improper use of meme to tell a story of my past two days 

Story and improper use of memes time.

It is the early morning of Sunday the 10th of June. The strong smell of aftershave reaches into my nose and wakes me up. As my eye lids shutter in the morning light I see the dark form of a person leave my bed room without a sound.
I bolt up right. For you see, I live alone.
My mind races thinking was that a ghost? I can't be Ghosts don't actually exists. I'm Pagan, I'm stupid.
Could it have been my brother; having popped in in the morning to pay me a visit.
After all it's Sunday, I don't have my alarms on on Sunday, it could well be after 10, it's so light now. (spoiler alert it wasn't 10, wasn't even close).
I call out.
"Hello" my voice echos around the large house that is my family home. "Anyone there?"
No response. I leave my room. The room across from mine has it's light on. It shouldn't have its light on. I rush to the stairs, (should note I live on the top floor of the house, there's 3 floors.) there's lights on down stairs.
I rush down stairs, all the ground floor doors have been propped open, I turn and see the back door ajar. I rush out of the door, i see nothing. I look down the side of the house, nothing down the small side drive way. I turn towards the back garden, and walk towards where the cars are parked.
I turn and look into the garden.

There he is. The fucker. Crouching down next to some bags in the grass of the back garden.
I'm not wearing my glasses so I can't get a good look at him other than his general size, build, and clothes he's wearing. He of course bolts it when I yell 'Oi you!'
He runs across the garden up over a wall, into the next door neighbours garden and down their drive onto the street.
Fight or Flight kicks in. I'm not wearing any shoes, I'm wearing jeans without a belt, I have to hold them up or they'll drop down. I shouldn't run after him.
But I'm an angry Scotsman.
I bolt down the side drive next to my house. I spot him running down the street, I give chase. He's the only person on the street, not hard to see. he turns a corner and i follow, I'm catching up.
He turns another corner, and so do I.
And then he stops running, as if he thinks he has gotten away with it.
Angry barefoot Scotsman, rounds the corner, and is still chasing.
The fucker had put his hands in his pockets, but hearing me yell in rage and pain he runs again.
I chase for about maybe 50 years more, but I stop.
He might not have been alone, and I have now just left my house open, and the bags he filled still in the garden.
I reluctantly return home.
Thinking as I did, what would I have done if I had caught him?

(own attempt at making an image, it's terrible, forgive me.)
There were 4 bags. All of them my own bags.
In the canvas back, we have my PS4, head set, controller, 2GB external hard drive (the one that has all of my university and college work on it) and some shower gel.
He had taken his time to wrapped the cables up around my PS4, having unplugged it from the TV and my PSVR head set and box, which it seemed he didn't want to take, clearly he had been in my home for a while.
In the red lap top back, we have my Nikon Digital Camera with long lens, and my Canon legria HF G25 (digital video recorder) as well as several PS4 games and some Blu-Rays
In the two plastic carrier bags, we have some holiday alcohol that I have had for years just sitting on a shelve, and then just shampoo and shower gel.
A lot of shower gel.
I mean it, he gone through every room in the house and taken all of the shower gel.
And that aftershave that was so strong that it woke me up. Yeah, that's actually my after shave.
It's arabic, my mother having brought it back from the middle East for me several years ago. Very very strong stuff so i never use it.
The guy put it on, while he was in my house stealing it.

I pick the bags up from the garden and brought them inside. This was when I was able to check the time for first time that day.
It was 4:24 am.
I had only went to be bed at 2am. I had had two hours sleep, and now my system was coursing with adrenaline, so there was no chance of me falling a sleep again.
Of course I informed the police, they came over, took statements, did door to door, found out I was not the only person to have had a thief problem that night, another house had their out buildings broken into.
But how did he get into my home?

idiot boy here forgot to lock the back door.

No excuse for it. I just forgot to do it.
I live in a small town in a rural area of Scotland. Not exactly a crime hot spot I'd have said.
Own stupid fault.
My stupidity nearly cost me so much. all of my camera equipment, my course work hard drive, my ps4. all of it could have gone.
As it stood, I believed he basically got maybe at most £10 in loose change, and my old and trusted black iPod Classic 120GB.

But the import thing was I was safe. It could have been so much worse.
I had an adrenaline high most of the day, so I was awake and buzzing, but in relative good spirits.
It was a bit of a joke, my own stupidity and the silliness of a thief wanting a load of shower gels.
But I locked every door, and made sure every window was closed even when I was in the house.
I spent the rest of the day at my computer, on the middle floor.
It was getting close to 10pm, and I was going to call it a night, get some actual sleep.
So I'd go down stairs, just do the rounds again of checking the locks that I know are locked.

There he is. Or at least someone is.
Face and hands pressed against the dinning room window, which is by the way right next to the back door.
There is a moment where I see him and freeze and he sees me and freezes, then he runs.
I rush to the back door, but by the time I unlock it and out into the garden, he's gone, I hear him scramble of a wall. I rush back home, lock the door, and call the police.
Police Scotland where insanely quick. 3 officers at first, then one with a dog. They didn't find anything.
Honestly of all things it was this that shook me. Creepy little face pressed against glass staring, leering in.

My bother comes over. we chat, more police come, I give my statement again. they leave my brother stays for an hour, we watched some E3. Then it came to 2 am. I'm shattered, i've only had 2 hours sleep. I'm going to bed.
We make sure all the doors are locked, and the alarm is set.
It was 1:51 am, and I was sure, I'd sleep that night.

And I did for two hours.

At 3:42am my phone, of which the house alarm is connected via an ap. screams into life.
Someone has entered the kitchen.
I am not so unprepared this time.
I put on some good jeans with a belt, and shoes and I rush down the stairs, phone in hand, recording it all. There's lights on in the living room and the kitchen, the back door is open.
I rush out side.

There he is, standing in the back garden, he spots me rushing out the door towards him and he rushes across the back garden and up over the wall, just how he had escaped not 24 hour earlier. I don't fully give chase this time, just to the wall, and watch him disappear into the street, i return home, call the police.
They are their near instantly.
I'm shaking. Physically. I was ready to chase the fucker down, but also jumpy as fuck.
He had smashed his way in through the kitchen window, then left through the back door having taken the keys.
There was glass everywhere. So much of it.

The police caught him.
I'd have loved to have heard what excuse he would have said for having my house keys, my sunglasses, and what would you know, some of my aftershave.
But I didn't hear it.
Why was he so intent of getting my stuff?
I don't know. Other than the fact that I have nice stuff.
Why did he return 3 times? No clue other than that he was a fucking eejit.
A grade A fuck Muppet. 

But he was also a grade A fuck muppet who had taken a stake knife from my sink. It was found discarded under a car, come morning. Things could have been so, so much worse.

I have met some very nice police people, and a very nice CSI person today because of all this.
My heart has been pounding so bloody fast, and I've probably taken some years off my life with the stress of it all. But still.
It's been an event. It's give me a story to tell. Made me more paranoid about the dark. And I learnt that in a fight of flight situation my reaction is to charge head first at it.
That's good to know. I think.

I just felt like getting this off my chest and sharing it.
I really need to sleep.

*FP Edit*
I have just woken up, (12 hours for the win!) and this has hit the front page.
Honestly didn't expect that when the very first comment pointed out my spelling mistake in the very first image. I dare say I should have fixed that then, now that I can't.
Oh well.
Thanks for all the comments, I'm sure they're all nice and supportive and not at all making light and joking about this. I mean This Is the Internet right, we're all super supportive.

All jokes a side, thanks all. And if you're going send things, I'm a gentleman, so no boobies, but I do like cats.