LadyBob
155361
4522
128
https://twitter.com/kumailn/status/1270474061110370304?s=21
Jun 10, 2020 10:07 AM
LadyBob
155361
4522
128
https://twitter.com/kumailn/status/1270474061110370304?s=21
dcsanders4126
America sits at your pervy uncles table!?
MetalSkeletal
I've literally said it only a few posts ago, but. Jacinda is the cool aunt that the whole world needs.
MarsVtron
Meanwhile America:
?noredirect
Akurei00
Fucking Twitter format... Read middle, top, bottom
sirmixanaverageamount
I’ve been saying this for years! All liberal Americans act like Canada is the holy land, but New Zealand is where it’s at!
thefatlonelyjew
This isn't a fair comparison because New Zealand values human life
FEMAcampsarereal
NZ cop shows are the best. Very chill.
IamAlbertPotato
Always upvote New Zealand
Aimlockbelch
I’m happily married, and I love my wife, but I want to have PM Ardern’s children.
Ryebread91
Can someone explain what Kumal is saying? Thank you.
BROpeep
I'm not trying to discredit anything, but comparing US to New Zealand is kind of apples/oranges
fbutaric
Yes they have leadership we do not
justinian87
Definitely. It's why so many people are leaving the terrible united states for amazing New Zealand. It's also perfectly fair to compare them
TarrkertheNewt
NZ is one of those countries people like to pretend is perfect. But they have their problems same as anyone.
FamousOnce
Yep.
CarbonNight
Or... New Zealand is learning from the mistakes that America has made. It's easy to look at someone and say, let's not do that shall we?
Snotty128
Let’s get the facts straight. All NZ patrol cars carry glock 17s and bushmaster rifles. All police have access to guns
Snotty128
This news is about how a specially trained and equiped ‘armed response team’ would not be needed in the existing ‘armed offenders squad’
montemanm1
It IS micro. 4.8M people vs. 330M US. Slightly smaller than Alabama.
Panzerkeks85
Can't they just put up a third island for the other sane people from around the world?
FamousOnce
We have 3 main islands already. Plus a bunch of little ones.
FightingRevengeOfYourMom
New Zealand, Kumail Nanjiani, and Daria, all in one post. Yay.
syko2k
Well, no wonder. She's a functioning country. Not a dumpster fire that is lying about being a dumpster fire.
rmsrmsrms38
jdasler
Double Eagle strike!
Malikhi
Bro, it's more like laughs nervously in American these days
thanatos777
Look, New Zealand, you're still a haven for billionaires. I know you're isolating for coronavirus, but surely you could just let a few 1/
thanatos777
carpenters from France in, do a little furniture construction out there? Maybe also some pitchforks and torches, if you don't have spares.
FamousOnce
Carpentry would prob be on the essential skill list. Good luck!
Criscartersfallguys
I mean...why do I keep seeing comparisons here?
Donthaveitallupstairs
https://www.reddit.com/r/Firearms/comments/by86p5/the_92_mass_shootings_94_mass_murders_and_8/ Enjoy.
K3lladoor
France is France. Australia is Australia. NZ is NZ.
DependingOnTheStreet
radankonator
I’m stealing this. Thanks.
DependingOnTheStreet
It’s from Flight of the Conchords HBO series. They have some other hilarious ones, “New Zealand, it’s better than Old Zealand”
radankonator
I’ve watched the entire series about 15 times. I can’t remember seeing this though hahah. I should watch it again
DogNostrilSpecialist
This is definitely in the top three good comments on a post
ToeThumbs
NZ...like Scotland, but further. https://nzpocketguide.com/top-10-flight-conchords-adverts-new-zealand/
sundaymondayhippyday
robotzombies
New Zealand: bring your mum.
sonomarco
Milford Sound, with "The Mitre" in the background.
ChristianSalge
new zealand, better than old zealand.
WhoEvenNeedsAUsername
Thank you! That one is my favorite!
Stefanathanafus
You all comment like robots
CubwardOHulihan
That's because the humans are dead
DependingOnTheStreet
Come on sucker, lick my batteries!
Commentsaboutyourusername
Were you an air hostess in the 60's?
CrabboStabbo
This was the first song we played after we got married.
Commentsaboutyourusername
As long as you weren't violent
DependingOnTheStreet
Yea, but only after I failed to make it as a high class prostitute....
FnordGallop
So you went for high altitude instead?
FnordGallop
PLEASE DOn'T KILL ME
CarrieUnderboob
New Zealand killed it on coronavirus. Now racism and Big Pharma are still big issues. But the right leadership is in place. End NZ racism.
mrfly2000
Didn't realise it was an issue?
TimeTraveller264
We're working on it! :)
imarealpunnyguy
The sad thing is that this is barely news in NZ. Stay strong America!
NitherNor
It was kinda easy for you boys, way the way out there.
Potatopeelerkind
I mean that's a good thing, I think. The sad thing is that it would be a big deal in the US.
engineringfailure
It's kinda overshadowed by the fact that we don't have COVID.
devildog272
So gotta ask is hunting a big thing there? Can you still have guns for that?
FamousOnce
Yep. Not a problem with guns for hunting or sport. Just guns designed for shooting people.
Khandash
Hunting is big here. People come from overseas to hunt the Himalayan tahr and red stags...
engineringfailure
As a New Zealander I'm starting to feel like we are getting too much attention. I dont want New Zealand to get "Overtourism"
Askingforafriend37
Tourists tend to flock to certain cities. Unless you’re in the capital or one or two other big cities I doubt you’ll see many.
prepeymad
Oh we’re coming alright. Just trying to jump off this burning ship before it blows up. I just don’t know about the cold. Is it super cold?
engineringfailure
I'm in Christchurch, it's currently -2C
prepeymad
Holy wow! That’s cold. I live in Florida and I’m use to the devil swimming with us year round almost. I use to live in DC with seasons.
engineringfailure
Where locals get displaced due to excessive airbnbs and our landmarks become solely a place for people to take that must have photo.
BiggestofBears
As an American. Can I just come live with you guys? NZ seems way more my style...
Bo00
Been watching Grand Designs NZ... Is the whole country a High Wind Zone? I swear it's every episode.
FamousOnce
Narrow island in the Pacific Ocean, so a lot of exposed or hilly areas.
Khandash
Pretty much lol
SonderingStrike
New Zealand and Canada sit next to each other at England's family christmas dinner, and go out for long "Walks" together
Burgersforbreakfast365
Yes!
DaBaiMa
And South Africa is the racist uncle
ihaveblunderedyetagain
I thought SA was Dutch?
Sholk7
Did you just low key suggest incest?
ThrowAwayAcct0000
Nope
HeinekenBottle
England sits there wondering why more of it’s kids don’t visit while complaining about its neighbours
Alfa799
And come back giggling and with the munchies!
SkywardSpork
Problem is. England's been drinking for a bit too long now and is saying some real bad things about the neighbours.
BreezeyBop
Canada comes back and eats their feelings from munchies
groovylemonpie
England eventually gets drunk and starts singing football chants
CertifiedPreOwnedButtPlug
Then they come back just before the ham is sliced with red eyes and ready to go
imakeurglassesfoggy
Smoking the reefer to appreciate the best part of family dinner: the food
JayEnfield
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ba/c3/f5/bac3f5730e49ae65bd0184785798de18.jpg
OregonFlyer
America loudly telling everyone what to eat and drink and skeeving on the UK
RJ123abc
Im assuming the US is the racist uncle?
Twrecks123
US is the cousin who is a movie star, every family reunion it’s another scandal, drugs, cheating, Tigers…
wandergeist
Lots of plastic surgery but empty inside.
Precastbubbles
A movie star that has only been in Uwe boll movies for the last 2 decades but still insists they are red carpet material.
Twrecks123
I’m thinking more like Angelina Jolie: incredible things occasionally, lots of flash and some weird ass shit and the random act of kindness
OhNoNotThatGuyQuickEverybodyHide
America is the destructive violent uncle that wallows in his hatred, divorced and alone, telling everyone how great he used to be.
probablyaporno
Laughs in American Eagle
DeleteDead
Malikhi
America doesn't get invited anymore, not since we got hooked on Trump. We still try to crash every get together hoping you'll love us again.
tpgreyknight
Disinvited them many years before that TBH
Precastbubbles
And if only they kicked the habit of going to rehab only to end up worse on the next drug, they would be welcome again.
moustacheofdeath
Nailed it
DependingOnTheStreet
I assume by “walls” you mean we have a few beers and try batter the shit outta each other playing a hybrid Rugby/Hockey game?
Valondra
I love watching a bit of Rockey
Valondra
Adrian being my favourite player
worldsbiggestnickelbackfan
I think they mean to smoke weed and be cool
JustAnotherRandomCommenter
oh that probably makes more sense. i thought they were fucking.
Ryanator50
wait, do americans not smoke weed on thanksgiving?
tpgreyknight
imgur has led me to believe that all Americans are constantly on drugs 24/7/365
ArandomDane
hybrid Rugby/Hockey? ...you mean Lacrosse?
HeinekenBottle
ROCKEY
DependingOnTheStreet
Hmmm, do Lacrosse players get a signature face deformation from playing (rugby: cauliflower ears, hockey: dentures in their 20s)?
ArandomDane
It is literally using sticks in rugby gear. As stick fly around, I have seen both cauliflower ears and dentures.
Jarmander15
Does New Zealand have legal weed I know we in Canada do
FakePlasticTreehugger
Canada and Uruguay are the only two countries that have it at the federal level.
SonderingStrike
I mean, it isnt, but New Zealand's population density is like, absolutely fucked
keppler38
Meaning it’s zero? Have you seen Canada?
RegallySuperfluous
The Legalise Cannabis Bill will be in this year's referendum along with the End of Life Choice Bill.
ninjahobbit8006
Here's hoping both issues get the air time they deserve so people can become informed about the issues properly.
shakedownblues
Here's to hoping New Zealand treats their indigenous better than we do in Canada... We got a ways to go yet.
sourcandy
Idk about NZ but Australia is as bad as Canada sadly :(
themexicanwave
We Scots are at the table, drinking, being merry and funny but really we don’t want to fucking be there.
MrCroupAndMrVandemar
Wee scots are at the kids table.
AmbroseGudmaker
Lots of English counties don't either. We were meant to get referendums on also getting devolved governments in the Blair days but they >
AmbroseGudmaker
were cancelled when it became obvious it'd be a landslide.
themexicanwave
I think smaller local government across England would be a great thing.
Leithreas
You keep trying to leave and England keeps asking "where do you think you're going?"
Precastbubbles
I think its more along the lines of Scotland thinks of leaving, but changes its mind because fuck it, they're already drunk.
themexicanwave
It will happen. Now is not the right time but it is inevitable. I would say within 15 years at most.
AmbroseGudmaker
When it does happen I can't see it being as "cut all ties" as some want and others fear though. I can honestly see in practical terms it >
dpmcluck24060
We scots are the bastard child they want to forget about... we are basically Harry Potter with a land where the unicorn is national animal
gaffeg
Like australia and monarchy: lots of talk not enough votes
RawChicken
To be fair the majority of England don't want to be there either but the heads of the family don't give us much choice.
chrisf94
The difference between the north of england and scotland (outside of culture) is Scotland gets a veto vote from Westminster and we're stuck
AmbroseGudmaker
There's another difference. Scotland chose to set up the UK, it was Scotland's idea. Lots of the English counties, not just northern ones, >
AmbroseGudmaker
and Wales definitely didn't *choose* to be part of England lol. And yes it was much longer ago but don't need to explain to a Scott how >
RawChicken
True, I'm from and live in North Yorkshire so I suppose I can class myself as being close enough.
AmbroseGudmaker
One thing I noticed after moving from God's own Country to down south was how much more flag waving there is by none racists, and not just>
mhoops2198
The only reason England wants you there is because wee Jimmy cranky is a constant source of hilarity and entertainment! ;-)
themexicanwave
You lot would love to have a leader with balls like NS. Or are you happy with the eternal Bullingdon boys club owning you oiks?
mhoops2198
So she HAS got balls?! England knew it........
themexicanwave
Metaphorically, yes. Got a problem with that? Fuck me, Ruth Davidson was 10 times any current Tory as both a person and politician. Boris??
R3mmy
Not all of us are happy with it
themexicanwave
I believe you.
goflyblind
hang on, does new zealand shit all over its indigenous population like we do?
00LimaRomeo
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Waitangi
00LimaRomeo
No. Still problems but the Treaty of Waitangi was a great start. Maori fought the Poms to a standstill.
00LimaRomeo
Qualified *no.
NotWithoutMyTRex
Maori people still have a harder time getting finance than white people. NZ is going good things but it’s not perfect.
NotWithoutMyTRex
I don’t know who down voted me but I can provide peer-reviewed journal articles to support my statements. I am not wrong.
FrostedBlues
Let’s not forget the Haka. (Which is Māori for those who don’t know.) And the fact it’s done pretty much before every game and whatnot.
KleptoKea
Generally, no. We cherish our Maori and their language and their culture. Our anthem is sung in Maori first before we sing it in English.
ASDFFDSAASDFASDF
yeah bit isnt that just to stop people noticing theres only like 7 of them left? or am i thinking of hawaii
ASDFFDSAASDFASDF
where all the 'natives' are either a different islander race who migrated in later or actually japanese
KleptoKea
It might be confusing to outsiders so I'll help you out here. The natives of New Zealand are the Maori. We have a lot of islanders here 1/
KleptoKea
The Maori make up a huge portion of our population, along with the Pacific Islanders. I think you're confusing us for USA, where 1/
KleptoKea
the natives are on the brink of extinction. We don't do genocide in New Zealand. 2/2
Gen1Optimus
And Australia is the rowdy cousin that drinks too much
BitchButcher
... but finally finds the courage to come out of the closet and present his new boyfriend "Austria".
andral28042000
Yes but hes still welcome to join us
Vulspyr
But everyone still thinks they're cool despite the weird pets they keep.
lookitupyourself
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
DependingOnTheStreet
I’ll have you know we Kiwis can hold our own against the Aussies when it comes to “excessive binge drinking culture”
angelfixer
ImmaCatImmaSexyCat
Hey! Don't count Canadians out just yet! We can drink our weight in beer and whiskey AND we won't fight you after (unless hockey).
DependingOnTheStreet
When it comes to binge drinking, I learnt the hard way to never dismiss Canadians. That was a hangover I’ll be telling my grandkids about!!
Jweber73
and America always shows up thinking they can out drink Australia. hilarity ensues everytime.
EddyWantok
This! So much this! Silly silly silly,
AbeFromen
I just looked up statistics to argue and found out why women get alarmed after meeting my family on the holidays and see us drinking whiskey
AbeFromen
By the pint. I genuinely thought that's what everyone does behind closed doors.
EddyWantok
Long island IceTeas in a pint glass used to be my go to.
SodiumOverload
We don’t talk about the fact that America isn’t involved in family events much anymore, but all really hope they’re doing ok.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
America is there, but is bipolar, high on rage and is ready to go get their gun out if the truck, if spoken to in a way they don't like.
LariCheltsy
America is in the den tryna make moves on his Neice
Threadnomancer
Well, it didn't go well when America insisted on wearing a S&W 500 because "there could be terrorists in the ham",
Threadnomancer
Then pulled said gun on Canada while drunkenly screaming about "maple communists" before passing out on the Pate
tsk92
They are in attendance, but they’re not allowed in the house. America runs around the back garden and chases squirrels.
Potatopeelerkind
Nah, Australia is NZ' older sibling who likes to rip on him but is secretly just jealous.
PooPculture
....who also drinks too much
ArchangelValkyrie
Lets be real we're super jealous because of how they seem to have everything sorted.
ChrisDoesScience
Still rowdy and drinks too much.
HalfIagoHalfFuManchuAllBastard
That's fair for some cases, we'd love to have much of the scenery and the haka
BishopBerkeley
Kiwi-born from an Australian family here, Kiwis worry about what Aussies think about them much more than Aussies think about Kiwis.
TonguePunchDeBumSon
We care alot about what other countries think of us. We have a lot of pride in being kiwi I think
BishopBerkeley
Yep. We do. It's a bit of a national chip on our shoulder. Inferiority complex if you will.
SonOfChicken
I have never met a kiwi I didn't like
angelfixer
Sounds like small dick energy to me...jk cuz x
BishopBerkeley
It is a bit like that, yep
Potatopeelerkind
Small country energy.
CallMeOldFashionedBut
Australian-born from a Kiwi family here, this comment is so fucking true it hurts.
DependingOnTheStreet
I’m Aus born, NZ raised. As far as Aus is concerned; Aus can rag on NZ whenever, but ain’t no way they’ll let anyone else get away with it!
EddyWantok
Exactly! You're our bizzare possum eating little cuzzy's, an if anyone else talks shit about you, it's on!
Potatopeelerkind
Ay mate, we match! I was born in Australia but the rest of my family is Kiwi, too.
sundaymondayhippyday
k1W1IN4US
Same but different
kilo38
He’s not wrong. Zealandia is drifting closer to the Americas each year, as is the pacific plate, ~3 inches per annum
ImNotTaylorSwift
Holy shit, 3 inches? That's like 12 average length penises. ...right?
cepacolusmaximus
Hit the fuckin brakes, NZ! You don't want to be any closer to this shitshow
TheWombatStrikesAgain
No need to panic, though. Unless they start including sheep in the draft. Then it's absolutely time to panic.
kilo38
I suggest you watch the documentary “Black Sheep” releases in 2006.
Forensickle
Ha! Gold
idontenglishsorry
3 inches per anum doesnt sound like much, i can take up to 20
jimmyhowlett
By the time they touch America may change their policing/gun laws
80percentlegs
Technically, the pacific plate already makes up part of the US :)
IamAlbertPotato
Because the USA sucks
popejubal
Holy crap. It might not sound like much, but 3 inches per year is rocket fast in geological terms.
Hotjoe1991
"It might not sound like much, but you can do alot with 3 inches ;)"
kilo38
Australia is moving north faster 4-6 inches a year. GPS has to be periodically recalibrated
CptTacolicious
TIL there's a continental dick measuring contest
kilo38
Slow & Enormous - Continental Drift
IWishIWasBlank
Mordor isnt sending its legions. Its coming. The entire land of Mordor is coming guys. We're brown bread.
themagiciantarotcard
This is the best comment I've ever read
Seethreepeeoh
Vargau
Can’t wait for his new tv show where he’s playing James Comey in his book.
PedestrianElectrobastard
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
imissmaplesyrup
“Is not” changed the voice inside my head while reading it lol
Magnasplit
Cries in Norwegian...but we score best at everything
DependingOnTheStreet
Kiwi in Norway! We beat you in the list of least corrupt countries! This stuck with me as its the first time we beat you tall, pretty pricks
JohnCheshirsky
Best? Have you seen that one documentary? There are fucking vampires, that shit spooky!
DependingOnTheStreet
Maybe so, but we don’t have any Swear-Wolves around!
LizardEnterprises
But enough about Stephen Miller.
FattycakesLand
I heard they have a disembodied eye watching over them....
grhope
But there are vampires on Staten Island too. Maybe every country has them.
nikkilaurakevin365
I have been to New Zealand I am an American citizen and I can confirm this
sundaymondayhippyday
Which documentary is that from?
Seethreepeeoh
The new Peter Jackson one
spacemoonflyer
I believe its from a show called Newsroom, which was excellent.
spacemoonflyer
Also, thats Jeff Daniels. And that scene is the beginning of the series.
BishopBerkeley
As a Kiwi, not the best, we've got our issues too. We just like to do our thing down here. Don't mind us.
Selerox
We need to keep NZ a secret. So that once we have fucked the planet, they can repopulate the Earth.
alsowhatsaderp
Says a Kiwi who’s definitely trying to prevent an influx of Americans from immigrating to New Zealand.
LizardEnterprises
Humility and self-reflection are also signs of greatness, just sayin.
spaghetarian
And they’re so humble
DependingOnTheStreet
Yea man, we’re humble AF! And also pretty damn handsome too!
DependingOnTheStreet
100% bro! There’s some shameful aspects of NZ society, but as a whole we do our best to look after everyone! Plus we’re heaps good at rugby!
CassanovaFrankenstain
I heard your accent in my head reading that, mate. Top stuff
DependingOnTheStreet
I legit chose my words in hopes it’d sound like a Nu Zulland accent! Gutted i ran outta space to finish off in true NZ style with “aye”
BanjoTheAussie
As an Aussie, you better watch out mate, we will triumph over the all black once more. Just you wait....
DenAzhir
*hopes in France's 15*
DependingOnTheStreet
With the French national team, regardless how good/awful your recent form is; its always a 50:50 chance between disaster or champagne rugby!
DependingOnTheStreet
Although, I’ll admit you out did the ABs in the head coach recruitment stakes last year! Rennie is fantastic!
Selerox
*sobs in Northern Hemisphere*
ICannotStressThisEnoughBut
In today's climate, I shudder to think what someone who doesn't know the nickname of the NZ rugby team will think when reading your comment
DependingOnTheStreet
Imagine watching history unfold as a Wallabies Bledisloe Cup series celebration is posted to a social media platform for the first time EVER