supervision, doesn’t usually bode well for partnerships.
WeaponizedJerk
...good on you for recognizing it, but the common denominator in all those marriages is still you, buddy.
lonelyrangerofthedreams
Do you think marriage is just some need that have to be fulfilled? Well James… you may be good at making movies but you don’t understand anything about marriages.
RadishIsAMeat
This is Taylor Swift levels of projection, "can't be my fault, must be them"
brandsilven
I've said many times that I love intelligent women. Problem is that because they're intelligent, they don't seem to want me. Yes, I know that's a bit self deprecative, and probably not completely true, but I've not been able to grab the attention and interest of women I've been interested in.
EscalatorCongestion
I've lived with the same woman for 15 years - she makes considerably more than I do, has two master's degrees, and needs nothing from me other than my love and affection ...
PhloydPhan
I'm not a psychologist or a marriage counselor, but I do like movies. Cameron makes great ones, in no small part because he's got a vision and can get obsessive about getting things just right. I don't know if he brings those qualities to his relationships or not; if he does, I can see it being exhausting.
theskepticinme
IMO opinion he spent so much time on the visual and worldbuilding details of avatar that the movie suffered in other areas. Like the script and story and character direction
wannasee
That is very tactful way of saying he neglects his relationships for his work. Some people should just stay single.
CyberHexx
And if he doesn't, I can see it feeling neglectful.
WindowStreetJournal
Ask the cast and crew of the Abyss...
RadishIsAMeat
Seems most of the cast and crew nearly drowned at some point because of him
WindowStreetJournal
Mary Elizabeth Mastrantionio refuses to talk about that 2 years, it was so traumatic for her. I admit, Cameron is genius, but just as Lars von Trier, he shouldn't work with normal people. Or, as in case of Björk vs Trier, shouldn't work with other geniuses.
I just enjoy the films coming out of these toxic environments, it's a miracle that some was completed at all. But artists are not normal, for sure, it's not a compliment to call someone like that.
Carl99
Seriously, after hearing about the shit that went on whilst making that i came to the conclusion he's an absolutely huge arsehole. That probably plays a factor in the ability of his relationships to last.
SlyMrFox
Took a moment of trust and a car crash to end Quentin Tarantino and Uma Thurman's friendship. You lose that trust, it's hard to get it back.
goboltz
The heart "Wants what it wants", it usually does NOT consult the Brain when it makes you do things. . .
Fanner50
Isn’t this the reasoning used to justify NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association)?
Equinox13
That seems like a bit of a leap, no offense. The original commenter is free to correct me, but I think they were saying that logical need isn't what drives a love-based relationship between two consenting partners, not a defense of pedophilia. That's a really odd thing to bring up on a post about an adult man and his adult relationships.
Fanner50
The quote was associated with NAMBLA, and with Woody Allen.
Logic flying out the window because of attraction is a likely excuse for making mistakes.
To quote from Last Boys scout.
“It was an accident? What happened, you tripped, slipped on the floor and accidentally stuck your dick in my wife. ”
Equinox13
I'm not saying the NAMBLA logic is wrong (NAMBLA is disgusting and their 'but loooove' defense of preying on children is horrifying). I'm saying your leap from someone commenting on how the heart and brain don't consult each other on a post about consenting adults divorcing to pedophilia is a leap and wasn't fair to the original commenter because it's unlikely to be how they meant their comment, given the context of the post they said it on.
Fanner50
But using “the heart wants what the heart wants” is often used to try to absolve oneself of responsibility.
Even in this case absolving oneself of the responsibility for using one’s brain. “When the heart MAKES you do things”
It’s the equivalent of someone justifying “thinking with their dick (or vagina)”.
I actually saw an old show where they called it “thinking with her hips”
I never see “the heart wants what the heart wants” as a valid argument
ScrippyChan
I don't know if he actually said that, but it's a bit of a creepy sentiment regardless.
sugarsharkshack
Why is it creepy?
ScrippyChan
Because it implies the marriages failed because they weren't based on dependency. "I'm attracted to a strong partner, but it sucks because I can't control strong people."
sugarsharkshack
I see what you're saying, but I agree with jbelkin a bit in this instance. But I do see that kind of stuff you're taking about with insecure guys that aggressively pretend to be secure. It's an unfortunate trope that they'll boost their ego by being with a confident, independent woman, but then spend all their time undermining her. Then she'll either leave them because they're all facade or they'll dump her because she's lost her zing (because of his bs).
Jbelkin
I think he's just saying that after the chemistry part wears out, they are more than willing to go off to try again along with him ... not afraid of societal norms (gasp, a twice married woman!) or not afraid of being "alone," nor dependent on a man's income - even if to live in a "gilded" cage. And as far as we know, he seems to have okay relationships with his ex's ...
Lonecoon
I married a strong, independent woman who doesn't need me. But we compliment each other and make the other stronger and better. We could live without each other easily, but we're more than the sum of our parts, and that's pretty great.
IchtacaSebonhera
I figure having an equal-merit partnership might feel difficult on both parties when one is a hundredillionaire movie director.
effingrayofsunshine
Underrated comment.
Burntpubes
We married to have a partner in our journey of life together, not a subservient person that solely relies on one another. Live and die for each other but respect each other too.
DocWino
You’re on borrowed time according to James.
probablyshouldbedoingwork
That's exactly what I told my husband: don't harbour fantasies of me NEEDING you. I don't... but what's more beautiful and perhaps more powerful is that despite my not needing you - I want you. I WANT you in my life.
hellsSuperPrincess
*Complement
MelfsAcidArrow
I mean tossing some praise around doesn’t hurt either
hyperchondriac
I'm sure that you mean it in the practical sense. IMO, any 2 people who could live happily without the other have no business getting married in the first place, unless it's understood as a business arrangement beforehand.
apairofpetducks
I am completely baffled by this take. Can you elaborate? Should independent people not get married? Are marriages supposed to have at least one person who needs someone else? That sounds like an unhealthy relationship, possibly with wild power imbalance. What do you think strong capable people should be doing?
hyperchondriac
No one is making anyone get married. In the legal sense it has benefits depending on where you live. If you don't need someone, why tie yourself to them. You could change your mind later and it's much harder to leave if you're married. And if you're so strong and independent, chances are you're gonna get bored after a while and want to move on.
apairofpetducks
In guess I disagree that marriage should be used to tie someone to you because you need them and you want to make it harder for them to leave.
"If you're so strong and independent you're gonna get bored of someone you love and want to trade in" comes off super insulting.
hyperchondriac
It's more that BOTH people need each other, which is why they both agree (since marriage requires mutual consent).
But I'm interested now in what YOU think the purpose of marriage is, or should be? Since you find my concepts insulting, I would like to hear what you think marriage is for?
kristifits101
A law of relationships though is as soon as someone becomes indispensable, they then have control over you. This may eat away at the relationship if everyone isn’t really careful.
hyperchondriac
Yes, and there lies the rub. If you aren't willing to give someone control over you in any way, then you shouldn't be married. Likewise you have some control over them. Marriage is essentially a relinquishing of certain individual rights to form a partnership. You should only enter into this compact with someone who you trust with your life. People who are always on guard against their partner, who have secrets to protect, shouldn't get married.
Draygen
I just learned how to cook really well, and now my strong independent woman comes home to good chef level home cooked meals...
apairofpetducks
That's my husband too! Plus he's mind-blowingly good at sex. Definitely worth keeping.
Draygen
I'm terrible in bed, but a REALLY good cook...
apairofpetducks
Hahaha at least you know your strengths!
Draygen
My daughter is in a very prestigious culinary school, and regularly amazes her instructors with "how she was taught" on various things, and it's all stuff that I, with zero training beyond enjoying Cutthroat Kitchen, just sort of figured out and passed on to her. Didn't have enough milk for an omelette, subbed in sour cream, blew the chef's mind.
Salpinus
What sort of compliments?
xETM
"strong", "independent", "pretty", "great"...
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
"you complement me"
Sticklebrickk
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1ZzYzNjN2YjJsZ2V0N2E2YTIyYnBocXl2YWl0bDE4MHV5NjluYTB3biZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/ZQSvc4VYkOr8Q/200w.webp
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Salpinus
Awww☺️
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
fearTheAnimal
They don't need you but you can be the kind of man that they want and they'll stay around. I guess he's not that kind of man.
ThatQuietlySmirking
Oh, he's a major turd and loves him some him. If someone near him says "Thank God", he says "You're welcome."
ElbowDeepInAPoliceState
I do that too. This is known as "humour".
ThatQuietlySmirking
Yeah, but he means it.
Ebo352
Two strong, independent people in an intimate relationship need to have good boundaries and at least one shared goal for a chance at a good relationship. Even then, not guaranteed.
potshot
Most of his exes didn't find a permanent marriage afterwards either. Some people aren't built to settle down, and that's fine.
Imapseudonym
So you automatically assume it has to be the mans fault? No option for it to be either the woman's fault or that sometimes you just drift apart without animus between you?
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
A lot of man have trouble not being needed because they can't be a man a woman wants.
ruferto
i dont know him and i dont know them, so i'll fairly say - it could be that they weren't a fit and they thought they were
HeadJamistan
Couple all of that with the fact that he's probably always working and travelling around the world to do so. One wife (Kathryn Bigelow) 1/
HeadJamistan
was also a director who had to travel all the time. Is it any wonder their relationship didn't work?
Ninjainslippers
I'm married to a strong woman but our goal is interdependence. Independence isn't really a way to have a relationship and codependence isn't how you have a healthy one. We let each other do our own thing sometimes, and we come together when it's us time or we need support or to solve an issue.
MakeItBackAlright
Good! Yes, marriage is intensely personal and if you're not iterating on it, you're not doing it right.
rusrsdude
You can be interdependent and independent at the same time. It's exactly what you mentioned how you live your life with your wife. It's just that you separate certain aspects of your life from each other (certain hobbies).
Ninjainslippers
The literal definition of interdependent is having an emotional bond and some shared interests/activities while having some activities or aspects that are not shared. You just took my explanation and said "yeah but you can do that while also doing exactly that but call it an incorrect definition". Independence means having no emotional connection or reliance.
JackieTreehornProductions
He also may be the strong independent type. The whole opposites attract thing has it's merits at times.
ArchMagos
Every solid couple i know has it so one is a night owl, the other is an early bird, and one is a planner and the other is a go with the flow type.
orangegummy
I often wonder as well if rich people just view marriage differently because they have the money such that a divorce is not a big financial deal to their day to day life
JackieTreehornProductions
we're only as limited as our options right?
hyperchondriac
I would think that two strong independent people are unlikely to agree enough on everything to stay together long. Unwillingness to compromise doesn't make for lasting relationships.
MakeItBackAlright
Monogamy is also not the be all and end all for many people, especially strong, independent people who inherently do not need support or the safety of long term relationships. Marriage is incredibly high praise from those people. But it doesn't need to be the traditional "from death do us part"
NotTheMamaNotTheMama
True. That's actually a subject that I find very interesting. I believe many couples would be happier in open marriages.
keraos
I think a lot of people are poly, but it isn't culturally acceptable so they never explore it. That creates a lot of issues, because if you're inherently wired to love more than one person at a time, that constraint is really problematic. Not that it excuses cheating or being anything less than excellent to a partner. But the world would be better with more love, not less
MakeItBackAlright
I think a world in which monogamy is a choice rather than polyamory would PROBABLY be a healthier one. It's strange that the conversation of "maybe we shouldn't rely on each other for everything" is hard vs. "maybe we should ignore other people until we die" is considered the standard. But what do I know.
Deoxyribonucleicacidwashedgenes
*FROM* death?
MakeItBackAlright
You heard me. Here drink this
Qpnao
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dXJpeXN6ZjVxYXRyeXplMHZ0ZjEwMXBud2I5ZTlsNnh2Y3VrN21yOCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/L0HTycLevyRlS/200w.webp
TheOtherKindOfDM
Someone's never dated a necromancer I see
Binkle
Yes. But then why get married?
MakeItBackAlright
Assuming that marriage represents the ultimate form of devotion for some people... it may still be a finite institution.
forsteri80
There are many legal advantages
RuBisCO1
Also there are people that love each other for life but also don't mind sharing their bed now and then, or swinging or where one watchs from a corner jerking off watching the other get railed, etc, and then there are people that can't tolerate that and get divorced.
MakeItBackAlright
The sheer volume of cuckchairs in hotels is quite suggestive
SmoeAhsolse
"This cuck chair hurts my back, I'm out of here!"
MakeItBackAlright
#cuckchairswithgoodlumbarsupport
wraiththefourth
Yes, but are you the kind of woman that makes that kind of man want to stay around?
I don't want to be argumentative here, but there's often a midpoint.
Richter12x2
As my dad said, on his third marriage, "By the time you get to the third one, you have to admit the problem is probably you".
hannahbutnotreally
We love a self-reflective man :)
idontknowyoufromadam
MantisTobagganMD
Still my favorite sketch of theirs. Absolutely brilliant
SmoeAhsolse
No it isn't.
MantisTobagganMD
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1aGhmbnVmbnEwMjJ3M2x2OHU5bXJ4ZzZ1YTc2ZXB2dnViZXBwaHNhMCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/J5LNUgG5omOb6ncnV9/200w.webp
[deleted]
[deleted]
EverybodyLives
pyroshen
Well that's not true at all
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
What kind of woman is that?
Equinox13
There can be fault on both sides. I will say, however, that I don't like the way the quote in the image is pointing the reason for each split at the strong independent women for being strong and independent.
zafner
Don't forget the possibility that there's no fault. Sometimes people are just done. Marriage is a weird artificial system that we've tacked on to the human reproductive system in order to adapt it into human society; it's not any more normal or natural than air conditioning.
Equinox13
Yeah, I wasn't trying to say it was his fault rather than the women's fault. I just read his comment as pointing the fault at the women having strength and independence and lack of need (no mention of whether he felt need for them) despite his attraction to them rather than a mutual fault where they grew apart. I'm not completely sure where marriage being a societal system enters into it, though. Like I said, it's possible my impression of it was colored by my own experiences.
zafner
I'm just saying there's no reason to expect every marriage to work out, that's all.
Marriage is made up. For some people it's great and for some people it just isn't. Besides, just because something ends doesn't mean it was bad or a mistake or somebody's fault. Sometimes things just end
Sinikko
I didnt read it like that, i interpreted it as a self burn: "Im not that great, so i have nothing to offer that would convince them to stay."
NickRivieraMD
I actually don't think it's either. I think the emphasis was on 'need.' I think he feels it's a healthier dynamic to be with someone who doesn't need you in a dependent manner, but that also means that the relationship doesn't necessarily last forever. People change, relationships change.
Equinox13
I can see that perspective. I think it rubs me the wrong way because it paints marriage as a need-based transaction, and strong independent women are fully capable of love and will stay in a relationship they don't need if there's love regardless of logistics of what can be offered by either side. That could be personal experience biasing my interpretation, though.
NickRivieraMD
I mean, yeah, I think he's suggesting, correctly, that need holds together (especially in previous generations) marriages that might otherwise come apart. But also it contains your opinion, because after all, he did get married with these strong independent women who chose to marry him.
shitheadtookmyname
But he phrased it as "needing" him. Independent people definitionally don't NEED. They WANT.
brazzy42
... that's exactly his point?