SkyPigeon123
46406
1728
22
Jul 8, 2025 4:21 PM
SkyPigeon123
46406
1728
22
BigDaddysMeatWagon
derekjohn
"As I stand looking at 'William', a voice hails me from the foot of the stairs: "Sir, you have to leave now, the White House is closing".
3ifish
When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees, grass, flowers, the sun... that was nice... - Emo Phillips
annonymouse211
I love these things. The update successfully creeped me out too haha. +1!
thedudeman519
This is actually a pretty nice synopsis of The Inferno lol. That second one about the trees is supposed to be all those who committed suicide. Harrowing stuff. Great read for an adult with a love for horror and the imagery associated with it.
evilspock
Honestly, nobody to blame but himself. To leave a hellmouth exposed is bad enough - but to use it for storage? That's just asking for trouble.
But I mean, that's why you hire a home inspector before you buy. You can't trust real estate agents.
Jimmytheeel
Gods-DAMN-it, william
FizbanTheFabulous
Reminds me of John Ratzenberger in 'House İİ: The Second Story'. House full of interdimensional portals. He just nods and pulls a sword out of his tool box with that attitude of 'Yeah, you see this kind of thing all the time in these old houses.'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_II%3A_The_Second_Story
Not a good movie, but definitely was amusing when you were up late, nothing else to do and it came on the movie rotation.
GellyBear46
Lol. This is fantastic.
IgnisInvictus
Classic William. That kid just has to find out the hard way.
LiarLiarPantsUntier
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlNjJ1ZXZ6NzdjbWVieHVmZDh1eGpwYnpzNzdpZ2VrcDFuZWV5bjAzeCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/pDsCoECKh1Pa/giphy.mp4
kickenel365
Kwyjor
#4 Of course there's a hellevator; it's just perpetually out of service.
JadeNB1729
#5 It's not William ... it's will.je.suis.
bwittekoekover9000
fucking william
kickahippie
Seeing those missed texts like...
v
NoIWillNotFixYourComputerWhenIComeOverForDinner
DarthWaiterSE
God, I love this movie so much.
VipertheFirst
It's one of the greatest ever made, no contest
Stumpkiller
The realator’s “Spacious but non-Euclidean basement with eldrich views” should have been a warning.
groovinlow
You can fit a lot of stuff in all of that extra storage space, my dude!
thetickcannothaveaspoontoobig
HunglikeaHamster
Is that Slim Pickens? Sounds like him for sure, and pretty much looks the part, yet much older than I remember him.
ElbowDeepInAHeadlessHorseman
lol the hard riddles.
WeAreNotSmilesTImes
WarlockWithNoPatron
Dude, if his mother can't tell. Consider that might have a better William now. At least figure out his competency vs evil ratio before you send him back.
DeadWhiteMale
we've all got problems
Zeedurid
It might be worse at everything else, but I bet it at least counts the steps. Probably doesn't wanna end up back in there...
Mentor397
Dammit William.
Rosenaa
LOL !
TheLuminousBanana
lol get a real job hahaha
Cranbananarama
Geez, William...c'mon with this nonsense.
klean9
You better check your homeowners insurance to see if you’re covered for this
HisRoyalMajestyKingV
Or township ordinances to see if you're zoned for this.
Zange0
They'll just say it's an "act of God." Tell that to the faceless masses that bellow "There's no God here." whenever I'm just trying to nap on the sofa.
kojenk
you have to go back and get william, he's walking around sobbing without any skin.
ProfessorMatt
Realtor: "Yes, the house has a hellmouth, but it's got good bones."
vystral
And those good bones are mostly in the basement
nomadengineer
A House With Good Bones is a different horror story.
LoudBirb
"Now, I should probably disclose that most of those bones are buried in the basement and the curses carved upon them serve to prop open the hell mouth... but have you SEEN this full dining room set it comes with?!"
blessedarethecheesemakers
“Oh sure, buddy. This isn’t my first hellmouth rodeo. I swear, some people.”
WolfClickQueen
So many bones
netutoring
".....whose bones?"
DoseOfScience
Right, but does the thing wearing William's skin listen to instructions?
reichstein
It does, but it takes them FAR too literally. You need to be very careful what you say to it, or things get... messy.
BloodLoveRhetoric
What, you think the Hellmouth provides *upgrades*? No, it doesn't listen.
IUpvoteFuturama
Fixed my cousin up something good, of course every once and a while a chicken shows up flayed and what not, but he quit the meth so you take what you can get.
Blacktusk
What a blessing that would be. No, it listens to William's mom sweet-as-can-be, of course, just to make me seem like a jerk when I tell her it poured ichor into my golf shoes. Like I found the rotting ruin of a brain and draped it over my own pair of TravisMathews so I could treat myself to yelling at a child? Huh? Now I have to choose between cleaning them before it really bites into the leather and going back into the basement for his organs. Can anyone recommend a cleaner? Maybe lemon juice?
IndigoThursday
Have you tried putting them in the washing machine?
Blacktusk
I'll tell you, bud, you only make the mistake of putting demon ichor in the washing machine ONCE. It totally clogs the filter! Then try explaining to the stairs Maytag guy. Good luck! He just brushed me off because he "sees all sorts of stuff" on service calls. Has he been to my house before? No! Then it's his voice begging me to "just bring down a wrench" and they won't send another tech because his ticket's still open. Gave him two weeks to surface before I gave up and bought a GE.
DarthWaiterSE
Club soda for all colors, hydrogen peroxide for bleaching it whiter than "oh my, this mayonnaise is spicy!"
DarkBusterBaron
Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
Kehy
you can use baking soda to neutralize the hydrogen peroxide for a little more control
PinPointSnarkuracy
Baking soda and H2O2 are both alkaline, how does that work?
Kehy
Found on internet, tried, worked well enough, do at your own risk