Luvlyquants
30938
696
17
May 21, 2025 12:03 AM
Luvlyquants
30938
696
17
Schoctane
It's difficult, I fail constantly, but I've been trying to change the way I speak in this regard. I try not to ask "how are you? Unless I genuinely wish to know. I will try instead to say, "its nice to see you" or something. It started when my cousin passed suddenly and at the funeral I went to speak to my uncle (his dad) who i had not seen in years, and almost asked how he was doing. Instead I told him it was nice to see him and gave him a hug, becase I knew how he was doing...
goboltz
No,no no! When they ask "How are you?" Give em' the crazy eyes & say " Don't ask Questions that you Really don't want the answer to"!!!
ClockworkRepairDroid
On Mother's Day my waiter at a restaurant I went to said "Happy Mother" the handed me the bill. I said my mother's dead and dropped my card. Another waitress brought it back to me.
MrFancyPanzer
DoctorFrederickFrankenstein
so true
powwerbottom
You'll never know what they'll do if you never tell what you're going through
levelfivedetentionblockaa23
You have to sigh dejectedly as you say it. Really keep’em guessing.
powwerbottom
Eeyore ass stuff
Ronelyn
Offer hugs? Listen to you? At least let you know you're not alone? 'S' what I do, anyway.
NaughtyGod1
qtRaven
GRZMNKY
Some will try talking you through it... It's even worse when you don't know them at all
Eddyrock
Care? Help you out. A hug maybe!
januarylover
Depends a lot on the relationship you have with the person. If it's a good friend & you've helped them out in similar situations & hug them when they need it too, then yeah, tell them you're not fine. If you've nurtured that friendship & it's close, they can probably help. If it's a coworker or cashier or acquaintance etc, maybe consider a therapist or phoning the Samaritans to talk stuff through? Not many people have the emotional bandwidth to be a shoulder to everyone.
NachoPete
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1cGZpeHdpbDVjNWloOWU0YWY5czd1bmY2Y2JycnFsc3lxNW1qODAzaCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/zsW3kR3tTiZRyU7xg2/200w.webp
powwerbottom
Big Eeyore Energy
SingingMeAndCthulioDownByRlyehFhtagn
I find most people here what they think you’re going to say and just kind of ignore what you actually say in lieu of what’s already there in their head Cannon ...it really sucks
Gobjin
Living the dream
3rdoption
That's why I can't do therapy. I tried, and every time I told the therapist I was fine.
Gwenx
You can write down how you are feeling if you cant get yourself to say it out loud. You can also write down ehat it is you need help with.
You can even just write "im not fine" and just say "i cant say that.. "
This way the therapist knows what to work with.
That siad i am often asked how i am and i say "fine", then im asked about my week, and i tell, and at some point im told "so you wherent fine, because this obviously sits in you still."
Often i have no idea before im told..
FaerieWalnut
What if you tried again, but this time you told the truth?
BitchCake
You need a therapist who won't play that game. Many therapists out there, some actually do their jobs in stead of letting you do the talking. Only my 3rd one does that, and sometimes you need to try a couple more still. My recommendation is go, try someone for like three sessions, make it known what you need help with and that you're avoidant about issues and need them to lead the conversation. Then if they can't do that, try another one. I hope you do, and that you find one nearby.
thatsbadmmkay
A big part of therapy that helps is saying that things feel wrong. The therapist asks more questions. You answer those and understand more why things feel wrong. Problems dont necessarily get fixed but understanding those feelings more does help.
FartsSmellBad
Begin avoiding you
Ronelyn
I wish better friends for you. *hugs*
andexer
Perfect
spiritussancto
Can confirm! Use this one easy tip to lose all your friends
mikeatike
How do you avoid yourself?
FartsSmellBad
Mostly just dissociation
ThumaUrman
Drugs and alcohol, it’s a bad road to start down, I’ll never love myself, but I can tolerate being in my own head after a lot of work unlearning old habits, and that makes each day survivable, so I’ll absolutely take it
ManOfEvil93
100% - everyone asks am i ok, and i fine, what am i ment to say, no then proceed to unload 20 years of issues, and they just say " im sorry, let me know if you need anything" then proceed to ignore me again until they need something from me
meowingintensifies
if you're my mom, you'll say "aw, c'mon don't say that."
DoseOfScience
Depends on if griping about your problems makes you feel better or not.
Jewdakris
According to GI Joe, knowing is half the battle
BrickSprickly
The other half is extreme violence
Jewdakris
I thought it was laser guns but potato potato
januarylover
& imperialism! Don't forget imperialism!!
barstr7
Stop that shit. Be honest. Hiding things like that takes a lot of energy. Just tell people around you when you're not feeling okay. A lot of people have been there so we can sympathize. Sometimes just sharing can help lighten the load. It's easy to think you'll bother people and no one wants to hear about your problems but a lot of good people will care and want to help, even in just small ways. Don't shoulder it all alone.
aristera
Yeah, pretty much. Most I get is "I'm so sorry." Okay, thanks. And? Help maybe? No? Okay then, good talk.
januarylover
Have you told a therapist? <3
peppymints
When asked why i never eat at work, I responded “because I’m quiet quitting life.” They didn’t ask again.
amatte
Yeah, people don't realize that things are indeed not fine and when you try and talk about the issues they like ohh well it is what it is let's slap that Band-Aid on the warning light
Becker37
Do people really care? Seems to be a pretty empty question
kaijuuGold
januarylover
Life hack! Tell people you're not fine (like 99.8% of people out there) & people will buy you a drink!!
sonnuvah
"Great!" [pause] "That's the correct answer, right?"
CrumbyCake
I'm the opposite, I tell people I'm not great and wait to see what they say. Most, even close family, brush it off.
januarylover
Sounds like you need to tell a therapist you're not great. Good luck
XEtAl
Gonna be honest, I'm the kind of guy someone can dump whatever they may be struggling with onto and I will genuinely invest my energy into caring about it and the other person. To a fault, frankly. I know people like this are probably uncommon, but I want to make it a point that eventually you might stumble upon someone like me who asks, with genuine concern, "do you have time to talk about it?" And if the answer is "no," well, that's okay with me, too. It's not easy opening up to strangers.
mikeatike
Wtf they gonna do?
CrumbyCake
Maybe ask if they can help? I don't know, buy me a coffee and chat. Fuck, anything except act like I don't exist.
thotterpop
"ah damn, that sucks, lol"
Ronelyn
*hugs*
CrumbyCake
That's nice.
powwerbottom
What do you need
proxyinitiative
A powerbottom
Strategicgnomer
You need better community.... I'm always honest with how things are going. For the last few years that was mostly exhaustion and anxiety, but when I told people, they'd usually ask me about it and would offer advice, solice and often follow up on what was happening last time. That was in BC, Canada though. It's one thing I think a lot of places don't get, good community.
ThisNameIsMaybeTaken
At work, after the usual 'Hi how are you, good, you? Good' type of greeting sometimes I'll ask if they're really ok. It gets a more honest response.
One coworker mentioned his wife divorced him before the holidays, shortly after they bought a house in a new city, but he can't just kill himself over it. Shit's fucked up, man.
DarkDuskBlade
Was always told "nobody wants to hear it, just say you're fine." That and "don't talk so much" did so much damage.
januarylover
Depends though, I've known some people who literally never have anything positive to say - ever, who would genuinely benefit from a good therapist instead of trying to use their friends & family as therapists. Sometimes, if it's a long-term or serious mental health issue or personality disorder even the ones close to them experience burn-out. Of course, we need far better mental health accessibility (but that doesn't change that some people confuse friendly support with free therapy).
DarkDuskBlade
Yeah, but saying those to a six-to-ten year old is still... Not great. Kinda makes diagnosing anything hard when you're told not to talk. I definitely understand my own parent was/and still does go through their own stuff, too, so can't begrudge them. And to any parents who see this: if your kid *is* always unable to answer "I'm fine," maybe listen and work on what that is, whether it be therapy, exercise, or just engaging them to alleviate boredom.
januarylover
Oh yeah, totally different story with kids!!
BrickSprickly
Sorry friend, same here most of the time
FishCoffin
I say "not doing too great" so they know to be careful around me that day.
INeedMoreGifMeMoreJustOneMore
People HATE it when you answer truthfully to "How are you?"
maincarrot
Then I would say "neither am I, don't ever ask me again."
And you would say "but I didn't ask you"
And I would say "oh, good"
And we would go about our days. Both miserable. Both, somehow, feeling a little bit better than we are both miserable and neither one of us cares enough to help each other, but in a nice way, we both feel understood the shit we are both going through, and that is nice. And also that we never have to ask each other how we are doing anymore.
MmmmmSoup
Problem is I have actually tried to help but almost 90% of the time they refuse myself
MmmmmSoup
Me*
CrumbyCake
That's awful. There's nothing worse than offering help and getting the cold shoulder.
FaerieWalnut
Accepting help can be really hard for some people. A lot of us are taught that doing so is worse than failing on your own, even to the point of...losing everything.
I wouldn't take it as a personal rejection.
PosthumousExile
Do you happen to be male? I hear this happens to the y chromosomes alot
CrumbyCake
Actually, yes. It is a real thing. I very rarely express any feelings because it yields nothing whatsoever. But, I'm not complaining, it just is what it is.
Feralkyn
You okay dude?
Schoctane
It do be like that sometimes. Most times, really. Im gonna tell my friends I love them next time I see them, they may poke fun, but I think its important to say it out loud sometimes.
januarylover
Hug your bros <3
KevlarOctopus
Sometimes? AND you have friends? Must be nice
Merdock
If someone wants to know if I'm fine, I'm going to tell them. For me, people generally at least feign sympathy for me. Some seem more genuine, as they will check back up on me later, "are you doing any better"
KaptainObveeus
This is what I never get, so I've given up, I can't tell anyone how not ok I am, they just don't want to here it, and most certainly never mention it again and act like I never said it.
Merdock
While I don't do it for the sympathy, sympathy is nice to hear. I do it because to do otherwise feels like I'm gaslighting myself. I understand withholding the honesty from friends/family that can't handle it, I certainly don't want to drive those I love away. But I would recommend finding someone that you can divulge how not ok you are.
How are you doing?
KaptainObveeus
Some days are OK, some days are a nightmare. It's hard to force myself to go to work, so I work the bare minimum. I'm always broke. Alone. I'm really anxious and scared a lot of the time. My best friend that gave me hope in my darkest days died suddenly 2 years ago at age 39. I'm still in a lot of pain about that. Other than that pretty good I guess.
Merdock
I'm sorry to hear that.
From personal experience, hearing someone give advice always sounded dismissive to me, so I won't do that.
I am instead hoping that admitting to you that I have been in very dark places before assures you that I truly feel for you. I also hope you can believe me when I say things can get better.
If at any time you want to talk or vent or anything, you can message me. I may be bad at responding, but I will try. The last thing I want for you is to feel alone.