ForPizzaSake
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It was your typical red hen, and I didnt have the strength to put her through the heartbreak of losing her only pet.
FP edit: send puppies, conversations and photos/gifs of an army of cats riding an equally large army of miniature Steve buscemi's with flaming Twinkies for fingers.
schwanzwurst
Do it again until she thinks it is immortal, then starts a cult.
Haydenf45
Go cluck yourself you fraud.
RealBarackObama
LumpStreetBoy
Did she compliment you on that chicken dish you had that night?
TheDogEnd
WabbitEars
She knows but chooses to pretend she doesnt. Never, ever, fall into the trap of actually believeing you got away with it.
M3gad3rtH
Careful how many times you do that. You may end up with the world's oldest chicken!
IllegalDuckling
The secret to immortality is right here.
silverflamebird
I have a hen who's 13 so they can live a while if they're stubborn enough. Penny doesn't look too bad for her age https://imgur.com/0ZKbxnt
Namotatop
Honestly, if it's her only pet, I think she'd have noticed that something's off at least because of the change in behaviour.
Magpiebones
Why would you do that. Imo that's crueler.
HadMeSomeChickens
I have trouble believing that. My chickens all act remarkably different, and one that didn't imprint on you would be very wary.
thewhifflingtit
Yep. I'd notice instantly, and would have to know where the new bird came from and what happened to the old one.
Cypheri
I was wondering about that. My birds are all very distinct. I have a few girls who all look alike, but I can still tell them apart.
fireeternal
May be the gf knew and didn't care, but i hear you i thought so too.
Zardua
Yeah, I only have a small flock of 5, but despite them being the same breed and colour, they have small differences in behaviour and looks
danishjuggler21
If she finds out you lied about her chicken, she may go shopping for a new cock
ObliqueRay
Ok, I have to ask... if you can't tell your pet from another member of the same species, how good can that pet possibly be?
thewhifflingtit
I agree with this. It sounds like she wasn't very close with the old chicken if she really can't tell the difference, which makes me hope
thewhifflingtit
she had more than one.
shimmernshine
You went through all that trouble to save a couple of boks?
735824
You suck.
ForPizzaSake
You swallow
thewhifflingtit
Eyyyyyy!
735824
You lie and deceive.
Maitis
I first read 'my girlfriends a chicken and died a couple of months ago' ._.
BobarinoTheBobcat
You’re aren’t colour blind right?
mindfunkie
lol I get it
debugstatement
slipped her the ol' substitute chicken.
TheGrubermeister
"Dinner is great, honey!" - Your girlfriend unknowingly eating her pet
TheWorldsGreatestPlagueDoctor
You say that but my girlfriend's grandmother did that to her son
photoshopbot01
she ate her son?
ImKindaDone
Hoping you thawed it first?
theboringusername
This is going to keep happening, until she notifies Guinness world book of records that she has the longest living red hen of all time
Th3Whit3Rabbit
She only has one? It’s a flock animal... needs some friends. Can also die of loneliness.
thewhifflingtit
Chickens can imprint on humans. The humans are their flock.
wdsncs
+1, I hope it's not a solo chicken.
cowpiefatty
My mom and dad did this with my grandmas parakeet. She noticed and has never forgiven them.
SugarSmack
She never forgave them? Why? Did they straight-up murder the other one?
LiamNeesonOfficial
Its a manipulative power play, grandma gaslighting her kids by ignoring the good intent and focused on bad. Old people can be dicks, too.
sunyudai
Are you a false flag trying to convince us that gaslighting means something different so we don't notice when Trump does it to us?
Zombraina
i don't think gaslighting means what you think it means
Sharkostomy
I'd be downright livid if someone replaced one of my pets. I already have trust issues since my lizard died in my parents' care.
fireeternal
How can you not understand how horrible it is to be decieved about the death of a loved one ?
Xayli
I would feel so betrayed if someone I loved tried to secretly replace one of my pets.
NotAmused1001
You mean you'd feel betrayed if they did everything they could to prevent you from suffering from the loss? What assholes.
Herosanoj
Good intentions don't mean that the deed is good.
BeeDragon
My husband used to work at a pet store, parents do this all the time for their kid's fish, hamsters, parakeets etc.
Sheari
Its terrible. Take the time to teach them about the cycle of life, and how to mourn and grieve. Loss is a very important emotion to 1/2
Sheari
learn to understand and cope with and, with many things, learning how to handle it early makes it easier to cope with later in life. 2/2
thewhifflingtit
This.
Bigcurly2000
Not only did you taint the relationship with a fucking big lie, you took control of something in her life you had absolutely no right to.1/2
Bigcurly2000
Total violation of trust. Those are pretty big warning signs of the kind of person you DON'T want to be in a relationship with.
AwwYissMothaFuckinProcrastination
What? Think you are reading too much into their intent...
MaxximumB
hmm, when she finds out that you lied to her? How's that going to go? Good luck.
ForPizzaSake
Bit late for that now
thewhifflingtit
It's never too late to honestly confess a mistake.
MaxximumB
It's hard some times, but the best bet is the truth. Lies to a partner never end well. Just advice for life I guess.
fandsor
If that chicken was her pet, she has the right to know! Grow the fuck up and tell her!
NoisyPulsar
Hold the fuck on here. You have a girlfriend AND you ask for nudes? Nice one mate
[deleted]
[deleted]
RedcoatMic
You and your girlfriend enjoy the nudes that you get for a post confessing something you're hiding from your girlfriend. Right...
pen15s
Right he’s a classy guy for sure
Kitastrophe
She must not know about this account. Though, if she ever finds out, she's gonna catch him with nudes AND the dead chicken.
AVoiceOfReason
Man, all the other girlfriends that own pet chickens will be very concerned about this post.
thewhifflingtit
Not me. I know my chickens very well, I raised them from 3 day old hatchlings. It would be impossible to sneak a new bird in under my nose.
NoisyPulsar
There must be so many of them
thewhifflingtit
I'm one!
NoisyPulsar
Oh damn I'm so sorry. Is your bf on Imgur/a douchebag?
bolognaunderwear
This is a good confession, this is how you do it people
dbrsong
Be even better if he ate it
FutureHylian
"I think net neuterality should stay" <- people using confession bear to get their 2 cents in
Mollygrubber
Pfft. Lightweight.
dbrsong
He ate the chicken
iamthisguy247
Fine I'll go kill my wife's chicken.
logantip
Choking it would be the preferred method. (Shows self out)
ForPizzaSake
Do it
FogPanda
ThatOtherTransGirl
https://media.giphy.com/media/pTQUOfSmjo2hG/giphy.gif
FogPanda
Yes, that's the one I wanted to find, but couldn't. Good!
BenSnow97
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BenSnow97
Because you didn't fucking kill it!
PoultryInMotion
As a farmer I approve this, even though I slaughtered 350 chickens last week.
IwishKimPinewasmygirlfriend
How'd you do it? Spare no gory detail
ITalkAboutGoats
Killing cones probs
IwishKimPinewasmygirlfriend
That would be a good name for a metal ice cream true k
IwishKimPinewasmygirlfriend
*truck. Shit.
ohjohnboy
Metal like death metal? Is that a thing?
DefinetlyNotARussianSpy
Well he took the chickens, and slaughtered them
TheShadowsLengthen
How can you not notice when your pet has been changed ? I mean, I understand it's a chicken, so not the most expressive, but come on...
Cypheri
You clearly haven't been around chickens enough to know any better, but they DO have distinct personalities. I know all of my birds.
thewhifflingtit
I think you misread their comment.
ITalkAboutGoats
Depends on the chicken. If Ethel died, I'd know, but if any of the suicide squad died? No effing clue.
TheShadowsLengthen
...Sir, I request a clarification on the reference I missed in your comment, please.
ITalkAboutGoats
No reference, it's the names of some of my chickens. Ethel is an extremely friendly chicken who is in my front coup with Lucy. The suicide
ITalkAboutGoats
Squad is in my back yard and try to hop the fence into my dog's run all the time. Doesn't work out for them.
ThisIsJaspaaah
How do you sleep at night??? Seriously, I'm having problems sleeping at night I need some advice. I think I may have insomnia. Idk.
couldhavebeenabaggins
Jist close your eyes lay down. It is that simple
nominaltoactual2
Vodka..goes with everything.
Dragonboy393
White noise helps me a lot
Sacurason
Melatonin supplement and a mild dose of benadryl(also for allergies I get that affect my breathing when sleeping).
UncleVenoM
Exercise, getting up early, start a bedtime ridtual like decaf tea, reading or soothing music 1hr before. Dark room, clean comfy bedding.
marmotpie
I'd recommend listening to ASMR there's a really related guy on YouTube called "Ephemeral Rift" check it out
amishcannoli
A hearty chicken dinner at supper time helps a bit.
TheHaloFollower
Jaspaaahh? Is that yooouuu Lt. Jaspaahhh?
ICallBullshit
I drink
Lanka
Alcohol.
MemeStealingSkeleton
Copious amounts of booze and/or the devil's lettuce
Tuskaruho
I take mild benzos when I can't sleep. Depression and all that jazz.
Namotatop
u wot
AGoodTimeButABadRoleModel
sometimes i lay down and then stretch out my limbs for as long as possible without straining myself and it helps tell my body to relax.
Burritoheart
exercise and going to bed at a consistent time. don't watch a screen in bed is also a good idea.
usersubbordercontrol
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? Seriously, because I lost my wallet
GiveMeCorndogOrGiveMeDeath
1 benadryl and 1 melatonin...magic sleep elixir!
TheHalfBreedPrince
Invest in a good hammock and not the kind with the poles in them. Boneless hammock all the way baby
spookyjeff
Strangle myself unconscious with a belt
ARC7567
I would suggest taking a walk prior to going to sleep or reading a book. It helps.
tuathanari
I listen to a podcast called Sleep With Me. For whatever reason it works like voodoo magic for me, Im out in 15 minutes.
BuckBoost
Melatonin.
PenicilliumCamemberti
Don't use a screen about two hours before sleeping. Helps your brain wind down, even if you have one of the fancy "yellowish light" apps.
YouWantABaccala
A big fat blunt. Preferably indica. That'll do you some justice
idonthaveanyideawhatthehelliamtalkingabout
yeah, there it is, joint and a wank :)
Mechlai
Weed.
ElRadis
Bang your head against a wall, repeatedly, until unconsciousness ensues.
ImAnAvacado
same
The22ndDoctor
LtColonelSmythe
A warm cup of tea, a bit of honey, lemon slice, and 2 shots of bourbon. Works for me!
iamdanman
Get really drunk before you go to bed. Make sure you drink at least a gallon of water with every 7 beers. Or 3 glasses of liquor
tooomanystevesgotbanned
Going for a 40min walk before bed cured my insomnia. Of course, I was lucky enough back then to afford a treadmill.
PenicilliumCamemberti
Are you aware that walking is an activity you can do ... outside? No need to stop because you don't have a treadmill.
tooomanystevesgotbanned
Some people, particularly Americans it seems, do not feel that it is safe to go walking outside at nighttime.
PenicilliumCamemberti
That's sad. :( Why can't we have nice things? Invite the local thugs to walk with you! Bring cookies!(Or don't, depends on your local thugs)
LeSethX
After being mugged once when getting back home at 11pm, I no longer feel as safe and comfortable outside at night.
Ivain
get a blue light filter on all screen devices you might use before bed. get enough daylight during the day and take melatonin supplements
Ivain
Most melatonin supplements will activate within 3 hours, though some activate faster
eroso
Learn two things: sleep on ur back, and relax your face muscles. Sounds silly but works.
PenicilliumCamemberti
Soundls like steps one and two from a "how to snore the loudest" checklist. ;) Glad it works for you!
eroso
You got too high pillow if u snore on ur back. Anyway it is proven to be the most effective position for humans to relax in.
PenicilliumCamemberti
It actually isn't in certain cases. If you're very chubby or have breathing problems sleeping on the sides helps with breathing. 1/2
PenicilliumCamemberti
E. g. my Dad is too big and stops snoring if you tell him to chenge to the side. If you have chest burns sleeping on the left helps. 2/2
eroso
Certainly not in all cases, I agree with you. But still best as a default position.
ForPizzaSake
A lot of drugs
AwkwardKeming
Dude, that's bad, don't do that. Just use a moderate amount of drugs.
OverthoughtUnderedited
You know what they say: another hit ain't getting you any higher, just lower on drugs.
StopAskingMeForAnAccountImgurIWannaLurk
But that's what keeps me awake!!!
ImAnAvacado
Also same.
chardlz
Thought that was my solution but here I am getting ready for class and I haven't slept a wink.. Oh well, coffee and nicotine breakfast it is
MrWookloaf
Tavilen
Not that many drugs...
forResearchPurposesOnly
I find this is very distracting, I’m trying to write witty comment over here.
TheRussianPickle
I've been doing cocaine before bed and haven't slept in a week, am I doing something wrong?
ForPizzaSake
You aren't doing enough cocaine, you do enough you will have the longest sleep of your life. Trust me
TheRussianPickle
So like, should I do like 10 cocaines?
ForPizzaSake
12 to be safe
ElRadis
Don't forget to inject some marijuana for added sleepiness
cowsarepeopletoo
Scotch mate
Thetextistoosmalltoread
Scotch tape.
TheClockworkBird
Yah mate, but take a shot of scotch with 5 melatonin and you won't wake up.
ifyouoralovedonehavebeendiagnosedwithmesotheliomayoumaybe
pieter42
Is that like check, mate?
cowsarepeopletoo
hahahaha *scotch, mate
MannyPulate
Smart!
ConfuMeister
Maturbation. Jacking off really will reduce stress levels and brings a sense of emptiness that'll be a bit deeper than the usual emptiness.
MisterQuestion
Tried it, didn't work. Get tired but still don't get sleep.
th3p0x
This and not giving a fuck about people bitching did it for me.
GoldenSun3DS
No, it doesn't. It just makes you more awake.
hathorlover
Mostly it makes me sleep, but sometimes I am more awake after
IllegalDuckling
A good wank wakes me up in the morning and puts me to sleep at night.
AVoiceOfReason
That goes against the thousands upon thousands of times I've heard other people besides myself say it helps them sleep.
AlwaysandEventuallyHannah
It doesn't help me sleep, but it seems like if my brain doesn't want to sleep nothing will make it
GoldenSun3DS
Have you actually tried it? A lot of people probably just parrot it off but don't actually try it themselves.
IllegalDuckling
No, it makes biological sense that it helps you sleep. In more ways than one.