Horrible White Collar Boss Stories

Today is my last day working for one of the most horrid people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, let alone working for. I've worked for a Fortune 500 company whose entire executive board was sh*t-canned after a scandal, and I've worked for a small company whose owner ended up in jail for pissing off too many people. But this person, at an otherwise pleasant (if a little old-school) major company in a major industry, was the absolute worst human being I've ever had to deal with from day to day.

When I was first hired, I'd been out of work for a while after closing the facility at my previous employer. I'm well paid enough that it's hard to find comparable work in my area (not as cushy as that may sound to folks in high population centers). So I ignored the red flag when she refused to negotiate salary one cent when I hired in. She brought me in at the bottom of the company's range for the position. Why? Ego. Budget isn't planned by per-person cost but by an average cost per all people in the company at a certain level. So low-balling me netted her nothing but ego.

Soon after, the intimidation began. My previous work history was regularly belittled in front of the entire team (along with another new hire), and we were constantly told we didn't know how things worked in "the real world." She would pick on is for insignificant issues just to prove how much control she had. Our small department was tucked out of the way with no exposure to the rest of the company, so there was no oversight. When town hall meetings happened, we were all supposed to follow her in a line to attend them, like a row of obedient goslings.

Yeah, this was a thing. Every email had to have her copied, and no venting or jokes were allowed, ever. If someone from an outside dept intentionally left her off of an email (which was always the case because she was so disruptive), we were required to copy her on every reply. If we didn't, and someone did later, she would scroll down to see if anyone failed to copy her prior, and then come down on them and threaten their performance rating.

The problem was, she never actually read the content. For two years she would threaten my job for not answering her in whatever she thought a "timely manner" was that day. I would then politely point her to reply she'd received within minutes of the request. Then she'd snap, "Well, no wonder I didn't see it. I wasn't looking for an answer THAT fast."

If you worked from the time you're usually in to the time you usually left, it didn't matter if you even skipped lunch, she'd accuse you of clock watching. She'd lecture the whole team in meetings (average age: 45-50ish). But every single day she left at 4:15 on the dime. And she kept track of everyone else to the minute. If you told her you had to leave for a dentist appointment at two, she would question you if you left at 1:50 to get there on time.

Her one saving grace is also her biggest issue. She never comes to work (Yay!), and she lies about it constantly. I'm pretty sure everyone in her family has had every disease or ruptured organ humanly possible, and she's naturally the only one that can take care of them. She also "works from home" 2-4 days each week. Even when she claims she's taking PTO, she updates her voicemail remotely to say she's in the office but away from her desk.

The truth is she doesn't work. She just watches her company phone for a few minutes each day in case an important email comes in from a superior.

However, she thinks we're all doing the same thing. Even though we're here every day. We can ask for up to one day remote each week, which is a luxury, but the problem is that you have to ask and she isn't watching her goddamn email.

At one point two months ago, she decided to audit the team's PTO for the first time ever. She believed she'd found that all of us were cheating because the HR website said we had fewer hours left than the records we keep for her. So naturally, we were all lying thieves. She sent out notes to each of us saying to get it fixed or else.

All of us pointed out that she was looking at the wrong column on the website (carry over from last year), and that our PTO was fine. Her response, "Well, double check it anyway and report back to me by Tuesday."

In her mind, it was more likely that we were all liars like her instead of the possibility that she had made a mistake.

I hate this damn thing. Every Friday we have to type up what amounts to a book report of everything we did that week, what problems we ran into, what we're planning to do next week, etc. Naturally, she doesn't read these any more than she reads her emails (which would also tell her what the hell we actually do).

I'd often burn most of my Friday afternoons typing 6-7 pages of info for her, which she loved. But she'd only look at the last one or two before a performance review. Then I'd have to squeeze my actual job responsibilities into what time was left.

The other time she'd use those status reports was when she was pissed at someone and wanted to knock them down a peg. Or if she thought any employees were conspiring against her. (Secret: we all hate her, but we're too busy to conspire.)

She'd then go through some random status reports and try to find where someone had a conflict or challenge with the person(s) in question. She'd then OPENLY share that confidential information in order to create conflict that wasn't against her.

In her mind, that was how to maintain control - by making sure no one else trusted each other. Thankfully we all know her tricks, though a couple of the softer folks on the team still get shaken up by it.

The quickest way to piss her off is to copy her boss on anything, even if mundane. In more than three years, I've seen him twice. He doesn't really follow what we do at all because we do a damned fine job despite her mismanagement. So in his eyes, the boat shall not be rocked or watched.

But in her eyes, any communication with him is strictly off limits to us. Probably because if we get chatty with him, he may find out how unethical she is (He'd probably still just keep his head down.).

One Monday she tried to make up a new rule about flex time and just dropped it on us in a team meeting. Another teammate and myself immediately challenged her and asked why it was necessary. She immediately lied and said it was her boss's new policy. So we immediately fired back that we'd like to talk with him about what inspired the change. She then told us that we are under no circumstances to bring it up with him.

I asked if she's forbidding us. She said she can't forbid us but threatened that it would be a "career-limiting" move.

He visited later that week. She booked him solid with meetings so none of us could get time with him. It was adorable.

She says she's a straight-shooter all the time, and three years with her taught me to shoot right back or get shot. She only respects aggression, but unlike the real bulldog execs out there, she's also terrified of it.

I once told her that all guns shoot straight, but if you don't aim them first, all you do is cause collateral damage. It was an apt metaphor, but it slid right off of her.

In an hour I'm leaving an amazing team behind and pretty damned good work, but I've got something better lined up, and I'll never have to deal with this person again.

Working for her has sent my blood pressure, weight, and cortisol levels skyrocketing. But over the last two weeks, I've felt better, slept better, and been more pleasant to my wonderful and supportive family.

Before anyone asks, I went to HR about her twice, and I'm one person in a long line of people who've tried before. The company turns a blind eye. She keeps saying she's going to retire, and I think they just keep hoping she does.

But as I've told her chosen successor, why retire when you only work one day a week?

I have more stories, but I don't know if anyone will find this even remotely interesting. I suppose we'll see.

tl;dr - spent years working for a white collar tyrant, but mercifully today is my last day!

Don't let your life be ruined by professional bullies. Do everything you can to be as happy as you can.