BarnegatLight
34938
1669
63
Cat
Jul 8, 2026 10:42 PM
BarnegatLight
34938
1669
63
Cat
petrino
Dude, cat tax?!
morningxafter
Felix being hauled in for contempt of court and voter fraud
barbarian818
I'll tell you what happened. However is contracted to handle the vets record keeping and archiving sold that data to the government and nobody did any data verification on it. I remember, long ago in the mists of time, when it seemed like every other week some pet was getting offers for shoppers points cards and unsecured credit cards. At least one turned out to be resold pharmacy records and that led to a big stink and legislation.
JustDriftingAboutTheInterWebs
That's amazing.
ralphmerridew
Reminds me of Rusik, a cat who was good at sniffing out smuggled sturgeon (and who was killed in a mob hit)
PocketCleric
Deep cut but who remembers: "im not a cat" layer
LawFiveGuy
When I was 18, I went to renew my driver's license. The DMV told me I was deceased. Apparently, somehow my DL number was recycled and the previous owner was indeed no longer above ground. It took a second trip, some mail, and a letter from my doctor to convince them I was alive. This was before Star Trek Next Generation, or I would have kept the ghost thing going and might have tried to date Dr. Crusher.
CuddlyCynic
Any situation that gives you a chance at Beverly Crusher is for that reason alone a good one.
Mikeiller
Somehow I guy that did business with us got marked as being deceased. Turns out it was another guy with the same name, but it made for a very awkward conversation.
TurnsOut42WasASlightMiscalculation
Bennie will tell you it's absolutely, completely, 100% true.
Mostly.
Telemapus
One time when I went to register my Rainbow Lorikeet as a new patient at a vet, the receptionist took my details, and his details, and after confirming his name and that he was a Rainbow Lorikeet, asked: "Colour?"
doctorId
I would've done exactly zero of this work, because if my cat just didn't show up for jury duty what would they do, arrest him?
chrisat928
That's why my pets don't have and will never have human names.
milikl
What is today a great pet name; tomorrow is good for a human...
SackTheRipper
Weird. I've never received a jury duty summons in my life. Theyve all been lost in the mail. If I dont have to sign for it, it's not official is it?
milikl
Oddly enough jury duty is the most important civic duty there is. Not only you decide some poor soul's fate but you can refuse to enforce laws. So effectively you can override all three branches of the government
rouzuki
"Whatever party supports universal treats"
I must confess, that was quite the read to get to that punchline, but I enjoyed the journey.
FeloniousMonk13
Felix for Congress 2026
TheUnstoppableWampas
He'd sell out for a belly rub.
Eleshar24
Better than for a blowjob of an underage kid procured via Trump-Epstein delivery services.
TheUnstoppableWampas
That's a damn good point. They've got my vote.
Kibblez
Can someone make this into a movie .. I'd watch the shit out of this ..
theobstruction
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1djV2aXhuNXJ6dW9tb29tNDI5YWJmMGlvcno2cHd5NzQ1bXV1bHVyZiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/26tnqe09gtJFfDGco/200w.webp
spittleteets
Here's dude's tweet in response to what I believe is part of what unfoled after they called @Bennieeexyz out for lying.
I looked at a couple other tweets and they're all long forms written as dialogue. Dude is trying to game the algorithms by increasing duration with mindless stolen jokes.
I can't go in deep bc I dont give musk any traffic and Sotwe.com doesn't archive lesser known accounts beyond their intial tweets
DMSledge
This story has been told before, without the voter garbage. https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/boston-cat-called-to-jury-duty-1.1028512
vanfem
The dialogue also reads like AI (quirky/snarky/witty responses). Just throwing it out there.
Mortbise
Not judging the veracity of this wall of text, by if that actually happened to me, I'd be snarky too. A LOT MORE than what's in there.
vanfem
Yeah, but *everyone* in this story is equally deadpan witty/snarky. The vet's "sciencey" sentence ("species-related limitations") is also very common AI-speak. I'd still bet money on this being a result of giving chatGPT or some other AI an article and asking it to write a funny story behind it.
10001110101periodictablewithasantapieceofmind
"You lied"..."Steal? I didnt steal! Why would you accuse me of stealing?"
RatsLiveOnNoEvilStar
Why did this read like a John Scalzi book?
Necrothean
Every year around election prep time we see these: "this is just a cute story.... nothing going on.... DID YOU KNOW OUR VOTING SYSTEM IS SO BAD THAT CATS CAN VOTE?! SURELY ILLEGALS ARE VOTING TOO!!! RIGHT?!"
You get that right? You get that this is soft prop, right?
NoneOfYoBiseniss
I got a lifetime exemption when a Buddy I did bounty hunting with just put down I was a Vet.
Jamesstin
I get them despite having a fairly extensive juvenile record. I can't legally put that I'm a convicted felon because I'm not so I get summons all the time. Sucks cause I'll never get put on a jury anyhow. Probably for a million other reasons tho ..
NoneOfYoBiseniss
They don't like vets or cons being on juries, we see through the systems lies.
Seethreepeeoh
Boba Vett
aabcdort
Kafka: spinning in his grave.
ireallydontthinkso
they are eating the dogs and letting the cats vote.
CandidGamera
Not excusing this kind of shit, just explaining: Having worked in bureaucracy (and it doesn't matter if public or private), these farces happen because no single person takes care of an entire processes these days, whatever current step is distributed to whomever is available, often via ticket system, and they typically only look at the current issue. So some clerk got an exemption require by some deadbeat trying to get out of jury duty, bullshitting about being a cat. Obvious rejection. Some ->
CandidGamera
<- other clerk got an obviously bogus medical notice filled out by a vet. Seriously? They went to their vet? How stupid do they think we are? Rejected. Nobody sees the entire picture, and when a fundamentally absurd error happens the "What cannot be (that we'd call a cat to jury duty) obviously cannot be" mindset is strong. And this'll get worse as more and more of this stuff is delegated to AI, which fundamentally can't comprehend anything outside its language model/parameters.
wejustdontknow
I don't care if this is true or not. It brought delight to me on a stressful day.
Stefnos87
i mean.... America, it COULD happen xD
stryhf
This account is a known for their fantastical short fiction. Very likely not a true story, but with how things have been going lately, it's paws-ible, while highly improbable.
zazazaa
You really think someone would just go on the internet and make stuff up?
Sounds like a bit of a stretch, tbh!
NonstopRampage
It's definitely stupid enough to have happened.
petrino
Same!
mrsbobloblaw
Same, I actually/literally laughed out loud
janelPositivityHero
True story...had a dog named Jack. Jack got a credit card with $2000 limit. Back in the 80s. Before all the marketing nonsense. Had to work to get it canceled. It was so hard to cancel it. So stupid
therearetwowolves
My rottie Maggie was sent a $2500 limit credit card back in 2016. We imagined that she was barking commands to Alexa to order treats and toys.
tbmchristopher
This was a plot to The Simpsons where Bart took out a credit card in his dog's name.
therearetwowolves
Ha! Not surprised. :-)
LiberalViking
Same. I don't even know why I'm stressed.
Imnotenteringausername
"No rule here says a cat CANT be a juror,"
draconicus
This has Pratchett energy
emertonom
It's most similar to Computers Don't Argue by Gordon Dickson. https://www.atariarchives.org/bcc2/showpage.php?page=133
OhIfIMust
AbolishNuance
Or Douglas Adams
Pokegeologist
Never once got called for jury duty the 21 years I lived in Texas, then a year after I moved away, I had a federal grand jury summons there and had to explain my hardship exemption that I was no longer a resident and couldn't afford the 1200 mile travel or time away from work.
jalcantara88127001
First it was a jury summons. But at the court it was a voter summons?
Jarjarthejedi
Shh, you're not supposed to point out that those are completely separate things, you're just supposed to accept the made up bullshit story that "proves" voter fraud is real! Geez!
Jarjarthejedi
(/s, obviously)
Jamesstin
What's a voter summons? this is probably BS but jury duty and voter registration tend to be related. Kinda like going to the DMV and voter registrations
spittleteets
GREAT catch! More evidence to support my election disinfo suspicion. Because you know *SOMEONE* will use this to for GOPs bullshit voting bill
foxpotate
When you register to vote it generally automatically registers you to jury duty.
jalcantara88127001
Fair enough. Strange turn in the story though
foxpotate
Certain political pacs pay bounties for non-voter data. a certain number of those pacs assist people registering. Most times bad names don't pass the voter background check. 2024 was... Different because elon. Anyway nobody updates courts and if they do its glacially slow trash. They tried demanding my father show up to jury duty years after he died. Nearly had to bring the urn and his death certificate. System has been broken for decades if it ever worked in the first place, which is debatable.
Hexidimentional
this is dumb enough to have actually happened, wish they let felix serve
IMustGrowUpReally
...and the defendant might have been a cat burglar.
Sorrontis
to be fair, I wouldn't be surprised that there's a different Felix Martinez in the USA, fuck in that same city, and wires got crossed
Hexidimentional
that is probably the most likely explaination
spittleteets
NotSomoneElse68
Then how did they get the cat's address? Does the voter registry office or the DMV generally have the addresses of cats?
tassadar102
The story is likely fake, but it does mention that the cat and the human have the same last name. So it's possible some sort of census (like what happened to sal the cat in real life) mixed up which first name was the person and which was the cat.
Hexidimentional
my guess there was at some point a dude named felix living at that address and its just a very wacky coincidence
spittleteets
I'll take Election Conspiracy bullshit for $800.
A cat named Sal Esposito, from East Boston *was* called for jury duty in 2010. But the absence of any verifiable information is a good reason to be skeptical.
sheeeiit
Thanks Chat-fucking-GPT.
Arenlor
Tiny chance that someone with the same name lived at the same address previously, or someone royally fucked up data entry and mixed the name of someone with the address of another.
ThatQuietlySmirking
Don't care. Fun story.
WholeWheatBunnyHugger
It's a nice story. https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MWJoZDZlN3doY2ZudTBrdnB1MGtxOWszdmFianNhcWw5MG5tZDNiNSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/J40UhNxSUg9fW/200w.webp
dogmatix
My grandfather's pet wombat was called conscripted to the army at one point. They... may have intentionally enrolled him to fuck with the conscription lottery. There's a book about it now.
NotSomoneElse68
Book name?
Frankasti
"I heard a cat was registered to vote. This is just crazy. And because I don't understand that Internet stories are mostly fake, I lost faith in the election system while laughing." /s
KingHippie
I'd like to think its just a fun little short story, but you are probably right.
Rosfmmmhzdrozzley
I'd put my money on a fun little story, but going to be reappropriated as a voter fraud narrative example
spittleteets
He's def fishing for engagement because theyre all long form told clean.
https://www.sotwe.com/Bennieeexyz
(Sotwe scrapes social media, such as Twitter, I use it for fact finding like this without providing traffic for some wierd white supremacist)
ChiefRunningFridge
They're registering the cats and the dogs! So anyways that's why we should be a democracy anymore. /s
DMSledge
The Sal story https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/boston-cat-called-to-jury-duty-1.1028512
animatronicChristmasChickens
I don't believe it's real, but it's a fun read
spicepoet
<https://time.com/archive/6704451/courts-a-purrfect-excuse-from-jury-duty/> Sal story based on that one, NPR confirmed.
Hyzenthlay021
never let the truth get in the way of a good story
DukeDarkwood
Did this happen? I don't know. Could this have happened? Yes, absolutely.
Through over-complicated bureaucracy, many things are possible.
DMSledge
Did this happen? Yes, in 2010. https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/boston-cat-called-to-jury-duty-1.1028512
Note that the juror list was drawn from a list of people living in each community. Not voter registrations.
DukeDarkwood
There we go. Thanks
Shaodyn
IDK, it seems pretty plausible. Minor error happens, various people in government get all "rules are rules"...feels like it's stupid enough to be real.
Idioocrazy
After I received a laptop addressed to an entirely different address, called the shipping company who said to call the laptop company, who said to call the shipping company, and now I have a free laptop, I always believe bureaucratic BS like this now
thatsmeinanutshell
*pawsable
NotSomoneElse68
Where did they get the cat's name? What legal document got switched up? How is the voter registry office get a signed form, usually with ID?
Shaodyn
In the case of Sal, the cat's name was known because they mentioned him in a census question about pets. I assume he was mistakenly entered as a human member of the household. This story has too many details to really work.
NotSomoneElse68
Yeah, this is the one I'm suspect of.
QuartzPoker
Agreed. Plus, weirder verifiable paperwork errors have happened
Shaodyn
Like how various people have been mistakenly declared dead and had to go through all kinds of effort to prove themselves alive. You'd think going to any government office and saying "hey, I'm alive, the proof is that I'm here talking to you" would be enough. It's not.
spittleteets
That's what happened to Eddie Vedder https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dDV2cDMzYWo3NGY1MW4yZ3d4MGY3NDd2NmlhMXowNzhnMjZmbGw3biZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/Lkn0vwucikQ6Y/200w.webp
ElbowDeepInAPoliceState
The issue isn't proving you're alive so much as it's proving your identity... which can become quite problematic when you no longer have any valid ID because if it's reported to the relevant agencies all your IDs get deregistered. It's far more common for someone to attempt to claim a false identity than it is for a person to be mistakenly registered as deceased.
Shaodyn
Point is, this kind of ridiculous mistake does occasionally happen. There was a case in 2010 where a cat, Sal, got summoned to jury duty after his owners mentioned him in a census, after a question about pets. Data entry error.