From Andy Borowitz.

May 18, 2026 5:02 PM

zombywoof68

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BEIJING—Calling it a landmark deal, on Monday Presidents Xi Jinping of China and Vladimir Putin of Russia inked an agreement to jointly own Donald J. Trump.

According to sources familiar with the deal, the two leaders crafted a timeshare arrangement under which each will have the right to use Trump when the other is not.

Putin and Xi scooped up Trump at a bargain price since they acquired him in distressed or “as is” condition, sources said.

Both presidents were reportedly offered joint ownership of Eric Trump but passed.

I hate custody battles!

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

So where’s Netanyahu?

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

THEY CAN HAVE HIM! COME PICK HIM UP!

2 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

They didn't need to sign anything for us to know the thruth about the little trump(et). Or trumplet as we say..

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That’s what Xi said

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

What about Isreals investment in the orange one?

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

They should be paid to take on Eric, A LOT! But to make their original deal a little less valuable: Come on little blood clot, I know it's a fat mess, but you can do it! I believe in you!

2 months ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

So they take care of him every other day and alternate Sundays, or is it a week here and a week there?

2 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

The latter. You know, like a time-share condo.

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Who gets him during the weekend and every other Christmas?

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Netinyahu.

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Will they physically be taking him in?

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

I wish!

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Joint custody?

2 months ago | Likes 38 Dislikes 0

Almost nothing else makes sense as to why he is intentionally destroying the country.

2 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Well, they both own him, but neither of them want to be in the same room with him.

2 months ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

It's the smell

2 months ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

there now, this is part of what might be a larger philosophical problem related to the idea of Angels dancing on the head of a pin. how many masters can Trump serve at the same time without pissing off any of them.

the corollary of this is now wonder the guy is incontinent with that many puppet masters hands up his butt at the same time.

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

So we are supporting Ukraine to fuck over putin and we are bombing Iran to fuck over Xi but we are helping them both how?

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 16

You know you're treaty bound to support Ukraine way more than you are, Trump has been actively trying to negotiate for Russia to take over half of Ukraine for the other half to go to the US, and Trump rolled back a bunch of sanctions on Russia, and never tariffed them, right?

2 months ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Oh, sweetie. You've never made a deal with Donald Trump, have you?

2 months ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Supporting Ukraine? Are fucking kidding? Did you forget the /s?

2 months ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Did you forget the ammunition we are still sending them?

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 13

Did you forget all the support we've pulled from them and threatened NATO? Is this all you do? Just fucking lie to help out a known pedophile? Grow up and do something positive with your shit life.

2 months ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Netanyahu begs to differ Epstein Honey Trap Israel ties https://www.timesofisrael.com/for-writer-who-broke-epstein-case-a-rumored-mossad-link-is-worth-digging-ing-into">https://www.timesofisrael.com/for-writer-who-broke-epstein-case-a-rumored-mossad-liinto">ing-into">https://www.timesofisrael.conk-is-wo">into">ing">m/for-wr">nk-is-wo">into">ing-into">https://www.timesofisrael.com/for-writer-who-broke-epstein-case-a-rumored-mossad-link-is-worth-digging-into http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/jeffrey-epstein-steven-hoffenberg-intelligence-agencies-spy-1197708/ http://www.jpost.com/israel-news/jeffrey-epstein-may-have-had-links-to-israeli-leaders-the-rolling-stone-674244 www.nytimes.com/2019/08/12/business/jeffrey-epstein-interview.html /gallery/arpNy8U 1

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Op Lavender-Google it. Palantir targeting. Vance/Theil and Musk/Trump /gallery/jd-vances-mentor-peter-theil-founded-palantir-with-cia-how-us-intelligence-palantir-feed-israel-s-killing-mac-ZkbQINX">https://imgur.com/gallery/jd-vances-mentor-peter-theil-founded-palantir-with-cia-how-us-intelligence-">hine-gaz">-ZkbQINX">https://imgur.com/gallery/jd-vances-mentor-peter-theil-founded-palantir-with-cia-how-us-intelligence-palantir-feed-israel-s-killing-machine-gaza-ZkbQINX https://imgur.com/gallery/right-are-increasingly-controlled-by-sociopathic-element-desantis-reported-torturer-threatens-to-start-slitting-throats-3nU6KsO https://imgur.com/gallery/both-sides-both-sides-intels-new-centrism-targets-both-far-left-far-right-msnbc-tonight-uPWjl1c 2

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Bibi must be pissed.

2 months ago | Likes 35 Dislikes 0

think we need solomon to be the judge here

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Maybe he gets summer vacations and alternate holidays?

2 months ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

He gets him for the military. The others get him for financial gain

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0