ib0b
177995
4446
80
............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
jockanesemcjockface
Tongue cleaner
ourari
Twitter should require would-be users to pass an exam on subjects such as general understanding of the internet, public-versus-private, etc.
bobbob1016
Is anyone going to point out that the Jack ones are the "guy" ones? She'll have a harder time swallowing that if she can't come to grips...
bobbob1016
...with him cumming to grips with himself.
yourmotherandIthinkyoushouldmoveout
For fucks sake, that must be one unclean fleshlight. Gotta clean and let that bitch dry out after every use!
Appel99
Antibacterial soap of course.
Debiandog
"ain't aloud over" is my favorite part
galxrax
From The future
soundwavesuperior77
FancyFrance
You kids have it so easy these days. Back in my day, it was a Macy’s mag, your dry hand, and an overly active imagination.
PepperidgeFarms
@flashlight
PostmodernNipple
Poor Peter Flaschner had nothing to do with it.
circlebreaker
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE TRAIN, CJ!
StolenMemeDealer420
That microphone was named "Magic Mic" ...
LlRigLana
All you had to do was to hide that damn fleshlight CJ!
magicrhombus
If a mom is so uptight she doesn't want her son to jack it, she'd probably also be too uptight to post about her son jacking it on twitter.
ehoba666
You are seriously underestimating the average twitter user's resounding stupidity.
GetlnLoserWereGonnaOffendEveryone
It just gets better the more you scroll down. Jesus H Christ I can’t fukkin breathe rn
ib0b
DriverIRQnotlessOrEqual
This is what happens when you start singing instead of following the train CJ
MetSoh
Most underrated comment on here by far. Bravo, good sir! Bravo!
YourUpstairsNeighbor
Just when I thought someone wouldn't make this reference.
ubrek
What’s the reference?
BoopedYourSnoot
GTA: San Andreas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwnDdzTff80
APrettyFdupOhLaLa
IHaveAForest
Sex and sexuality is natural and parents who criminalize it in their homes and rifle through their kids shit and humiliate them are wrong
Andromidous
The kid gets sold out, and his mom digs through his droors, sucks man
javer80
How's it going Frank? Heard you got another season.
twozerooz
Droors
cantona70
Drawers
HapaxxxLegomaniaxxx
What a cunt
Alkuam2
This is old and fake.
Appel99
Still funny.
Edgeofthevoid
Why is patty putting the hashtags at the end of here tag!
5NoteHalf
Because Patty is on the lower end of the bell curve.
St0ckh01m5yndr0m3
So mom took to Twitter
GirthQuake22
Ikr? What a bitch. This kind of shit should be kept private.
InfiniteSynapse
The imbeciles of the internet age.
ChaosSound
Apperently she doesn't get twittered enough by the Mr.
ib0b
Just admit it, Patty, we're bonding ... Just like CJ bonds with his FleshJack every time he takes one of those long showers
[deleted]
[deleted]
Deadmanwalkn
Not to worry. More than likely completely fictional
djsdkdjsk
Slightly related but those moms who post every second of their kid's life.
shadokastur0776
... I don't know there was a shower attachment...
Israaa
Yea, I've heard the suction to the wall sucks.
shadokastur0776
Isn't that the point?
Israaa
Hahahaha touché
shadokastur0776
*didn't
AnonAnonAnonAnonAnonAnonAnonnnnnnn
This poor kid. ♀️
21viking
May he rest in peace.
bongles
Can't be too bad, he managed to get one of those and they're like 60 bucks... Uh.. probably
Aristotelm
3 according to the last pic
miggy372
It’s says FleshJack. That’s the gay version so he’s hiding another secret from her:
Sauroctonus
That's a bummole!
mrmeeseekslookatmee
There’s a whole lot more to this thread - he comes out, Buddy is his boyfriend and mom accepts them.... I can’t find the original
mrmeeseekslookatmee
https://mobile.twitter.com/pattyparsonspat/status/786005252566843392?lang=en
Appel99
Is this what my anal cavity looks like? Dayum nature is crazy!
BishlamekGurpgork
CJ said he doesn't masturbate, and I believe him.
ib0b
"masterbater"
BishlamekGurpgork
The master baiter mastered baiting from a master baiter who masturbated while he mastered baiting.
5NoteHalf
There are two kinds of people: 1- People who admit they masturbate every now and then. 2 - Liars.
BishlamekGurpgork
Every now and then?
Appel99
Every other hour of the day.
EneZio
Dirty fucking liars
5NoteHalf
^ This person gets it. ; )
Ornoth
Who posts this stuff on their social media? Seriously, just talk to your SO about it if you have questions and not publicly embarrass them.
vudak
I'd argue that i'm more embarrassed about the dense, small minded mother who is clearly against masturbation.
bad1080
for some people the internet is just a series of tubes...
djsdkdjsk
Also those parents that post everything about their kids
xj4low
1. Why have that mounted in the shower if living at home? 2. Why is she going through his drawers.
brdet
Also it was a joke account.
VanBuren43
Better to publicly humiliate them and digitally immortalize the memory for all time. I would die.
TacoBellBody
Our very own patty parsons in our midst you guys!
whitter86
i'm pretty sure she's posting about a teenager or a man child still living with her
IamtherealAzrael
I was guessing that it was her son
thorkun
Yeah this all clearly reads as mom-son.
MattleOTR
Does it really? Sounds like a conservative marriage aswell imo.
deliberatemistake
The friend aint aloud [sic] over for thanksgiving. Ofc its mom-son
27yoUGLYvirgin
I'd have never ever seen it that way. Why would it not be a wife. Why would she not be able to deny a guest in her house?
Ornoth
*talks to your son
Wekey
But merica
doglad
It was her son. Not pictured here but I think she asked if it was the “gay kind or the straight kind” as well
Feralkyn
Is it a fake stupid, or a 'trying to be funny' stupid?
stimpsonjcatt
At least create a fake account for the info
fedthepoopy
Oh yes , a gay fake vagina. I love how old people think they are so goddamn smart
nateglen350
We are
miggy372
I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic but they do make gay ones:
ActionJohnnie
CJ just says, “no homo”. So he’s still batting for the hetero team.
pokebug666
Women have assholes too (or so I am told), so unless that is molded from a specific dude..
miggy372
lol that never made sense to me either. Judging by the cross section I’m guessing it’s not modeled after him unless he has a wavy butt canal
transference
Pictured above: gay porn star Brent Corrigan
Kiore
Huh, I never thought about an anal fleshlight but they must exist.
sevrono
Light blue are male celebrity butt-holes usually, one in the drawer was shaped like ass cheeks
JokerJeep
Hell they have foot shaped ones, pretty sure the pic circulated on here before when someone accidentally had one shipped to their house
Kiore
They have the foot one at one of the stores next to me. I was intrigued that the hole was in the 'severed' part and not in the toes or w/e.
JokerJeep
I know right when I seen the pic that was a bit odd to me. But hey different strokes for different folks
Ornoth
*just talk to your son
sevrono
Or don't, just let the kid choke his chicken, it's not doing any harm
stimpsonjcatt
Well, the chicken is getting choked... I'd say that's harmful.
WhichIsIt
I do not have a son.
SatoriEnlightenment
Was talking to @PattyParsonsPat
WhichIsIt
She’s on Twitter
CaspianQuix
Shut up and put CJ in a technical college, kid's got ingenuity.
DavosTheOnionKnight
If CJ got mom's genes I'm not sure any college is in his future.
ath1337e
TIL Owning a Fleshlight qualifies you for a technical college program
DarkSock
*Masters
PapaNurgleLovesYou
Bater
squiddlyDOwrong
PapaNurgleLovesYou
HeyOP
He just bought and used the thing, he didn't make it.
HermeneuticalQuandary
So what you're saying is retail?
CaspianQuix
Wait...they sell shower mounts? I thought the kid macgyver'd it.
HeyOP
Seems they do. It's mentioned in the third image.
evilpsych
Ah yes. I love holding my shower wall right as I orgasm. Is what the inventor of this attachment must have been thinking.
CaspianQuix
What a time to be alive.
JeffJuice
you know what's also amazing? Some newer phones can go in the shower. Imagine the possibilities.
idkalan
Yeah, it's a major seller for Fleshlight. Personally I don't see why someone would get one. Just look at the angle, your back will hurt
CaspianQuix
Personally, I strap mine to a paint mixer.
SatoriEnlightenment
Video?
SatoriEnlightenment
You can put it at any angle.
idkalan
If you want to avoid having water constantly splashing your face you would have to arch your back. Or you would turn off the water. At which
HeyOP
CJ did nothing wrong.
IrishMikeB
Nah, apparently only his fleshlights.
DrewBerg
#freeCJ
panduhpancakes
freeCJ#
OPSkip
Free#CJ
DeltaNovum
I bet his mother or wife, whoever she is. Never used a dildo or vibrator in her life, let alone own one.
hodaddelvecchio
Han shot first
MrDieHigh
He lied....
rbudrick
Neither did hitler.
Hoodra
He threw his friend under the bus.
PhaserRave
Except for not following the damn train.
Roshiro
Yas
snoopfrawgg69
ShittyComments
SpectralSpider
God, I fucking hate that mission. Well done, though.
kevinjorg
What if I told you that you didn't have to use a bile for it....a car isn't flagged a fail. Though you will need to know where you're going.
SpectralSpider
I usually use the assigned bike, but near the end, try to use those dirt inclines to jump onto the train, where Smoke can actually aim well.
kevinjorg
Bike**
LlamaEaters
I honestly don't know how I'd react if I caught my kids doing that
colourofair
You'll probably have to face the fact that your kids masturbate at some point. It's important that they learn to do so hygienically.
BakaWakka
Just ignore it. You'll both be thankful. I am sure that child is ignoring something he/she found out about you too.
LlamaEaters
Having accidentally found some...compromising pictures on my dad's phone once, I wholeheartedly concur.
ThoseLipsThatLovesOwnHandDidMake
I once heard one of my au pair host kids jacking off in the room next door. I just went downstairs and pretended i was there the whole time
Catfactory
Ignore it, but maybe trick your kid into realizing it's there. "We're out of soap, can you grab me the scented one from the shower?" or w.e.
DickDastardly404
I'd like to know what options you're considering. There is no point pretending young adults are asexual. It's about as horny as you ever 1/2
DickDastardly404
are in your life. You wiped shit off their balls or pussy for the first 2 years of their life, and you're freaked out because they're 1.5/2
DickDastardly404
jacking off or fucking a fake vagina in the shower? It's no big deal it's part of what people do. Don't sweat it. 2/2
ChanMan9000
Guessing you've never been a 14 y/o boy.
LlamaEaters
I have, but I've never felt the need or the impulse to do this. Of course that doesn't mean others wont, I'm just saying idk how I'd react.
DickDastardly404
I'm sorry, you never thought of jacking off?
IAmAKumquat
If you've never felt the urge to masterbate between the ages of 12 to death, you are a fucking liar.
LlamaEaters
Never had the urge to buy a fleshlight, much less stick one in the bathroom.
Listenhereyouwookieesonofabitch
Personally, I wouldn't really react. Take the opportunity to explain healthy sexual health practices but you do you and keep you to yourself
LlamaEaters
Sound advice
warick
"Keep it private, clean up after yourself. It's not wrong, but we don't want to know about it. "
wam3483
I have a 1 year old boy. My wife and I have already discussed giving him exactly this message when that time comes
PeopleSeemToHaveLongNamesOnImgur
"I understand you do this, but don't get it on your white shirts, it leaves stains that won't come out" - My mom
LlamaEaters
That sounds about right. Well said.
yabbadabbaderpityderpdurpderp
Don't just leave it there unless you want all your friends to see it or maybe grandma
Corrodias
Or all of Twitter. :v
Daft113
I will attach it to your car exhaust pipe
PotatoSatan
I think I remember seeing a video where somebody attached one to an exhaust pipe.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
I have an almost 10-year-old son. I know masturbation is coming. I know I don't get it-- that was never my thing-- but I also know its
ThrowAwayAcct0000
a big deal for teenage boys. I'm going to have my husband tell him the same rule I have for him: you do what you gotta do, but I don't want
AmHumanNotLizardMan
I would advise him in how to do it safely - i.e. not doing it "prone" and tell him to be mindful about the strength of grip he uses.
JamieSmyth
wait...is doing it lying down dangerous for guys?
AmHumanNotLizardMan
If a guy is flat on stomach, using weight of body to push on penis (i.e. into bedsheets) and provide the friction and pressure, it provides
AmHumanNotLizardMan
loads of stimulation, but also is a stronger version of "death grip" which can ruin sensitivity long term (i.e. dulls nerves).
ThrowAwayAcct0000
I will let my husband know to pass on the information.
AmHumanNotLizardMan
Most go on without issue, but some wind up using "death grip" or "prone" methods that can ruin sensitivity long-term. Worth him knowing abt
AmHumanNotLizardMan
I would almost be tempted to buy a child of mine a (good quality) toy around their 13th or 14th bday, just so they can know it's not a
tallroses
me as well. I ended up having a girl, but I was fully prepared to buy my son a fleshlight and instruct him on delaying orgasm.
AmHumanNotLizardMan
taboo subject in the house (sex in general, not just masturbation) and can feel comfortable esp if something is wrong.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
to see evidence of it. Keep your private stuff private. Keep your room clean, and I will stay out of your "drawer" -- if I suspect drugs, I
ThrowAwayAcct0000
will have his father go through it, not me. I love him so much, the thought of him becoming a teenage boy is shudder-inducing for me. :(
djsdkdjsk
Teenagers are confusing. But don't worry, he's only 10 you got 3 or 4 years
AmHumanNotLizardMan
I had generic teenage troubles (mostly school attitude) I find that while a bit of force can be needed, as long as you are compassionate
AmHumanNotLizardMan
overall, the child will still love you. Listen, encourage free expression and offer support when they are emotionally troubled.
RingyDingy
Can we just take a minute to call out Berlin Man for ratting out poor CJ?
jiynxed
He's not ratting out cj he's getting Mom woke to reality.
LegendMasterX
While in the process ratting out CJ
RelaxYourself
First thing I thought. Fuck that guy!
Tortfeas0r
FromTheShadow
We had a beautiful cohesive man lie going and he fucked it up
Kabe59
Man card removed. From now on, he's only Berlin
TedTheMan
Bad man.
kkanne20
Yeah wtf bro. violation of bro code
WaterDragonHaku
He got what he deserved. All he had to do was follow that damn train.
BC2k2
jhawker27
Major bro code violation.
Batmando
weird, he hasn't posted since 2017...and literally every other post is political stuff.
SPQAAE
Goddamned Germans ruining everything again.
TheOneAndOnlyButtStabber
What a Nark!
Verit3Mal
Yeah seriously! Opps
Ramajam
We were all combining our efforts to save CJ and this chimp ruins everything.
kaladin10
Snitches get stitches.
USPS
Cj blamed buddy and buddy aint invited to thanksgiving. Cj a punk too
thiscommentwillselfdestruct
The celebrity part cracked me up
MassiveMaoMao
Snitches get stitches
strawhousepig
Be sure to remember that next time you get robbed.
TheDudzzly
And end up in ditches.
BoggledMind
They went through his drawer too
Alistairetheblu
But then we wouldn't have this glorious thread.
kakarot29j2000
Well we all know berlin man has only ever lived his Fleshlight, now he will never know the supple touch of a woman hahahha
obran20
Tout
mechanimated
Idk man CJ is the one leaving his gross ass wank toy stuck to the wall of the shower. U gonna be that discourteous you deserve what u get.
smashfaceawesome
Tweet how you feel: https://twitter.com/berlinmen/status/669657032048443395?s=21
neozuno
Right cunt
OliverKlosof
idontwannagomrstark
That’s right homes snitches get stitches eh
PhilipCoulson
Can we also admonish CJ for leaving a fleshlight suction-cupped to his parents shower?!?
ThisGuyHere
Sometimes you get forgetful. Clean it out, leave it in the bathroom to dry only to nearly kill yourself when you hear your family come home.
BishlamekGurpgork
Nope. Only Berlin Man is at fault. For this, for Trump, for the price of tea in China. EVERYTHING is his fault.
popejubal
I used to think it was Toby's fault. Now I know it was Berlin Man's fault.
RumpBuffalo
I fucking hate that guy...
BahamutBBob
I bet his real name is Chad. Fucking Chad..
TuggSpeedmann
Brb I’m gonna make a post about this. It’s all coming together...
Yavin1v
that no one but him uses ?
PhilipCoulson
It's your parents house... I doubt nobody ever enters that room to use or clean it
SemiBrutalOne
Right. Its better than Crack
DrewBerg
Right? Fuckin snitch.
FoolishDomin
I'm down.
shakedownblues
Track him down. Snitches get stitches.
cowboyshooter
Grimrir
Hooch is crazy!
sombrerohorsewagon
Snatches get batches
mydadbeatmewithjumpercables
Riches get bitches
shakedownblues
Snoochies get boochies
lncorrectGrammerNazi
iOnlyMadeThisSoEmmaStoneCanReachMe
"The light blue ones are usually celebrities... or so I'm told."
ib0b
CzeCzar
IMissTashaYar
That's the Fleshlight Alien Male Masturbator, or so I'm told...
WeaselTheOtterYouCantTrust
CGkingjake
BeneGesseritConspiracyTheorist
Einahime
slacker92
The blue waffle of fleshlights
OneCoolFrood
Well that's weird, it looks just like the Donald Trump mouth one.
MetSoh
You mean Putin's cock-holster
OneCoolFrood
Yeah that's what I said.
ib0b
Same model, but it's cheeto orange
CaffeineManic
I'm afraid to research what a "celebrity" FleshJack is. Do celebrities get their vagina and lips molded into a FleshJack? Like who?
Zepheris13
Whom*
ib0b
Kanye West
DocG80
BecauseBenjamin
Mine is of Trenton Ducati's asshole. "Celebrity" is a generous term... In this case it means porn star. And yes they get it molded.
CaffeineManic
How do you know it's really shaped like Ducati's asshole? Are u freeze framing PornHub with your celebrity FleshJack in hand and comparing?
BecauseBenjamin
Yes.
ThatsGrimKraken
Wait, do they mold the inside of it or just the outer part? How do you mold an asshole?
DesolatedMaggot
edibleanus.com
UncleCeiling
Carefully.
squidbastard
I think its mostly big name porn stars, they make good money off them
iliketoanswerwithreactions
Wtf. Tou gotta be dedicated to pay extra just because it's shaped like a pornstars vagina
CaffeineManic
I assume it's just the labia and clit. Can't imagine shooting molding compound up inside the vagina.
squidbastard
an extra $5 once is worth it to get as close as possible to your fantasies for most
Falkornn
I would also like to know. I don't Google stuff from imgur anymore ever since I thought I needed to know what a loli was...
alotofwankersyouare
What’s a loli?
Lewisking50
Something to worship but not to touch :P
TheMortyistMorty
Google it
BishlamekGurpgork
You also don't want to know. Leave SafeSearch on.
NizDl1k09FSz6jQeGMChdBLeUitegrqjGnThPnbRwM
Loli is an administrative body in the regency Timor Tengah Selatan in Indonesia, in 2010 it had 1406 residents. nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loli