tokerator
87426
2080
81
They interrogated me. Like 7 cops and detectives like I murdered him. Just as soon as they got there. I almost passed out from shock and they were mostly assholes. And then the one cop that stayed behind to wait for summer funeral to come get him gave me Steve's driver's license back and said, "Don't commit any Medicare fraud." I said, "too soon much?" It was fucked up!
I'm sitting here without him. And I'm lost. And I'm pissed off and sad.
Jessebob42
I feel you Dude. šHappened to me as well (except the finding part). I was so pissed off that he wouldn't go see a doctor. He was only 61 years old. /gallery/go-see-doctor-w3hBpdG
azulgojira
I am so incredibly sorry for you loss! Fuck the police! Fucking scum! What shitty fucking moronic individuals. I donāt even understand how one or a group of individuals could ever be so disrespectful to someone who just lost their dearest friend! I am truly sorry! Here if you need to talkā¦.
MrsPrendsen
Im so sorry for your loss. I remember when I lost my best friend back in 2006. Still hurts, probably always will, but as time passes we learn to live with it and not in spite of it.
DM if you need an ear ā¤ļøā¤ļø
MrsPrendsen
DamnedIfYouDo
Oh shit, I'm really sorry @OP. You're not going to process this all at once, you're going to experience wages of emotions - ups and downs - for years, that's why something like this is considered life altering trauma. Try to identify people who you can confide in and if you can afford it, find a therapist. Even if it's a session every 2 months, it'll help. Mourn the shit out of this one, your friend will understand.
DesdemonaMoor
I'm so sorry @OP. When you're able to collect your thoughts, I'd write a letter to the precinct that handled the call so they understand just how cruel and insensitive they were. Not that cops are very redeemable [ACAB] but for your own catharsis.
Knifesmith
Or better yet, write a letter to your local news outlet. That's something that they may actually care about.
WaitingForTheDrop
Wow, I'm sorry for ur loss. My brother found his friend dead of an OD outside on my mom's property. Face down in the walkway, been dead 4 a few days his face was all smashed in. They went after my mom & accused her of doing something to him til the cause of death was ruled an OD by the medical examiner. Both him & my brother were avid drug users. But those dicks interrogated my mom & acted like she had killed him. So much so the father came to her looking for answers. They are dating now >
WaitingForTheDrop
And my brother went to rehab. He finally made it thru this time and has been clean. Some good came from his death, but it's too bad it had to come to that. And the cops were dicks.
Side note: After my step dad passed away, my mom inherited his property. She did not live there as she had her own house but allowed my brother & his friend to.
thisisausernamelikeanyothersbutthisonesmellsweird
:( *hug*
Heninthefoxden
@op sorry to hear this. I also found my mom dead and the police acted suspicious and asked me tons and questions, and my dad, even though we had just gotten home and were obviously distraught. It was super weird and I didn't clock it til later cause I was in shock.
Wardonk3y
Dont know why, but when living a loss like that it helped me to watch a sunrise.
Fallatus
After that news article about a guy that was gaslit into confessing he killed his (alive) father, i'm not surprised.
Y'all need some serious police reform. Clean out the roster and get some fresh stock. Preferably from the same people who are considered "too smart" for current police trainers.
Fukken hell man, it all feels like some sick joke.
Sorry about your friend btw; That was shitty of them to do to you after that had happened to you.
cousteau
It isn't clear to me if he was actually gaslit (kudos on the proper use of the term, btw), as in that they made him believe he actually did something he didn't do nor remembered doing, or if he just went "I'll say whatever you want but please leave me alone".
blainetog
One big change we need is to reverse how getting an attorney works. Currently, the police can interrogate you however you want unless you demand to speak to your attorney in exactly the way the courts are currently upholding counts. We need to change it so that the police may not interrogate a suspect until after that suspect has spoken to their lawyer, and they have to explicitly drop their right to an attorney to talk to the cops afterward without their lawyer present.
criablelurst
That's no good. I gave my dad cpr on Friday morning. He was so obviously dead and long gone, but I followed the instructions from the emergency services until they arrived. They also failed to revive him. Sorry for your loss.
RobLeach
Tell me more about your friend. What memories do you have to share?
AtomicCarp
Thatās one of the reasons I actually like that where I work, we in EMS must confirm the death every time. We tend to be a lot more compassionate with the family, and they need that.
VelvetWarhol
VaultGirl69
Murder is only okay if they do it. I'm sorry you had to deal with the cops. They're fucking pricks. Which makes no sense. If you have to be a dick to be effective at your job, you are bad at your job. There are counselors and therapists to consider seeing. I have PTSD and also don't react to things immediately. It's not unusual to cope that way initially.
DumpsterSauce
That sucks. If they give you more shit, tell them talk to your lawyer and they'll stop badgering you
sezchuanllama
Holy shit, dudeā¦ Iām so so sorry. š¢ all they want is the arrest. They donāt care about us.
MeowstophelesTheeCatMonster
Wow... Tha is all around screwed up. Are you alright? Well you obviously aren't, but, how are you holding up? Do you have someone else you can stay with? You should not be alone, especially if you are in shock. If you need someone to talk to, you can DM us! We are not a therapist or anything, but we can talk or wha'ever you may need.
tokerator
I appreciate you. I'm just here in a house that is silent and freaking me out. I think I'll be okay. But it's all too fresh. I've seen everyone in my family die. This was unexpected. And I'm sad. And pretty drunk now.
MeowstophelesTheeCatMonster
Well thank you, but, and we get being drunk and sad during this situation, but maybe you can call a local friend to watch you? We do not want to pressure you, stress you out, or make you feel any sort of uncomfortable, but with this sudden loss and now drinking, you REALLY should not be alone, even if it is just a nice neighbor who sits there and watches you or drinks with you. We understand the sudden death of someone so close- tha is why we really think you should have someone there with you.
tokerator
š
frenofafren
That's fucked up dude. Sorry for your loss.
Zzzinthevalley
Sorry for your loss. Might be worth filing some kind of complaint about their behavior
Goldensands
Fking american culture making another miserable situation more miserable. I sincerely hope you guys want and manage to change.
tokerator
It doesn't feel real. It happened 10 hours ago.
HandoB4Javert
Hemelsblauw
Dont expect grief or any emotion to come. As long as you feel you need to be in charge, you'll go all robot. Doing what needs to be done. Messaging people and making arrangements. At one point someone may take over and you might collapse or break down. Or not. And you'll still be feeling like living in a mist or dreams. You'll grieve when you're ready. For now call someone who will listen to your story and hug you if possible. You did right and were treated awfull. I'm sorry for your loss. 1
KLUSTENATOR
Yeah, I too have experienced this. "Going all robot" as you put it. Grief does eventually come but it's only in parts/waves. You still feel like there's more loose ends to cover.
Hemelsblauw
For me, grief does not end. It's comes and goes, when I have time to feel or when I'm triggered by something. I try to remember my connection with the person and feel that.
Hemelsblauw
Totallyscrewedinaustin
That is rough! Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? Maybe even try looking into a therapist?
tokerator
It's too fresh. I have friends and his family. But I don't need a therapist. I'm just sad. And really pissed off how I was treated after I called 911.
titoitoi
What @Qpnao and @phenomanll said - there is actually scientific evidence for this, see: https://theconversation.com/can-playing-tetris-help-prevent-ptsd-if-youve-witnessed-something-traumatic-226736
You only need to do it for 20 minutes - you'll still be thinking about shit but it helps give the brain from what will be 24/7 grief for at least awhile.
The cop thing? Standard, I'm afraid. They have to go hard or suffer criticism from colleagues and/or family for not doing enough, soon enuff.
titoitoi
helps give the brain *a break from
Qpnao
Play tetris, I'm serious. It helps your brain adjust to traumatic events if you play it within 72 hours of what happened ā¤ļø
phenomanII
+1 on this, I remember reading up on it when I first heard it, there's legit papers on it. Also makes sense intuitively, but it's nice to see it properly studied.
IWasGoingToMakeEspresso
This happened to my neighbor. His roommate ODād and he found him. He came to my apartment after the cops left to cry about it. It was 20 years ago and I still feel really bad for the guy. Hope heās okay.
Shadowhawk000095
I'm very sorry for your loss.
ehiler36
I remember when I was young and used to hold police officers in high regard. That feeling has long since passed
artisanbutnotartistic
When I was young ( a looong time ago, lol) we were always told if we were lost or in trouble to look for a policeman for help - not doing that these days!
GravyEducation
Mine went when I was 14-ish and learned you can just shut the door on cops with no warrant. Idfk it was something to do with my sister, I answered the door like I was supposed to. Cops bullied me. I shut the door, not knowing what else to do. Turns out that's white people magic they don't bust in on white people. To this day I don't answer doorbells for any reason. Okay this is a 1/2 cuz reasons so 1/2
GravyEducation
When my dad killed himself they were trying to find next of kin, but they were divorced, so me and my brother were next. But somehow they had my mom's number? And he killed himself in not our county? So they called her, and I always joke, my mom sold me out to the cops without hesitation. Because we had changed address and she gave them ours. She sold us out! But yeah fun night that one
Nikolai5
America? Where I'm from, the police will have someone trained in dealing with grieving people to speak to friends & family.
marsgoose
They probably have someone hired for that service, that doesn't mean you will get that service lol lmao.
Knifesmith
Sounds like you live in a civilized society. We Americans are jealous.
weave
"Don't shoot any civilians"
Whitebeardthepirate
and then the police shot him 78 times "........... he was resisting arrest"
darkninja2992
Because he was selling weed even
Whitebeardthepirate
that's true, he was giving competition to the cops.
mrpink83
...or they shoot the dude 78 times and then when he won't cooperate to get in cuffs ... "STOP RESISTING"
FellaWithUmbrella
This is one reason police training takes a few years in civilized countries, instead of few months or weeks.
dirtcreature
This is why we don't believe every story on the internet about how awful the police are. OP could be a murderer or could have contributed to the death of his friend. Who would post this story to imgur, anyway? So weird
Raikupath
Police is awful and useless at best. Stop licking them boots
dirtcreature
You mean licking the boots of the taxpayers that hire them and train them and how more of them?
blueKD
It requires more mandatory training to be a cosmetologist than a cop in the US
whatamidoinghere42
In fl its 770 hrs for a cop, 1200 hrs for my cosmetology license. That was shocking to learn.
BeanMugged
You guys have training?
mikeatike
Well if you count showing them how to abusing people training.
servingmytimeinusersub
Unfortunately, this isn't an issue of under trained officers. They did exactly how the overlords wanted them to do.
zakisback
Its not even training. Its the US culture of attributing malice towards others regardless of nuance or context. Social media perpetuates this.
Shaodyn
It takes 4 years of specialized secondary education to interpret the law, but only a few weeks of training, most of which involves how to shoot a gun, to enforce it.
HeywouldJablowme
This is why whenever you have a medical emergency in your house, never tell 911 that they might be dangerous. Tell them I will only allow a medical professional in my house and the police are not welcome here. If they come knocking on my door I will not let them in.
marsgoose
You only believe this if you never had interactions with police abroad.
tsterling00
If you have to train police to be decent human beings then you need a better screening process at the beginning.
MenloPart
*you need to pay better.
The same with our kids' education, but oh no.
MaterialisticWorm
Not if you're specifically looking for people who are dumb enough to follow orders... apparently they like to reject applicants who are too smart
nemesisx00
Difficult to maintain the self-destructive protection of capital when your officers are capable of understanding that no one actually benefits from it other than the capital owners and that the capital owners do not share power.
raptorlight3000
UK detective here. A coroner needs as much info as possible to make an accurate cause of death, gathering details from those associated with unexpected death is vital. It's not to insult the grieving but to ensure that homicides are not looked over just to avoid being uncomfortable. It's not easy to do
diezl97
Exactly. USA paramedic here, and we always remind everyone in public safety that dead on scene is a crime scene until proven otherwise. Leave everything as it is. That being said it sounds like the cops who responded to OP's incident could have been more professional and tactful. Right way and a wrong way to deal with the bereaved public.
raptorlight3000
Absolutely agree with your points mate
TheRedBaron8
This is true we know what happened but why did it happen? And no one needs to be an ass hole to get that info, this is why we have criminal sciences to ascertain the cause of death and the most likely cause. No one needs to be grilled at the scene when anyone with a passing knowledge of human behaviour can tell if someone is hiding something. That is called situational awareness or behavioral science.
wtfylat
Sounds like the sort of thing a murderer would say
raptorlight3000
Unfortunately we can't just tell who is lying that easily. That's why we need to speak to last person to see them alive, who found the body, who had contact recently, search the body in situ, search the scene, look for suicide notes, unused or used medication, secure valuables for next of kin, secure the scene... It is not a simple task to ensure that an unexpected death is natural. Even a hanging can be staged so we have to be vigilant. For us it's a Tuesday, for all else its a terrible day
TheRedBaron8
That is true but you don't collect the evidence the crime scene technicians or SOCOs in your neck of the woods are called. No one said that an unexpected death was natural. Its the hard nose BS that grilling someone who is presents as un-nerved at the discovery and is at aloss for reasons as much as you are. And if you can't tell who is lying that easily then you should be looking at taking a number of human behaviour courses offered to discern that very thing. Start with the Black Swan group.
raptorlight3000
We operate very differently than the US and the whole 'lie to me' Schtick is not a thing here. We assume everyone is lying until things can be corroborate to be honest, humans are quite cunty taken as a whole unfortunately
ImmortalChild
I'm so sorry. Do you have anyone who could keep you company right now?
tokerator
I do. But I came back to the house to be alone.
ImmortalChild
I hope you can get some rest and eat something/drink some water. Grief and shock can really fuck you up. Maybe write down some of your favourite memories about them if you feel up to it.
tokerator
I've had Jack Daniel's and some leftover food. I was going to grill some thick ribeye steaks for us. But it didn't work out. We were friends for 40 years.
ImmortalChild
I'll bet you have some stories, that's a lifetime of friendship. That says a lot about you both. I wish there was something I could say that would lessen your grief or help you shoulder what you're carrying but I know it's just words. You must have been a good friend to stay close for so many years.
tokerator
I can't forget him. Ever. I know I'm crazy right now but I can hear him walking around.
TheLovelessHummingbird
Play tetris please play tetris not a joke, it has been proven it helps with trauma. I can never remember to do it, please download it and play it until you have dreams about it
imakesoap
Thank you for this info, kind person
CatShadowleaf
Jfc he's right. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/03/170328092411.htm
Ikwilstroopwaffels
ACAB.
ioncewBaroness
Assigned cop at birth
DummyThiccStealyBoi
When it started popping up everywhere it took me so long to stop reading it that way.
ioncewBaroness
I had the reverse. I read afab as all firefighters are bastards
porphyre1e00
Well no. And that's why it's ok to say ACAB. Being a cop is a choice. Just like being a Nazi, Republican, or born-again Christian
tokerator
Most cops ot seems. Not all.
ItTookMeAGoodWhileToComeUpWithAUsername
I am proud of you for being able to distinguish even after having a shitty experience with them during an absolutely shit time. Maybe wouldāve resorted to sole anger. But who needs another bad emotion on top when one is enough m I right? Take care man
ItTookMeAGoodWhileToComeUpWithAUsername
Oh and one more thing. My dad lost his best friend a while back (heās 68 now) and after all these years he still griefs and just wonāt let me tell him to get professional help. I have no clue who you are and what you are like but man.. try not to be like my dad and if you feel like it talk to someone aight? Much love
robertfraser
The moment they turn a blind eye to the bad cops, they become a bad cop. FAK them and their "blue wall of silence"
blainetog
If you have 1 bad cop going hard on interrogating someone who doesn't deserve it and 9 cops looking on and not stopping it, you have 10 bad cops.
MrSyth
The point of ACAB is that the ones who are allowing their colleagues to be bastards are also at fault. Still, good on you for not losing faith. My condolences
mouseasw
There's also the part where they take the ones who would be genuinely good and either corrupt them, put them behind a desk, fire them, frame them for a crime, or just straight up kill them.
darkninja2992
Yeah, essentially the good ones are still guilty of negligence and are still brought down by the bad ones. Sometimes even corrupted by them
Jarzii
I mean, the three or four of them that aren't bastards don't even have the power to do anything about it, unfortunately. When they try they end up demoted and have even less influence then. A buddy of mine was a beat cop, until he talked down a suicidal kid which involved taking off his gun belt and handing it to his partner. Got in trouble for 'endangering himself' or something, and demoted to desk duty. Probably would've seen fewer consequences if he'd shot the suicidal kid instead.
FrenchTheLlama2
This is why I have a problem with ACAB the ones that are good cops what do you expect them to do? Just shoot every bad cop they see, often times the bad cops outrank them and there's nothing they can do. So if they speak up and get fired there's even less good cops on the street, what is the solution here y'all?
GeneralWho
I don't think you actually do have a problem with ACAB; you've grasped the concept pretty well - anyone trying to be a good cop either gets pushed out of the system or pushed deeper into the corruption to try to avoid getting pushed out. It's well documented that Good Cops get abandoned and sometimes purposefully put in danger by their "brothers in arms". So if the institution as a whole is the problem, it needs awareness (ACAB) and to be reworked/remade.
jasondeslin
I was robbed, gun to the back of my head.
They said as long as I didn't do anything stupid I'd make it home to my wife. They kept telling me I was going to be ok.
The cops berated me. Made me feel like shit.
When the people robbing you treat you better than the people supposed to protect you, it's fucked up.
Acab. Always.
ButtTrumpett
They arenāt supposed to protect anyoneā¦ they are supposed to gather evidence on people who may be breaking the law and send them to the DA for prosecution. Not to protect you, or your kids, and especially not protecting your best interest.
jasondeslin
I get how it really works, but they still use "Protect and serve." So I will still call them out when they don't.
Maelwrath
The robber was a professional, that's the difference.
GravyEducation
aThingWithTheStufAndTheJunk
The difference is, the mugger didn't actually want to shoot anyone.
jasondeslin
Yeah I told the cop that I was glad they were long gone before he showed up, some they were armed, and I didn't want anyone hurt.
That's when he really started in on me. Before that he was just condescending.
unluckyandbored
Most of the time, the mugger just wants your shit. Most of the time they're not willing to risk a murder charge.
Emphasis on MOST of the time.
OtherErinFromTheOffice
PiercedViking
Well of course not. If the mugger shoots someone , there's actually consequences.
unluckyandbored
If someone is willing to put a gun to your head, assume they're willing to pull the trigger. It may not be number 1 on their list, but it's on the damn list.
SchlechterName
Willing? Yeah. Want to? Probably not.
tokerator
I know it's gay month and all but Steve would have wanted me to mention that he's not gay. I wish I could call him gay just one more time.
hufflesnuff
This one's for Steve, bro. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GOZ9AGn4lM
coastercrazypics
@op my condolences in this time. I'll call him gay for you.
Hey Steve, you're gay!
FreshBundleOfStick
It looks like he mattered a lot for you which implies that you loved each other dearly and regardless of genders, that sounds very gay.
Sabercrayonbeast
Like what the actual unloving serve the people heck is this?? I'm so sorry my friend, that sounds extremely intense and absolutely horrible. I'm sorry. I feel like compassion is a commodity now, but the least they could do is treat you with grace and love.
Im so sorry they didn't. I hope you're doing better, or at least okay. Much love . ā¤ļø
CoarseAndSalty
Hard relatable. All the people I've lost have some loving insult or peck I wish I could give them once more.
Vulpesferrilata
That's a great friend right there. Even through hardship you honor his memory. Godspeed my friend
Zulljin4
We're all a little gay this month. Steve, more so than others though.
humblewordsmith
Steve sounds super gay
JacktheKind
In Steves memory (and for you, bc I didn't know him)... I have it on good authority that Steve gobbled on his fair share of dicks. >>
tokerator
tokerator
JacktheKind
[Also I don't know if that helps: but as a former EMT, we usually were on scene before the cops, so you would've been my patient, and I would've told them to fuck themselves, if they came near you with accusatory questions like this. I mean if someone did it on accident or purpose, (psychological) traumacare first, interrogation after they're medically cleared.
Secure your scene, take your evidence, my patient/ your suspect, whatever, isn't the hint that will disappear. Do your job proper. >>
JacktheKind
I'm very sorry you experienced this, because you shouldn't have. Something bad happened to you and they should've been there for you first.
LokiShade
Do the eulogay.
thatiscomedygoldrightthere
"We're here today to pay our last respects to gay, I mean Steve."
doobiedoobop
lapus
Because of covid, I ended up doing my mother's funeral. It was healing. I also helped finish her hair and things, not because of covid. My mom was a hairdresser and did all of our dead family. I did it to honor her, and it was also very healing, tho I was terrified.
GravyEducation
When my dad did the blammo we kinda agreed that there wasn't gonna be a family eugoogolie. I ain't gonna speak in front of a bunch of Midwestern Lutherans I don't know. Probably would go on a tangent about how God is a lie and mic drop with a "fuck you you never even cared you're just obligated to be here." We scattered his ashes. Pastor did a good job though, but to this day 1/2
GravyEducation
I don't understand why they took a family photo like "oh this is the only time we're all gonna be together" like seriously? Fuck you. Fuck you straight up. My father is dead and it's a photo op? Does that give you comfort you fucking pricks? Taking a fucking photograph of the family minus one? What the fuck are you even going to do with the picture. It doesn't make sense. And I'm hurting and I don't even wanna fucking be here. Lutherans, man
NonsenseFromASpeck
Some people just donāt have any tact or awareness whatsoever friend. Iām sorry about your dad. My mom died when she was 56 and I still have bad days sometimes.
WaxDragon
Sorry 'bout your "totally not gay" friend. That's a mountain of trauma you've come upon
Pansy1024
I lost my best friend 3 years ago to COVID. She was 37. She left 2 little kids and her husband. I have cried every day since. There is no timeline for grieving. Fuck those assholes. Few people understand what it is like to lose a kindred spirit. I will never stop missing her. You have my sympathy.
Targe0
I mean, you still can, he just can't call you gay back now.
tokerator
š¢
shuttlecockinakumquat
You're still gay to me, OP.
reightb
it's what they would have wanted
memeseeks
I love this site
Targe0
But you should remember the times he did.
tokerator
Norm was his favorite comic.
RumailMaxlowBaronVonAlabasterSerenitydePeriwinkleXXIII
Get some gyros, too. Or at least good burritos. Drag yourself to the gym if you can. It's the same stuff everyone says, but it's for good reason.
GravyEducation
I use dark humor to process this shit too. You're gonna go through a fucked up next few days so I recommend watching some good comedies, couple stand up specials. Get the gyros processing in a cathartic way. Definitely don't go to work. Also Steve was gay we all knew
doobiedoobop
This. Steve wouldn't be worried about people thinking he was gay if he wasn't at least a little bit gay ...
tokerator
GAF!
Richter12x2
I could process some gyros right now. And a little hummus.
tokerator
š š š¢
rivershoulder
All seriousness, I hope youāre alright. I didnāt have cops involved, but Iāve been there. I canāt offer much as some stranger online, but Iām hoping for you.
GravyEducation
Trauma is a fun journey my baby alpaca. Now let's get up this mountain ā¤
rivershoulder
Dude hit on me once at a bar in Oklahoma. Not sure how he got there dressed like lil orphan Annie in a ninja movie, but SUPER gay.
tokerator
I hear it in Norms voice
Freak0zoid
Only thing I can add is to play some Tetris. Research has found that in a traumatic event, playing some Tetris within 24 hours helps you mentally. I don't know the specifics but it seems to help.
GravyEducation
Dude that's fuckin weird but I have heard that, and in another lifetime I could've legit studied game psychology on people with depression and anxiety and ptsd. And just educationally. It's why the word "game-ify" exists, if you give yourself a goal and achieve it, it does wonders. Put the L boys in the L place, it's really just good to accomplish something incrementally. Don't fucking know why but little victories
YouAreMyFavoriteMoose
I heard it was because Tetris is basically a light EMDR session. Constantly moving your eyes back and forth makes your brain do something similar to REM sleep where it can process traumas as if they were more like dreams: more separated from long term emotions and easier to forget