TheWolfenberg
77137
4405
178
let`s see what you got imgur
Jun 18, 2016 11:35 AM
TheWolfenberg
77137
4405
178
let`s see what you got imgur
PGTipsMonkeh
I can't believe that big gorilla died! Rest In Peace, Muhammad Ali
supertrouperlightsaregonnafindme
This one is long: a rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are walking past a burning school. The rabbi says "oh my God we have to save the..." (1/?)
supertrouperlightsaregonnafindme
Children!" The lawyer says "fuck the children!" The priest goes.. "do we have time?!"
placidrain56
What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They can't resist cracking open a cold one.
toriapinklotus
I just asked my husband this and he replied with, "they both like to give things time to ferment"....
InboxMeYourMaineCoons
I used to be a necrophiliac until a rotten cunt split on me.
Tylerm1
That's some disgusting shit. +1
kertez
Name checks out...?
ErrahM
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?........ A: See you next month.
wishwash3
This might be the tamest dirty joke I've heard. I think it was on a penguin wrapper lol
LincolnSiixEcho
Popsicle stick lol
ImASkeletonDontTrustMe
why don't witches wear panties--------------------------------------------------------so they can grip their brooms better
TheGrumpest
Apparently witches might have rubbed psychoactive herbs on their broomsticks, then sat on it and that was what caused the "flying".
SimplyMerlin
Reminds me of the, "Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a snail."
spartaninvicta
Why does a vagina go up/down instead of left to right? So when sliding down a bannister they don't go *insert rasp noise
sixsexsix
Thanks, Packer.
LongSchlongJon
I JUST WATCH THIS EPISODE
ronronner
That's actually why they rode the brooms. Look it up it's proper filthy!
SinnerAreMuchMoreFun
This is pretty good, thanks for the laugh. +1
Gasquatch
How do you know it's bedtime at Jared's house... When the big hand touches the little one
Twatimz
What's the difference between 3 cocks and a joke. ...........your mum can't take a joke
ClassyWhetten
An old grip on set told this one once. Always makes me think of that fantastic show. +1
Twatimz
Zepravity
I laughed harder at this gif than the joke
FryingMonkies
What's black and likes to eat pussy? Cervical cancer
MaxieMooo
ಠ_ಠ
Loadingggg
Damn that's dark lol
Listeningtokpop
Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
mittag
took me a while
truesoundguy
Wow.
mynameisfatmike
cev820550
http://imgur.com/PGBLa3l
LikeABonerInSweatpants
Hiyoooooo
wafflesmgee
10 out of 10 if her secret is AIDS.
OfficialRepresentativeOfCanada
Yes!
MissBrochacho
Just upvoted this to 69
NightingalesBlackAce
Lmao
jnoahj
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
jnoahj
Ghha-gh
DameWithAPipBoy
What did the Boston Marathon bomber do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.
TheVerraton
Why does a black man cry during sex? Pepper Spray.
SilkyMilkyGlobules
What's the best thing about fucking twentytwo-year-olds? There's twenty of them!
plasticfanblade
How many cops do you need to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the black out the room.
NPCommentator
How many blacks does it take to start a riot? -1.
brikhed
They arrest the room for not working and beat it for being black
fieldkillah
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
OrinPlays
That isn't dirty, that's just down right fucking nasty lol.
imadethisaccountjusttocommentonthispost
First Comment and I'm already done. You're great dude.
masterreidensenpaipls6996
Equanimous
How do you know a black girl is pregnant? You remove her tampon & find the cotton has already been picked.
JumpingBalogna
Oh my god, I'm going to hell.
WhyAmINotSleepingRightNow
That joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
billswerskisuperfan
cybergeek
How can you tell when you're at a bulimic party? The cake jumps out of the girl.
CommentDiver
atleastIwasnt36
Well that's appalling
MyOldUserNameMeantUndeadCocaineButNowItsThis
16ajans
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/9e/9ee4e9176edb7c7226ab53b97348d8af1bd57b782ebfb0d4b50246d4e142e266.jpg
applerazmataz
DickDastardly404
This joke wouldn't work in France.
SilverChauffeur
In France they call it a royal with cheese
AaronBarreto
You mean a Royale with cheese?
SilverChauffeur
Oh shoot, I sure do
hatespawnlive
.
OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette
What do they call a Big Mac?
FeckArseDrink
Le Big Mac
OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette
Le Big Mac-uh. What do they call a Whopper?
FeckArseDrink
Le Whopper?
AaronBarreto
Don't know, didn't go to bk
FrankBrayman
What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?
AnnoyingRingtone
One is a sick duck and the other sucks dick?
FrankBrayman
I forget how the joke ends, but your mother is a whore.
makethepeniseskiss
Son of a bitch. Ya got me.
stevetehpirate
DeDutchDudeDatDoes
What does a healthy Labrador puppy have in common with a nearsighted gynecologist?
DeDutchDudeDatDoes
They both have wet noses.
JimNeverHasASecondCupOfCoffeeAtHome
Holy shit +1
EverlastingToeJam
Oh man you... you got me +1
DeDutchDudeDatDoes
And I didn't even make up the joke myself... I shamelessly stole it from another man who probably stole it himself. :-)
EverlastingToeJam
Naturally! (: btw dope username!
ChaosZR1
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
SevenDeadlyFins
too soon...
DameWithAPipBoy
You know, where you find four Irishmen you'll find a fifth.
marcoyolo69
The great Irish dilemma, do you eat the potato or wait for it to become vodka
LikeABonerInSweatpants
Mallory fucking kills it every time
phakedoctor
As an Irishman...this is wonderful
imgurscommontater
don't eat me D:
Raskal112
Oh wow.
fappingsloth
Ha ha, i thought it was as many as would fit into the bottle!
FAC47
Best one so far...
iliketrains1990
Hahaha savage
helloworldimugly
What's 10 inches long, black, and makes a woman scream when you put it in her mouth? A: her miscarriage
decorativemooseknuckle
Holy shit
KrustyPartiallyGelatinatedNonDairyGumBasedBeverage
Holy fuck
depeche85
Firefluff
I think... I just puked a little...
insongwhang
SIDS
thran87
Nice
xfaerieusagix
That is fucking fabulous
arbitrarium
The version I heard was "What's stiff and purple and makes a woman scream all night long? Cot death."
jackocatt
Bruh
Orochidragon005
What do you call a retard that dies in a house fire? A baked potato.
DoctorClef
No tomato for the potato.
domzie
I understood that reference.
blazr987
What do you call an invalid who dies in a house fire? A roasted vegetable
heavyD
What's crispy at the top of the stairs? Chris Reeves in a house fire.
HereInDuckburg
:0
FilthyRedmond
:~|
YourLordCthulhu
What's the worst part about being a pedophile? Getting the blood out of the clown costume. Note; Told to me by a teacher.
theLamborghiniMan
If only they'd taught you how to properly use a semicolon.
YourLordCthulhu
Oh no, my shift key didn't register for a single key stroke! Whatever shall we do in this time of serious crisis!
theLamborghiniMan
Blame Obama.
LoTRFanatic42
What breaks when you give it to a toddler? Their hips.
DreamWalker91
This is why I am afraid og clowns...
Bonnedad
Down here, we all float
fappingsloth
.....And now teachers!
AliBarber
I was eating grandma out when I tasted horse semen. That's when I realised that's how she died
cybergeek
"So I was eating this chick out when I tasted horse semen. 'Oh, grandma,' I said, 'so that's how you died!' " --escalates more steadily. :)
Ninjaviolinist
Well, so much for breakfast.
Irrelephantastic
horse semen?
BlaneStrickland
derandy
that's not even a joke. that's just terrible
Beepity
Terribly funny.
CoRektiveAction
In 32 years I have never peed while laughing. Until today.
Zoddom
btw without the second "that" I somehow think it sounds better. keeps people guessing.
conquest
that was a wild ride from start to finish.
DinkyDamn
I... I don't even.
jackocatt
That. Damn nigga, one hit after another
GenericAfricanDictator
ding ding ding, we have a winner
glllll
*I was eating out my girlfriend when I tasted horse semen.That's when I realized that's how grandma died.
Killstealer
but why
chiefholla
Evil confession tiger
Zoddom
omg this one got me
RockPaperSciccorsLizardSpock
Wow...
youguttabekittenme
What's hard to find in an Orlando night club.....a pulse
[deleted]
[deleted]
youguttabekittenme
Well yea that's what the meme is for... Don't hate the player hate the meme
ratfaceddog
What meme? The one asking for dirty jokes?
youguttabekittenme
Chill safe space hero
ratfaceddog
Incoherent nonsense in defense of illiteracy? I know you've been waiting for an opportunity to parrot that phrase, since you first saw it,1/
SexuallyEnragedGerbil
Jesus fucking christ
SP00BLES
Holy shit dude
jackocatt
I both felt a dark pang of guilt and anger, then lost my shit, that was good
pstar7
I lold just cuz of the replies to this one.
youguttabekittenme
I'm sorry
Frysepinne
Im not :-P
TurkusMagus
Savage
papapooey
Brutal asf xD. You've got balls or bombs.
ArmandoManatee
I appreciated the sorry. Lmao.
ErrahM
What do you call a discount circumcision? ............ A: A rip-off.
Lunar8
That made me cringe
Bonnedad
Tell the moile to keep the tip
OohhhYeeaaahhhh
You know how people say white people can't jump? Obviously they haven't seen the footage from 9/11.
DeDutchDudeDatDoes
Ouch!
tomyironmane
They probably didn't have time to say that.
DeDutchDudeDatDoes
Unfortunately ... and morbidly, I am sorry to say that I think otherwise... damn ....don't think about it.
tomyironmane
No, they had time to scream in terror, soil themselves quite justifiably... but the impact probably killed them before pain could register.
Pantsworth6573
They say 9/11 victims are the fastest readers. 87 stories in 10 seconds.
DeDutchDudeDatDoes
Ouch again!
Xentherida
Damn it. I just submitted that joke and didn't check to see if it was here; I didn't think it'd be in the replies...
SexuallyEnragedGerbil
ಠ_ಠ
nineleftnuts
How do you know your sisters on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
SilkyMilkyGlobules
Dude.
ThatsFuckingChess
You can make this worse by replacing 'dad' with 'dog'
nineleftnuts
I like the way you think, you filthy bastard you. +1
jackocatt
Damn bro that's. Damn.
NickM74
Dude jeez
OurLordAndSav
You took mine. +1
sinskas
Jasperman62
Or shit ;)
PoopTrainDix
But shit doesn't have anything to do with her period, you dipshit idiot :) :)
SilkyMilkyGlobules
+1 for dipshit idiot. Lovely combo insult..
Jasperman62
Ha.. Obviously your mind not shitty enough to see the alternative outlined below.
witchkizzle
When the Red River is flowing, take the dirt road home. That is what he was getting at.
PoopTrainDix
Ah, that makes sense
mymanmaverick
A Muslim walks into a gay bar. The bartender asks him what he'll have. He replies "shots for everyone!"
thatimgurfella
God damn it.
NunchuckMantis
A gay walks into a muslim bar. The goat thanks God he'll get a day off! *p.s. imma muslim!
thedaps
Woah... take my +1, tell no one.
conquest
That's current, I like it!
Daswoms
Fucking savage!
WizardOfRaz
As a Muslim, +1
Teevorkio
I gotta use this
souplipton
Don't know if this is the best or worst joke I've heard this year. Probably both
TheAlmightyPig
Holy shit... :)
tomyironmane
Dude... you're almost making me wish I had reenlisted, just to tell that joke to other Marines.
ArmandoManatee
Woah now
Radvstheworld
Shots fired?
Flonaise
Yeah you could say that.
mymanmaverick
At least 49 of them
mymanmaverick
What was that too far?!?!
LIamanator
Too soon.
Vicke01
Too fucking soon
blak
I'm pooping
SexyYoda
Me too
psuedomacabre
What do you call an epileptic in the oven? Shake and bake.
Lizaderp
This also works with Michael J Fox in the oven.
helicotrema
Or Michael J Fox in the bush or in the bath.
McKittenMeat
What do you call an epileptic in a bush? Russell.
stevetehpirate
What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?
stevetehpirate
A dead epileptic.
GorramPanda
As an epileptic this is amazing :)
jcshishka
What do you do when an epileptic takes a bath? Throw in a load of laundry
thepoetess
Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?
jcshishka
Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Neither did she
DameWithAPipBoy
Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a women.
thepoetess
So she can moan with the other.
RottenDR
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
Tylerm1
How?
manborg
We'll never know.
RottenDR
Trying to read the waffle iron.
40kNerd
How do you castrate somebody from Kentucky?
40kNerd
Kick his sister in the jaw.
thisusernameisprobablyweird
ok, i giggled. +1
WaffleSingSong
From Kentucky, not 100% innacurate.
RottenDR
I am also from Kentucky. I have been in some parts of the state where family trees don't have any branches but still go back generations.
manborg
This must be the funniest way someone can state this.