pilomotor
44271
860
14
Jan 17, 2025 2:54 PM
pilomotor
44271
860
14
Shamalamadingdongz
In da butt?
alittlekinkinthenuts
MeshHatMafia
“Look who’s here for a little sucky-sucky”
“…don’t say it like that”
deetatron
cyno01
habslove
hehe this followed up the my dad is dracula post for me, excellent
HashMaster9k
mrsparkle001
westPAguy
nothingunused
Mmm, yes...tell me I've been bad, Sarah...
Teaelf
I swear, EVERY day I'm on the internet I get a new one. *Scribbles in the 'dang it boner' notebook.
CouldntCakeLess
kevbot5000
Lee Gatlin is great.
OngoGoblogianTheArtCollector
BLEH!
BzzBiotch
I DON'T SAY BLEH
CeruleanSky1988
*puts on a whole lotta love by led Zeppelin*. Him "I was there you know." "Yeah I bet you were, now fuck me!" "What!?" "I-i mean bite m-- fight me!"
AnonOmis1000
I mean, I don't think a vampire would be harder to take than a normal human
Yuktio
I can judge that, just need some volunteers.
Babomonkey
Hard pass.
CyberHexx
Max Schreck was an ugly dude, perfect for the role, and scared the ever loving fuck out of everyone on set. Wasn't a professional actor, just a rich dude who wanted to play a vampire on those new fangled movies.
HeWhoControlsThePantsControlsTheGalaxy
None of that is even remotely true in the slightest.
Babomonkey
Schreck was a professional actor his entire life, not rich but comfortable due to his success in theater and film and was a normal looking dude.
Ilikecreativepeople
It's Morbin' time!
Nismu
austinwizardforhire
GreaseMonkeyOfLove
I almost felt sorry for that guy …… almost.
shawns11385772
Something I really like about Vampire: The Masquerade is how since vampires are essentially walking corpses, the lower their humanity the less they'll find stuff like sex interesting.
lordmogul
You might want the vampire, but the vampire doesn't want you....
WeMistbornsNeedNotMakeSense
Im confident in my ability to take a Vampire to a nice dinner of home cooked meal
vampire49
Where are you taking me? Is it for pizza? It's for pizza isn't it. Hold the garlic please.
BitLizard
How do vampires get an erection if they don't have blood?
thornlord
Pulsahr
Oh I forgot that... well, still hot. But I preferred Faith. hmmm.
SunFart
DiarmuidRyan
In daytime 100%. In nighttime 0%
jakdsjfklfds
lolfighter
Great, I am again reminded what we were robbed of.
BrokenAnimal
Because I'm pretty?
thekadeshi
‘Cause you’re pretty.
nothingunused
I have defeated every vampire I have ever seen.
ReaperCDN
I'll take, "Things a mirror would say for $500."
SoLongFriedRiceHelloFriedChicken
PorcNoStar
I feel old, thx.
DL17
Depends on the type of vampire. Like Necroscope Wamphyri, hard no. But Dresden Files succubi, hard yes
ReaperCDN
Oy! Finally another person who knows about these! I've always wanted a TV series or movie based on those monsters. THOSE are powerful fucking vampires.
DL17
I would not fuck anything with a battle gauntlet and insidious mind subversion techniques
ReaperCDN
Wouldn't those insidious mind subverting techniques take that choice away from you though? Like Varvara would beguile you completely, or Malinari. Maybe even Karen.
Swartz, Lesk, Devataki, absolutely no. But the mentalists? I don't even think that would be up to us. They'd choose whether or not we were aware of it.
Tumescentpie
I'd say most versions of vampire, especially those in the common memory, would he pretty bad ass. Immortality would fucking rock.
aramis44
Read the first Necroscope series as young teen. That was an interesting experience ;)
DL17
Jesus, I read them last year and the vampire sex scenes are something else.
aramis44
ikr
Still, it was a good read
dy357lx
I re-read the Necroscope books recently, they still hold up! Fantastic books.
Shame Lumley passed in Jan 2024 :-( Joined the great majority.
DL17
They are very good
darthinebriated
Well since the Red Court is basically extinct, do you think you could take a member of the Black Court? Say, Mavra?
landbaronness42
Dresden!
DL17
I wouldn't fuck a mage bat thing, no. You?
darthinebriated
Depends, is their venom on the table?
DL17
Good point. I'd suppose it has to be
Rufferstuff
MrRandom314159
Some seminal fluid may still be present within the pre.
WhatTheFrog
Was about to say that. Always double check advice from internet strangers, folks, or before you know it, you'll get pregnant with a vampire's baby!
Jagernott
I always thought it was because they have a.....Halloweenie.
HelikaformerNubisKnight9
So a) only consensual sex posssible and b) he need a second invite when he wants to cum inside? Sounds good.
Yuktio
Okay but... what about consenual non-con? Is that still on the table?
Yuktio
To any vampires out there that wanna nut in me, I invite you. This is a universal invitation, you need no further invite, and it cannot be rescinded. And now we wait.
apairofpetducks
Can I also sign up to provide this service? Full invitation for all vamps.
vcgetdown
*Orders some fake vampire fangs off amazon*
Well, hello
Yuktio
Close enough!
WhiskeyGrandpa
Better love story than twilight.
Nyxilydian
So.. I know boning/being boned/etc a vamp is cool and all but you know those plastic vampire fangs? Those are the true vampire condoms. They reproduce by biting, not by banging..
madguy50
The condom is not for the vampire.
Jenialipss
nice
alittlekinkinthenuts
Not with that attitude.
certifiedllama
According to Bram Stoker, one must drink vampire blood to become a vampire. So lay off the real kinky stuff
DontKnowTheSource
Well. IIRC according to the laws of twilight the dudes jizz stays alive and active forever. So that's something
ihugpeople
We need some science here, can they run out? Do they continue to produce it or is it just stored?
HelikaformerNubisKnight9
"Laws of Twilight" is better than any condom. @_@
SteveMND
MikeRInternetTraveler
You could tell me this dialogue actually happened in the final season, and I’d believe you.
I say this as a boring, suburban, 40something straight white guy: That show was fantastic.
SteveMND
As a boring, suburban, 50something straight white guy: I completely agree. They really took the original source material (that was honestly just a cash grab toy mill), and gave it some real characters, depth, and story arcs.
NomDeImguerre
Catra is my spirit animal. This is not a good thing.
EscalatorCongestion
Good Morning Lesbians
Level21Magikarp
BrigidtheMechLady
Shera: Go fuck yourself, Catra! Catra: Fuck me yourself, you coward!
lovehandlesmessiah
BrigidtheMechLady
That's the one
pgdave
Mynamedoesntmatteronlylifematters
pandemicmodedad
Wut?
Redshadow09
I admire the 11.6% of people that said they can beat up a vampire. A literal killing machine, faster and stronger than you.
EroticZombiePants
It's much easier now to pierce a heart than it was back in the day.
ID1746
Might be people who have watched Buffy & prepared accordingly: https://imgur.com/nFYidOP
Snooj
There are plenty of well known tools that can be used against them. If prepared, an average Joe could take on a vampire.
ReaperCDN
We have flamethrowers, thermite, landmines, and more at our disposal. Vampires may have been an issue when all we had was swords and bows, but modern day firepower makes them as tame as werewolves.
mindstorm8191
Even they will fear the Infinite White (of an atomic bomb)
I'm referencing a song I like... though I don't know if others will
onecowboytoo
Yeah, well I am like 10% garlic.
Redshadow09
I knew someone like you would show up in the comments
ReaperCDN
If I was a vampire I'd absolutely spread that my weaknesses included garlic, sunlight and silver. Why not have my food season itself, think it's safe all day, and carry valuable metal I can readily make a profit off of?
onecowboytoo
Yeah, well they are still vulnerable to crosses and wooden stakes through the heart. I got a cross bow.
ReaperCDN
I'm an atheist vampire, your crosses mean nothing to me. Also, I lied about the mirror thing too.
onecowboytoo
I still have the stake through the heart. I am surrounded by auto reloading stake shooting Gatling gun bows that I created.
Jyzzzy
There's always the tungsten sphere.
gablestout
HiddenSanity
Okay, but you know you humans are also weak to having a wooden stake driven into your heart, right?
gablestout
Not with that attitude