Valaofcats
108489
3307
43
May 10, 2021 9:11 PM
Valaofcats
108489
3307
43
elicansmile
AutomatedLady
I never realized *how* poor we were until I was an adult. I now realize the fact that they kept us all fed and clothed was incredible.
ThankYouForYourTime
Being an adult with flaws made me realize my Dad was also an adult with flaws. It helped so much with forgiveness!
blueshickensrule
It is a hard truth to accept that our parents are human. Took me having a kid to realize that.
iii900
My parents act like I am weird not buying my kids a lot of things, even though they know I literally can’t afford it. Then get upset….
iii900
….when I don’t want them to pay for it. It’s embarrassing enough, I don’t want my parents butting in paying for all my kids extra things.
iii900
My kids have enough. We never go hungry and they have a room full of toys. They are doing fine.
Zmokahontas
I understand your sentiments. But I also understand why your parents offer the help. Parents will help their child until the end.
GreenAppel
They’re only human I know, but some shit isn’t forgiven. I’m a much better parent.
Zmokahontas
Good for you
BrazilianThunderPanda
My parents were narcissist.
boevis
My dad is paranoid delusional, my mom is codependent enabling
Gothish
My dad was/is a drug addict. Some parents just sucks.
thefrozoneOne
Both my parents clutched their way out of poverty twice. The recession hit us HARD
dipidy
When I was a kid I remember having nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for a week.
ideasman69
My mum joined a cult and cut me and my brothers out of her life for 7 years but she did her best
majortool
I literally sent that directly to my mom as fast as I could. We were broke, but we always had milk in the fridge. We always had the basics.
majortool
Mom left an angerful relationship, went back to school with two boys, became a nurse, made a better life for us all. If ... she hadn't ..?
Zmokahontas
Happy mother’s to her from a stranger. And happy day to you for growing up to be a good person. May you be bless forever
majortool
Thanks, good sir.
RhamnusiaThePaladin
As an adult I realized my father knows he's wrongs and doubles down on being wrong and would deny the truth for the sake of his pride.
Polysloth
Shout out to the parents who are parents to their children and not their friends.
iConfirmAnythingAndEverything
It's sad, when I was 20(now 35) my best friend committed suicide. One contributing factor was his dad was said to have done the same years¹
iConfirmAnythingAndEverything
Earlier. Perpetuated by his mother. Maybe 4 years later and his dad comes out of the wood work searching for his son. Apparently he²
iConfirmAnythingAndEverything
Disappeared due to drugs and started a new life, and was actually just dead to my friends mom and not literally. So dad comes back wanting³
iConfirmAnythingAndEverything
To reconcile with his estranged son, only to find a pile of grieving friends,in a FB group dedicated to him. Which is how they found out.
particledecay
MaintenanceGuyHere
Either raise your kids and be your grandkids friend or be your kids friend and raise your grandkids
leroy57holmes
carrot1sie
I often hear/think of it as 'be their parent now, so you can be their friend later'.
cornzilla
I'm really close/friends with my parents now that I'm an adult and don't need to to care for me. I'm so glad they were my parents first.
dumbinsults
Parenting really isn't that expensive.
cardinal29
copingcabana
When I was in High School, my father used his entire bonus to buy me a PC. I used that (rebuilt) through grad school.
tacticalbark
In my adult years, this realization has helped reconcile me and my parents. As a kid it is very hard to see sometimes.
clubracer
Ditto
Tracendo
It has been the opposite for me. Weird
tacticalbark
@op thank you for the kind reminder. Very timy with mothers day just rolling off.
comehomefransbrauder
Yes! I have no idea how my mom kept us going after my parents' divorce. I thanked her for that in my 20s and every year since. My hero.
typenNoodleFlyer
Every Christmas want,and busting ass . As a father now means so much more for the sacrifice.
CasualFascist
I feel you on that. They were just as confused then as I am now and trying their best with what they had.
MeowWoof
My parents were broke, but it was because of career choices and many more splurges for them than they gave to us.
TadashiK
Mood. My mom gave up her lucrative career because of one bad year, proceeded to gamble away all of her savings and gambled most of her
TadashiK
Income from being a server. We didn't have to be poor, we were because she chose to be.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I wish my sister would see it. Out of 5 kids, 3 of us get it, one kinda gets it, and my sister's still super-pissed at them for not /1
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
"doing more". Actually, pissed at my mom. She loves my dad. Which is crazy, because he's the one who totally fucked the family finances /2
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
to begin with and my mom had to become the breadwinner and spend her life digging out of that hole. Yet my mom gets the hate. It's nuts. /3
MostAwkwardPenguinInNYC
Your sister is nuts.
imspankydammit10
It took me until I was in my late 20’s taking care of Mom to see what she gave up for my sisters and I. Growing up poor help me to see now.
Bearjahud
My parents worked hard as a kid, and until my mom basically disowned me, I tried to make sure I showed them both how great they are.
ShadyEsperanto
I always overspend on presents for my mom now because of this. She spent so long living as cheaply as she can that I think she just (1/2)
ShadyEsperanto
doesn't realize she has enough money to buy nice things for herself now. So I do it for her and she can save money for emergencies. (2/2)
DenitoOoO
Same. She was working 3 jobs just to send me to private school. I had no idea of the value of money at the time.
Itslukus
Idk man growing up poor I feel like I would have proffered them explain how money works instead of leaving it to me to figure out.
Itslukus
Preffered
ihavekittiesandtitties
Preferred
ShadyEsperanto
It's really, really hard to understand the value of money until you can directly relate it to the time you spend earning it.
myeyesthegogglesdonothing
It blows my mind as an adult. I had 7 brothers and sisters and we didn't live lavishly, but wanted for nothing. Mom didn't work.
thyfartismurder
I thank God i realized this now as a grown ass man. I couldn't imagine my old folks passing before I honor all they did for me.
MoonRiverFrost
My dad cheated on my mom when I was 8. She overdosed and slept for most of the day. It wasn't until my uncle called that I said I was gettin
MoonRiverFrost
Really worried. He called the cops and they took her away. From then on, all I understood was that I COULD NOT act out in any way or I would
MoonRiverFrost
Be breaking her a little more. I remember visiting her in the hospital several times, but I barely spoke. I don't engender who took care of
MoonRiverFrost
Me. When she got out, she did everything she could to hold life together. We had a home, and food, but sometimes we did have electricity or
MoonRiverFrost
*didn't have electricity or a car. Through all of it I knew she was doing all she could. I just had to stay quiet. I couldn't break her more
shamanbaptist
Sorry that happened to you.
thisisntwhatithoughtitwas
Went to Disney 3 times as a child. Parents were paying off the credit cards until I was an adult. Didn't known until last year.
imnotarealgiraffe
I wish therapists could understand this and not auto-label family as "toxic & neglectful" justcause we struggled to eat day to day
LootenetDan
My therapist asked why I'm able to see that I'm unhealthy, but not my mom. Changed my life
catscatscatscat
My therapist does not see it this way. You should try speaking with someone else who has better understanding of your upbringing.
CheddarBae
TBH, Iyanla Fix My Life really helped me understand my upbringing and how my mother didn't have all the tools to raise me.
eazye9646
I think you need a better therapist, that sounds like pretty weak practice
McHobbes
Second this - I am not a therapist, but have seen my fair share of them.
MorallyCasual
Second this - I am a therapist.
imnotarealgiraffe
Are you CBT? I've seen 4 different therapists but they're all "talk therapists" and I'm told that's the difference
MorallyCasual
I do use CBT. It's one kind of intervention. I mostly use ACT now though - modern, sleeker, less controlling. 1/2
MorallyCasual
Here is a book I highly recommend that uses CBT and ACT principles. The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking
Zmokahontas
Hello therapist! Thanks for being there for people. I hope you’re also well supported! Sending love and hugs!
MorallyCasual
Wow! Thank you so much! It's my pleasure to be there for people. :)
eazye9646
My parents weren't broke, but they were emotionally inept. I try to adopt the same attitude, they did the best they could with what they had
TheRicM
Emotionally broke?
slinkydust
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" was eye opening.
TrueNorthernLights
Book? Documentary? Link, maybe? I'd like to see it read this.
RedOnDaHead
.
willzabend
They r good parents who r bad at parenting. I need to keep reminding myself that. I have emotional and personality problems caused by them1/
willzabend
By identifying the issues, i can work on them. And need to remember that the way they educate me is due to the faults in their parents.
MissLadyPants
My parents were broke AND emotionally inept.
BeneGeuse
Same. As a result I’m a damaged cheapskate. Such is life.
Sprinx
Damn, double-whammy
eazye9646
belortik
I learned after my dad passed he was molested as a child & the reason he was so distant w me (his son) was a fear of continuing the chain.
eazye9646
My dad just passed a month ago, and I learned that his dad was physically abusive. Explained a lot about the man he was when I knew him.
nanners2020
Unfortunately, it’s a cycle that can repeat itself. Sexual abuse stays with you in so many ways. I hope he made peace things. ?
belortik
My parents did a lot to protect my generation from the extreme abuse they suffered. I'm thankful every day for that.
CheddarBae
I've come to realize that I'm very strict with my kids, because my mother wasn't strict at all, so I grew up to be a really smart...
CheddarBae
person who doesn't know how to apply myself and be successful. I just don't want my kids to be failures, like me.
dissonantcognition
My parents’ best sort of blew
SetoKaiba1
This about my dad. My mum an abuser who says it was the best she could
kJerAFK
I never blamed them, but never understand fully what it was to have kids and be broke at the end of the day. The pressure is immense.
silentsuspekts87
To have immigrant parents that started with nothing, I look back and realized how privileged I was.
EvilKam
If it's any consolation, I look at my parents and can only conclude I'm a failure. My mom was able to retire, I might never be able to.
EvilKam
My parents were married for nearly 40 years when my dad passed. I was divorced after only 10. I don't think I'm any smarter than they were.
EvilKam
I've worked since the age of 17, joined the Army, and have almost always stayed employed, and I fucking despise working. My parents seemed
EvilKam
like it was okay for them. I just don't have the ability to be happy about needing to wake up and put up with the bullshit involved in
EvilKam
having a job. Every single day I wish for a way out.
Dopplerfart
It was when I became a parent that I started having so much more empathy for mine, maybe because it's so hard being one and easy to mess up
cardinal29
Funny, because having kids really brought it home to me just how much of a bad job my parents did.
Dopplerfart
Yeah, I know it goes both ways to me sometimes too, but at the same time, I can picture how tough it is and what factors in