Hans...

Jun 26, 2025 5:54 PM

zalaman

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30257

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643

Dislikes

29

Male spiders:

1 year ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

As it turns out these spider don't typically get the decapitation copulation treatment, but the attitude remains the same.

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

1 year ago | Likes 39 Dislikes 1

Now that I've retrieved my phone from across the room...

Where are these things, so that i can avoid that continent?

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love animals. I really do. And I can accept, on a purely intellectual level, that these creatures are mostly harmless to humans. 100%. But I have a lizard brain, which is smooth, and under no circumstances would I ever see one of these things in the wild and NOT run away screaming, to go cry in my shower for 6 days straight afterwards.

1 year ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 1

God forbid running into its web. I ick out from any webbing

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

If it's JUST the web? I can handle that. If the spider is in it as well ... ? I'll just fucking die right then and there, thank you.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That’s where my brain goes “WEB?! FUCK THE SPIDER IS PROBABLY HERE TOO!!!” And then i scream and claw at my face.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

As a life-long, card carrying arachnophobe?

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Well, practicing arachnophobic here. I cope by learning as much as I can about the creatures. Like “Know your enemy”. I respect them but I don’t like them.

They are not from this world, they come from the same planet as cats. I do love cats though.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

✓;;`` √/\•°,,°•//\

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1YWJrbjR1ZmlxZDBqc3hyczlqcmJrMTBlNXBrMXE4a2IzcGpxeW4ydyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/Rr2c1fbVrqfD01toJE/200w.webp

1 year ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 5

Imagine posting this in response to a harmless animal just living its life.

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 6

Intellectually, I agree with your sentiment. My phobia, on the other hand... Put it this way: I get both sides, and I would LOVE if people tagged their spider posts so that I don't feel like I need to shake myself every 5 seconds for the next half hour.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 5

Of the three in total posts you've made one is of cats. Many people are afraid of cats. Let's see if you tagged 'phobia'. Aaaaaaand of course you didn't.

Stop making stupid complaints.

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 4

Ah yes, because I clearly post very often and even knew what the fuck tags were 6 years ago. What a valid argument!

OP posts frequently and is actually using tags, so is it genuinely that much to ask to add it?

It is genuinely upsetting to me and to many other people. If you think that's a stupid complaint, then you're simply an inconsiderate cunt.

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 3

Well, you're definitely upset.

Lame name-calling too after pointing out your hypocrisy, loser.

Start start tagging every single one of your posts and even your comments "phobia" or stop making stupid complaints.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 2

We have Trichonephila clavipes here that I thought were huge, but this one is gigantic compared to anything here (FL). What a beauty.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I find people are one of two ways with spiders - "Crikey! What a Beauty" ( Me ) or "run away screaming"...

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

And here is a perfect depiction of my arachnophobia and it's weirdness. The male? Mostly fine, not too bad. The female? Oh god please put me in a hermetic environment.

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Gruber, fetch me the antimatter grenades!

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Tag. Your. Shit. Dealing with phobias is not fun.

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 2

@stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My ogre faced spiders are like this! The female is SUBSTANTIALLY bigger than the male

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Nope thank you!!! I can take the fuzzy little ones with short stubby legs, but this kind gives me waking nightmares.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

The "Yo mama" jokes in that species must be hilarious. /S

1 year ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 3

Imagine if human were that dimorphic. "Hey bro, ready to go fuck some kaijus?"

1 year ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 1

there's a subgenre of erotica or two about it

1 year ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Waiting for the jump scare.

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

A gentle breeze would cause me to shit myself.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Rarely has my butt achieved this level of clench.

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

"Banana Spiders" - she must be in Okinawa (are they elsewhere?). Those freaked me out when I was a kid (VERY BIG and scary looking, but usually just chilled on their web). When I lived in Kyushu (adulthood) I had a couple Ashidakagumo (Japanese Huntsman spiders) who lived in my bathroom. Super chill, but REALLY BIG as well. The first interaction was less than pleasant - looking up in a tiny bathroom to those two about 2' above my head...

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"and the jungle is full of these spiders" *carefully writes down 'Stay the FUCK out of the jungle'*

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I mean... Look, I'm glad someone's into spiders - they are important - but Jesus F Christ!!

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

dreams do come true

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

They're also harmless. Cool ass spiders.

1 year ago | Likes 208 Dislikes 2

How can you call it that!? It's got eight arms!

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Orbweaver?

1 year ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Golden orb weaver I think

1 year ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

lol, ass spiders

1 year ago | Likes 54 Dislikes 3

If the ass spiders are harmless, are they just chilling up there or what?

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

1 year ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Is that 16 cheeks?

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

They might be harmless, but when you walk between 2 trees and have one of those land on your face, it's not ok!! Your life just turned into Aliens!

1 year ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

If I liked spiders, I'd probably like these spiders, but alas, I do not like spiders

1 year ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

We just had a baby boom of these in our backyard! I hope a whole bunch make it.

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

That knowledge does nothing to quell the monkey brain.

1 year ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 1

But the webs are huge. Like fills the space between two tree in the jungle big.

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yes, I walked right into one with my face in Hawaii and am still traumatized 20 years later

And I love spiders, but that unexpected ginormous crawling thing on my face woke up some primordial fear center of my brain

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I love spiders too, but that's nightmare fuel lol

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Cool-ass spiders, or cool ass-spiders. Punctuation REALLY matters here.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That’s what a female spider would say

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

They'll give you the equivalent to a bee sting if you let them.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

They're even more harmless if I stay the fuck away from where they live

1 year ago | Likes 57 Dislikes 2

We called these banana spiders when I was little. Their webs could cross streets.

1 year ago | Likes 43 Dislikes 1

yes, that's another name for them, but also for a few other species including the Brazilian wandering that Vanesh mentions
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banana_spider

1 year ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Same. I'd find them almost exclusively at face level on walking trails.

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Why did they cross streets, do they feed on cars?

1 year ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Probably just pedestrians.

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Well, where I'm from Banana Spiders is a type of spider that if they bite you and inject their venom, you get an erection... well, it's also highly toxic so you won't have a good time and have a high chance to die, but die hard.

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

If you hard, you hard.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I’m a woman; would I still get an erection? (Lol, I kid.) but I am curious if it would cause my genitals to swell with blood like a man obtains an erect penis.

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

A woman of science. I unfortunately don't know about the spiders, but there is this: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/there-is-a-type-of-fungus-that-can-instantly-induce-orgasms-in-women-with-its-smell-a6687611.html

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Maybe get a small spider bite first, to get in the mood?

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Found it : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoneutria apparently not as deadly as I was led to believe. Still would not recommend.

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Do you get the erection no matter where they bite you?

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

They only bite cock

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

reminds me of the ones in japan about that size that are always hanging right at face height under trees at night.. a lot like that one.. don't walk under trees at night in japan all im sayin

1 year ago | Likes 92 Dislikes 2

I would claim temporsry insanity in the 100% panic mode period where my limbs would behave like a psycho blender and my body would move incredibly fast

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I was running on a trail on Okinawa and ran through a web. Looked down at my chest and one of these monsters was staring up at me.

1 year ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 0

Do they lay eggs in your throat like a facehugger?

1 year ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

If you take them out to dinner first, they might.

1 year ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

So that's where the inspiration came from for the ones in Ocarina of Time.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Out at JWTC? *shudder*

1 year ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

You'd think, but this was literally on base in Yokosuka..

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

What species? I’m interested

1 year ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Some variety of cunty fucken orb weaver bastard.

1 year ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

I knew “orb weaver,” but not the rest of the name. (Lol)

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

had to look it up, pretty sure the ones I encountered were Joro spiders. We called em banana spiders.

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

maybe not this.. I just read the body size is only 1 inch, that is way too small.

1 year ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

The body is an inch....the legspan is definitely not...😵‍💫

1 year ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

correction, it's the Golden Orb Weaver.. they're mostly okinawa but considering the traffic between Yokosuka USN base and the bases in Okinawa, it's likely why they were on base on the mainland.

1 year ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0