DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
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Mar 28, 2025 10:46 PM
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
42030
1252
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Smartbutnotreally
The biggest threat to women on this planet is men.. The biggest threat to men? Heart disease.
pxlphile
I vividly recall that one post saying how weird it strikes her to date a potential predator
Chefpnut
My now wife sent a picture to a friend of my license plate. I was fine with it because she was being careful and I had nothing to hide. Women need to feel safe with their partners.
squelcheswetly
When I was dating last year, it was brought to my attention that there’s a Facebook page where (mostly) women can share men’s dating profiles to see if someone is a lunatic, married, whatever. “Has anyone dated this dude? What was he like? Am I being catfished?”
While I was initially surprised to find that a friend had seen my profile (I didn’t even know the page existed), I’m happy to see women supporting each other out there.
IWasGoingToMakeEspresso
My sister in law found out that my brother is a serial cheater this way.
Apollymkatistrafia
If you're not going to do something wrong, you already won't care that her friends are making sure she's safe.
IrateWolfe
A friend of mine explained this to me as "dating is a lot harder when your pool of potential partners is also you pool of natural predators"
CedricDur
Getting mad at it is like getting mad at security checks at an airport. You can be an adult during an airport security check? You can be an adult for a first date.
Xenarion
I mean, there's good reason to be mad at security checks at airports. A lot of it is ridiculous. This liquid might be a bomb? Better throw it away with all the other potential bombs, in the most crowded area.
CedricDur
Yes, exactly, very much that. So, if people STILL manage to be adults and go through it then they can be adults about first dates.
OdinYggd
One of the few times I'm glad to be a Millennial. I already finished the dating thing before it became impossibly scary/awkward. Even then though my wife and I will sometimes meet up with people we talk to online, and always do so in a public place with cameras such as a store.
quzar
OKCupid used to have a feature where you could leave a kind of note/review/award for your date that was publicly visible. I was on the site from it's start and it was hard going, just hard to get an interaction. A date every few months. Once they added that, the first date I had left me a thing saying "Isn't a murderer, had a great time." and was like a whole new world with most messages answered. It removed that very same biggest safety risk.
They scrapped it after not too long due to abuse.
foo431
The men who get offended by the things we do for safety, are the ones that are very likely to violate that safety.
Toqom
Honestly if you get defensive you're the one they are protecting themselves against
soepie7
Yeah, I knew someone who took it very personal when told that men *in general* are seen like this. Needless to say, that person kinda fell out of the friend group eventually, because he kept missing the entire point and kept making the problem about himself.
Xenarion
I will say, while I understand the women feeling this way, I also understand the men being hurt by it. Being judged and considered dangerous for the crime of being born with a penis sucks, and having to be careful around men also sucks.
soepie7
It sucks, and it's something I keep in mind. For example, when walking on the sidewalk, trying to not walk behind a woman, but see if I can't just walk at the other side of the road.
But I would never actually blame women for this, I just blame the bad men. And that's the memo a lot of men didn't get.
spacepuppiesweed
Men should also let a friend know when they are meeting someone new. Women can be dangerous. Or we could be working with a man that wants to rob you. Or it could be a catfish and just be another man. Yall need to stay safe too.
DejDek
I’m the safety net for my sister, and vice versa.
But also. When I had my first date with my partner I sent her my license first and told her to forward it to her safety person.
As men, we need to do our part to ensure that anyone we go on a date with is safe.
bohjeenie
Is there an alternative to divulging excessive personal information to a person you just met?
Granted, men (on average) are significantly more likely to creepy and beyond; but it’s not an exclusive trait.
DejDek
Make sure meetings are in public places.
Speak plenty before meeting the first time.
I had spoken to my now-partner for a few weeks before we got coffee, and our first date was after that.
Creeps aren’t gender exclusive.
Toqom
Taking a picture only helps so much and right now, a person like that would get a Trump appointment
Endante
"male presenting folks" lmao
Jimthebutler
Your table manners are hardly what matters on a date. Let them feel comfortable whatever they need to do so is fine honestly.
LordLobster
What if they are comfortable setting the waiter on fire?
aguacatedeldiablo
Best to find that out now, I guess.
MapleSyrupMafia
Have you seen how he was dressed? He was asking to get lit on fire!!!! /s
Jimthebutler
I don't think the waiter would be comfortable with that, and neither would i
freshthrowaway1138
Table manners do matter. I will always judge how you use a knife and fork, and yeah, no second date if you can't handle basic utensils in public.
Chriswagon1
My first dinner date i only used a fork, cutting anything that needed cutting with the edge of the fork as i do at home, I'm more inclined to judge someone who puts on airs though so if it bothered her then it wasn't meant to be. There was no second date but I did make some other massive date faux pas so i wasn't surprised. Been with my current gf 8 years and she's more feral than i am, she eats rice with her fingers
freshthrowaway1138
And that's fine, heck, some culture's table etiquette would allow using fingers for rice but even then there are rules. Enjoy who you are with, but that doesn't mean I am not allowed to judge people nor decide against dating them over it. I think people are just getting really upset by the reality that I will judge them. They can't imagine allowing me to have my own standards if that standard might not include them.
It's not about putting on airs, it's about not being revolting.
Jimthebutler
Your call. You do you. Im not judging someone for a lack of dexterity.
freshthrowaway1138
Properly using a knife and fork is not a matter of dexterity, it's one of training. If you can't handle sitting properly in a restaurant like a civilized person then there are other issues going on. Though, if you have dexterity issues, then that is fine. But if you can drive a car but can't use a knife and fork, then it's not a dexterity issue. Learn some table etiquette.
freshthrowaway1138
/wow, looks like I've pissed off a few people who can't handle their utensils. I guess some folks are ok looking like barbarians stabbing into their steak and tearing at it with whatever pointy object is in their hands. Or do y'all even use utensils? More of just grabbing with your hands and tearing chunks with your teeth kinda crowd?
aabcdort
Tear chunks with my teeth, I don't even use my hands.
freshthrowaway1138
How I see the downvoters:
https://imgur.com/Vw36JDA
cousteau
Well, I would say it's men who are moreb nervous, because they have to make a good impression and not look like weirdos and-- oh. OH. They meant THAT type of nervous :|
HeraldOfTheBadger
I'm so happy I'm gay
valkrez
To make my dates more comfortable, I would suggest they bring their dog. She feels safer, and hey a dog! This eventually got me married.
nation543
I've shared my location with friends, and I'm a guy. I've heard stories and read stories on the internet about guys going to hookups from Tinder and getting robbed, or just flat out murdered. This is something that everybody should do; check ins on social media are good, too.
Xenarion
Yeah, scams are getting more and more common on the dating scene. First date always need to be in a public space.
Sasurau
I'm a middle aged, white, bearded, balding, and inked up dude. If I'm meeting someone, especially that I've only interacted with online, I'm notifying friends and going to have a check in, it'll also be in a public environment. And, hell, while I'm reasonably cautious around women*, I'm also more so cautious because who knows who it actually is. Could be some dude with a 6 inches and a hundred pounds on me. I'm a tiny motherfucker. So, yeah. I completely get it. Dudes worry me, too, & I'm a dude
Sasurau
*-All this presupposes that I'm meeting up with people, or women, which. Man. I'd say it's been a dry spell, but when the dry spell has lasted longer than some folks on this site have been alive, it's more of an increasing desertification than it is a "dry spell."
IHaveGreatKittenRecipes
The Sahara is supposed to flip back to a green state in about 13 or 14 thousand years, so there's still a chance, man.
nation543
this made me actually laugh.
in all seriousness though, there's actually a thing called the Great Green Wall Initiative where they're using physics to bring life back to the Sahara. it's still rather experimental but it's working well. Basically, they are digging crescent shapes to catch and hold water from rainfall when it would just be evaporating away.
afatality
I make it known im dangerous from a mile off, but thats only because i know me, i am a cook, i play with fire and knives, crazy not stupid
afatality
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_HQH2Jkdc
afatality
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asULvdxX07s
mafiacarstarter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgBPCCG-_dg
thescroz
When I first met my now wife, it was specifically set for a mid day coffee before an event she had to be at. We only had 2 hours but it was good so we set a second date. She told me all of this in advance and my only thought was "makes senss"
slipvyne
Most guys don't know what the bear question is. And when I explain it to them, they still look dumbfounded.
OnlyWantToSayOneThing
This is the one comment that made me think. I've been actively LGBT online and I feel like I already had like 5 or 6 bear memes in the first week before I even found the origination. I cannot even imagine a world where someone doesn't understand the bear question due to the people I keep around me. But also it makes me wonder how many other things I'm missing even when I'm trying to be an ally to those I am not directly in the dating pool of.
slipvyne
lol, I know this is a bit old now, but I had to come back and make another comment. I logged into next-door for the first time in months cause I wanted to sell something. One of the first posts is someone asking if ppl are going to an anti elon/trump/tarrif protest rally and there are 30 replies. only 5 are supportive, 1 of those 5 is 'support your right to protest' - the other 25 are just hate comments. Do your research, you idiot, they should arrest everyone there, etc etc etc.
slipvyne
I live in a hyper-conservative part of the USA, the most conservative city in the USA pew research. Super liberal trying to survive. I was online before elementary school in the early 90's. I have immigrant grandparents from Germany. I literally couldn't talk to anyone if I had to say no trumpers.
Something I've learned is that being open is accepting. You change ppl more by listening and asking questions. Knock edges off, learn why they be like that. Challenge your own beliefs.
HandsomePenguin
It's always funny when guys get all defensive when statements like this are made. If you aren't like that, then the post isn't about you, and you are doing nothing but defending the guys who are like that.
Blajammer1
Exactly
PaleChapter
You know Chris Rock regrets ever doing that bit, right?
pareidoliaperson
Met some girls in a club. We met up again next week. They brought a dude and I asked who's he they said "bodyguard" I said omg you do not trust me, though, exclaiming not asking. It made totally sense and I didn't give it a second thought. Introduced myself to him and we had fun that night. I was 21. Now I'm proud I did that.
Becker37
Problem is there's far more who would take an opportunity if they thought they wouldn't get caught. I've been through so many bad things that there's not a single male I'd trust. I freakout with worry for my daughter and they get mad because they think I'm overreacting. I pray to whatever that they never found out differently
2graves
It's still awkward, but understandable
WholeWheatBunnyHugger
No defense for guys who can't behave like gentlemen. You asked for the date to get to know her better. If after the apps, she props her foot up on the table and starts clipping her toenails, -you know her better-. Mission accomplished. Finish your cheese stick and figure out what you want for dinner.
[deleted]
[deleted]
SomeDetroitGuy
I see you added the word "all" in there. The word "all" wasn't in the original. In fact, it explicitly made the point that it was NOT all men but rather only some of them that this applied to. But you explicitly said "all women". Why is that?
RobBobertyYT
It's pathetic and sad that you think this is comparable. You need to think about the kind of person you want to be in the world. You are choosing to be this person. Be better.
HandsomePenguin
Yes, direct slander and speaking of your own personal discomfort are comparable things. Try harder troll.
Hammertulski
Next on You’re Part Of The Problem, we present: this guy.
freshthrowaway1138
If you want the better counter, if you believe that all women are gold digging whores, then get a pre-nup. Or if you're just dating, then take the first few dates to something like a coffee shop or even to a ice cream in the park. If a women doesn't know if she's safe, then she'll get a pic and call from a friend. If you think she wants your cash, then do a cheap date thing.
rumepowat
I too, wanted to change the analogy to a working one. Thanks for putting in the work.
Talori
For the analogy to work, the word "all" also needs to be removed (and 'whores' is also an interesting choice...). So: "Some women solely want to date/marry to get a guy's money and I find it hard to tell the difference early on, so I go for cheap dates early, and will get a prenup to protect myself" = "Some men are dangerous and I find it hard to tell early on, so I put in some safety nets like having a friend nearby call in on the first few dates to protect myself"
Talori
In this case, then both sides are being reasonable. The man should not be offended, and neither should the woman. If a woman goes around saying "all men are dangerous and disgusting sex predators" and the man goes around saying "all women are gold-digging whores", then both parties should be offended. Additionally, neither party has any logical reason to be trying to form a relationship with a member of the opposite sex and should probably refrain from doing so...
thedtp
decarnatedame
It won't be long before we have to bring back the old customs such as taking chaperones and armed gunmen.
v
Jezzz
fiddler on the roof?
decarnatedame
The Godfather
Jezzz
ohh guess i need to watch that again.
DIPPS77
Those gunmen really kept her safe in the end.
decarnatedame
Boom.
doobiedoobop
That's a scene from the book that was so well portrayed in the film - how she "trips" so he'll catch her, and the old ladies chaperoning laugh because they know she did it on purpose, and that it's the only way he'll get to touch her like that before they marry
decarnatedame
Exactly! Feminine wiles. :)
georgejimmydoodle
I was just thinking that having a chaperone around, at a distance and minding their own business until summoned, should make a comeback. I'd be down to sit at the bar with a book during someone's dinner date and take them home if the date is a creep.
a0b1
The not eating part at dinner time would make that impossible for me
georgejimmydoodle
You could eat at the bar.
phuzz00
All men should be chaperoned in public by their mother until they're married. Might convince them to not be creepy dicks.
BumroyV2
I didn’t understand how pervasive creepy men of all ages are until I started working retail alongside women. They are everywhere, and it finally gave me a glimpse of the pressure women are under all the dman time.
DianNaoChong
Every woman I worked with in retail wore a ring to make it look like they were married, and it didn't stop some folk from being creeps
GravyEducation
I had a manager, the MANAGER in a restaurant, an experienced guy really good at his job, not understand that women get cat called every day. Always have my friends backs. Rides home, etc. Just like, my guy, you are a primary line against harassment in the work place, I *know* you've seen it happen, did you think that shit stops when people clock off? Some men still need that explained to them. I just shut up and let the women at the table explain it to him
johnxbear
Not even just retail. It's all workplaces. I've seen dudes almost get themselves fired walking into areas of a plant they had no authorization to be in because they followed some lady from her lunch break. I'll never understand that mindset
Hashbrown123
When I worked days I would always get asked to step in because there was always some creep that would hit on the high school aged girls.
FlippedOut
I see the stats and the stories from women. I think "this can't be real", "I dont know anybody like that". But the older I get, the more I see. I struggle to believe how many scumbags there are. I initially thought it was a generational issue that was going away, but that doesn't look to be the case. It makes me sad.
Draygen
I worked at a gas station for a bit, and while I'm a big, scary guy, i have big Dad energy, and all of the small, young women that worked there preferred when i was there, because I was quick to step in when customers got creepy. I know that the Ick isn't caused by me, but if i stand by and let it happen, then what's the difference if i'm the creep or not?
TurangaLeeIa
So so so well said. Exactly.
billstranger
👍 I'm the "bar dad" to several younglings. 18-20yo girls who i know enough to say hi to who will come sit and chat with me when these creepy dudes (usually older) won't take no for an answer. A couple who explicitly introduce me ("hey, so this is my dad!") to whichever creep won't leave them alone. It's too bad so many guys are like this, but they really are.
Draygen
Even when I was younger I had that energy. I was walking through a supermarket when I felt a hand in mine and heard, "Hey, two dudes are creeping on me. You're my boyfriend, okay." I guess they haven't left her alone, because we've been married for 20 years and have 3 kids.
billstranger
Nice. Yeah, I've been that guy for pretty much my whole life, and not in some sad woe-is-me way. I'm currently single, sure, but I've had many fulfilling relationships. I worry that a lot of the dad-vibe guys around today are actually incels who think they're owed something because they "saved" you from the creepy guy, and I've seen that conversation play out more than once. Overall we just need more cool dudes and less toxic masculinity, and i do my best to make that the reality.
donutposse11337
“I saved you from having (possibly nonconsensual) sex with someone else. You owe me that sex now. You were gonna have it with someone, so at least it should be with me, the Nice Guy(TM).”
Gross.
FormerlySable
You are a good guy.
Draygen
Yeah, but if anyone asks, tell them I'm an asshole. I've gotta keep expectations low.
Enoan
I (mostly) look like a woman now, and voice training works, but the amount of joy I get from dropping into my old deep voice and playing it up whenever a dude is creepy is worth the dysphoria.
TheDreadPirateBoberts
my girl you are gonna get hate-crimed, please stop doing that. someone is gonna beat you to death. i'm serious please be safe.
jamiekellyxxx
You’re assuming she’s not every bit as dangerous if not more so to a would be attacker. It’s not very nice to project victim hood on to someone.
TheDreadPirateBoberts
i am not projecting, i am *telling* her that a horrendous amount of transwomen are murdered every year and most of them are murdered because a man is attracted to what he thinks is a cis woman and then when he finds out she might not be cis he panics, afraid of being portrayed as 'gay', and retaliates violently against the transwoman that 'tricked' him. It's called the Gay Panic excuse. People have gotten away with this. It's disgusting and I'd rather she knows about it than be surprised.
TheDreadPirateBoberts
in fact, fucking look at this. everyone needs to look at this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_killed_for_being_transgender
scroll down to the list and read the reasons people give for these murders. fucking look at it. over and over again, some straight guy thinks he's been 'tricked' even if the woman wasn't doing anything other than existing in his space, he flips out and he or he and his friends beat her to death. it keeps happening, over and over.
TinyOctopus
Tiny octopus has a small problem with this. Specifically, Step One: Get a Date.
See, this is where tiny octopus is stuck at.
ThingsThatDontJustifyGenocide
Same same, tiny octopus.
Though I also struggle due to my severe autism, severe untreated ADHD, severe anxiety, and asexuality-but-not-aromanticness
Life is fun.
MattTheImperialRadarTechnician
What time are you picking me up?
SnarfyMcSnarferson
I'm stuck at step 0, leave the house when not at work
agentmcgee
Tiny octopus will get there. Tiny octopus just has to believe and be the best tiny octopus everyone knows they are.
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
Well I hope Tiny Octopus knows anyone would be lucky to have a date with them, so the time will definitely come my friend, when the time and person is right!
relsky
That's a kind sentiment. But I've been hearing it for 41 years.
It isn't always true.
TheobromineAddict
I met the love of my life in my mid-50s. After a l-o-n-g string of ridiculously bad relationships, I decided it must be my fault, so I stopped looking for a long term relationship, just settled for somebody I could take to dinner and a play every few months. Somehow, one of those friends-without-benefits kept putting up with my bullshit, and we got married after 3 years, 23 years ago. For me, the magic was making friends without pressure or expectations.
RoutemasterFlash
I don't believe anyone with over 2.5 million Fake Internet Points can possibly have trouble getting a date!
FukcTedCruz
Have you tried sending a tentacle pic?
yourfriendlyneighbourhoodtzimisce
'I showed you my hectocotylus, pls respond'
AltF4EwingsSarcoma
Dazzle them with cheese 🧀
RoutemasterFlash
I believe the official term is "fascinate."
lewaq
I don't know where the problem is, i usually buy them
TheFastpaws
I hope you find someone good my friend. You always come off as a great guy that deserves it.
Artebudz
Similar here, never had a date.
Add in that I don't think I'd date someone I wasn't already friends with, plus I very rarely make friends (1 in 9 years).
Rolling nat 1s on the setup
paullyboy1999
Dating is a shit show. But I get it, sometimes alone is lonely.
CarpetheCarp
I met my husband on bumble. I made my brother’s profile and he met his now wife. Let me know if you need help finding your own eight legged partner.
TinyOctopus
Tiny octopus is kinda bumbling and stumbling so, hah. It was a pun. Nevermind.
AeonsShadow
I know TinyOctopus' feelings on this. Dating is hard and just convoluted nowadays.
johnxbear
I think we're supposed to talk to women but i keep hoping one will just show up at my house and ask me out.
theworldcouldbeflat
Commenting and meme posting is important.
TheNeolisticKid
You want some help with that? I’ve helped many people get dates 😆
DodgyMerchant
daojones75
This is beautiful.
EaNasirsExcellentHighGradeCopper
I thought this was me for as second, but I'm not a woman and she has more hair.
DodgyMerchant
I'm not a woman and yet this is still me
TinkerThinker42
Addendum: do not set your pets free.
snowwolflarka
Maybe start by not talking about yourself in the third person
BumpusMcPhumpusAngeletes
You must be fun at parties
MapleSyrupMafia
As someone not fun at parties, I can tell that they're not fun at parties.
AreYouABadPerson
Maybe get the fuck over it.
TinyOctopus
Well, it only happens on imgur, but it also helps as an initial sort method apparently. ;)
MadamPuddifoot
Same here. I just re-dl a dating app but after 3 weeks of texts with a guy, he bailed on me the DAY I got my car fixed and we could finally meet up.
Apparently I got too suffocating. I haven't had a real hug in over a year. A real relationship in 8, unless you count the 2 when I was a drunk, which then means 4.
Life sucks.
TinyOctopus
I'm glad you're sober. And there's someone out there for us. I still have hope, even though yeah, I miss adult hugs too.
paullyboy1999
Flip side to this. If I go on a date with someone new, I ask if they would like my address, a pic of my drivers license and any other pertinent information to share, so they can go into the date feeling comfortable. I had a woman tell me that was a red flag. I just thought I was being decent since there is obviously a danger to women in today's world
[deleted]
[deleted]
paullyboy1999
I know, right? I am looking for the one who likes to strangle me
HappyTimeHollis
The offer for your address and driver's license is extremely over the top. It might be coming across that you're taking the piss.
Also, consider that perhaps just the idea of you bringing up it being dangerous puts the thought into the head that you might be dangerous. Maybe in future just let them deal with whatever safety precautions they want to implement and be cool about whatever they do decide to do.
tallyhoho
That's more like if someone protests too much they start to look guilty even though that was not your intention at all. Simply a photo and name is enough for most people to check out your socials and arrest history. No need to bring it up, everyone has their own comfort level friend
OccasionalManatee
Might've been a red flag in the sense that "you're trying so hard to seem safe that it feels like you're pretending"? Nothing wrong with what you described doing, but I can see that potential negative read. Like the other commenter said, you can't please everyone.