DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
28163
888
35
Apr 14, 2026 10:30 PM
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
28163
888
35
PainGwen
I’m bisexual and have queer and trans and non-binary friends. And who they love is definitely my business. I’m going to baby and wedding showers. I’m double-dating. I’m coming to your girlfriend’s flute concert or art show and I’m offering to help you move in together. You can’t escape my acceptance of your queerness. It is inevitable.
WillCorrectInaccuraciesForFood
Yikes, so my question in this scenario would be: "does your friend's mom know he uses those pronouns, so I can use their pronouns when calling the mom?" Wild how someone could think that it's age-inappropriate (of all things) to make friends that are different than oneself.
newphonewhoodis
Sounds like your daughter met a boy at camp.
hsalonen3000
These are children. She should let them play, no matter how much reservations for gay people she has. (there is clearly some there)
murderhobbit
She does not have gay friends. She knows gay people who are polite and tolerate her
anarchoFeline
keep in mind a non trivial numbers of TERFs are lesbians. the org "LGB without the T" exists. it's entirely possible she has gay friends, most likely cis white people, that share her beliefs.
azazyel
follow the kid's lead
huffnpuff72
The daughter did not meet a girl.
AbsolutelyNotBacon
"I want her to be a child" oh so she thinks using pronouns is, like, a graphic sex thing that will scar her for life ?
OhIfIMust
Kids pick stuff up so quickly and easily, they just take it in stride half the time, without even blinking.
GimcrackGewgaw
My kids have such easy facility with this stuff. I envy it. I trip over pronouns. Like, I made the mental shift to call a friend they, but now it's he but only sometimes. And my kids just navigate all this without blinking.
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
Yep, so fucking true! Kids don't give a shit, they just want to play and be happy, kids are amazing and adults really could learn a lot from them!
NotGoodAtUserNames1
I used to teach 6th grade, and I
had a trans student. He explained it to some of the dudes in his class as, “well, I was born a girl, but I feel like a boy on the inside, so I changed my name and hair and clothes.”
Their CLEARLY traumatized response: “Cool. So we call you Peter now?”
OhIfIMust
Haha, I love it.
leroy666
I don,t get what (other than your ignorance) is stopping her from being a child.
FlyingTigerRose
"...I want her to be a child". Sweetie, it really isn't up to you.
babyvamps
neither is up to the little friend
gablestout
MostAwesomeDan
He's a stand-up comic who takes particular interest in topics like this. His yt is full of vids of him basically doing this to hecklers at his shows
Yasashii93
If your “I have nothing against it” is followed by “but” you do, in fact, have something against it.
rossimus
I was working on a film that had a flashback scene to when a kid, who would later grow up to be a gay adult, was starting to face the challenges of being different on the playground. We hired actual kids, 8/9/10 years old. I remember talking to the kid playing the main character-as-kid, and he completely understood the story, the character, and the conflict. It wasn't at all lost on him as a 10 year old.
Flodos
What's the film name?
TKpotato
A trans friend told me about her family, said her youngest cousins were the ones to see no issue at all, but her parents and siblings not so much. My two trans teens are in school with many questioning friends (both in gender and sexuality), and am very proud of the acceptance in their friend groups, makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
My kid is nb and came out at 7. We're lucky to have families that were very accepting. My MIL was speaking out against it at first, but my sweet SIL took her aside and said, "you realize you'll be out of their lives if you keep this up, right? They're not going to choose you over their kid" and she smartened right up.
We did have a parent who stopped responding to playdate texts after she found out my kid was nb though. :( Luckily they have lots of friends at school.
purplenarwhal
Wow, thank you for opening up my eyes as a parent of a toddler how early that realization can be made!
Tulayne
It's not uncommon for it to be even earlier. I knew at 2, before I could say it in words. By the age of 3 most kids have a solid concept of their own gender.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
They actually started saying they weren't a girl as soon as they could speak. I assumed they just wanted to be like their big brother at first, I couldn't imagine they would realize it so early! But they never stopped saying that, and they were wearing boys' clothes by 4 or so and a boys' haircut around 6. Then when they were 7 that's when they asked us to call them "they". So it was a slow coming out but I feel that the pronoun request was the definitive coming out.
duffman3335
She doesn't have gay friends, she knows gay people who are polite to her despite her obvious bigotry.
Soggybathroomsock
Your kid met another kid at camp and they want to play. It's not that hard.
WhyWeDoThis
Didnt you just add pronouns for your ego.
thatwoodguy
She should be proud of her kid, he them are an improvement over her.
cynderkat
I get that what she's asking sounds ignorant and it also costs us nothing to be kind, maybe she really is putting in effort and has never had to deal with this before and wants to know how best to approach it, maybe she's trolling, either way giving an actual helpful answer teaches everyone reading that it's ok to ask questions and have some sort of dialogue about gender issues and, it pisses off trolls when you don't rise to their bait so win win
Howlingowl
Conversion between the two kids:
“Hi, my names Jack, I’m a he.”
“Hi, Jack! I’m Beth. Want to draw with chalk on the driveway?”
*They never bring up their gender ever again*
DameDePiques
Honest question, as I'm not a native English speaker, and it's bugging me no end: why the heck use he/them? I can understand he/him or they/them, but he/them doesn't make sense to me. Why would the gender be different if you're the subject or the object of a sentence?
StopTheWorldIWannaGetOff
I had to read this a couple times, but yeah the addition of their pronouns and gay friends make it weird. I thought she just didn't want her daughter to start dating so young which honestly I'm on board with.
YanRoy
Use their pronouns, that's literally it.
MikePowers
Unfortunately, she fucks up using his/their pronouns the first chance she gets.
ExTechOp
People often don't realize that gendered pronouns are specific to only some languages, English being the most visible case. In my native Finnish, all humans (and also some pets 😼) are "hän", and that's it.
freakdiablo
That's the mature thing to do. I won't even say it's the adult thing to do, because obviously a 10 year old gets it. The problem is, there's a group of people that purposely avoid being mature. It's a "I just don't wanna do it" mindset.
wejustdontknow
Platinum Rule. Treat others as they would treat others.
CmotDribbler
"The golden rule: treat others how they wish to be treated."
CmotDribbler
From a book series I am working through, "Heaven's river" by Denise E Taylor
The iron rule: treat others like they are beneath you.
The silver rule: treat others how you wish to be treated.
The golden rule: treat others how they wish to be treated.
januskincaid
Dennis not Denise, but yeah. Love that series.
CmotDribbler
Crap. Sorry. Was going off memory and messed it up.
wejustdontknow
Yes, I know. There is a Platinum Rule which I intentionally misquoted. It is really "Treat others how they wish to be treated."
hsalonen3000
I think the problem here is that the pronouns represent "woke" idealogy, and she is having none of that.
YanRoy
She was not ready for an honest answer then.
leroy666
Has anybody ever heard a right winger try to define “woke”?
NunyaBNess1
Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) has defined "woke" as a "divisive, harmful, and racist ideology designed to poison the minds of people,"
Senator Tuberville further elaborated on his definition by stating that "wokeness" tells citizens "that men can get pregnant, boys should play in women's sports, and that America is a 'systemically racist' country." Aside from America being systemically racist, he's full of shit.
sarukane
Irony that his harmful ideology is that woke is divisive and harmful.
TheWeebleWobler
You let them grow up with the experiences they have.
imjustheretoholdyourhandwhenyoudie
"it's none of my business who they choose to love." Yes the fuck it is and here's why: People are being persecuted for how they choose to love, so you better be interested in who they love and how that gets in their way.
HypoMix
I don't think I get how he/them works practically? "yes, HE went to the shops to buy the milk, it was THEM". So you are identifying as male, but gender neutral in the objective case?
Jarjarthejedi
"How does it work practically" you use "He" when referring directly and "Them" when referring indirectly. Pronouns are just replacements to help people understand who you are talking about in a sentence structure without using the name. It doesn't matter what they are and people who all of the sudden care that "oh, I can't use /that/ pronoun to refer to this person!" are weird. He wants to use He/Them? Let them. It doesn't matter, it's just a sentence helper. Getting hung up on it is weird.
HypoMix
I don't have a problem with it, but I don't understand why you would want different pronouns depending on if its direct or indirect? I understand stating it if you are trans or asexual (eg: he/him, they/them, she/her) but don't understand what the intended outcome is for having it split gendered/neutral?
TheLastMarshmallow
I can't speak for all, but for me personally, I accept She/They. So when people refer to me, I accept either interchangeably. It's not one for direct, one for indirect. It's just whichever of the two the other person is comfortable using. Person A might use They/Them ["I went shopping with Them"] and Person B uses She/Her ["She helped me with my garden"] and I am happy either way.
HypoMix
ahhh, so its actually shorthand for he/him/they/them
HappyTimeHollis
I define my pronouns as he/them as a way of letting people know I'm OK with either he/him or they/them. That way they don't get worried about accidentally using one or the other.
kowcatchan
I see a parent who has found herself in a position of parenting that she is not ready for. For the sake of the child, i think she'd be better off haveing help more than contempt.
WeatherWiz
“Just to be clear, I have gay friends” is like saying something racist or profiling someone while also mentioning you have black friends.
SalmonTheWise
Saying "I have gay friends" while being transphobic is like saying "I have friends who know black people, presumably".
Harm
And somehow it's worse by equaling sexual orientations and gender identifications. Sympathize with one 'officially' less endangered minority doesn't clear shit about her pretended objectivity towards another one, especially being the most heavily targeted one,from multiple sides these days...
ToSisPoS
“I know that we can’t openly hate gays as freely as before and I’ve made peace with that, but are you telling me gender identity isn’t a safe target to punch down now? I’m oppressed!!”
akambe
I could understand the hesitation if she were worried the parent didn't know about the pronouns, but the excuse she gave was a cop out.
LeroyJS
Yeah and I’d be willing to bet sheislola doesn’t really have any gay friends.
Zedrapazia
To be honest, you can absolutely find gay people that don't support nonbinary.
I mean, LGB without the T is also something that actually exists, even though I think it's rubbish.
StellaMatutina
"I'm not racist" is always a racist
Rips4w
I sure hope nobody ever asks me if Im a racist, then. I won't know how to answer. https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1aTFjMmtjd3Y3YzdkcXFzcmJndTY4eW1qYWdjbmhodHd1eHlieGJpcSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200w.webp
AShartInTheWind
You won't be asked if you're racist unless you say something racist.
Rips4w
You'd think so.
Zi0Matrix
"I'm not racist, but...."
sharK11
I'm not racist, but the president is
The701
shehdbeuebw738373
I'm not racist, I got a colored TV
babayaghanoush
She’s coming from a less informed place, but she’s clearly trying to be respectful. It sucks to be on the left watching others on the left alienate rather than educate people who are reaching out literally asking to be educated.
TheRealArclight
diabolist666
No she's not. She's asking for an easy way to say "no" to her kid about the playdate because she's a bigot.
babayaghanoush
Her perspective sucks but she’s not being cruel, she’s asking a question.
nesurame
you can be cruel with a question; children do it all the time.
Racealistic
I don't think she's particularly mean, ignorant and clueless perhaps. My parents didn't meddle in who i could or couldn't befriend growing up and that worked out great. That said, i would not ask advice on social media from strangers. Just let your kid be a kid and just be there for them when they need it.
Ircy
Maybe I'm reading this wrong but "My daughter is 10 and I want her to be a child." is what rings red flags. What about meeting a friend would make her daughter not be a child anymore? The whole message really seems to gravitate towards "I don't think trans people are appropriate for kids so my kid can't be friends with one."
Racealistic
You're right that part is a bit icky.
CarInAVet
I get where you're coming from, but I think this is more a case of an ignorant (but not malicious) person conflating any "unusual" gender with more "adult" discussions of sex and sexuality. Obviously the kid IS ahead of her mom in understanding, but this question reads to me as more of a learning opportunity than a yikes moment.