"This automated 'sperm extractor' machine helps donors who are too embarrassed to masturbate" - writing displayed atop footage of several machines, side-by-side like urinals
I mean, you have two hands free to hold a controller, or eat two sandwiches, or play against yourself in thumb war, really the possibilities are endless.
It’s an arrow pointing up. I use it as a general sign of approval. I’ve been using it since I started on Imgur almost 5 years ago. You’re the first person who’s ever commented. How unique! ⬆️
It grew out of the fast&furious movies, some people felt it was not enough to simply have underglow on their cars, and after sticking it under most of their furniture we have now arrived at this point in time.... the Glowssy.
Seems to be single-use "cartridges". Once a patient is finished it will be removed and replaced with a new one. I am curious though, about wether the cartridge is biodegradeable... otherwise that is a lot of jizzy rubber getting dumped in a landfill.
Exactly. The whole thing is f... up. It started back then with conservative governments, who think that this whole thing is unnecessary and unchristian and that kids should be made the oldfashioned way (basically like GOP). And now with the woke left governments, they often hate men and f... it up further. All the agendas forget about the people, who just want to buld families.
Who, THE FUCK, is "too embarrassed" to masturbate in a hospital?! Sure, if they stand you in a row in a hallway like they've got these machines. But put you in a stall on a toilet and it's just like home. WTF's the problem?
That's the difference between the Chinese and British governments. The Chinese government funds fucking machines, while the Tories just fuck everyone themselves.
"Stick your dick in our public machine cum-hole. I'm sure that the attendant replaced everything, and you won't get any diseases. Ya'know, unless they didn't."
...that seems to be standing out in a hallway, multiple of them in a row like a milking station. Kinky for some people I am sure, probably not so much for those too embarrassed I imagine. On the other hand I imagine these things could do wonders for staff morale.
This is some sort of convention. I don't know exactly which one, but the Consumer Electronics Expo (CES) exists, and the show floor might have a hallway like this with someone showing off devices (TVs, cell phones, VR headsets, etc.). I'd assume this is an Asian market, medical field version of CES.
For some reason this, the probably correct answer, is the funniest. At a convention and have to walk past the display of fuck machines. Be cool man. You're a professional. Very interesting.
If you're too embarrassed to google it yourself, just ask a machine for help... ;-) No, you don't need to be a hospital, but it costs around 5k to 10k US$: https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256805958188078.html
The theatre I went to sold all the damn buckets in the week leading up to the movie. Day two, first matinee: "Sorry, we've been selling them for a week. They're all gone.".
Worthwhile investment. Some of us may be too embarrassed to admit that would actually be a lot cheaper than having a girlfriend/wife for prolonged time...just joking here.
I think they mean subsurface scattering, maybe? Which is the amount of light that passes through a material. Like when you look at a sheet of paper you can see some light through it. Or if you put a flashlight to your palm you can see it shines through. I'm not sure how that makes "sperm extraction" any more efficient, though. I, personally, don't have eyes on my dick to tell the difference.
Is my penis supposed to have a butterfly clitoral vibrator too? I mean, women have way more options in sex toys. And all things being equal men should be as sigma free about masterbating with toys as women are.
PwnageHobo
"This automated 'sperm extractor' machine helps donors who are too embarrassed to masturbate" - writing displayed atop footage of several machines, side-by-side like urinals
managedgoods
I gotta ask. It's that batter than just masturbating?
nicky512
I mean, you have two hands free to hold a controller, or eat two sandwiches, or play against yourself in thumb war, really the possibilities are endless.
Cobalt1
in70x
So what everyone’s too embarrassed to masturbate but not to run train on a community dick milking machine?
drduffer
Thank you, @MedicalScience for bringing this to Imgur’s attention. This is undoubtedly going to become an instant classic. ⬆️
LumpPump
so is the emote you keep using some cult thing? not sure i noticed the user name the last few times i saw it but i have been seeing it. creepy
drduffer
It’s an arrow pointing up. I use it as a general sign of approval. I’ve been using it since I started on Imgur almost 5 years ago. You’re the first person who’s ever commented. How unique! ⬆️
Fabulously
Fooking Cylons
Sw1ftTurtle
Reading between the lines, the inventors parents asked what his company did and he wanted to say medical devices instead of sex toys.
HiVizDiver
I would expect the amount of light inside a vagina during intercourse to be... zero?
Probablyimaginary
Great another unobtainable beauty standard for ladies...
drizztx
Stick your... oh, wait.
justplainvanilla
TheCriticsWereConciseItOnlyTookFourLines
"I'm too embarrassed." "Not to worry, just walk up to one of the lined-up extractors in the hallway, whip it out, and be entirely embarrassment free!"
levelfivedetentionblockaa23
purr
scottaydog
How is this not the top comment?
TakuanSoho
DefPangolin
You dirty little doggy
DougTheLlama
What was it like?
DefPangolin
FANtastic
Skuggen
I love how all the videos of them either have them standing in the middle of a hallway or right next to a bunch of other ones.
Sw1ftTurtle
dingybasement350
Okay but what the hell is the actual thing happening here.
Sw1ftTurtle
Her box so good it lights up
DontcallmeLen
guardian19d
I'm surprised the pink portion isn't blurred out.
loungeking1
stygiansojourn
Finally a fuck machine for the gents!
MrWobblyHead
Existing fucking machines can be used by gents, if they're into that kind of thing. But I get what you mean.
oneshipwonder
Amount of light??? What kind of fancy vaginas are out there? 😂
Hukkie
It grew out of the fast&furious movies, some people felt it was not enough to simply have underglow on their cars, and after sticking it under most of their furniture we have now arrived at this point in time.... the Glowssy.
sfbiker
I don't have a lot of rules around sex, but one cardinal rule I never break is "never use someone elses fleshlight, even if it's in a hospital"
Hukkie
Seems to be single-use "cartridges". Once a patient is finished it will be removed and replaced with a new one. I am curious though, about wether the cartridge is biodegradeable... otherwise that is a lot of jizzy rubber getting dumped in a landfill.
BadPunsAplenty
"I come too quickly." "Oh, so you're photo-sensitive."
lightfoot2
You just need a darker goth.
kirmes
Funfact: If you donate sperm in Germany, you can still be sued later for child support
TheGgreen100
Wow what an efficient way to shut down every single sperm bank in the country.
kirmes
Well, it is explained in a simple way:
If men can get "caught", the state doesn't have to pay and support. It's about money.
Hukkie
If this is true nobody should ever donate sperm in Germany.
kirmes
Exactly. The whole thing is f... up. It started back then with conservative governments, who think that this whole thing is unnecessary and unchristian and that kids should be made the oldfashioned way (basically like GOP). And now with the woke left governments, they often hate men and f... it up further. All the agendas forget about the people, who just want to buld families.
3rdoption
How's about installing these in prisons? Just watch behavior improve.
fastjeff
Oh fuck, prisons probably would only clean them once a year.
JustTryingToLiveLife
Wow wow wow, we cant be letting them have a good time or they will never leave
idontknowyoufromadam
They must have seen A Boy ad His Dog ... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Boy_and_His_Dog_(1975_film)
crackblind
Oh, man,I was coming here to ask if anyone else remembered that movie.
idontknowyoufromadam
Sadly, not many seem to.
toogoodtomiss
I do, but I don't remember a self wanking machine
andexer
Who, THE FUCK, is "too embarrassed" to masturbate in a hospital?! Sure, if they stand you in a row in a hallway like they've got these machines. But put you in a stall on a toilet and it's just like home. WTF's the problem?
Oh, gov funding for a sex machine. Gotcha.
GaiusWydra
Remember our social mores aren’t the same as other countries.
andexer
Yes, and theirs are wrong ;-)
thesmelge
That's the difference between the Chinese and British governments. The Chinese government funds fucking machines, while the Tories just fuck everyone themselves.
DaMummy
The Chinese choose this over bombs, and they're the fucked up ones.
Gayforbae
Oh they've also got bombs, don't worry.
TheCriticsWereConciseItOnlyTookFourLines
Government funding? You think hospitals are too embarrassed to charge the patients?
andexer
To develop it.
SomeDetroitGuy
Hospitals charging patients isn't very common in most of the world.
drizztx
This isn't in the U.S. ;)
toolzgalore2
Too embarrassed to masturbate but have no problem fucking a machine
Apothecarius
"I know you might be a little shy, so here's our very loud, public handjob machine to help you out."
ProbablyOnlyOnce
I'm disappointed in myself that my first thought was "why is that hot?"
Apothecarius
"Stick your dick in our public machine cum-hole. I'm sure that the attendant replaced everything, and you won't get any diseases. Ya'know, unless they didn't."
freakdiablo
I volunteer to fuck the machine!
wadatahmydamie
Plus I know everyone who’s ever fucked my hand. I vetted them personally
Ijustwantquiet
In the hallway no less.
ViewDriver
Side by side like urinals
SocietyOfSensation
...that seems to be standing out in a hallway, multiple of them in a row like a milking station. Kinky for some people I am sure, probably not so much for those too embarrassed I imagine. On the other hand I imagine these things could do wonders for staff morale.
Sw1ftTurtle
I think too embarrassed is a code word for not being able to maintain an erection.
sadurdaynight
(sticker on machine) like what you feel? You can purchase your own from our gift shop!
WammoJammo
Like a vibrators?
fistermatic5000
And they're lined up like urinals in a bathroom
GnomeDeGuerre
Yeah and sooooo fancy, can't even find a museum and use a VHS like a civilized person.
paynoattentiontousernames
In the hallway for everyone to see.
[deleted]
[deleted]
MeowMachine12
They're there willingingly to use the machine. It's not rape, technically or not. Words have meanings. Look them up
SomeDetroitGuy
I'm really starting to think that you don't know what the word "rape" means.
mormonbatman
In a line with like 30 other people.
SomeDetroitGuy
That is just a fun time.
CatsIsTheAnswer
It's easier if you see others already doing it. That's why I offered for a very low pay to always man one of the machines
DoctorWookie
Listen, I already said I'd do it, you don't have to keep hyping me up.
CatsIsTheAnswer
It's easier if you see others already doing it. That's why I offered for a very low pay to always man one of the machines
INeverReadTheTOS
Why is it just... in a hallway?
alwaysupvotefuturama
Because people are embarrassed to have a wank there
pfunk81
In case you need help.
Gerthquake
3rdoption
Manufacturer testing facility?
JimmyWalkerTexasRanger
professorlemonwood
Maintain eye contact, assert dominance.
RhymingEverything
... With all of them in a line like urinals
AstralInfinity
This thread of comments and responses (including gifs) had me laughing until I cried...thank you to all involved :)
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
Just gonna take a wild guess and assume they aren't installed yet lol
Harm
Obviously embarrassed people are only embarrassed by other people,not by other embarrassed people.
BobDaBilda
This is some sort of convention. I don't know exactly which one, but the Consumer Electronics Expo (CES) exists, and the show floor might have a hallway like this with someone showing off devices (TVs, cell phones, VR headsets, etc.). I'd assume this is an Asian market, medical field version of CES.
theraininspainfallsmainlyontheplain
For some reason this, the probably correct answer, is the funniest. At a convention and have to walk past the display of fuck machines. Be cool man. You're a professional. Very interesting.
[deleted]
[deleted]
whatbuttondoipush
So you can hold hands
Wokerati
Just like at the urinal, leave one in between
CthulhuIsRisen
How else are you supposed to high five while it's going on?
MeanWinchester
Hey bro, wanna head down to the cum-corridor for a quick robo-fuck? We can hi-five while we do it?
ticktockbent
So you can high five, or hold hands if nervous
Smayds
Conversation.
fastjeff
Don't kick shame us.... I mean, them.
BeaverOnFire
sme2812
For a quick drive by shooting
HorseonaBike
eclectico
Jessebob42
xj4low
Lined up with all the other ones too?
bingotown
That’s where the hot dogs are.
Korbo
Cleaning time.
INeverReadTheTOS
vurcease
I didn’t want to reply with this but you leave me no choice.
v
GreenNinja22
sandleWrecker
Dear lord
HtNrN
do i like need to own a hospital to buy one of these, or
reverendbonobo
No, but you have to own a hospital to afford one of these.
ActionJohnnie
Rent, don’t buy…
xj4low
So second or third?
Valase
If you're too embarrassed to google it yourself, just ask a machine for help... ;-)
No, you don't need to be a hospital, but it costs around 5k to 10k US$: https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256805958188078.html
LunarEntropy
Damn that's expensive
gtollie
3% off with a purchase of 5 or more. Anyone want to go in on this with me for the savings .. I only need one 😜
Slickdoodle
Rookie.
gtollie
Rookie ? Unfortunately , I’m limited by my biology 😏
Slickdoodle
Limits? We don't need limits where we're going!
Skuggen
Pretty sure you can find automatic masturbators that are a bit cheaper
IAlwaysUpvoteLowBudgetCreativeWork
Like Dune II popcorn bucket, it even comes with a movie.
Slickdoodle
The theatre I went to sold all the damn buckets in the week leading up to the movie. Day two, first matinee: "Sorry, we've been selling them for a week. They're all gone.".
SocietyOfSensation
Worthwhile investment. Some of us may be too embarrassed to admit that would actually be a lot cheaper than having a girlfriend/wife for prolonged time...just joking here.
Snooj
Are they cheaper without the semen analysis part? I don't really think I need that.
Shadoweclipse13
Or at least a manual where you can turn that part off! Maybe translated from Chinese...
originalhuman
For a fleshlight?!
HtNrN
still cheaper than a wife with a 50% divorce rate, i take it!
TheCriticsWereConciseItOnlyTookFourLines
If you shop carefully, you can find one with a rate as low as 43%
Valase
Hm... You might have a point, but... manual labor's also an option, and even cheaper yet...
Wokerati
a Fleshlight does much the same thing, for $100
SomeDetroitGuy
Flashlights are insanely poor quality. You can get a higher quality masturbator for about 1/4 the price.
oprager
What's it called? Asking for a friend...
Coltaine
Yeah but effort.
Thunderchunks
300 and you can get their fancy autojacker.
SomeDetroitGuy
Why would I do that instead of paying $30 for a banana cleaner?
Thunderchunks
Dunno, easier to clean? More likely to be successful if you sue em for any damage to your bits that may arise from cranking your hog nonstop?
vakler
Wtf does this mean. Are my lady parts supposed to emit light? Do I need to install some RGB underglo?
ThisIsNotTheGreatestNameInTheWorldThisIsJustATribute
Wait…yours DOESN’T light up?!?
alwaysupvotefuturama
Look at granny here with no rgb lovecave
Eldibs
I can't speak for yours, unfortunately, but every set of lady parts I've encountered has definitely brightened my life.
isphot
I scrolled away and came back to echo.... what the fuck DOES that mean?
tonyiscariot
Now that you mention it, these are also constructed to mimic the same amount of echo as a human vagina.
queenbrochette
Bravo! Comment of the day here.
FabergeBurrito
That's why dudes can't find your G spot. Poor illumination.
somemenjustwantowatchtheworldburn
Logitech-G spot
PaperChaseGuy
Today on a very special episode of "Pimp My Ride"...
VidaVita
I mean.. If ol Greg can do it..
Herfloness
For their next brilliant invention, a light bulb to address female infertility.
bluewitch
Is your backglow not working? You should see a technician.
StepLurker
You do you, but it couldn't hurt
GiantFlyingLabia
I’ve always thought pussy with ground fx to be a bit juvenile
Alexap30
You have only to look at guys' most valued possessions, our PCs and cars. LEDs everywhere. The answer was always in front of you.
ExecutiveProducerWolfDyck
Ain't you ever heard of a glow-up?
LokiShade
Ruth Gader Binsburg
MapleSyrupMafia
Look... you expect us to compete with your dildos that spins, twist and vibrates... now it's your turn to be one-upped.
Rignak
Hmm, yours doesn'twmit light?. Time to send it back to the shop for a warranty repair .
SilverHornet
How else is the one-eyed trouser snake supposed to see where he's going
7thSonOfANinja
Ohh yeah…I have always preferred a backlit vagina, pretty standard really
Eomund521
Okay I'm glad I wasn't imagining this.
Varnna
What the hell...lights? Nobody's got time for lights...
Kligan
I think they mean subsurface scattering, maybe? Which is the amount of light that passes through a material. Like when you look at a sheet of paper you can see some light through it. Or if you put a flashlight to your palm you can see it shines through. I'm not sure how that makes "sperm extraction" any more efficient, though. I, personally, don't have eyes on my dick to tell the difference.
rbudrick
If there was no light at all, this would be accurate. But there is light.
Anaphriel
I mean...if it's an option.
IainImgurs
Finally someone gets us.
Slickdoodle
+1 for undie-glow. er..
ontarioOT
https://youtu.be/R-FxmoVM7X4?si=8kNbzrlpFJ4JkfAt
SophieClockwise
HelloDarknessMyOld
Light up skirts are nice.
imredheaded
I hope she's doing well. Stupid China trying to keep her down
OutlawGerman
I mean she's doing a grand job of keeping me up so there's always that
Iaimtomisbehave
Jeff Goldblum "Well there it is." gif. +1
justthesauce
Naomi Wu AKA sexyborg
GemsAreOutrageousTrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous
Breasting boobily.
Kargathia
IEatYourSombrero
No one told you it was normal because they didn't want you to feel like a freak.
CaptainThePirate
When a girl leaves this comment you know she’s keeping bats down there. Fellas. Remember. No lights; bat bites.
vakler
The bussy doesn't bite. But it can.
LordNoKids
Na na na na na na Batussy!
NoNameFred
ioscius
i read that as Ruth Gader Binsberg
senseicombs
Is my penis supposed to have a butterfly clitoral vibrator too? I mean, women have way more options in sex toys. And all things being equal men should be as sigma free about masterbating with toys as women are.
MikeRoePenus
Yes
cosonfused
You know how some deepsea fish use light to attack prey? Maybe it's something like that.
henrikhakan
Like all other rgb lighting, it's not necessary, but it's an entertaining edge against the competition.
MonoTE95
Shit couldn't hurt. Hell everyone gets a glow kit. Turn into a social thing like Cephalpoidal chromophores
JadeNB1729
Stupid sexy cephalopods.
Xannin
I burned out my cornea while going down on my wife. I assumed every married man would need to get corrective lenses at some point in their marriage.
Rignak
Always wear your government issue z87 tinted vaginal inspection goggles, this is why schools need sex ed people!
SirRichardOfHead
Two words, my man: welding goggles
Slickdoodle
I think OHSA calls for a full-face shield. You'd have to ask a professional though.
Rignak
Osha rule 1910.133 sect C. clearly states : only goggles are needed when interacting with vaginal LEDs as long as they have a foam band on the rim.
Slickdoodle
The LED's, the Vagina, the goggles or all three?