tanijrou
122142
2880
23
Aug 23, 2023 12:33 AM
tanijrou
122142
2880
23
PerpetualExhaustion
I’ve debated calling the suicide hotline a few different times, but hearing the horror stories about how “wellness checks” were then sent to people houses, sometimes resulting in involuntary mental confinement, made me steer clear.
celestedrake
My cat. She would not have understood. She had already gotten really sad when our dog died, and had ramped up being a scaredy cat. ...This was when I was 10, I am better now and know how to handle my Depression. Also have other cats, who would also miss me if I died.
CuteLukePatoot
When I get that dark, my logic is: My anxiety makes me think I’m a burden. I don’t want to be an even bigger burden by having people clean up my final mess.
okayyeahigetit
This! 100% same page
SybilCrawley
Both
Wraid
procrastination
FairfaxJack
I called the grief hotline after my brother died and the lady answered the phone "Hello, suicide hotline..." I said "Ummm... I'm sorry, I was trying to get hold of the grief hotline". There was a pause and then she said "Shit, I'm sorry, I usually work the suicide hotline but we're short-staffed so they got me over here..." First time that I'd laughed in a month
novagalaxias
Severe FOMO
RoulettesPlay
Holy shit this. It's anxiety inducing for me. I have such a fear of death not because of pain but because I'm going to miss out on the next hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of human development. I want to know how the series ends!
amyrose
100% this. I'm an atheist which makes it hard, trying to grasp the concept of not existing. The mysteries won't matter because we're just floating atoms again. I'm really pushing to become a ghost.
SaganIsMyLordAndSavior
2 facts: suicide is just what happens when your pain outweighs your coping mechanisms. We just have to keep trying. And no one truly wants to *die*, per se. There's just something inside us that desperately hurts, and we want to kill THAT. I never saw my suicidal ideation the same after learning these two things.
sEuk
Thank you, seems like your are on a good way. I wish you all the best.
barbarian818
Didn't want my cat to end up having to eat my face.
smarlese
Keanu reeves saying “ I know a lot of people will miss you” on talk show
McJersey
I think I saw that too and that shit fucking hit dude!
enothankyou
When I get intrusive SI, my brain is wired to immediately respond with Danny Devito saying “suicide is bad ass” and it’s so funny the emotion of the first thought is neutralized
BonusCreature
Hahaha, this one is my favorite. I'm gonna save that for later.
dogboybastard
I refuse to die before my enemy
Lowland
dont kill him than
Oban
And my enemy is God.
AllMaktAtTengilVarBefriare
Oban
Well, fuck.
wagnus
Is this a Dethklok song?
PlayingCroquetOnMars
But I am my own worst enemy.
NoQuestionMarksInDeclarativeSentences
It's no surprise, to me.
[deleted]
[deleted]
CallsYouATosser
Never nicked yourself shaving your wedding tackle?
NotusPanda
Let's not say that second part to someone saying they're their own worst enemy in the comments of a suicide meme, eh? (I know you didn't have bad intentions)
Fairemont
Considering your blood is inside you already, you are more bathed in blood by sheer surface area than if you were to actually bathe in blood.
dotherightthingtoday
I told my mom I wanted to kill myself and she said “maybe you should.” I always hated when someone would tell me to do something right when I was about to do it, so I didn’t out of spite. I feel like she knew what she was doing, but still it was hairy there for a minute.
CheeseBakedCrouton
I fucking refuse to let my ex-wife have the satisfaction.
EmperorWombat
Spite is possibly the best motivation. I quit smoking through spite.
Roqinn
A neighbor girl asked me what i was doing, then sat down next to me and talked to me. If she had been a minute later, I wouldn't have been alive.
sEuk
I'm happy your are still with us.
Roqinn
Me too! It has been an interesting life so far!
MagmaCarta
When I was younger I called one of those teen crisis help lines, the ones that said things like "If you feel like you have no one to talk to, we'll listen." Called and a girl picked up and said "Ummm.... Can you call back in fifteen minutes?" I never did. Even they didn't wanna talk to me.
Detacheddavid
She probably was talking to someone else. Maybe she wonders about you until today....
BlackDragoness
It was this: "there are no beautiful suicides. There is only shit in pants, and the end of gifts."
secretoaster
Jifs
DrMatchSticks
So empty the bowels and don't eat for a couple days before doing it, got it.
A1ekazam
I had been through the ringer, my fiance left me, lost my job, lost my college because I couldn't afford to live there anymore, and I was forced to move in with my mom. I spent years trying to figure it out. I fell for a friend of mine after she reconnected with me once my ex split. My life was in shambles but this girl took me out, helped me get used to life outside of the big city. When I finally told her she turned me down. In the moment it was a big hit... Worse my shitty job had layoffs
A1ekazam
Guess who was on the layoff list? This guuuuy. So I make it to the end of the week. My mind is just shot. Lost my job, and my friend texts me saying not only is she not interested in me but we can't be friends because it's too weird or some other nonsense. I planned on killing myself that night because I had nothing else I could think to do. Decided I'd go grab a drink and some dinner. While I waited for a drink at the bar this girl approached me and said something really cheesy.
A1ekazam
I think it was something like "Normally I'd make you buy me a drink but just one look at you and I can see you need one more." but less wordy. We spent the whole night chatting. She gave me her number and we chatted until she got bored of me or whatever happens to folks at that age. That was that. She had no idea she saved me with a drink and a willing ear. I didn't like trauma dump or anything. Just joked about being freshly unemployed. Never knew what made her leave but I sure am glad
A1ekazam
She took the time.
Dimension09
I'm just waiting for the inevitable cancer diagnosis
Hexxxxxxxxx
Sames
Hexxxxxxxxx
But I will try to live.
DeadeicPrints
I smoke like a chimney and breath in dust from trash as work, I'm with you there. Been trying to quit but it just feels like I'm trying to get it to kill me.
Dimension09
We may just be the same person.
Zreen
ah a fellow high school chemistry teacher
Dimension09
AlysObv
have had three of them so far...still not leaving
Dimension09
All I have to say to that is, you are way stronger than I will ever be and I am glad you are here.
empire161
I always figured “Why bother, God will find a way to kill me by the time I’m (current age + 5 years), might as well enjoy it while it lasts”.
Dimension09
When I was 18ish, I told everyone (mom and dad included) that I would probably be dead by 30. I am now 32 and have no direction because I truly didn't think I would make it this far.
farfie
Similar thing with me, at 12 I thought I wouldn't live to be 20. Now I'm 30 and I'm kinda okay with just letting the river of life take me wherever. Got into some type of disability rehabilitation program and now work 2 hours on mondays and wednesdays. Therapy every other thursday. My mental health is slowly getting better.
PlanckEraWasMyBestEra
Are you from my family?!
RatFromADifferentSewer
Same, way too many carcinogens all up in me to not have cancer
LanceCorporalBadger
Seems like too much of a hassle
counterfeitdreams
Every time I plan it out it’s me figuring out how I could inconvenience others the least. I generally try not to be a hassle for others and every time I think I have a good plan, I run it through and trouble shoot and am like damn can’t do it that way guess I’ll just suffer some more if it keeps others from feeling my pain
Broadway2
My son
Feldspartacus
I just posted that. Should've scrolled down first. Respect
volch1tsa
And for me it's my mother. She's lived through much worse than I ever faced and does not deserve to lose a child.
SlowerDwightYouIgnorantSlut
Insurance won’t pay out.
teardropivyyearofthetiger
This and the dogs.
mamapants
This is seriously a motivation
SarcasticRN
There are ways
peeeopeepeee
I work on construction sites, the thought does cross my mind on occasion....
Broadway2
Intrusive thoughts are a motherfucker
SarcasticRN
Indeed they are. Especially with access to natural pharmaceuticals that would be hidden in an autopsy
McJersey
Fuck that's a tough upvote! Obviously don't fucking do it! But if you were going to... but don't!
peeeopeepeee
.....work place accidents pay more......but yeah, definitely not worth possibly fucking up and being a vegetable
SergeyPrkl
I know a guy who "fell" from 7th floor on building site, slammed on concrete and he is fine, or at least alive, except have bad movement and needs sometimes assistance, but generally can walk and so on. I personally believe He did it on purpose. And failed. But he is now on (tiny) pension, studies computer science. So he might end up back to contributing citizenship.
Thajurriesexcuesed
Actually, that depends on the policy.
SarcasticRN
Usually you need to wait a yeae
AlonzoMoselyFBI
Ned??? Ned Ryerson????
vincentleeprice
Shhhh don't tell them
fivefrozenfishfingers
It's all I think about. But, I don't want to leave a corpse for someone to deal with or to pay to have incinerated. I need an active volcano
sEuk
Please stay alive. You are a wonderful person.
McJersey
I thought about a fast moving train, but then think about the people on it especially the conductor...
sEuk
Please don't. My father did, six month ago. I wish he had chosen a different way. I wish he had not done it at all...
McJersey
Sorry for your loss I have had more than a couple close ones choose to go that's probably the real reason I won't. Feel better and there is nothing you could have done! Those may seem like shitty things to say but I got nothing else...
Bud4you
Mis-fire
MrFreehuggs
Did you make Miss Fire your Mrs.?
wagnus
in any case, congrats, she's an absolute weapon
Colouroboros
I got a call to come in to work to cover for someone who was out sick right as i was about to make an attempt. I had to decide really quickly over the phone whether I was going to go to work or whether I was going to kill myself. I didn't want them to be down two people since someone else was already sick, so I went in.
Nessunome
... you sound like a really sweet person
Saxxon92
This Chad chose work over death, fucking beautiful
RoulettesPlay
New meaning to living that hustle life.
Colouroboros
It was a shitty paying part time retail job. I just really hate inconveniencing people (which was usually one of the main reasons I didn't go through with it every time I got close)
SaintSleepyWeasel
I got caught before I could carry out the plan.
sEuk
I'm happy you are still with us.
grimwyrd
Epsom salt. -- As a teenager, I researched ways to kill oneself and heard that slitting your wrists in a warm bath was a peaceful way to go. As I started to cut my first wrist under the water, it burned like a motherfucker and I chickened out from fear of pain/failing. Turns out my step-sister was fond of epsom salt baths, but never rinsed the tub out when finished. I realized the being "ready to be dead" and being "ready to die" are two different things. It's been over 40 years... I endure.
Solkanarmy
does she know?
grimwyrd
No. That whole step-situation was not a good one and didn't last long. Also, as a man (aka 14 year-old boy)... there is a lot of societal shame/weakness that comes as a burden from attempting suicide. Fortunately the cut wasn't deep enough to do serious damage. So I wrapped my wrist in many layers or toilet paper, used electrical tape to hold it, and wore long sleeves for a few weeks until it healed. I didn't tell anyone for many years.
[deleted]
[deleted]
bedframe
Keep it in your pants.
grimwyrd
How do you know what I want it to convey? Speaking of which... Dave Thomas of Wendy's, what are you trying to convey with your square burger patties?
JustHereForTheMemes0321
...waiting for an answer... Also great story, glad your here to tell it
grimwyrd
What I meant to convey was that I have spent most of my life "ready to be dead". Impatiently during the bad parts, less so during the good parts. However the "act of dying" can be such a harsh, emotional, violent, painful, sad, lonely... and ultimately "final"... transition... that I have never again been "ready to die". I might get there again, if my health or my situation once again deteriorated enough, but for the last ~40 years I've remained "ready to be dead", but not... "ready to die".
JustHereForTheMemes0321
I understand and appreciate the response, but I meant why are they squared patties
GooteMoo
That he never cuts corners! Thanks for sharing your story about the bath!
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
Ive already been though hell. It is my time to live, eternity will always be there but i am here now. Past trauma be damned, he took my soul and mooshed it into paste, he isnt getting the rest of my life too. Rather watch tv bait and enjoy my mind. I want to see myself become more than who i am now, like it or not im in it till the (hopefully natural) end
KoboltWolf
Thank you. exactly what I needed tonight, as I am fighting my fight and clawing for the smallest of spaces to breathe. I'm trying to hold on, and to hold out. It has to get better.
Imakesandwiches
This is so powerful for me. I’ve been struggling with this for a long long time. Depression for over 15 years, 10 years of a abusive marriage, DV shelter. I’ve fought my own brain for my life for years, and several times I nearly lost. I cry all the time, but last weekend it was because I was stargazing at an outdoor concert. Laying back, with literally perfect weather, listening a local band next to someone who adores me. I’m working on healing from all that, but today, we live.
KittensForDays
I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you ❤️
KittensForDays
I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you ❤️
duktayp
SPITE ... some graves I wanna pee on before i die
DangerouslyMusicalCanadianLama
Spite kept me going for a long time to I found something worth living for
adventzx
Spite and pettiness "Oh you'd like that wouldn't you" is the fuel that has made such thoughts never cross my mind
craftymuthafuka
I agree with this so much. The thought has never crossed my mind, even during 2 lengthy serious downtrodden periods in my life.
robingal1
Mitch McConnell + tacobell wet shits = spite with a purpose
Dumfk
In the past I felt like people were expecting it... so I denied them.
kingkongkeom
SlightChungus
Same here would I like to not exist sure but I got graves to shit on some that are yet to be filled
pareidoliaperson
I'll piss on their grave befor3 I piss on my grave!!
TsubakiTragic
Your proposal is... acceptable.
iraslak
I learned to hate life so much that I wanna get revenge simply by existing
BunnyGoesHopHop
Reagan. Just leave a huge squat on it.
4chanrefugee
Glad I'm not alone in this.
Sully0811
This.
relsky
There is exactly 1 grave I want to piss on. I just have to find it and find a way to not get arrested doing it.
TheMayo16
Oh yea, ive definately gotta set a few things on fire before i would take my own life, the only reason i havent started fires is because i still wanna live
Valkyr1987
I had someone I was going to do that to then when the bastard actually died he got cremated and I didn't get to, definitely got annoyed with that for awhile
YoWilykat
There's one I want to pee on but that guy isn't dead yet so I got to wait. He's about 25 years older than I am so I got a chance to outlive him and then pee on his grave, and post picture of myself peeing on Trump's grave to trigger half of the internet.
pareidoliaperson
What poor mortal soul have done you so wro...oh.
DangerouslyMusicalCanadianLama
Don't be a wuss,go pee on him now
Nizlee
I hear he likes that
discotheque42
Gabe Newell is my first stop.
kruug
Why?
WenceslasMorar
He's on his third strike and can't count that high.
discotheque42
Half Life 3. He shat on an entire generation of gamers --who made him very rich--because he was too chickenshit to finish the fuckikg story.
kruug
Eh. Better to leave it unfinished than to fail to live up to expectations.
Canigetbannedagain2
SPRITE....something I drink before pissing in graves.
TheMasterDB8er
Something i wanna dip my balls in before i die
Canigetbannedagain2
"It's Louie"...
ScatteRRealmS
SPIRITED AWAY - A movie so good it gave me hope
arnitenos
SPIKE - A good name for a dog
Amousewithchees
SPIN - a thing beyblades do.
UsernameDoesNotCheckOutAtAll
SPUNK - not easy to remove from wallpaper
MoonRiverFrost
My dyslexia made me read it as Sprite first, so I'm really happy you said this :')
Toxictaco987
Same here