JesusAteMyShrooms
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I'm screaming. I'm writing this to get this off my chest. His other woman texted me today and spilled the beans. I confronted him with the text, saw his face drop, and he admitted to it.
How does one think it appropriate to fucking propose while having been putting their peen in another vageen.
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here. I packed and left for the night. Nothing feels real, nothing feels genuine. I have no self-worth anymore.
besttom
You have and will find your self worth but that must begin with ending this relationship.
CatShadowleaf
People don't cheat because of other people. People cheat because they suck. He sucks. Don't let his suck make you think it's something you did.
GarmBlack
You stay gone, girl. JFC don't go back. Don't accept the proposal. Guy can fuck off, clearly he already was for ages.
NeverDownvoteMelBrooks
Schedule exam/testing as soon as possible to make sure he didn't bring anything else you didn't want to the relationship.
JesusAteMyShrooms
Yes. This is on the list. I'm also calling my therapist once they open.
lonosham
Your self worth should not contingent on anyone else. Especially not a cheating son of a bitch like your ex. You are an amazing and complex human and deserve to realise it. Stay strong, because you are
leroy666
Get the fuck outta Dodge. Now!
IWillFigureOutAWittyNameLater
Starkanddormy
As someone who has and is experiencing infidelity in a relationship, I won't give you the usual practical advice, you already know all that, instead I will say that the biggest hurdle you will have to overcome moving forward is finding out how to live your life for only you. So rely on friends and family, scream into the void and ugly cry into pillows, it really does help to get it all out there and don't ever be afraid to lean on others to get through this, cause you will.. but it's gonna suck
jwinc7
1000% this. Take care of yourself.
Iwouldbenick
Same. Then love yourself and have a fucking blast. Now you know what you don't want in a partner. Find someone you have more fun being with than you do whith just youself. I waited years and found a girl who gave me a kitten when my dog passed. I was pissed, I didnt want a cat. I now have a tramp stamp of my cat and would kill for him. We also got married and have 2 dogs and 3 cats. And I'm emotional because she's out of town this week. You will find someone worth your time.
nampaz449
This is correct. Give yourself room to grieve. No one deserves what you’re going through.
marquettegoldeneagles
And give yourself grace! The death of a relationship is a death, grief is a very valid emotion at this time.
Aryakickass
Glad you got the morning ahead of time. Do not go back to someone who has that little respect for you.
JoeMangoJello
So you're saying you're looking for a freaky revenge hookup?
Pieccentric
Never EVER get back with him, no matter what you do. Also, try not to become distrustful of people in general (or at least not to scare them off by controlling them). Also also, remind yourself that you did not MAKE him cheat through some way of not being enough. You are enough, and you will eventually meet a person who acknowledges that and is loyal to you.
B4r4B4d4B45tu
You dodged a tactical nuke. Leave his sorry ass, do right by yourself and remember that he has no place in your life
Cats2cats
Honey you have self worth, you chose you! Now make the appointment to get tested for whatever he may have exposed you to. Hugs
LoveDjinn
My heart breaks for you. As somebody who forgave a cheater and regretted doing so I know that pain.
My only advice is to let yourself feel how you feel. Cry, scream, do what you need for yourself.
Don't do what I did and shame yourself into not leaning on friends and family. I didn't tell anybody about what happened for YEARS, I suffered silently blaming myself. Don't do that to yourself.
If you want somebody to talk with please feel free to reach out. I'm a stranger that doesn't judge.
glamdamnit
Guilty people often escalate their performance of non-guilt to compensate for how bad they feel. This made him escalate to proposing as it made him feel less bad about cheating because he could emotionally counterbalance that with an act that “showed” he “loved” you.
Run. Don’t turn back. This is a man child who is unable to understand that honesty and integrity are the best ways to avoid guilt. He won’t change. Run.
Jamesstin
Go get an STD screening asap, hun
sanguium
His cheating only defines him, not you, you are not any less worthy because of his actions.
license2kilt
Do not measure your worth by his actions. I know that is easy to say, but his choices define him, not you.
DOcelot1
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1eGgzZnhzN2VtYmd6ZmJjeW9kZjFyeGIxNTVnZ3BuNjhsMTJ0dzRyciZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/67LGKgmdUIaEkyGcrK/200w.webp
Alexap30
Well, if your self worth was tied to another's person instead of your own, you have a good basis of where to start.
And also ditch the asshole. He obviously isn't worth your hussle if he's double dipping.
ImJustHereAtThisPoint
I'm truly sorry for your loss. But just because he didn't value you enough doesn't mean you don't have any value. His blindness is his cross to bear, not yours. Do you want to talk about it?
philomemo9000
As she surely has value that prickhead doesnt have any of It.
JesusAteMyShrooms
I'll message you.
ImJustHereAtThisPoint
My messaging thing on here doesn't work. I'm sorry. I do have discord tho
JesusAteMyShrooms
Oh! That's ok, what's your discord? It will take me a minute to find my log in.
Pieccentric
Was about to offer the same thing, good to see that people here are still as quick to support each other as ever.
imnotinthewitnessprotectionprogram
He sounds like a narcissist. While it stings now, it’s knowledge that saved you from likely years of grief and a divorce that leaves everyone scarred
Pieccentric
An asshole is what he sounds like. No need to pathologize every person with bad character traits which at the same time kinda takes away from their deliberate dick moves and trivialises actual diagnoses like, but not limited to, narcissism.
AwesomelyLonely
"He sounds like" = pathologising? It's not as simple as 'bad character traits' my guy. It is so very much worse than that and this kind of frankly ridiculously egregious behaviour is very on par for Narcissists.
akafluffy
He sounds like this pathology IS pathologizing, thanks for coming out.
Pieccentric
What I am saying is that this is genuine asshole behavior, sure, but to pathologize means rushing to a diagnosis without any evidence. Yes, it would be typical behavior for a narcissist. That doesn't mean he is one. It would also be typical for antisocial behavior disorder aka sociopathy, or even psychopathy. But nobody except his therapist) has nearly enough evidence to confirm either of those. Every one of his choices may have been deliberate with no disorder to blame.
Atlasguitar
Yeah I agree that people need to stop using "bad person" and "narcissistic" interchangeably. People with narcissistic personality disorder are not all bad people. When we conflate the two, we're denigrating a whole group of people struggling with mental health issues AND pathologizing assholes.
WelcometoDillDell
Someone who cheated that long will literally never stop. It's not worth it. Salvage the rest of your life, you deserve better.
aabcdort
At least this revelation came before the wedding, do yourself a favor and don't forgive him.
aabcdort
Damn this blew up overnight, I just got a trophy for this shit after 12 years service.
Heisanevilgenius
If you forgive him, forgive him from a very far distance where he can't hurt you anymore
OddOod
YUP
Write down your feelings (on paper, it matters for some reason). Keep ahold of it and when you contemplate forgiving him (most people do), reread it.
Also, get an STI panel just to be safe
Lexxatron02
When people show you who they are; believe them.
yamsonyamsonyams
100%
Cheaters always cheat again. And that level of deception… thst girl might not be his only one
And god knows what else Hes up to
Dump him…. AFTER you secure your exit
Poopoopeepeevagina
Forgive yourself though. I hated myself for trusting my cheating ex girlfriend so many more times than I should. I made myself feel dumb and victimized. It took a long time before I could forgive myself for being to trusting
HalloIamherenow
100% this. Love exists and good people willing to share it are out there. You being trusting isn't a fault with you. The fault lies exclusively on the cheater.
smittyatyou
That and they make you feel like it was your fault and they are the victim. It's wild
CurbYourClassWar
A lot of popular media makes justification for cheaters and promotes cheater apologists. We’re propagandized to believe it’s acceptable and normal.
monkeyfly
Your worth isn't dependant on a relationship. You have value regardless of what your partner has done. This is a crap situation. It's allowed to hurt and you're allowed to be hurt by it. Look after yourself friend and please stay safe.
seenunseen
He's the one with self worth issues. Move on to greener pastures, try not to take too much baggage with you
joshuasplinth
Im so sorry. You’ve GOT to keep at the core of this what a HUGE fucking bullet you dodged. It sucks and hurts in the near-term, but yea. I know a gal whose hubs would go to Orlando for job stuff - said he was going to work for Disney in production (Black Pan2). She quits her job, starts pulling up roots while he’s Kinda like George Costanza lying about his house in the Hamptons. No, just another family. I guess he was hoping to cut down travel time or something. It’s a weird mentality.
dickblack12
Run, don't walk.
Goblinshopkeeper
I'm so sorry he did that to you. Nobody deserves to have their trust betrayed like that. With that level of betrayal, I couldn't see forgiveness myself. You'll get through this though either way. I believe in you. Just in case it'll cheer you up even in the slightest, I'll post pics of my animals below.
Goblinshopkeeper
Goblinshopkeeper
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JesusAteMyShrooms
Keep em coming please.
VolcanoHerder
Here's another random one - sending you strength
Goblinshopkeeper
Not my dog but a good boy I know at my therapist.
Goblinshopkeeper
Goblinshopkeeper
Goblinshopkeeper
Goblinshopkeeper
JesusAteMyShrooms
What a pooh bear