DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
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Apr 21, 2026 10:26 PM
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
26146
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urusername2
And romance will always retreat over time. Other concerns will dull romance. Create something you can share, and remember to keep it up. Even just a couple minutes of chat before you fall asleep. Give the other a chance to air grievances before they begin to rot. Be honest. And LISTEN, it's not blather! Know your language of love [mine is helping] and act to let it shine!
UsernameRequired
I tell people to find someone who will wipe your ass. You find someone you know will care for you even if it means doing just that.
Californiajackson
To paraphrase Danny Devito (in some role or another), "It matters less that you like the same things than that you like SPENDING MONEY on the same things".
StatisticallyInsignificantCanadian
20+ married to my bestie. Laugh together daily. Be honest, even if it's hard. Don't keep secrets. Respect your differences. Forgive easily.
ToenailClippingsJar
I’d marry a friend of mine in a heartbeat. I am absolutely ace, she is very much gay.
Liking someone over sec any day any time. I completely agree with this advice. Liking someone beats out lusting over someone any day.
IhopeUgetwhatUvoted4
Just have some similar interests... you still need some separation.
GiraffeMoonPilot6
Not a woman but here is some interesting thing I found out. Sexual attraction takes a back seat after 2 years. So if looks make up 80% of why you liked the person you might be in trouble.
oldwindy
You definitely need someone who you like and can spend time with. As you grow old, they will be the ones helping you through the loss of family members and friends as well as the person you have fun hanging out with when it’s winter and cold
FlatPlutoSociety
This is true of both romantic relationships and family relationships: it's entirely possible to love someone a lot more than you like them
fsharpminor3s
I love my wife, but more importantly, I like her.
WeatherWiz
This I why I’ve been Single for almost 10 years. I haven’t found someone who checks the boxes: 1. Awesome 2. Hot 3. Also Hot 4. Likes snacks 5. Awesome again. Etc.
LateNightBunnyParty
Literally this. My husband and I were best friends before we married. Didn't even bother dating first. Essentially just "Hey, we already know we like hanging out. We should just get married." 22 years in May. Boom.
stayingalive4life
To be fair, this is why I always thought the Disney movies were full of it where they sold people on the romance but left everything out.
tdpubs
Married 32 years and still loving this woman in so many ways.
usenamereadexit
For those unmarried souls, the above said info is still cliche.
The real fine print is - everyone has certain limits and faults, understand that if it’s within reasonable boundary of basic humanity and be a true genuine Human yourself. Don’t just give up and quit and make your kids life miserable.
ToSisPoS
Turns out you can divorce your best pal too.
To be fair, we’re much better friends again now that we’re not married
ukalliq
Have shared interests, but also have some of your own interests.
zechor
Nothing ruins a relationship like planning to change as soon as the ink is dried.
It isn't that you can't change as you grow, but if you're doing/not doing something and you plan to switch that right after the contract is signed and you haven't discussed it with your partner(s) then you're setting everyone up for a bad time
This applies to all relationships and contracts. Marriage, business, politics, school, and work. Intentional deceit to seal the deal is despicable in all domains.
usernametakenisthestoryofmylife
I'm a grumpy old fart of 62, married for 42 years. I appreciate my wife today as much as I did 40 years ago. I think that matters.
502781
Very informative anecdote, reminds me of "Survivor of 80 years is as alive today as the day he was born"
jackodn
Congrats, fellow old fart. We are almost to 40 years married, and I feel more lucky every year that I found her. Every single major adult decision, and many ups and downs, have been shared together. As age ravages, I mostly am at peace because I know I got really lucky.
cusbuster
So the first two years were a bit rough?
DYLANLEE79
The only problem is she's 54. Kidding kidding.
yamsonyamsonyams
I also choose this guys wife
nolzvader
Yup that’s great advice. Been married almost two decades the spicy times are great but mostly we enjoy doing almost anything/everything together and that’s a much bigger part of your day/week/life
ILikeFood2000
Dannyalcatraz
My Mom & Dad were friends before marriage. Almost literally next door neighbors from age 14.
They both just made 80, and have been married a little over 59 years.
paulwall117350
Damn I don't want to be gay, though
FallingStar7669
You can just be roommates.
xETM
Sorry, you don't have a choice.
That's what they mean when they say it's not a choice...
DiracsDelta
I struggle to imagine starting to date someone I’m not already friends with…
apairofpetducks
I can sleep with friends, but couldn't imagine dating a friend. Then again I was never very good at dating so perhaps I'm not the best advice around lol
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I used to always date friends, but eventually I got to a point where I stopped making new friends, but still hadn't met a good partner. So I did the online dating thing. It still works, you can become friends after dating as well. After 20 years I'm certainly closer to my spouse than I am with anyone else.
trousercat
I was going to get into what made us succeed as a couple but remembered what we marveled at when we met instead. Everything was easy. We don’t rub each other the wrong way. We do fight but it’s ok. We just fell in love it’s good and easy. Some times hard but we listen to each other. Almost 30 years later.
WhatTheFrench
Being able to fight is important too. I’ve been part of a couple who never fought…we never fought because he believed we needed to agree on everything to survive, so I never pushed back on anything that made me unhappy. I was so miserable. The best thing I ever did for us was start to speak up. We had a bad year where we tore everything down and went to marriage counseling and figured out how to communicate better. We have healthy disagreements now. Just celebrated 21 years.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
That's how it is for us too, we don't even fight. It's just fun and easy and happy. We enjoy being around each other, we make each other laugh. It doesn't take a lot, as long as you stay connected. Some people may consider that "work", but I don't, because it doesn't feel like work.
drousnavat
In fewer words "Sex is less important than a geunine connection."
[deleted]
[deleted]
drousnavat
Bruh you got lost at sex in general
nclu
In jargon, we moved from a model of marriage from complementary labor to complimentary consumption (in all its forms)
Forensickle
A genuine connection with less important sex makes for an unhappy relationship as well.
Choosing something that is only "less bad" than the worst option shouldn't be offered as sage advice that trumps actually being satisfied
vonbaronhans
While it can and should be said that interest in sex can wax and wane as you age, as can the importance of it in the relationship, it is perhaps more relevant that you are missing the point. You can have sex and romance without a genuine connection, and some will marry assuming that's all there is to it. But a genuine connection forms the foundation of a good relationship, enhancing sex where there's sex to be had and carrying you through the dry spells, as well.
TsubakiTragic
communication: marry someone who is eager to talk with you, not at you... and you be the same.
ImJustSoFckingSickOfThisBllsht
They're not mutually exclusive. Best friend and I just had some great, connected, intimate sex. Helps when your relationship lasts long enough to really know the other person's body and preferences after a decade or two.
Gattington
No it isn't
HalleySHDW
If you have both, it's rhe bets. I married my soulmate, best friend, gamer clan member, and mistress in bed. Best combination ever 😁
nachosyndicate
So she shags like a minx?
NotAllowedToArgueUnlessYouPay
A genuine connection leads to great sex. It's all good.
nachosyndicate
I think this is true.
yamsonyamsonyams
It can - doesnt always
AlmightyElephant
I suspect it's more accurate to say that a connection makes the sex better. The emotional closeness can cover some of the distance created by a lack of orgasms. Doesn't make the bad sex not bad, but makes it so you're still getting something out of it
Rogahar
Over the course of our relationship and marriage my husband and I have reached the realization that we share like 99% of the same kinks. It's great.
KellyCrazyCatLadyinTraining
EXACTLY!
jammer909
- unless you're my ex, then sex is so important that you'll kill the entire relationship so you can have it with other people.
Forensickle
Damn dude... I dunno, maybe learn to listen before the next one, and drop the anger and resentment, because to most women that sentence read like "I paid so little attention to my partner for so long, I didn't even hear her tell me how bad it was until she completely checked out and left"
It NEVER comes out of nowhere, there were NEVER no signs
jammer909
I loved her more than I ever loved myself. I prioritized her needs and her well-being over everything else, even permanently damaging my life-long friendships for her benefit. In the end, her complaint was that I was tired all the time because I was working two jobs, which I was doing to pay the rent because she couldn't hold a job. She said I would be a terrible husband and father because of that. But most of all, she wanted a variety of sexual partners because I was not (her words) satisfying.
jammer909
She had literally bought a plane ticket to go meet a guy in Michigan and have sex with him, and she had been planning that for a while year, while at the same time telling me that if we moved into a place of our own, she'd be happy. I was supposed to be her emotional support at all times, but if I had a bad day for even a single moment then I was a problem because that took the attention off of her. I was apparently too emotional, and weirdly emotionless at the same time.
jammer909
Naturally, she would want me to pay for everything and take her out to places and do things that she wanted to do, but absolutely could not and would not do anything I liked to do and certainly wasn't going to take a turn paying for it. In the end, she gets to keep the apartment because I (in a last act of kindness to her) still did not want her having to move back in with her abusive, manipulative father. I'm back living with family.
All things considered, I'd say I'm allowed to be bitter.
Seethreepeeoh
Hate similar things
nachosyndicate
Yes! My husband and I have a joke about hateraid Sunday. It’s us against everything stupid.
LateNightBunnyParty
Oh yeah, this too. It's so fun to just hate on dumb shit together, like corporate portmanteaus or that neighbor with the buckets scattered all over his yard.
SecondSince
Yeah, fuck that guy!
qtRaven
Something1Said
Or people who carpet their bathrooms!
homoerection
My friend had a bathroom with pure white carpet and black fixtures. And carpet up one wall.
NurseNotSoJoy
Gotta have something to use when you’re out of toilet paper…..
Something1Said
homoerection
vodkaho
My wife and I have been together as a couple, married and not, for 34 years. We dated for a few years, and then didn't for several years, and then did again. And then we moved in together, and after 6 or 7 years of that got married.
Marry a friend. If possible, marry your best friend. Then no matter what happens, you can weather it together. No matter what stands in your way, you are overcoming together.
marquettegoldeneagles
This is the same story as my husband and I. HS sweethearts but separated when I left for college. Years later we reconnected, a tour of duty later (and divorce) we've been together for 13, married for 8. I love him more than the day I met him.
allfornothingg
I married my spouse less than 90 days from when I met him. 13 years only one was bad
JerzeeTomato
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NjVpcHRjcDh4cDRmM2l6Z2E1MTZ6MnVvZ2RzM3Q5djB3YmJpaHhrcCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/QAqPBBoJxRLoI/200w.webp
Penelelop
My partner and I have been together since 15. We're 33 now with a 2 year old. Always best friends
allfornothingg
Since you were 15!?!
Child marriage? Before you even mentally or legally entered adulthood??
Penelelop
Together, not married. We're still not married, slow down lol
allfornothingg
Everyone defines love differently, for me that means marriage.
How do you define what you have differently from marriage
Penelelop
No difference to me, marriage is a piece of paper. We've always been committed to each other. We're both neurodivergent so like to do things a bit differently. We'll probably only get married if our daughter wants us to, as an excuse for a party