Montanaebananae
58430
1157
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She does not like to brush her hair and I wasn’t having it.
Convinced her with the lure of ice cream. Lots of detangler and patience was used today
Ignore the mess - nieces and nephews visiting today
JiffyGee
I used to have butt length hair when I was a kid. I hated having my hair brushed because mom would just speed run the brush through my hair, like she was starting a lawn mower. It was painful so I wouldn’t let her touch my hair. So she had it cut to Paige boy length. I looked like the Dutch Boy paint logo.
KittyKlimt6
I have daughters with long hair. (White&straight. Oh that doesn't sound good) Pro Tip: 1. start at the bottom (no matter how big the knot is) and take only the last 2 or 3 end teeth of a comb. Then grab only the tiniest bit of hair from the bottom end. It's mostly no problem whatsoever if you don't try too much hair at once or try it from the top! 2. Wrap the upper untangled part around 1of your fingers. Prevents the hurting part. 3. The longer you wait, the more pain, the harder the fight.
quadraspaz1
I went the other way with my autistic daughter. About 2 years ago we gave up on trying to untangle her hair which was naturally knotty +similar to the pic) even when she did persevere through the discomfort of detangling every morning. I gave her dreadlocks and she's much more tolerant of occasional back combing and resewing than the daily battle. Also we let her dye it in the summer holidays and it looks really cool.
ruint
just get her a tangle teezer
Apollymkatistrafia
I hate my hair. Everyone else loves how it's super curly and looks like I'm complaining River Song anytime it's down. I wish I could just cut it all off, but bald doesn't look good on me, so my hair lives in a hair tie.
Apollymkatistrafia
*cosplaying phone, why are you like this
aThingWithTheStufAndTheJunk
You undid all that work that the fairies put into her hair. They won't be happy with you.
Mercenarity
Just wiping the canvass so they can explore some new creative options.
JemIsTrulyOutrageous
Honestly you are a wonderful auntie. My hair used to get matted from neglect and not knowing how to brush it for myself. The ire of a relative having to deal with it was an unpleasant tear filled time.
Puppies717
Thank you for sharing your house honestly. I have 3 little kids and it always looks like this.
Mercenarity
Bert looks like he's seen some stuff.
SilverNightwing
An important distinction to make is dirty Vs cluttered. It is nigh-impossible to keep floors tidy and clutter-free around kids, but as long as you don't have black mould everywhere or actual dirt then clutter is far from the worst thing
AC1D1C
I had this too as a kid. Brushing it hurt terribly and I'd always refuse. Definitely teach her to braid her own hair before going to sleep, I found it helped a ton!
Hadestown24
I learned how to brush womens hair because my ex loved how it felt and would go into a trance while i was doing it. After about 10 minutes she would be so relaxed that i could talk her into just about anything lmao
TrumpRapesChildren
I don't like brushing my hair either, but I have mega curls. I cannot brush it dry or else A it hurts like a motherfucker, B it poofs my shit like an afro, and C I get tons of breakages. I only brush my hair out in the shower, and usually once I have conditioner in so the hair slides easier.
Mercenarity
assuming you've tried detangler already. just j&j detangler and a sequence of brushes have worked for me after i miss some brushing; alternatively, working out a knot with fingers. getting a salon to eyeball it and make suggestions might be more helpful.
LadyNetrex
But how do I, like, fix a cheap wig?
technofiend
Like trust it's easily lost and only slowly regained. Well done you for teaching her proper hair care!
maobezw
i guess most people are not aware how much WORK caring for LONG hair can and will be. i had a long moshing mane half of my life over two periods (about 10 and 12 years each), and the phase between easy short and beautiful full and long was a time of looking like a bum. long hair is a commitment, and if you fine your self with a bun and "stowing it away" 99% of the time, maybe you should think about a certain practical decision...
ironman3010
dragonfury101
A trick I've learned recently, is that some cheap brushes don't work in the way you hold them. The bristles should have a clear path. When this happens, less tugging, pain, and resistance from the kids
MmmmmSoup
My hair knots up super easy like this since having kids no matter how much i brush or condition my hair , any ideas how to help it
NVGoddesscottage
My niece, now an auntie to her pretty useless brother’s little girl. She was the same so the aunties took her for a short hair cut. Dad was pissed, but refused to brush her hair.
Narsuaq
As a 30 year old man with just as long hair, I'm in the same boat. I still brush it daily, sometimes twice, but there are areas I cannot reach and it ends up looking like this. Any advice for a handsome rouge such as myself?
picklesandcheese
Which bits can't you reach?
Togame21
If you can't reach behind you, might I recommend some daily arm stretches? Like, I don't know anything about your health in particular so maybe I'm way off, but healthy people should be able to reach behind and touch their own neck and neck base with their hands, if they do some stretches. Might be good for you in general, not just for brushing.
Oh and learn to braid your hair and braid it at night, not to look good but just so it doesn't get too tangled in the morning.
KalliJ
As long as you don't get lightheaded easily, the easiest way, I've found, is to bend over and comb it upside down. You can see most of what you're doing and you don't have to reach behind yourself that much. Plus it adds volume (if you like that sort of thing).
kaltralliart
tell us you're a network engineer, spaghetti sorter extraordinaire?
VinnyVeritas
consider a shorter, easier hairstyle?
sesamestreetfighter
Can she braid? When my son's hair was that long I was the only one brushing it so I taught him to braid with the hope he could braid it at night to mitigate the tangles.
Then his dad shaved his head because "long hair is for girls."
HillOfBeans
Oh noooo. Not cool, that dad.
MacInAA
Funny, I shaved my daughter's head... gotta try it once.
Hextant
Hope she actually asked you to do it. Or was a baby.
MacInAA
She was in high school and asked me to do it. The other kid did too.
Hextant
Good. People who force that shit on kids is awful, but I do love to hear when anyone does a drastic experiment with their hair. You never know when you'll find your new favorite thing.
MacInAA
Funny how I get downvoted for scenarios in people's heads.
Colanah
My ex did the same to our son for the same reason... Still pisses me off 15 years later as he nicked my baby's scalp and it caused a dermatitis infection which caused spots of alopecia. Something that was devastating for a 10 yo to deal with at the time. I still want to take a baseball bat to that man in the worst way.😡
whoatherebigfella
Does it upset your son as much as it does you, or has he moved on with his life?
IrrelevantHandle
Dad obvs wasn't in the Metal, Grunge, Biker, or Punk scenes, if he was he'd know long haired guys go HARD.
nonottelling
Dick dad.
My son’s had long hair for years, while I shave my head. NOW. Mine used to be long as well, but when I started working in a factory, with spinning drums and other high speed stuff… I decided ‘might want to cut it short before it happens VERY violently’.
Haven’t grown it out since (that’s now… 33/34 years?)
My son’s hair however is flowing. If he wasn’t as tall as he is, he’d look like a woman from behind. I’m honestly jealous lol.
amskray68
She somehow sat through highlights it seems
ASquirrelNamedLloyd
WHOA! Nice job! She sounds like a prime candidate for some braids!
Trelis
Why have long hair if not taking care of it?
AllSystemsNominal
My hair looks like the first pic *after* I brush it.
TopFurret
My oldest sister did this for me when I was very young. I still remember it and appreciate her for doing it.
midatlanticride
My best friend had this issue with her oldest daughter. They said they would cut her hair if she didnt brush it. Eventually they cut it and it was a world of difference for both parents and the daughter. Just sayin
Hotkolbas
Time to cut this sh*t in half of she don't like brushing.
Montanaebananae
I talked to her about cutting it and she really doesn’t want to, she said she loves her long hair but doesn’t like to brush it because it hurts. She doesn’t have a mother in the picture and my brother doesn’t have a clue so I don’t think anyone has ever taught her how to look after her hair. So I gave her the bottle of detangler and a good brush and taught her how to do it. I’m hoping now that she has a “fresh start” and some detangler it will help her learn to look after her hair.
ronnyhugo
Think she just needs some baseball caps and some elastic hair bands. All my uncles balded early so I had long hair while I could for like a decade and never took any real care of it. This looks like the kind of tangles that come from wind and sports when you can't keep it in place (fex with a baseball cap).
isetprettygirlsonfire
Teach her dad too! Coming from a guy that had to brush his younger sistes' hair. And now it comes in handy with the long hair I have now
Micro2112
That's a big missing page to the story. Us Dad's don't often know why conditioner is so important
Wolf2Worrior
Get her a Wet Brush. I have hair a lot like hers and a sensitive scalp. I have NEVER gotten my brush caught to the point of pain with my Wet Brush, and years later, still have all the bristles.
DidYouTryTurningItOffAndOnAgain
Honestly you are a gem. As a long haired-for-life person, my parents also did not teach me when I was young to care for it, and I suffered with knots and matting like this. I did not realize that detangler, good conditioner and a proper brush were such game changers until I was almost in my twenties. Thank you for taking the time to care for her, and showing her that it can be cared for. (1/2)
DidYouTryTurningItOffAndOnAgain
For anyone reading this that wants to try out a few things, I suggest the ‘It’s A 10’ leave in spray after washing, gentle brushing while wet with a Tangle Teezer brush and an argan oil spray for flyaways. I have so many brushes now but I do like a paddle brush for general brushing.
AgainstMethod
Sounds like her dad's the one who needs to learn something! Knowing how to take care of a girl's hair can be such a wonderful experience for a dad. By the time my daughter was in 1st grade, I was the best hair stylist in the house and she still talks about it as a teenager.
Polymathena
Get her a wide tooth comb
Hotkolbas
Need to reach her in this case, it's nice that you are helping. Im a dad and learnt how to brush my girls hair, had no choice really.
Mechwarrior719
Your brother needs to step up and be a dad, then. I have an 8 year old daughter and I can at least brush her hair and put it into a functional ponytail if it were required
POTUSBrown
That's a great start. Kudos. You probably already know but teach her to brush starting at the bottom and work up. It hurts less that way. Also you can teach her to braid it, or put it in a bun. It will get less tangled, and hurt less to brush. I had long hair most of my childhood.
BabeAfett
From one awesome auntie to another, you're fucking awesome!
chittychittybangbanglovesustoo
For a nice aunt niece day, take her to a salon that will teach her how to wash her hair...sounds weird but there is a technique to keeping it less tangled..then pick up some good quality conditioner and detangler. Good job auntie!
andypandy5285287
Brushing it a few times a day does amazing things!
staceBugTerror
Are you paying?
chittychittybangbanglovesustoo
Im a pizza angel. I have done this with food. What do you need?
IrrelevantHandle
Nah, teach her about sleep braids! Most of my tangles are from moving around while sleeping so learning how to put my hair up without pulling or falling loose in my sleep was a game changer!
Also leave in conditioner, but I make my own.
Pelican3
I make my own hair gel.
chittychittybangbanglovesustoo
I do this too!
Rebelske
How do you make your own leave in conditioner?
IrrelevantHandle
I mix some (1tsp) xanthan gum with (1 tbs) isopropyl alcohol, (2 tsp) sea buckthorn oil, (1 tsp) squalane, and (2 cups) aloe vera gel (the cheap-ass After Sun stuff is fine). You should be able to get the xanthan gum at a bulk food or health food stores, and the oils (seabuckthorn & squalane) are easily substituted with olive oil, coconut oil, sunflower oil, or whatever natural* skin oil you like. The aloe vera gel is just a base that's already a consistency I like dealing with. (1/2)
IrrelevantHandle
Xanthan gum will make the mix slimy (it's important to mix it with the alcohol first, otherwise it'll barely mix at all!) but it's the magic ingredient as far as shiney smooth and easily untangleable hair goes! I used to use a bought leave in conditioner but it went from being a few dollars to 24 dollars over the course of a decade so now I make my own.
*it's important the oil you use not contain silicone or it will eventually gum up your hair. Look for ing that end in "cone" like dimethicone.
Rebelske
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
idekatm
You’re awesome for sharing your know how 🤍
smorsdoeuvres
BrightEagle
But I got gum in my hair once and had to cut it out…
HillOfBeans
Beautiful! She’s at the age where, if she isn’t willing to care for her own long hair, she needs to agree to cut it short so it’s manageable for her. She can grow it out again when she’s ready for the responsibility.
I learned the hard way when my mom cut my hair while on vacation with my beautiful cousins. I whined about having to brush it. She’d had some beers, got the scissors and gave me the ugliest bob-with-bangs.
I didn’t get another haircut for fifteen years! (Except trims)
LateNightBunnyParty
Had to do the same thing with my daughter. They just get so gross at that age.
AgainstMethod
Your mom's reaction was impulsive and immature, fwiw. Parenthood is a difficult balance of imposing some consequences and protecting against others to give a child the chance to learn in a safe environment. Using a haircut as a punishment isn't it, imo.
MantisTobagganMD
... Hmmm sounds more like trauma than a lesson to me, but what do I know
normalizebeingalone
OR like in my case in elementary school, continue to refuse to brush my hair out, it was past my butt and very thick, my mom wouldn't let me cut it, so I felt that's her responsibility not mine. I started brushing it when I got older but I still couldn't cut it until I was 17
Omegasaurus
She "needs to agree"?
SalisburyShuffle
Beautiful cousins?
ASquirrelNamedLloyd
OH NO!! *hugs*
Togame21
'she needs to agree' is just not how agreement works. If you badger her and yell at her to do it, and then finally get her to say 'I agree' then she will resent you, with good reason. She doesn't 'need to agree', she just needs to do it. Or she might not, when your kids become teenagers there are some things you don't have control over anymore, and that's very scary and sometimes goes very wrong, but that's how the world works. At some point you just have to hope you raised them well enough.
magictouch
Brush always win over scissors
Willowofwisp
Agreed. If she's not willing to take care of her hair she should have a shorter cut that works better for her. Should probably get it done by a professional instead of a drunkard with scissors though XD
buttcreambandit
That doesn’t really sound healthy. Like at all. The concept makes sense but the way that concept came to action doesn’t
samuelthastings5
This is just child abuse with extra steps
Neednoggle
Eeeh, I get what you're saying, but I kinda think it's a let the kid be a kid situation. It's her hair, she doesn't have to earn the right to it.
DeadyBearr
Imo when it comes to health and safety kids don't have autonomy. If my kid is screaming about brushing her teeth I'm not going to let her just not do it.
Having matted hair like that is a sign of neglect. If she won't let people help her take care of it then she needs to have it shorter.
It doesn't need to be a French bob or a buzz cut. Shoulder length is plenty manageable without being shocking.
OP is handling it well.
aphinityforimgur
Yes and no. Daughter wouldn't properly brush her hair and it tangles easily. It got to the point that she had a massive, knotted mass at her neckline underneath a layer of normal hair that she became very self conscious about. Wouldn't let me touch it or look at it, refused to brush or cut it. But you could see this weird lump under her hair. She became pretty depressed about it and it was affecting her badly. Eventually was able to convince her to get it cut out and the relief was immediate.
HillOfBeans
I hear you too. My mom over-reacted but I guess it was one whine too many.
daftpumpkin
either way, hug for growing child you back then and you now! it must have been a hard summer
HillOfBeans
🥹thank you
DeguRatface
Hair brushing can be a neurodivergent challenge too, don't chop off a kid's hair as punishment regardless.
Montanaebananae
Your mums tactic was certainly one way to manage it!
I have spoken to my niece and she doesn’t want to cut it. She doesn’t have a mum in the picture so I don’t think anyone has actually taught her how to look after her hair. I taught her today and we also talked about the importance of looking after long hair or the option of shorter hair. I’ll see her again in 2 weeks so will see how it is.
Godawful8888
Your niece is lucky to have you
psugab
You're the best!
Heninthefoxden
That's great. Some people's parent don't teach them this stuff. I certainly never knew how to care for long hair so I always kept it short as a kid. Now It's probably the longest it's ever been.
vintagegal
@op… I highly recommend a brush called The Wet Brush… it is amazing on brushing through tangles without much effort.
mouthfullofpebbles
I was in your nieces position once, and I am forever grateful for the kind hairdresser that on her free time helped me with my severely matted hair and taught me how to take care of it. I had been forced to always cut my hair short as a small kid and I was terrified of that happening again (bullied for it), but I was never taught how to brush or wash it, and didn't have any tools. Only owned one beat up comb, and conditioner/anything beauty related was deemed to be "unnecessary" in my home.
mouthfullofpebbles
When I learned french braiding myself I really cracked the code, took it down every third to fourth day, detangled, brushed, washed and conditioned it, dried it and braided it again. Then I went on for about 20 years with hair never shorter than the thighs. A symbol of my bodily autonomy for me, like a shield. Just a couple of years ago I had a kind of breakthrough mentally and cut it really short by my own decision, and it felt amazing. I chose it myself! My body is mine!
Treiskaideka
Idk if others have mentioned it, but it might be worth it to try different brushes.
I didn't like brushing my hair as a kid as well because I have a sensitive scalp (I can't wear a high pony tail without pain, even just moving in which direction the hair lays can cause the scalp to ache) and the brushes with big thick plastic bristles always hurt way too much.
Until I was at a hair dressers and they tried a brush with a mix of soft small and medium bristles that worked wonders for me.
Aerina
So I grew up with my mom never allowing me to grow out my hair and was never taught how to care for long hair. Can you teach me how to care for long hair?
powwerbottom
I wear my long hair in a top bun while I sleep, with a soft scrunchie and not a hard rubber band. When I let it out in the morning it's nice soft curls
KaratheStorm
I have returned. How did it go?
Heavenissize17socks
You are so brave! Pic #1 is pure Viking!
powwerbottom
Teaching her to braid it, or to put it up before sleeping really helped my stepkid.
Froggie243
As a kid I cried when my mom brushed my hair. The bursh was all wrong, she yanked way too hard, and I had no conditioner or detangler to use. Sounds like whomever the parent is in her life needs to be told that these things exist.
KaratheStorm
Will be back for an update. Have an 8 year old step daughter who hates taking care of herself (hair included) and another one on the way
HillOfBeans
Really, that’s lovely of you.
I was soooo mad at my mom.
migratingotter
She should have explained to you that if you want long hair, you have to take care of it. Then said this isn’t debatable, if you don’t take care then it will be cut short, your choice. But really, in life there are consequences, often unseen, to every decision you make. Your mom is a person and if you constantly whined about brushing your hair, the consequence was that reaction. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you like a kid constantly whining about doing something necessary? Day after day?
owlcatsanctuary101
The way your mom handled it seems a bit harsh and borderline abusive. I guess you learned your lesson but I wouldn't say it's a good lesson to teach that way.
HillOfBeans
Thanks. It was pretty shitty of her. It was the stupidest haircut and she had to take me to a salon to “fix it”- into a pixie cut.
I’m ok though!
HowlingRollercoaster2
totally reasonable to be upset. to preface i was emotionally abused by my mom so sometimes that shit comes out of me. my daughter had trouble with this and i threatened to cut her hair out of frustration, but i didn't do it because it would have been too cruel. im not sure i can explain it, but your mom owes you an apology in my opinion.
HillOfBeans
Well, she’s long dead, so… But I did take control of my hair and didn’t let anyone cut it for like 15 years.
HowlingRollercoaster2
some apologies never come. maybe most.
thelonepig
That honestly sounds traumatic and borderline abusive. My mom forced me to cut mine short and I was teased for looking like a boy. It sucked.
abnrml
Same!! I had long, blonde hair. When I was about 6 years old or so, my dad got custody of my sister and I. He cut my hair short. Above my ears. The first day of first grade, when I tried to make friends, and kids ask your name, I got "but 'abnrml''s a girls name". Here I am, 40 years later, and I remember it so clearly.
thelonepig
Right?! I'm in my 40s and part of Me still thinks I will be mistaken for a boy if I don't wear earrings and makeup.
volch1tsa
They were clearly traumatized for decades yet are suggesting the same for another kid. Wild.
HillOfBeans
No, my suggestion was not the same. Mine was to AGREE to a shorter, manageable haircut since having it long was proving to be more than they wanted.
Giving the the child the power to decide.
I wasn’t given the choice, I was punished for whining and harshing my mom’s buzz.
volch1tsa
"she needs to agree" is not that much better, doesn't sound like letting them decide at all.
Omegasaurus
It sounds more and more like you were abused and took the wrong lesson from it.
ScootiePuffJrSucks
I'm not even saying that's what this is, but do you think people don't do that? They do it all the time.
Goldensands
Let's not normalize stupidity.
ScootiePuffJrSucks
Yeah bro, heads up, stupidity is fully normalized, at least in states. Maybe you mean encouraging, which I'll agree with. But I was meaning more the psychological disconnect that many people show to their toxic up bringing. The 'my dad beat me so I beat mine' type of mentality.