Irishtrailrunner
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Aug 24, 2023 4:25 AM
Irishtrailrunner
93602
1153
23
prufock
TOLERANCE do they put up with your shit? SPACE do they give you quality alone time?
montyman185
Just gonna drop this for anyone with half an hour to burn. https://youtu.be/kD6KJ_ThZio?si=fnb8a8DzZYRLdSWV
Mediocreclient
so... are we gonna talk about who structured the writing on 'love languages'?
dobroweigh
I like anime Tsuredure Children for the careful depiction of these subtle love hints. BTW which language "bananas" is?
kraeftig
I tried to explain these to my ex and they either chose not to understand or were so incredibly terrible at it that it didn't matter.
Malinut
Never gonna let you down or desert you.
UnluckyLunkhead
I'm spectrum, never bought my wife flowers/chocolates etc. We've never needed to tell each other that we love each other, it's just there. Now married 40yrs. You don't need to be false if they get you. (If I bought flowers now she'd want to know what's wrong). And yes, she proposed to me.
takingupspace
I never got the hype on this. Like, does it refer to the "language" you use for others or the language you would want for yourself. Because they're not necessarily the same.
chapterhawk101
That's the whole point. Not everyone's is the same. So, you need to know what yours is. Not everyone does until they give it some serious thought. Then if you're in a good relationship you can ask for that. And you need to either know or learn what your friend/partner's love language is so you can give them what they need. That way both people feel loved.
ghostofdragon
Two things on this bc I love it so much: neurodivergent people have different presentations of this and see them differently sometimes than as falling into these categories bc of the process behind them, but you could still view them through this lens if you tried hard enough; also, there are apology languages too developed by the same dude but those are more overt in the christian undertones so tread lightly in interpretation of them
BlindGardener
For me, talk is cheap, so I always compliment everyone around me a lot all of the time. So a lot of people like me because most people are very verbal. But, I'm autistic, and I struggle to read people's emotions, so my love language is learning how to read someone, especially if they're private and try to hide their emotions. And I expect people who care about me to learn how to read me too.
BlindGardener
(My general rule of thumb for acquaintances is, if I can't find a new compliment to say to them that makes their eyes light up every day, I'm not trying hard enough)
AwkwardBiblophile
Innntresting. I'm autistic and have the opposite response. I find talk cheap and confusing, and I'm chronically misunderstood. Too frustrating, I can make compliments but the ones I use are rarely standard. I have to show my love without words and make my affections wholly unambiguous so I don't get frustrated
mohavewolfpup
What’s it mean when you work yourself to death via meaningless tasks and don’t have anyone, nor will have anyone? Heh
nachosyndicate
Bottom line: love your bros.
JasonThorn
And try to identify how you best express how to love your bros. I realized mine was Acts of Service because I enjoy helping people. I went into the IT Field because 99 percent of that is helping people with their computer problems, so I actually get to do what I love, and it shows.
Lampmonster
They forgot "Slay your foes" types. "Why are you late and covered in blood?" "You know that checker at Kroger you hate...."
Skawomplious
You jest, but this is me. I'm all about solving problems and removing obstacles, that's my love language.
Lampmonster
Sure, I'm a problem solver too. We just have to remember when to solve problems and when to support our loved ones through solving their own.
Skawomplious
The struggle is real.
TheElementsOfHarmony
Ok actual question about this. Where does feeding the other food come in? E.g. I'm finished with my dinner but nope! Here's a bite from their plate because they know how much I enjoy my food. Or waking me up for delicious midnight Dinner 2.0. Does that fit into gift giving? Cos whatever it is, I'm here for it.
SJBSavageInk
Lol literally every dude in online dating puts physical touch as their love language cause they think it means sex.
chaosundivided
could be. or could be that people turn to online dating because they spend more time online than they do in real life, and while one can
chaosundivided
spend quality time with each other online, use words online, give gifts online, and do things for people online - if you want physical touch
chaosundivided
you won't find that online without explicitly going to look for it by letting people know "I'm available and I need a goddamn hug"
SJBSavageInk
Lol I seriously doubt that's what guys want when it comes to dating apps
montyman185
Love language is a terrible way to describe any of this. The way people show affection is a complex web of developmental conditioning, insecurities, hangups, cultural norms, basic association, and a ton more. Figure out what people think and feel and how to properly reciprocate by talking to the people around you, not by trying map things to some random dude's arbitrary list.
chapterhawk101
Nope. Not everyone is a good communicator. Their love language is "not" words. If you know humans (as you seem to think you do from your comment) then you should know this. Don't confuse your love language with someone else's. That's how misunderstandings develop between people.
montyman185
This is the kind of mentality that makes this love language crap toxic. Yeah, communication is a skill that many don't have, but like any skill, it can be developed, and it's kind of a super important one to develop. Hell, it doesn't even have to be words, some people can't talk about things, but if you can't communicate you're setting yourself up for incredibly unhealthy relationship dynamics. It's basic shit like setting boundaries and expectations -
montyman185
Actually resolving issues instead of letting them simmer into resentment, whatever else might need communication. If you have a freind that you don't think cares about you because they haven't done a specific thing that you've learned is a signal of people caring, and you have never communicate that to them, it's not a "different love language" problem, it's just shit communication. I've got a friend that we open all our conversations with vicious insults, I've got some that we just exist in -
montyman185
Comfortable silence, I've got one that we trade back and forth constant affirmation. None of this is some box in how we specifically need affection displayed to understand, it's all things we have developed throughout knowing eachother because of our dynamics, and the occasional "hey, you doing ok?". If you sit there being given things and are confused why it's happening, there's been a communication breakdown at some point. If you sit there giving someone things -
montyman185
And they don't understand what you're trying to get across, it's not because they have a "different love language" it's because you both have decades of differing life experiences and social norms, and haven't bothered to make sure the people around you see the same implication as you. The gift giving is a prime example, because depending on how shit your parents are, it coukd be a nice gesture, the only sign that someone cares about you, or a plot to get you to indebted to them.
cdlong
The book missed a big point. It's all about loving other people the way THEY understand but didn't cover recognizing other types FROM people
cdlong
I may have that backward, it was a long time ago.
[deleted]
[deleted]
USSBigBooty
Ding ding!
exlurker42
remind*
SleepyHollowAppleTree
Thank you, why can't people PROOFREAD? Double check your work.
ParallelParkingInABurka
They say while leaving a comment with a missing space before the URL, thus making their link unusable on mobile... ;)
SleepyHollowAppleTree
I didn't post a link, I uploaded a picture.
Samthetrue
Use a space before links. The irony of this is that proof reading would have prevented it.
dwolvin
I semi raised myself (latchkey kid), and worked through my last couple of years of highschool. I love learning this stuff because it makes me feel I might someday feel comfortable in casual situations.
Annemoon
I grew up severely bullied in a small town and the consequent isolation did a real number on my social skills. In uni I decided I would dedicate my attention and efforts to improving it and tried to observe what people did. What way did they touch? With whom? When? What was appropriate for what level of connection? And I then tried to put it into action. Beginning really simple a pad on the shoulder when they did something well, ect ect. Same with conversations, small talk, all the things.
Annemoon
Guess what, yes it feels scary or awkward in the beginning, but if you build it up slowly you do get used to it and more in tune with how people react. Now it feels mostly normal and nobody would know it was such a struggle for me to get were I am now. And I started this in UNI! (Just over a decade ago now). It got me a great group of friends and the ability to better connect with people. So have my blessing, go out and try things <3 my life was better for it! :) (Some therapy deff also helps)
Mobouncetotheoz
I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum or it just comes from being an only child not able to go outside but social situations don't feel natural to me. I've found it helpful to tell the people I'm with I'm nervous or I was worked up about showing up. Not only does it allow me to focus less on "looking calm" (because they now know I'm not) but it has seemed to put others at ease when in new situations
FreshBundleOfStick
Love languages really feels like astrology for couples
BaWitda
It was developed by a pastor to explain why wives owe sex to their husbands.
valkyrie117
Interesting take, hadn't thought of that. Since I learned this it has actually really helped me understand my relationships better and helped me express the ways I like to receive affection
solarshado
I'm sure it can wind up like that if taken to the extreme, just like any other "personality types" thing, but that doesn't automatically mean it's total nonsense.
HappyTimeHollis
It's really not. It's learning how different people communicate their feelings in different ways.
SchizoidPanda
That's because it is,more or less. There's a great ep of If Books Could Kill which explains why.
Jcach
It’s also interesting to observe opposite actions from people. You can hurt your friends with acts of disservice, or buying a gift that is not thoughtful.
RandyTheDancer
So true. Speaking harshly, not prioritising spending time together, and no physical touch
HackerJacker
A massive on you missed is availability. Someone may not push to spend lots of time with you (maybe they worry about crowding you or are introverted), but if they are always available at the drop of a hat that shows that you are a priority for them, whether that's to meet up, for a chat or simply some advice. This is especially commong with those who are Autistic or have ADHD.
FlyingDemon98
I started reading your commend and immediately recognized myself. Then I got to the end of it and .... yeah ok, that checks out then
montyman185
Yes, this is why I'm always available, totally. Just let me sweep all the hours I just spend staring at nothing under the rug, don't mind me
VentricularAnomaly
My main love languages is acts of service, so when my husband does something totally innocuous like bring me my coffee/tea when I'm sitting on the sofa, my heart just melts. It's a bit silly though, because he doesn't really understand that when I do the dishes or clean the litter when he doesn't want to, that's me saying I LOVE YOU. We talk about it, but since acts is not his main love language it doesn't always register for him.
Chimaeraxxxxx
Same! He’s always taking care of me, not with big gestures, but little things like making sure my water bottle is filled.
AltF4EwingsSarcoma
My wife always says her love language is acts of service. It took me a few years to know it is actually gifts, she just hates admitting it. Now I do both so that she can keep her pretense that it is acts, but buy her stuff every so often to actually let her know I love her.
RNFlatus
That’s wonderful of you
MrSwissroll
Deathbetray
The last one is wrong. Domestic abuse isn't love.
midcirclenine
BDSM can be though
Deathbetray
SleepyHollowAppleTree
HandoB4Javert
counterintel
I just realized my aunt looks exactly like Brittany spears...this...this is troubling.
MyPancakesTasteLikeCrepe
it's Britney, bitch!
MrSatisify
devasto
neospor1n
Sad fact. He did not want to be in this movie at all, but Disney basically said “if you don’t do heavyweights, we don’t let you be in Mighty Ducks 3”
KuroFluff
Do not quote the 90s to me, I was there when it was written!
counterintel
Oooh I can't wait to use this.
Jimmah1
The before times
mouseasw
Mid-2020 was the before times too. Everything is now pre- and post-COVID
ElbowDeepInYou
4000 years ago
koollman
nah, just 10 years ago. Right?
ElbowDeepInYou
... :'(