PaulaDeenismybitch
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I tried to add in some funny ones. There were so many great submissions that I will hopefully be making another one. Feel free to keep posting and messaging me them, funny or sad.
Part One: http://imgur.com/gallery/qWbhq
Part Three: http://imgur.com/gallery/6JDeE
EDIT: My classes are about to start again, so the next one will be up in a couple days. No worries, there will be more. You all are a bunch of brilliant people.
GreyhLightning
My life wasn't supposed to happen.
RunsOnPizza
+1
Withallduerespect
Table for two. Dinner for one.
WhenTheMusicsOver
Two dinner tables, one for me.
relevenceisinthemindofthebeholder
Table for one, dinner for two.
Shaykh
Are you me?
AFistFullOfMayo
Boom! Pregnancy
YourAverageBikerBoi
Cancelled the wedding, planned the funeral.
annerbananers
Ouch.
CharlesJacobs
Nobody would ever notice if I
BANEBIGGUY
Wooooooooooah. This not receiving attention makes it way more relevant
crookie2legacy5
This one is not getting enough attention. Dang.
ImanerdDontjudgeme
Ironically nobody would ever notice if he
EllipsesAreAlwaysNecessary
RIP Calhoun
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
I don't get it
toothbrush123
The finished sentence would be "nobody would notice if i killed myself" but it stops halfway through
Simanni
suicide im guessing.no one would notice if he died.
TapeFork
Mom, this isn't funny. Wake Up.
PixieDoll
g shit
SirJaimeLannister
The middle child was now youngest
IAmCthulhu
(alternatively) The middle child is now oldest.
Zephronias
They weren't waiting when I returned.
Tittieandkitties
Traffic maybe?
whoopy4
Jumped. Then I changed my mind.
virginassnigga
Holy shit
TheHandsomestManOnTheInternet
"Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon."
PerfunctoryBear
I drink until the voices stop.
m0wgli
Taco Bell diarrhea. No toilet paper.
jasmeryv159
I have never been so traumatized in my life...ohgod...the flashbacks are coming...
cob50nm
rip toaster
TheHeroOfTwilight
#teamtoaster
PineappleCapity
Born the youngest, now the oldest.
BionicNipples
Childhood stolen; just don't touch me.
sparkydude
Still searching for my lost innocence.
PigleythePig
Oh God that bullet and therapy one really hit me in the heart :(
DudeWithCrazyHat
SHOT THROW THE HEART!!!!!
Habis
Romanticizing suicide--only costs a life.
GuyMcGee
One gun. One bullet. One night
GuyMcGee
Or, one gun one bullet one bottle
MisunderstoodAsshole
Or, one bottle. one night. five or six girls.
artimusaurelius
I'm not completely sure but I think that's from "Reign Over Me" with Adam Sandler and Don Cheedle
Eaagle
Not the head?
FerociousDiglett
I prefer the "one bullet is a lifetime supply" version
sidfromtoystory
not if you miss
WrongUn
Not me- I can get free therapy on the NHS!! http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/british-bulldog.jpg
gourami
M.. me too.
PigleythePig
*holds*
colourblindchameleon
Guns though... they're more expensive than bullets... I mean, a bullet aint gonna kill ya. Also, bottle one is the saddest.
Jeststar
"I wrote your name on the bullet so you would be the last thing that went through my mind..."
Widget88
Yeah, how sad is that? He didn't even factor in the cost of the gun!
AlceCosmico
As someone that is currently struggling with depression... if you want it enough, there are ways to... not buy a gun.
remmus
That's a good start at least.
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
Shot through the heart, and you're to blame
remmus
The bullet may be cheaper but what about the funeral? And the survivors therapies?
thesarahpowellexperience
My dad didn't use a bullet. But in his suicide note he said he was too tired to pull himself back through depression with therapy.
DrHenryJonesJr
I think it was supposed to hit in the head ) :
MidwinterSnow
I literally stopped for a minute, said "Oh shit" out loud then spent a few minutes thinking about life.
nighshade586
As a veteran in therapy, agreed.
DudeWithCrazyHat
SHOT THROW THE HEART!!!!!
WhenTheMusicsOver
"Boy Who Lived, come to die"
blythus
I'm probably going to be thinking about that one for a while...
OGFZ
Was it a shot through the heart?
sidfromtoystory
you're too late
SuckItBlue
You give love a bad name.
TheJonSnowShow
And who was to blame?
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsTheBabyAteMyDingo
Darling, you give love a bad name!
GetSendyWithIt
Fuk boi
CarltheMexicanWhoopingLlama
Well, that's probably where it hit them, too. (imademyselfsad.gif)
PigleythePig
Who would shoot themselves in the heart? Head is where it is at.
Arceus
Next door neighbor did.. twice. Apparently the first shot he didn't realize it worked so pulled the triggered again) before fading.
SapiensMakeMeErectusNoHomo
An old woman decided to commit suicide after her husbands death so took out his old pistol. She was going to shoot herself in the heart (1)
SapiensMakeMeErectusNoHomo
but just to be sure, called her doctor and asked where the heart was. He told her "It's located just below your left breast" (2)
SapiensMakeMeErectusNoHomo
She was rushed to hospital later that day for a gunshot to her leg. (3)
hassythegreat
Junior Seau.
Imaybegotthis
Lower back of the skull. Cant live through that. It's the part of your brain that tells you to breathe and your heart to beat
quantumpacket
yeey occipital lobe!
CarltheMexicanWhoopingLlama
Go watch Monster's Ball. (Billy Bob Thornton and Halle Berry) Excellent flick, but some pretty dark stuff.
itsahollyday2
Were you a part of the Monty Python cast?
CarltheMexicanWhoopingLlama
Sadly, no. I was conceived on the set, though. ;)
1Rogue
furthermore using a handheld gun or rifle as opposed to a shotgun results in more pain, slower death, and less chance of success
quantumpacket
Unless of course, you blow off the front of your face with the shotgun. You're pretty much fucked, then.
1Rogue
shotgun to the head is the quickest, most painless, and most likely to succeed method.
1Rogue
oh you meant if you mess up shooting yourself in the face. IIRC there's about a 98-99.8% chance of death so yeah, very likely not happening
AtemShane
But The Jimmie Johns Never Came
Matt12121
So funny, but yet, so deep.
chiefnigolas
Intimate dream, finger smells like butthole.
Lioness8200
Never Forget..
RobotBeardThePirate
#Kylecorn2013
tunastrongandfree
I'm home now. War was easier.
IHateDickbutt
Some of these made me go like this:
AmFireAmDeath
All the good chemistry jokes argon
quantumpacket
The boron jokes, we just barium.
Phenomnomnom
Strangers. Friends. Best Friends. Lovers. Strangers.
fartgirl
Woah, love this
MyOhMyThePizzaSky
My eyes open, the coffin shuts.
IReallySuckAtMakingUsernames
Holy shit that ones terrifying
pedrobrv
They called screaming. We were late.
wingfoot
I wasn't her only soulmate, apparently
RunsOnPizza
Ouch. That hits home.
Athic
This is too relevant.
PyroGuy007
"Only daughter married, now have two" :)
ILieForPoints
*claps*
SlumberingDemon
Dead long before I stop breathing
RunsOnPizza
This one is REALLY good.
IReallySuckAtMakingUsernames
Wow.
PaulaDeenismybitch
Thank you all for your submissions. You made me laugh and cry.
PyroGuy007
"Only daughter married, now have two" :)
bottoms
This is just a giant collection of plagiarism...
PedroBarchi
Life nor death appeal to me
bdubs230
Memories don't die with the dead
WhenTheMusicsOver
"Boy Who Lived, come to die"
SuperDork42
Also see reddit's /r/sixwordstories for plenty more.
armyhadahalfday
Knocked, requested a banana, and left.
phantomeye
here's mine: "We met by accident. I lived."
FieldsofElysium
Dry January lasted nine days. Fuck.
Laurelespp
I prayed, I received no answer
ThundererBeforeLightning
Can we submit more? Because I actually did a reddit thread about the same thing today. http://redd.it/2rv9ih
Summersky
"Paula Deen is my bitch...Bitch."
MarkWhoGivesaFukFrom93Tv
"I came. I saw. I conquered." Julius Caesar (or Jay Z) Veni. Vedi. Vechi.
quantumpacket
sorry sorry but wasn't it 'veni vidi vici'? sorry
MarkWhoGivesaFukFrom93Tv
Do I look Italian? Just joking, you are correct. Dem there school systems sure did learn me right, I tell ye what
itsgonnarain
thought I died. I wasn't wrong
tb1r
four stories wasnt quite high enough.
TheArkhamJoker
You don't have rights. I do.
KillerCaitie
"I only have a year left." "I never got to say yes." "She's in the trunk, I drive." "iPod dying, charger no where close."
Bogsgoestotown
I found my soulmate, she didnt
MyOhMyThePizzaSky
Thank you for starting this awesome series that I hope continues.
Bogsgoestotown
Strangers, friends, best friends, lovers, strangers.
LordMe
Suicide note said, ""Finally feeling ok."
quantumpacket
Yep. That, yeah. Just peace, kinda.
GeoffLewis7
Yes, Patrick, mayonnaise is an instrument.
avacado22
Sometimes I dream he's still alive.
ThatGuyYouMetOnTheBus
Prison beds; more comfortable than benches.
TheGingerBeardedBiologist
Expected typical gif, Javert wasn't there.
WhenTheMusicsOver
" @Sarah. Please..." She pulled the trigger.
thisisntagoodusernameatall
She took everything but the rope.
Rmajere
Papa lived mama, mama loved men.
WhenTheMusicsOver
Cry at a tombstone; join her.
fleezyppc
"once more into the fray, bitch."
IconicNebula
"Ive Spent hours thinking of Kanye"
zisho
Thank you!
TheVakarian
"It's coming for you now. Run."
Undecisiveusername
To keep us safe they lied.
AbrahamLinksys
"Deliverance" didn't do well on Broadway.
WeAreMadeOfStarDust
I actually upvoted Edward Macaroni Fork.
EDWARDMACARONlFORK
Thanks
Yverras
cluckythehorse
The fact that fartharder still has a rep of Glorious even with a downvoted comment of over 38k means dedication but also fucking amazes me
ratammer
A horror story for the digital age. 10/10
Diaminomaleonitrile
iambatmantheultimatepotato
Can someone provide context to that comment?! I don't understand it!!
[deleted]
[deleted]
iambatmantheultimatepotato
I know but WHY was it downvoted so much?!
EldreshSaenz
Why not?
iambatmantheultimatepotato
I must have a backstory to it!!!
DownvoteDanny
Way to fuck everything up, asshole.
EDWARDMACARONlFORK
Edward macaroni fork
WeAreMadeOfStarDust
It's someone's story, not necessarily mine.
chucknasty
Shun the nonbeliever!!
fartharder
I think I love you, man.
StephanieWasTheTrueVillainOfLazyTown
Just so you know, you're my hero.
WeAreMadeOfStarDust
Thanks, but I am a female.
ImgurnariumOfDoctorGiraffus
He only loves you 'cause you upvoted his worst comment ever.
fartharder
I think I love you anyways.
fartharder
(wo)
sirpipthegreat
you're supposed to downvote the one post and upvote his other things. it's the only way.
Simanni
its true,i loved it.
poopsmiles
Mayonnaise is a gender? Wtf no one told me
iKnowMostlyRandomFacts
Patty Mayonnaise
ravien999
There's a previously on tumblr post you need to see
EchinodermataWhatAWonderfulPhrase
It's also an instrument
SeanTheLeprechaun
Patrick Star reference.
TheDanishBingoKing
*Triggered*
TheTriangleGuy
No, poopsmiles, mayonnaise is not a gender
ilikeblondehair
I'm trans-ketchup, cheeseburger positive, spoon-kin
MisterM069
Isnt'..
PaulaDeenismybitch
I identify as a pizza roll.
Amuts224
We all do.
MexicanSuperman072
Given how Paula Deen is aparently your bitch, I would've guessed that you were butter.
TheWolfWhoPlaysWithFire
Negative, I am a meat popsicle.
Punnilingus
Social Savanna can help you find other pizza rolls in your area!
PaulaDeenismybitch
Social Savanna is pretty awesome. :)
thebrick87
Can I eat you out?
PaulaDeenismybitch
Buy me dinner first.
thebrick87
If it's pizza, will you be triggered?
janjizonpeejay
I thought you were a potato.
PaulaDeenismybitch
DON'T PUT YOUR SOCIETAL NORMS ON ME. I am so triggered right now.
UnwantedPotato
I'm a potato... and that's racist.
janjizonpeejay
calling it as I see it. I bet Paula Deen puts lots of butter on you.
pookieeatworld
No, I was the potato. Remember? The ketchup-sexual triggered me...
Treblaine
Is that coz you're really hot on the inside?
Ebenjy33
He went, a flag came home
GAPEHORNSTAR
Y u do dis
PineappleCapity
He went, a flag came back. I like that better :)
MizzRia
He left, a flag returned.
translocated
That's five words. Yes, I'm fun at parties
infogulch
Hmm, maybe "He left, ..." sounds a bit better.
roblx
how about 'Left and a flag came back.'?
abnormallynormal
He gone...
[deleted]
[deleted]
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
He is, leik just so ded
ImAnSJW
Or, "He left, only a flag returned."
ChronosTRG
exactly what i was thinking